I had asked myself the question......"When I reflect back on my life, what is the one thing, having done it, that would bring me peace?" I was driving in my car. I remember it clearly. It was so cold that the snow made that crunchy sound when you drove on it. A small, still voice spoke deep within me. I knew with certainty if I never owned my own restaurant that would be completely ok with me, but if I never played music again.........that would not be ok with me at all! I could only imagine the regret and how painful it would be. Regret alone is awful, but regret without the time to do anything about it, would mean great sorrow for me. I don't have to experience this to know it. By the time I pulled into the YWCA parking lot, it was clear to me. If I was to have any happiness, any sense of fulfillment, I had to play, to sing, and to write again. What one day seemed long gone and far away, was the next day an absolute necessity for life. I felt a sense of urgency to reclaim that part of me again. I believe if you too ask that question of yourself, you can't help but feel the same way about the answer. One life.......we get one life.
The restaurant business was never something I felt a passion for, EVER! I am good at it. There are many aspects of it that I enjoy, but I never felt it was my purpose in life to connect with and serve people in that particular way. I liked making the places my own, creating environment and community. I loved inspiring,listening to,encouraging a staff to be the best they could be. I have been given tons of engraved stuff. I have been known as mom, career and relationship counselor, boss, etc. However, this service is not limited to those in the restaurant setting. People are everywhere.The staff would often move on to that which they loved to do, were called to do. Since the business wasn't my passion either, I longed to be one of those turning in their apron and keys.The only turning I was doing was opening the door in the morning and locking the door at night. I held onto this routine like a safety net. It took me away from the predator, which is fear, but took me out of the water as well.
When I moved from Chicago to the Twin Cities, I left the music scene totally behind. I sold every instrument and piece of equipment I had within a week of my arrival. It just seemed easier. I didn't have anything left to lose. I am known around here to be an artist, the creative type, but a songwriter? That was a secret! No one here ever knew that I was a musician until about a year ago. I have been here 15 years. I shut the door on it. It was dead to me. I lived in my own private hell. Not doing what you love is super painful. I couldn't let it go and grieve nor could I take a risk and embrace it. Now with the critical knowledge that in order to have any kind of a life, I would have to make myself vulnerable...write songs I care about, stand on a stage and pour my heart out, experience rejection, challenge my self esteem, be as authentic as possible, and despite the fear, Honor My Truth! You may ask,"why do it then?" It sounds too difficult. Shouldn't our passion be easier?
That would be nice, but then again would it? Sometimes I feel we do it more for what we learn, than for how we love it. We feel a presence of and a necessity to connect with God. I believe our true passion holds within it the lessons we require to be of supreme service. We learn what we came here to teach. If we didn't love it so much, why on earth would we be motivated to keep on keeping on? Along the way, our purpose is revealed through our passion. Listen for the Truth, and Honor It!
Debra Hadraba
Honor our Truth
Inspiration+Action
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