Lessons in Vulnerability. Lessons in Detachment!

I grew up in a family where children were expected to act a certain way at all times. I learned not to show weakness. I learned not to be vulnerable. I learned how to hide.

Over the past few months, God and the Universe have made it their mission to teach me a few lessons in what it means to be vulnerable and the power of detachment. Although I understood the benefit and necessity of these principles as a psychologist, I now realize and am continuing to learn, that I didn't fully grasped the spiritual depth and requirement of these principles. That said, big gulp here, I'm taking a risk to allow myself to be seen by you my BraveHeart sisters.

Having learned how to be strong and being that I'm tall and a full-figured woman, people often describe me as being a "strong woman" and even expect me to be stronger for them. I am strong and I'm proud to say this. Yet, I've also learned that true strength is not being or appearing strong at all times. In truth, such an appearance may probably more of a sign of weakness...but that's a blog for another time.

True strength is admitting you're afraid, you're overwhelmed, you're anger and you need help. But, I learned never to ask for help. Not that this was told to me directly mind you, I did, however, see it indirectly in my family. I saw my family fight for everything and I remember the stories. I know that they had great intentions for all us kids but I now realize that their own fears and teachings were based on childhood and cultural experiences that may have trained and conditioned us to, "never let them see you sweat." This begin deeply engrained in my subconscious mind and spirit, I've worked hard at everything and have had great success. Yet, something has always been missing.

Taking a deep breath!

Those of you who know me, know that I tend to have several deep spiritual moments or epiphanies on a regular basis. I'm so grateful that God and the Universe have given me this gift because it helps me serve others. Now, I realize that at this time in my life, my gift is now serving me.

For the past few weeks, I have been having a hard time sleeping yet in the moments where I do sleep, I have been having some very interesting dreams. You know the ones I'm talking about. You're not fully asleep, but you're not fully awake either. These dreams are vivid with color and so real I can feel the air moving, the colors have an energy to them, and everything around me is alive. Each night for about a week I've been having the same dream but a little more is added each time. For awhile, I thought I was going crazy...lol!

Then the dream took a turn and I had what I guess you can call an out of body experience. Now, I have to admit that this is SO out of my comfort zone, yet it was so right, if that makes sense. Well, while "out" of my body in this dream, I was "flying" around the universe while fully exposed. Dream now turned into a night mare...or so I thought at first. Of course, that freaked me out and I woke up. This, at first, bothered me but now I realized that it is in direct correlation to my current experiences.

In an earlier blog, I mentioned that the CSU system will be laying off several hundred people in the next few weeks. At first, I wasn't too nervous, however, as time continues to move and the financial conditions of our CSU system is "getting more challenging" my anxiety started to rise. Yet, this "challenge" has and is becoming a powerful lesson in learning to live fully in vulnerability and detachment.

Experiencing vulnerability maybe helping me see myself, life, others and the world from a different perspective. Vulnerability is teaching me the power of true faith and trust in God, myself, the Universe and others. The power of vulnerability is taking me to a deeper authentic truth inside that I hope will not only heal me, but allow me to heal others. The lesson I'm learning about true vulnerability is, it's true strength and power and it always creates true intimate soul-to-soul connections. We are so busy with trying to fix or survive life that we often forget to connect to others. Life is primarily about relationship God, ourselves and with others.

As for detachment, this truth is my learning how to let go of all my preconceived notions, thoughts and ideas about how something should work out. This rigid subconscious and maybe conscious stance has, unfortunately, become the norm for so many of us that we may not realized how deep within our core our resistance to "letting go" really is. Attachment to our final results may mean -- we're living in fear! Ouch! I'm learning that rigidness to vulnerability or detachment may be a type of resistance to experiencing something different and/or opportunities to a better type of life. That truth has caught my attention. I'm currently reading and highly recommend others to read the book The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra. Great book.

Through my lessons in vulnerability and detachment, I recently learned that my position has been moved from the critical stage of layoffs and moved to the "safe zone," for a few more months. Well, what-do-you-know, there is something powerful about being vulnerable and detaching from my expectations and especially fear and just learning to have faith, trust and to be...

That said, my BraveHeart sisters, thank you for allow me to show you more of myself and,

What are you not allowing yourself to see, show and/or detach from?

Much love,

Anita