christinajeanne's Blog: diet and exercise

I started reading this book and I love it. I can relate to the whole gaining weight and losing weight and gaining weight. It really can become a vicious cycle. I am finally at the point where I really am trying to take better care of myself. Except for my pasta and glass of wine I had tonight at olive garden. But, I am eating better I'm working out I feel like I'm really getting into the place that the Lord wants me to be in that I want to be in myself as well. I highly recommend this book if you have ever struggled with weight issues or are currently struggling with them now.

"Are we irreverent towards sin, or imputing too much power to God, when we ascribe him almighty life and love? I deny his cooperation with evil, because I desire to have no faith in evil or in any power but God, good." Science and health with Keys to the scriptures pg. 348 Verse. 15.

My computer is totally acting up tonight. I’m trying to save on a disk and it is not working. But, then again there is always plan B. I am so happy that life is filled with choices and actions. I am looking forward to Christmas. I have learned tons this year. My life is the same yet different in many aspects. I’ve failed things but I’ve also accomplished many things I never thought I could. I wrote a book. I am in the process of finding myself. I am on a journey to find self esteem and keep it. I’m standing up for myself. I am trying to accept myself 20 pounds heavier and all. Trying to lose the weight but also get in shape. That’s not really a resolution I don’t want to get caught up in unrealistic thinking. Most importantly I want to love me for me something I’ve never been really good at before. It is hard when I have people telling me I don’t look good in this or that or I’m FAT. That dreaded F word. Yes I’m a size more but in a way this is teaching me a lot about acceptance and patience. My current gains 5 pounds lose them gain them. I can’t figure out why that is happening. But, in the short run and even long run it doesn’t matter because life is complicated it doesn’t ever remain the same. That’s the beauty of it when you think about it. I’m getting older I will be 23 in 1 ½ months. It feels strange. This is the same age my grandma had my aunt. She actually got married at 22. My great grandma got married and had her baby at 19. Unfortunately, that baby was still born. But, time goes on. I lost my godfather almost 5 years ago. Right around fathers day it still makes me sad. I lost my friend Bonnie a few months ago and I was thinking about last Christmas. How she came into the store. Her wisdom her smart comments that made me laugh and where also very true in many ways. She knew she was sick but she took it in stride and lived every moment in as good spirits as possible. That has been a huge lesson for me and one I want to carry on in the year 2010 and beyond.

I'm watching the Academy awards and I don't normally watch the awards anymore but I did see the blind side and Julie and Julia so I am rooting for Meryl Streep and Sandra Bullock. I ate pizza today which I don't normally eat and was worried I went over my calories again but I didn't. Plus, I worked out this morning for 30 minutes. I am feeling good about that as well. I am feeling stuffed I think I did overdo it even though I didn't go over the calories. My head was spinning today and I really don't like that feeling at all. I just got so frustrated today because I look at all these thin people there was a woman at church who looked like she was a size 0 and the actresses on the awards show and I just started getting really down on myself. I don't like being that way. Plus, my aunt is always commenting on my food. I shouldn't eat this or that. I ate too much or I'm eating too little. It makes me mad because she knows I already have a concern about my weight and am/did struggle with an eating disorder. I made a phone call and this friend reminded me that I should do things that make me happy. Do things to take my mind off of this and focus on having a good day and spend time doing things that would make me happy and make it a good day. So that's what I'm currently trying to do right now.

I watched the movie A perfect getaway today. It was suspenseful and I'm usually not a fan of gory movies but the twist shocked me and that's probably why I did enjoy it. It wasn't the same old same old thriller movie that I usually watch. But, Warning don't watch the movie if you are going to Hawaii because that's where it takes place at.

http://christianscience.com/christian-science-questions-2.html http://christianscience.com/escape-from-poverty.html http://ciaobella810.xanga.com/728518858/i-actually-love-jesus/?page=2&jump=1513485927&leftcmt=1#1513485927 I had another day where my aunt was not telling me I was fat but saying how I'll lose weight by x. It is hard for me because I try to lose weight and in this program I am trying so hard not to make it such a factor in my happiness. Tonight actually I realized I am powerless over my weight. There is only so much I can do to control it. Try to eat healthy as best I can. Try not to binge and purge. Exercise moderately not excessively. Not take diet pills or other pill's to try to lose weight. Which, I admit I want to do. Not that it really helps anyway it just makes me feel jittery and sick. I have control over some things but if the pounds don't drop that is out of my control. So why am I so obsessed with what the scale says. I know that is my disease talking to me chattering in my mind once again. When my aunt says I'll lose weight by x amount and tries to control my dieting or food habits that is something that triggers me. Also according to my aunt by the x amount of things she said to me today it would seem in her eyes I'm a loser. Of course she has never said it to me in those words just in her 50 other comments that where critical of me. I try not to think of myself like that. I try to think that my higher power made me the way I am for a reason and purpose and that it is a good thing and I'm not a loser. I know some people don't think that about me. One customer came in the store today and said she knew I could run the store by myself. That gave me encouragement and made me feel like I'm not such a loser after all. I still haven't heard from my boyfriend he didn't even try calling me. Which makes me worry about him but I'm trying not to. I'm just worried he might be in trouble again and that would delay him from coming home.