Emotional "Disabilities"

Do you know why many people who have a disability don't want to be called handicapped or disabled people? They want to be called people with a disability. Thus, not "she is dyslexic," but "she has dyslexia."

Language guides our thinking. Most people with disabilities don't want to be thought of as their disability, the disability then becomes the most important aspect of their identity. They are more than that.

I was thinking about how we say "I am angry," rather than "I have anger.*" Of course, we also say "I'm happy, peaceful," etc., but we are more than our emotions, although when we're in the grip of strong ones, it sometimes doesn't feel that way. It's not that emotions are disabilities, but that we linguistically and psychologically may identify with them.

However, meditation and spiritual teachers teach us to identify with the observer who watches the experience of the emotion much like a mother regards a crying baby, with gentle love, acceptance and care. If she identifies with the child and gets upset herself, she’s no help to the child. Nor is she a help if she gets upset at the child for feeling the way it does. Only if she calmly observes and accepts what is going on in the child is she able to be helpful.

Our emotional children inside of us need the same loving acceptance. Although it may sometimes feel like it, it’s good to remember we’re not that emotional child now. We are way more than that, even as with acceptance, it informs and enrichs our lives.

NonViolent Communication (see the Resource Directory in document files of The Relationship Dance) teaches us to comfort ourselves first in any difficult situation. That not only recognizes and calms those feelings, it reminds us that we’re capable of taking the larger, observer position.

This is something I'm still working on, but there are many resources that help me with it, and most are listed in the Resource Directory. Mostly, I try to stay positive, grounded, and in my body, and check that throughout the day. Prosperity breathing helps, too. What do you do?

Hugs,
Hedy
Awareness Transforms
The Relationship Dance Community