CreativeCat's Blog: Observations

So,
Last night I had a momentary lapse... my ego started acting up and decided it wanted to have a pity party with doubt, insecurity and "comparisons".

Basically, I had to reground myself after the excitement of getting RISE confirmed and seeing the blogs and comments of my lovely braveheart sisters. I had to ground myself because I felt that pendulum swinging and it was veering towards that previously-mentioned pity party..."I haven't done much of anything since being part of the founding 100" ...and..."All of my other braveheart sisters have done so much and I just can't compare" and..." I'm not even "working" my business right now, so what the heck will I say?"...

All of these thoughts started creeping in but thankfully (Cat and mouse game, thanks Ellie) I caught it quickly and didn't let it hit the level of FEELING.
Turned it around quickly and said: Cat! These are fabulous examples of the success, abundance and prosperity you desire.
These are your BraveHeart Sisters who will help you reconnect with them and yourself!
These are the ladies who were with you when you first reclaimed yourself and your power!
Embrace it, enjoy it, feel the love, gratitude and power of these women who will gladly, openly and rejoicefully call you back into their arms and support you in your quest to keep on rising.

Who cares what HASN"T happened in the last few years?...you are here now and you are creating momentum!!

Who would ever want to join my ego in a pity party when we can join each other for a Prosperity Party!?!

I'm so glad to be back.
Cat

2010 has come in with a bang!... in the form of a car accident that took the life of a dear friend.
Day 1 was devastating, and I went through the emotions that we often do when we lose a loved one. In those moments, I certainly wasn't thinking that anything good could come out of it. Strangely though, deep inside, I felt a certain calm and peace that I couldn't describe.
Day 2 was difficult, but I was washed over by a deluge of love people expressed--for the man lost, his family and friends, as well as for me by those who didn't even know him. That inner calm and peace grew stronger and started warming the chilly hollow in my heart where devastation had set up shop.
Days 3 and 4 have started creating the space that only time can, but in that space, people are growing closer. Love is being expressed more freely, hidden words are found, transgressions are being forgiven and lives are reconnecting. I find that the peace and calm that I was feeling have been joined by the desire to live and have made devastation an unwelcome guest.
Of the many people I've lost, this is the first death that I have experienced in this way. Maybe it's because of my peers and my age, maybe it's because for various reasons we are more in touch with our own mortality--whatever the reason, I know (like I know, like I know) that although this has dealt us a huge blow, there is beauty in the marks it leaves.
It's not all good, but it's all FOR good.l

I am so inspired!
Ever since the earthquake hit, I've been searching for how I can be of service. I wasn't comfortable with the $10 text. Well, I make candles and I figured that would be an avenue. It made sense that candles would be a commodity with no electricity.
Then, I also found out about my sister-in-law's infant niece. She wasn't injured in the earthquake, but AFTER the quake was so bitten up by mosquitoes that she got a fever, an infection and was severely ill. That affirmed my resolve to get candles, unscented and citronella against the mosquitoes to Haiti.
I am very excited to announce that I will be making HopeLights...lanterns, tea lights and container candles to send to Haiti. The great thing is that people who support the initiative will recieve their own HopeLight to remember our counterparts in Haiti. Also, it will be a great collaboration with Haitian-American students (see below)
I see it as a win-win-win because although I can't send money, I CAN make candles with your financial support, the Haitian people are getting something they need, and you are literally getting something for your money (above and beyond the intense pleasure of lending a helping hand).
Finally, I am teaming with Teach For America teachers who work in schools here in Miami with large Haitian populations. The students, depending on the age group, will be decorating the containers and/or pouring the candles.
Please stay tuned for more information, let me know if you have suggestions, and support this initiative by passing it on to friends.
Cheers,
Creative Cat

This upcoming Friday marks a big day for me...it was to be "D"-day, as in Decision day. Either I was driving my dog Simon up to my parents Wisconsin, or he was going to some stranger---either way, he had to be out of my apartment.

I've had Sy since he was 2 months old, and though he is now only 11 months, I've grown to love him so much over the past 9. I adopted him the day I lost my job (and found joy!). He wasn't quite the breed they thought he was, and he grew about 20 lbs heavier than I expected.

To make a long story short, on top of him being too big, I'm in transition. I had difficulty deciding if I should add yet another extra burden/responsibility on my folks with the hope of reclaiming him down the line, or risk giving him to people I didn't know and whom could potentially mistreat him.

After SuperBowl weekend (who dat?) and not spending my usual amount of time with Simon, he was acting up both Sunday and Monday nights, barking at all hours for what felt like extended periods of time. I, already nervous because I knew the condo-board wanted him out, was hella paranoid.

Finally, Monday night, 2:30 or so in the morning...something woke Simon up and he started barking-bloody murder (he's a breed of Shepherd so it was LOUD!!) I was exhausted, frustrated, scared we'd get in trouble, and terrified of putting him or my parents in an uncomfortable situation. I literally looked up towards the heavens, and in a moment of complete surrender (despair, really), simply said: "GOD, please help me. I need to find a solution to this problem. I love Simon and want him to be taken care of but I can't put this on my parents. Please, please, please...I need your help. I need your help."

Now, I pray. Not always, not regularly, not even about stuff I should most of the time. But this one was different. I truly surrendered, in that moment it was such a natural thing--God, I need your help!!!

10 am the next morning, 8 hrs later, I walk to the outdoor counter of the Cuban Cafe on the corner to grab a coffee. I always bring Simon to the counter, but based on his feistiness decided to leash him to a fence for a bit. 3 minutes later, I'm walking back towards him and there's a gentleman on a phone, looking at him from a distance. I was sure I was in trouble (no tie-up law here). Instead, this man was an angel sent in response to my plea the night before.

This gentleman had been looking for a dog of Simon's breed (belgian malimois), wanted a younger one and asked me where I got mine. Not only did he have another dog for Simon to play with, but he lives out in a more rural area, and has experience training dogs for police and special opps work. These were all the things I was hoping for! He asked me where he could get one like mine.

The look of disappointment on his face when I told him I adopted him from animal services was surprising... the look of surprise when I said I actually had to get rid of mine was classic, and the joy when I said "now" in response to when could he take him, priceless. I knew if I didn't do it, I wouldn't.

He called me again later that day (probably to see if I started breathing again after all the sobbing I was doing) and reassured me that Simon was in good hands, would be well trained and would remain a happy, joyful, loving pup.

This may seem like a long story for a simple thing... but to me, it wasn't. It's not just that I loved my dog, that I hoped he'd be in good hands and that I didn't want to burden my folks. The thing that just smacked me upside the head so hard was the fact that I got to be involved in a miracle...I know that man showing up that day was truly a manifestation, an answer to a strong but simple prayer: God, I NEED YOUR HELP!...and then opening my eyes and heart to the answer he provided.

My mom has been "on me" a lot recently about making my relationship with God more official (basically, she wants me to take my tail to church). Whether I do that anytime soon or not, I'm still deciding. But I do know that this week, God basically said to me: "Cat, just like a lot of things and people in your life, you've been neglecting me a bit lately. I know you still think about me, and even though you don't always reach out to me, I just wanted you to know---I got your back, Kiddo."

Thanks Big Man (womb-an, universe, spirit), I needed that.

If you are not currently a Core member, you may want to consider becoming one. Also, if you ARE a core member, but haven't been listening to the prosperity hormone calls, I'm nudging you to listen to some of the recordings and/or join the next call.

I find these calls to be so "on time" for whatever challenge I'm experiencing at the moment. Even when I miss them and go back to listen to a recording, the topic is appropriate for what I require.

Tonight's call was with Anne aka whisperer, moderator of the Bold and Classy Women community (www.boldandclassy.com)
I won't go into what the call covered, I just wanted to remind folks that the calls, recordings and resources are all there and they are POWERFUL!!

Ellie, Anne and all the other interviewees...thanks again for such wonderful content. It's assisting me in transforming my life and I appreciate it.
Cat

This will be brief...
There are no coincidences in life, and I marvel at the timing of things and how the Universe puts things right where they need to be.
I'm in a process of conscious transformation, striving to live my authentic self.
The videos of Ellie and Lisa Nichols speak my heart...what inspiration, what truth, what power!
Need a nudge, go check them out on Braveheart TV.
I look forward to Rising and ReStoring.
One love my BraveHeart Sisters.
Cat

Dimming your light only allows others to dim theirs. Live outrageously and authentically and you give permission for others to do the same.

This thought just keeps playing in my mind, especially after watching Lisa Nichols and Ellie Drake yesterday. They give me permission...they REQUIRE it of me, and I appreciate them for that.
It feels good...I'm literally vibrating on a higher energy level. Now, time to roll up the sleeves to meet the Universe half way.
Cat

It's so much easier to stay in the flow once you are creating momentum, as opposed to digressing to old habits--and in my case "taking a break". I almost started fighting the momentum I am creating and realized it mid-process. I caught myself, thankfully, and choose to ride with it! It's amazing the opportunities that are coming up, and even more wonderful that I am finally putting myself in a position to be ready to accept and meet those opportunities instead of running from them.
I will no longer fight my own abilities, my own potential, my own greatness. So many people and situations are nudging me in the right direction. I actually said to my boyfriend a while back: "Babe, people seem to have so much more faith in me than I do myself. They think I can accomplish more than what I can!" He ever-so-sweetly said back: "No Cat. You CAN do it, you just need to believe in yourself again."
Well, that belief is strengthening. And I can. I can. I can.
And I am, I am, I am.
Cat

Did you hear me? I said "GOOD" morning.
Stop, breath.
Forget about the fact you woke up 45 minutes late. Obviously your body and mind needed it.
Forgive yourself for getting the 6yr old to school 10 mins late. You still got his body and mind nourished, and he knows he's loved. Refrain from rushing him in an unproductive way.
Stop and breath.
Ground yourself. Change the energy and the pattern.
Make it a "good" morning--because you can! And, you can also choose to let it spiral downwards. But why would you want to do that?
Stop and breath.
Go work out, expend the negative energy in a healthy and productive way.
Now stop. And breath.
Again, I say to you Cat: GOOD MORNING!

and ultimately, it was!

Wow,
1 month since RISE, 1 year since my 2nd RELEASE...my, how time flies!

This past month has been an interesting month of reflection for me. One would think that after RISE, I'd hit the ground running--busting through barriers and taking names as I go!

What I have found though is that I often require a bit of time to process all the information I receive. I had some serious paradigm shifts at RISE and then ReStore. In the past, I would have gotten overwhelmed and simply shut-down afterwards. I attribute that partially to the fact that I wouldn't stay grounded--I let that pendulum swing too far in both directions and would "crash".

My mom would often say as I grew up: "Cat, you take too much time transitioning! You need to shorten your transition time!" I never fully understood what she meant when she would say that--my rebuttal, both verbally and in my head was "But I'm THINKING!" and I tell you, I could let hours, literally HOURS pass by doing just that--thinking!
Well, thinking--like so many of the other things I used to do, is an activity, NOT an accomplishment!

I've spent so much time thinking over my life-time, especially the last decade or so. It's only been recently that I've started the "doing" process, but even that has often been a set of activities (some leading to accomplishments, but not many).

Well, this past month, two things have happened. 1) I shortened up my processing/transition time! and 2) I've started recognizing and making accomplishments as opposed to doing activities.

It's taken me a month to figure this out, and instead of judging or kicking myself for letting that amount of time pass (dog years for many of the rest of you wonderful BH women), I'm patting myself on the back for not letting it stretch out into 3 months or a year. I am thanking myself for holding ME accountable for my own growth--for reconnecting to my BH Mastermind Sisters (thank you Anita and Sam!) and even for getting my tail back on today to blog.

Yes it took a month, but I lovingly recognize my process, my growth, my journey and the gains I have made--and shortening the "transition time" is an achievement in and of itself!
And still, I rise...

Cat

1 grandmother + 4 of 4 kids+ 2 of their spouses + 8 of 9 grandkids + 5 of their spouses + 11 of 13 great-grandkids= an unforgettable "holiday celebration"!

Every Saturday after Thanksgiving, the Carstens Clan gets together over at Grandma's house. I don't recall when this tradition started-- I know it was before we grandkids started getting married and having kids, and maybe just after my grandfather got really sick back in '94. Regardless, for at least the past 10 years this has been a longstanding tradition.
Because I'm one of the few that lives out of state, it's been more difficult for me to attend than my cousins, but I get back at least every other year.
This year was especially special. My grandmother got out of the hospital recently and seems more fit than ever. On the other hand, my eldest uncle is struggling with stage 4 cancer that is obviously wearing on him and breaking his body down. For these reasons, as for the simple fact that we rarely get to but very much love seeing each other, this year felt different.
I am so appreciative of the loving, intelligent, driven, beautiful family my grandmother has created. Trust, we have our issues and our skeletons (my mother shocked me by telling me to not talk about the fact that I live with my boyfriend and his 6 yr old son. Apparently she's afraid I'll give my grandmum a heart-attack. I was hurt and angry and answered every question with: "I'm not allowed to talk about it, go ask my mom"--thank goodness we had a 2hour car ride during which we sorted that out!)...anyway, our family isn't perfect, but the bottom line is we love each other. We support one another and invariably make the effort to connect--even if not every year--and to show how much pride and love we have in being part of the Carstens clan.
I know my grandfather would be thrilled with the idea (I'm sure he misses the head massages he used to trade for a stick of gum or the quarter he would give us) and we certainly are proud to bare his name. I hope, pray and anticipate this is a tradition we will continue even after the matriarch of the family is no longer on this earth.
Now if only I could get them to move it to July...November in Minnesota is getting too cold for me. But even with that thought, I can hear my grandma saying as she did to me this year (in her harsh german-minnesotan-farming way): "Yah, well... yer jus gonna have to get over that one, now!"
Straight to the point, and straight to my heart.

After a long hiatus, I've pulled out the box of "Easier Done than Said" Affirmations and also listened to Ellie's Morning affirmations this a.m.

I love how the Universe works...check it out:

The two cards I pulled were Intuition and Synchronicity.

Intuition: Intuition consists of genuine hunches and a calm knowing within. I now know that to live in fulfillment, I must honor my inner knowing of the direction my life should precede. I trust that my ability to listen to my intuition and then acting upon it is the most essential part of fulfilling that destiny.

Synchronicity: Synchronicity occurs whenever circumstances unfold in a way to beautifully complement and assist one another; creating an end result that perhaps exceeds one's expectations. I now declare that I am open to receiving the assistance of synchronicity.

To be as brief as possible, these both apply very specifically to my life RIGHT NOW! The last 5-6 months, I've been listening closely to my intuition which has been whispering (forcefully) that my purpose is to get back to working with/teaching middle-schoolers. It has also been reminding me that my soul craves creativity.
Intuition has been guiding me to make decisions that put me closer to being in a position to do both of those things. The Universe has been working with me by presenting me with opportunities to do both and to be rewarded for it.

Synchronicity has shown up in my life in several specific ways. 1) I wanted to start "teaching" in stead of babysitting at the Elementary extended-day program I was working at.
2) I wanted to be better compensated
3) I didn't want to spend as much time there and wanted to free up my time to make my Soy candles.
All 3 were answered in one fell swoop: My director offered me to teach Spanish with the 1st and 2nd graders at double the rate I was making AND he found a great "sub" who I suggested simply replace me when I wasn't teaching Spanish--which she did (and I'm now the sub!) So now I only go in 3 times a week for one hour. I'm happy and my time is being used more efficiently and satisfactorily.

4) I wanted to make my creative outlet more profitable. After all, now that all the time was freed up, I didn't want to have a house full of candles!--Well, I got a huge order for the holidays from the store I supply. That helped me clear out inventory, get more fragrances I wanted and assisted financially.

5) Finally, I had to make a decision in terms of my graduate program that a) allowed me to go to Togo this summer b) got me in the classroom sooner rather than later and c) was the smartest route to certification and would be the most profitable/useful degree (Master of Arts in Teaching--but the decision was whether it should be in Social Studies, TESOL or Spanish and whether it should be one that included a certificate or not)

Synchronicity kicked in by having a middle school principal I've met since I moved here call me and basically offer me a job for next semester. Not only does that put me back in the mix with the middle school kids, but there are options there for the school to assist me with financing my MAT and he basically said he would like me to get certified in Spanish and eventually TESOL (teaching English to students of other languages).

This would be at a Charter school in its first year of operation and he is also essentially giving me creative rights to address various needs as they come up. This ALSO means then that I can start developing "Opt-I-On-All" in real-time with real "project participants"! I've got a veritable lab to develop the program and tweak it as necessary, and in the meantime assist a great group of kids.
Oh, AND I could still teach Spanish to the 1st and 2nd graders in the afternoon.

The reality is even bigger than the dream...and I know it's just the beginning. I am so grateful for all the doors that just opened up, and for the Universe meeting me and exceeding all hopes/intentions.

Intuition and Synchronicity--in full effect!