Dad's Last Lesson

At 86, while driving his Honda, Dad was broadsided by a SUV. His aorta cracked, along with ribs and bones, and he was rushed to the hospital. When they asked my still conscious Dad in the emergency room if he wanted to try an experimental stent for the aorta, his question was how much it would cost. That kind of gives you an idea of his focus. The emergency room doctor was so amazed Dad survived he actually visited at home, after the 7 months of hospitalization and rehab.

I’ve heard that accidents can be sources growth, sort of jarring things loose. Or perhaps it was a near death experience, but Dad changed. Everyone always thought my dad was cute. He was 5’1” at his best height, and that was stretching it, and he had a wonderful sense of humor. He was a good, community-oriented man, who single handedly raised enough money for a much needed community ambulance, along with many other charitable works. Everyone who didn’t know him well thought he was really friendly, but really, he was a very driven, anxious guy totally focused on work. You can imagine retirement was tough for him. He handled it by commandeering the cooking and cleaning, annoying my mother, and by obsessively watching the news.

After the accident, he and mom went into an assisted living community, and in his final two years there he took on a new focus. I don’t think it was just the lack of something to do, many activities were available. Dad was a one man sunshine patrol. He managed to get the sourest residents to smile and became friends with all the staff. From being hard driving, he became more warm hearted and caring on a personal level. Always witty, he became even more fun loving and as a result, staff would come to the apartment or come to greet him in the hall. Positive vibrations do attract.

For his 87th birthday, his favorite Resident Assistant, Karen, surprised him in the dining room with balloons and a sexy performance of “You Make Me Hot.” It was the raciest thing the dining room had seen, especially in her red gown and boa. His hospice nurse took an entire day off to be with him as he passed away. He willed his body to science, so that they could see how he survived the accident.

Why he survived is something else. He did take good care of himself, exercise, eat right, even before his four bypasses. But he clearly had a final mission to complete. I’m not sure whether it was to warm the assisted living or show my sister and me just how much change is possible and what a difference one warm heart can make.

Namaste,
Hedy
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