What if acceptance permeates my belief system so deeply that I am not even aware of all of the 'ties' it has to my self-esteem? Am I required to discover, reveal, process and release each one individually or is it possible to be as though I have truly been reborn and release them all at once?
In asking this question I am not coming from a place of avoidance as much as I am from a place of expediency and efficiency. I want to move forward. To evolve. I want to surrender to who I am and trust that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
I understand that there is something I am getting - some psychological reason that I am hanging on to these old beliefs. I feel that it is related to feeling safe as I see evidence of issues of safety and privacy surfacing in my life.
Its like I'm seeking a safe place to be me in the physical world and there's always a reason I find to stop. The reasons appear as invasions of my private space, the phone ringing, interruptions, etc. I find myself wanting to escape to the beach or to the woods. To solitude.
And then the excuse becomes "when I have private', quiet, safe space then I will be me." What if that never happens? What if, in this physical world there really is no quiet or safe space? What if the space and safety I seek is inside of me? What if its always there, easily accessible, even in a crowded room? I am simply required to create it.
I keep hearing Dr Sugar saying "if you want to" in relation to my weight and letting go. I realize that is also true about everything. Its as simple as "if you want to".
I want to.