Blossoming Feminine Wisdom: Choosing Love

I feel sad today but I am at peace with the sadness as it reminds of my capacity to love.

My oldest beagle, Lucky is showing signs of her age with specific symptoms indicating it’s nearly her ‘time’ to go. She had an alarming episode yesterday that really pushed this reality home. I feel deep sadness.

In experiencing the pain at the thought of ‘today being her last day’ and crying the tears that came with the thought, I became aware of the driving force behind them. I began to hear the words the pain was speaking more clearly and realized that this driving force behind my tears was scolding me for all of the ways I could have loved her better.

I experienced this scolding fully, allowing it to happen, but rather than fall into the hole it was so happily digging for me I realized that scolding myself is not loving myself. Once conscious of this, I remembered that my experiences are based on my choices. For this and ALL experiences I choose love.

With this choice, I was able to ‘step outside myself’ a bit and observe. I began listening to the scolding words for clues that would assist me in making the switch from this place of pain into a place of love. It occurred to me that this experience was somehow an important part of my journey into healing and I wondered how I would be able to learn this life lesson within the turmoil of all of this emotion. The answer came clearly. Start by forgiving yourself.

I stopped, took a deep and loving breath of forgiveness and then asked myself, “Is it true? Could I have loved her better?”

Of course it is true. There is always room to love bigger and better.

The next question, “Did I love her? Did she know I loved her?”

Yes, I did and yes, she did. She’s a quirky but happy dog and being the alpha, from her point of view I imagine she’s felt like a queen.

The next question, “But what about the times you hated her?”

What I really hated was my inability to communicate with her, that I had little control over her behavior, and that I did not make the time to strengthen that relationship into one of mutual trust and respect.

The next question, “Can you forgive yourself?”

I loved her to the best of my ability at the time. Yes, I can and I do forgive myself.

Allowing forgiveness brought more love. I remembered that life lesson’s when accepted as life gifts are much more powerful and began remembering with love all of the gifts within the life of my little Lucky-dog … the ones she left on the carpet and the ones she left in my heart.

After a trip to the vet this morning Lucky is resting in her crate. Her condition over the next few days will indicate whether it is indeed her time. I am thankful for this opportunity to discover the gifts of life and love within something as painful (and inevitable) as death.

I realized today that while I have always considered myself to be a loving human being I have barely scratched the surface of my capacity for love, AND that this process of death is actually a huge part of the process of opening my heart to love, AND that this opening of my heart gains momentum with my conscious choice to love and forgive myself.

Today is a perfect day full of love … although my heart aches with the pain of letting go I trust in the process of LIFE … and I trust that today is a PERFECT DAY full of love.

With love and gratitude to my BraveHeart Sisters. I am so thankful for the shining examples of love and inspiration YOU are!

Lisa

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Edited by LisaBuckalew at 01/08/2010 11:22 AM EST

Thank you, my Sisters for your love and encouragement.
Lucky made her transition yesterday. She went peacefully and surrounded by LOVE. ♥

with love and gratitude for ALL of life's GIFTS,
Lisa

I am at a place in my life where I can FEEL myself being called … I know deep in my heart that following this inner voice is all that really matters … I can hear and FEEL its LOVE, TRUTH and PURITY in every resounding echo of my name … yet somehow, try as I might to follow the path to the voice, it is somehow just out of reach.

I see myself as being on a forest path exploring contentedly … I begin to hear my name being called from somewhere across the forest. It is like a whisper and it is a sound that is felt more than it is heard. It calls with an urgency that takes me back to my childhood bedroom where I have overslept and am in danger of missing the school bus. My mother’s hand is on my shoulder and she is insistently shaking me awake, “Lisa, wake up! Lisa, come on … hurry!” There is an urgency in her voice … this is important … wake up! Get moving!

There is a desire to roll over, settle into the cloud of my pillow, pull the covers over my head and stay in my comfortable dream world yet the insistence of my mother’s voice pulls me out of the bed, my feet hitting the floor already running, rushing through the morning routines and then out the door, to the bus stop. These morning motions were well rehearsed and automatic. I already knew what to do as I had done it countless times before, so when rushed, with no time to think about my morning rituals, I completed them automatically and found myself, a little breathless yet still prepared, at the bus stop waiting for the bus to arrive.

So now, a big girl, I find myself in the forest, walking on trails that have been made by people who were here before me. From somewhere in the distance I hear my name being called. My Mother is again calling to me, “Lisa, wake up! Come on! Hurry! Over here!” I take the first steps on the trail that leads in the direction the voice seems to come from. As I walk there is a quickening inside me and my body begins to tingle with something a bit unfamiliar yet warm, loving, true and not at all unwelcome. Hearing the voice and experiencing the act of following it is opening something within me, giving birth to something that has been asleep for a very long time.

I hear the voice whispering again yet this time it is off to the East. The trail I have been following only goes North and South with the first branch that goes in an Easterly direction still way ahead of me. I can go further South to meet the Easterly trail, yet instinct tells me that I will still be traveling away from my destination, or I can turn to the East right here where there is no trail and begin making my own. The choice becomes clear. Following the voice requires that I cut my own trail.

The act of cutting my own trail through the forest is one that, for me, comes with internal conflict. The physical act of using garden shears to snip a briar vine in half, severing its connection to the earth, inhibiting its ability to grow is one that is not taken lightly. Who am I to decide whether this thorny specimen, this vine that reaches out to entangle me in its piercing grasp with each step I take … who am I to decide the fate of this living thing? Why not just stay on the paths that have already been cut? Following existing paths means that such choices – determining the fate of another living specimen – will not be required. Just stay on the path …

Yet my decision to do this, to make the journey to the Voice of my Self by staying safely within the lines that have already been cut gets me no closer to my destination. Over and over again I am shown that the destination cannot be reached by following the paths of the past. I have already covered every inch of these paths and while they have brought me close, the voice is always somewhere just beyond where I am and just out of reach. It has become clear to me that fully experiencing this voice requires me to cut my own trail … even if it requires me to make sacrifices along the way.

With unconditional Love … Love for myself, for the voice of the Mother who calls me and for the tangle of briars that are blocking the path to my true Self, I grasp the thorny vine near the base, take a deep breath, hold it for a minute in prayer and contemplation … and then exhaling a long, slow breath … a breath of “Letting Go” … I cut through the vine … in this first act of loving sacrifice I am truly answering the call.

With love to those before me who courageously followed their own inner voice and answered the call. Your trust in awakening to the voice of your inner self is an inspiration to me. Thank you.

Lisa Buckalew

My purpose is to heal.

In gratitude and with love for ALL in my life that assists me to heal. I am grateful for the faces that the energies of healing choose to manifest in my life. I am humbled before the many forms that the energy of healing chooses to take. I am in the moment with the essence of healing.

Ahhhhhhhhh!!!

Being Inspiration in Action,
Lisa

My Dear Sisters,

Please accept my apologies. I am reposting one of my blog entries below and and making sure comments are enabled. I must have somehow ticked the box to not allow comments on this post and I can't find a way to un-tick it, so I am reposting it.

I have received several emails and messages on this subject through which I realized that some of you have a lot of your own personal wisdom to share about your own awakening to the power of your feminine energy.

Please feel free to share here as you shared with me privately. Again, I apologize for inadvertently disallowing comments.

"See" you on the Core Inner Circle call tonight!

Ahhhhhhhh!!!

with love and gratitude for my incredible BraveHeart Sisters!
Lisa


Funny how life works ...

I am a woman. I am a woman yet I have been surrounded by SO much masculine energy in my life. I am beginning to understand that there are many ways this has affected me. There are many layers of belief that are interconnected over many interconnecting layers of my life and how I live it AND more importantly that this masculine way of doing things, this masculine energy, has been the foundation of the tools I use and the methods I automatically implement when making choices in my every day life. This would be great if I were a man - men's tools seem to work well for men. Yet I am a woman.

I attended the Core Inner Circle call last night where Ellie shared more wonderful tools for tapping into our feminine wisdom. It's always amazing to me how the information on these calls affirms where I am, gives me a deeper understanding of how I have been operating on auto-pilot and then assists me to stretch and to grow to know mySelf better. With these new tools ... tools that honor my feminine energy, I am slowly, consistently and lovingly learning more and more about mySelf each day. I am learning how to be Me.

I love, admire and respect the men in my life and I appreciate masculine energy in many, many ways ... yet I do not wish to embody it mySelf. I am a woman and my life's purpose is to be as God created me, to heal and nurture my own feminine energy, embodying the full essence of what it means to be Me - to blossom into my own divine feminine wisdom - and through this awakening be in service to women who choose to heal and blossom into their own divine feminine wisdom.

Today, in assessing my To-Do List and what I am giving my attention to I feel a deep sense of peace ... "It is what it is" and "I am what I am." as Ellie says it and as my son Jeff used to say, "It's all good! Enjoy the ride!"

with love and gratitude,
Lisa

Hello my BraveHeart Sisters,

I have been practicing letting go of "do-ing" and simply "be-ing". I am growing. I had a small ah-ha moment this morning which prompted a series of questions that I am beginning to explore. I would love your perspectives on this.

As I practice loving and accepting myself, just as I am, I am conscious of being required to also love and accept others, just as they are. I see my degree of love and acceptance of others as a mirror indicating my own love and acceptance of myself.

Is there a fine line between 'loving and accepting' and 'enabling' when it comes to behavior that is not self serving? Does love and acceptance mean "without criticism or analysis"? What energy is required to tap into to fully embrace "I love and accept me/you unconditionally" yet that also allows for or nurtures the energy of growing?

When acting in a relationship in such a way that I am enabling negative behavior am I also enabling a variant of the energy of the behavior in myself?

How do I release enabling and embrace fully honoring myself and others? I am not sure I even fully understand how I am enabling, however, I am conscious it happening ... at the same time, the warrior within me is whispering louder and louder ... there seems to be a connection between allowing that warrior to use her voice and breaking the cycle of enabling that is creating challenges in some of my relationships.

What does your feminine wisdom have to share about this? Are any of you seeing this manifest in your lives? How are you embracing this challenge?

with humble gratitude,
love,
Lisa

A quick look at the news these days and I come away feeling sad. There is chaos happening that feels beyond my control. People are suffering and dying. How can I possibly make a difference? Can there ever really be World Peace?

I have been exploring the concept that the world as we experience it is simply a larger reflection of our how we see ourselves on an individual level. That our outside world mirrors what is happening personally inside each of us and that we may be making a contribution to that chaotic global reflection whether we realize it or not.

Mirrors are fascinating things that we are both attracted to and attempt to hide from. They are truthful in ways that we may have a difficult time accepting. It is different for all of us, yet also very much the same. The first step in creating a Peaceful World requires being able to look in the mirror and make peace with what is reflected there.

Listen to what is said in your mind as you look in the mirror. What are the words on the tapes that are playing in your head? Are they critical? “My nose is too big ... my hips are too wide ... uggghhh my hair! … I look horrible today …” These are the silent messages that are being repeated in your subconscious mind all day long - whether you intend them to or not. These reflections on your Self ‘color your world’ all throughout the day to reflect many different aspects of ‘not being enough’. Not very peaceful is it?

If you pay attention, you will also see this ‘not enough’ as it manifests in your day. You will see it in what you complain about and what ‘sets you off’. At the end of the day, again whether you intended to or not, you’ve had many reflections, many replays of ‘horrible today’ being delivered through many different situations and messengers. Not only do you feel horrible but everyone you came in contact with that day also shares in carrying some of that horrible feeling. Some brought it to you and some left you with it.

So what’s the secret? What if you could subconsciously push the play button on tapes that are loving and supportive of you all day long? What if those tapes YOU create also transform ‘whether you intended to or not’ into conscious and purposeful intention? What if you transformed the silent words playing in your head from subconsciously creating horrible to instead creating acceptance or love or peace?

I invite you to try this for yourself. While preparing for your day, as you see yourself reflected in the mirror, make a conscious point of allowing a moment to look deeply into your own eyes and say aloud, “I Love and Accept my Self unconditionally.” Allow a full minute to be in that space and repeat those words over and over. Smile at your Self. Breathe.

Allow this moment of nurturing YOU to become an essential part of your morning routine and then just be curious and watch as unconditional love and acceptance ‘colors your world’. You will begin to see that it is replayed and reflected through many situations and messengers in your daily life. Some will bring it to you and some will leave you with it.

The way to a peaceful world begins with YOU!



with much love and gratitude,
Lisa

What Would You Say by Trailer Choir

My son Josh shared this song with me on his way out the door this morning. As I listened, I felt increasing waves of emotion roll through me with each line of the song. The words and the music seemed to touch so many things … all at once.

When my tears started and Josh moved to comfort me, I said “It’s okay. I’m okay. This was just what I needed to hear today … the tears are perfect and cleansing ... I’m not hurting I am just releasing old bullshit through the tears … clearing the way for the journey ahead. It’s all perfect … Thank you for sharing this with me today … it’s all perfect.”

Thank you, Joshua. I love you and I am honored to be your mom.

What would I say?



What would you say?

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