The Most Important Word for Effective Communication

Whether you’re angry with someone else, someone is angry with you, whether you need to say something that another person could find painful, whether someone is saying something painful to you, it all works better if you remember RESPECT. Respect means respect for both yourself and the other and respect for reality. Understanding the concept of respect will get your head in the right place and empower you.

When someone is saying something that is pushing your buttons, something that's untrue, or that's true and painful, respect yourself. It's much harder for others to respect you if you don't respect yourself, and respecting yourself as human changes your perspective. It can be painful to hear if it's touching something that you disrespect in yourself. Acknowledge your feelings to yourself, give yourself some compassion. If it's true, accept it and decide what you can do about it, if only accepting responsibility if it is past and can't be changed.

Compassion is not pity. Compassion views us as equals, all capable of suffering, all with the divine spark. It empowers all involved, it comes from a perspective of unity and empathy. It says, we're all, including me, human and flawed, human and divine. Respect and love are at the basis of compassion.

How do you view someone who accepts criticism or bad news with an open mind, as opposed to defensiveness? She is doing that from a position of self respect, which is a position of strength. She will automatically be acknowledging and respecting your feelings, as well as respecting herself.

Pity is a one up/one down view, it comes from fear and misunderstanding, involves condescension for others, viewing yourself as a victim who is not capable or worthy because of ____. It is a perspective of separation--I'm not like him/her, and I can't change or am not as valuable.

When you need to say something that could be difficult for someone else, remember respect, both for yourself and the other. From "You're fired," to "I must leave this relationship," to "Your fly is open," attitude is everything, and that attitude needs to start with respect. All of the above communications are easier ot swallow when they are delivered from a position of equality and kindness, respect for the other which comes from compassion.

Apart from compassion, respect means respect means respecting reality. It means that you recognize with whom you are dealing with at the moment. You don't deal with a wolf the way you would with a sheep dog, especially if you are a lamb, and you don't deal with an abuser the way you would someone who is not potentially dangerous. The wolf is not despicable, evil, or unworthy of respect as a part of God's creation, but it is a wolf and will likely act like one. You recognize when you are dealing with someone irrational and don't expect rationality or condescend because she isn't acting rationally. You respect who the other is and recognize what is possible, and when safety comes first and take steps to ensure it.

Emerson said, "Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying." When you speak from respect for yourself and the other, what you say is easier to accept. People tend to respond the way you expect them to. Lots of interesting experiments show that how we label people, if only in our heads, affect how we treat them and how they respond. We all respond better with respect for all involved.

So what's wrong with this song?



Amazing singing, great melody, and you can dance to it. It's the lyrics: "All I'm asking for is a little respect." You can only get respect by respecting yourself and expecting it, you can't ask for it, that already disrespects yourself. If you have to ask, you won't get it. You have to respect yourself and expect respect. It has to start with you.

Namaste,
Hedy
Awareness Transforms
The Relationship Dance Community