"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.” Buddha
One of the most frequent questions I get in interviews is this, ‘how do you get the toxic people out of your life?’ Truthfully, the answer is simply to let them go and yet the weight of guilt associated with ‘cherry picking’ in our relationships is enough to put up with the disappointments, disagreements, lack of trust and inauthenticity. If clutter can weigh you down, so can your toxic relationships and this week we are going to turn our focus there and clean them up.
In the realm of personal development it is said that a person’s income tends to be within 20% of the 5 people they spend the most time with outside of their immediate family. I would like to propose that our attitude also is a direct reflection of these five same people. The obvious conclusion would be that if you want to attract more money, more abundance and joy into your life then changing your social circle should be at the top of your list. Successful people definitely think differently. Their attitude, when confronted with a challenge, is ‘how do I fix this?’ Someone who is just getting by will tend to ask ‘why is this happening to me?’ There is a significant difference.
At Step Into Your Power we want you to have an abundance mentality. We want you to thrive and not just survive. Your attitude is truly your latitude and your friends may be holding you back from the beautiful life you dream of.
The first part of this week’s challenge centers on the attitudes of your friends. Do your friends complain? Are they critical? Do they talk about others behind their backs? Are they acting like victims of circumstance? If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above questions then it is time to select yourself out of this group. If you want to go further and live a life of abundance, spending too much time with people who are negative will definitely drag you down.
A few years ago I helped a friend release over one hundred pounds. She looked great and she felt terrific. Her husband loved her new healthy body and she was a role model for her children.
Unfortunately this woman’s friends were not supportive. They criticized her weight loss. They told her that it was unhealthy. They spoke about her behind her back.
The most vocal friend was a woman who, herself, was overweight. This supposed friend was so negative and would often bring my friend to tears. One day my friend had enough and said to this negative friend, ‘you were not so worried about me when I was one hundred pounds overweight, you were not worried about my heart or my cholesterol. You were fine as long as we were able to sit around the pool and have cocktails and now I have decided to get healthy and you are concerned. Perhaps you are jealous.’
Needless to say, my friend began spending less time with this woman and found a new group of friends that included other health minded women. Today, three years later, she has maintained her weight loss and looks fantastic. She is surrounded by people who support her healthy lifestyle.
Breaking up with your friends can be really challenging. Waves of emotions ranging from guilt to anger to sadness often come with letting go. Deciding to discontinue a friendship does not have to be something permanent; in fact it can be a temporary parting of ways that becomes mutually beneficial.
If the friendship has some value, or you are in some sort of business relationship or committee with a friend where you must continue to work together then having a clearing conversation can be very healthy. Going into the conversation be clear on your intention; decide that no matter what you are seeing the positives in the other person regardless of what is going on. Secondly take responsibility if you have had any part to play in the negativity. For example, perhaps you have a friend who gossips, which bothers you now but in the past you also played the part of the rumourmonger. Now, you have decided to have a more positive outlook and attract greater opportunities into your life and you are no longer willing to berate others behind their backs.
Go into the conversation and let your friend know that you are sorry for your part in the behaviour and you are now in the process of change. Let this friend know that you no longer feel comfortable in the presence of these types of conversations and that your friendship is still important.
Years ago I belonged to a group of women that met for dinner occasionally. After the idle chitchat talk would eventually turn to others. One night, after a few glasses of wine, one woman began to openly criticise another woman whom we all knew. Uncomfortable with the situation I suggested we change the conversation as it was not appropriate to talk about others without them there.
Most of the women appreciated the change in direction of the conversation because in reality – if we are gossiping or having a critical spirit against someone else then it is being done tenfold to us.
Whether your friends are gossips, critical, negative or victims this is the week to clean those friendships up. Decide what kind of person you want to be and look for new people to connect with who serve this different point of view. Let your friends know what types of behaviour you are willing and unwilling to participate in; you never know, they may have been feeling the same way.
Great, supportive, uplifting friendships are rare and when you find them, they are important to nurture. Whether you are letting go or doing a course correct with your friends this week, I wish you the absolute best with this process. You are destined for greatness and a few good friends who support your goals and dreams will be that veritable wind beneath your wings.
Copyright © Susan Sly & Step into Your Power Producitons 2010 All Rights Reserved Saw this great article today by my friend and colleague Susan Sly and wanted to share with my BraveHeart sisters. I trust you will enjoy her words as much as I did.
To Your Total Wellness, Dr. Sugar
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Community Doctor- Isn’t that Sweet!!
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