Does anyone ever use bathroom towels? I know people use towels, but I’m talking about the matching ones hanging on the rods. I was looking at mine today and realized that on April 15th 2009, they will have been hanging there for 9 years. I wash them, but I never use them. I always have a “user friendly” towel hanging on the rod that is by the sink. When I take a bath, I grab a larger towel from the closet and hang it over the curtain rod to dry, or I throw it straight into the laundry basket. This is fine. I live alone. Who cares? The “cute towels” are for company, for show. However, the show is primarily for me.
I really don’t have people over very often. I have been known to describe myself as a reclusive extrovert. I’m outgoing, outside….innergoing, inside. Hey, I made up a word!…innergoing v. the act of moving ones energy from outward or “other focused” to inward and in focus(connecting to oneself and to ones God) When I do have people over, I have a lot of people over and it’s usually for a big meal. Enchiladas, I make a mean enchilada, ask my friends. Occasionally someone stops by, but not that often and they usually don’t see my “cute towels” Why do I have them?
It could be viewed as self-care. I deserve to have a nice house and nice stuff that I like. I can have it just the way I want it. I love having my house clean, organized and cool looking. Maybe I am partially procrastinating, but I need to have my house clean in order to think. If I'm stuck, I clean. As much as it could be procrastination, it is also a grounding process for me. I love windex. I don’t use it for everything like the father in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. He uses it for zits. That word really bugs me…zits….I don’t know why, but it bugs me. I use windex solely as a cleaning product, not a facial care system. I also love the results of a vacuum, putting things away, and new sheets on the bed. If I need a quick fix, I'll clean out a closet. Really quick, it’s a drawer.
Now this may sound really weird, but cleaning is a form of meditation for me. I don’t do the cross your legs on a pillow and quiet yourself method. I have tried. This may change, but for now, it is a discipline I don’t possess. I’m told it is normal to feel anxious, bored, distracted. One is to keep redirecting their thoughts back to the breath, and it becomes more effortless over time. I lack the desire to commit to the practice. Besides walking, which is also meditation for me, cleaning can naturally ease me into a relaxed rhythm of breathing. I can empty my mind…..wash, wipe and white-out…….it is like white-out for the brain. Clearing out the chatter in my head, the noise, the “old tapes” if you will. My mind isn’t trying to solve a challenge, make a decision or come up with an idea. However, that is exactly what may occur without my trying so hard. I am in the moment. When I am finished and the candles are burning, not only do I feel more grounded and centered, my house is clean.
Back to the towels…
It could also be viewed as perfectionism. If having the towels messed up ruins your day, if you have to straighten the towels every time a guest uses them, then possibly this is the case. I have compromised. I have been called a “neat freak” but I accept my neatness. It works for me. I also accept that I cannot “do it all” and sometimes the towels just aren’t a priority. I accept the ring on the coffee table. If I can’t decide what to wear and my clothes are strewn on the floor, I am not going to miss the party. I am ok with spontaneity, and as much as possible, I live in the moment. I do understand this particular compulsion. It was easier for me to let that go when I understood it. If I could keep everything externally ok, maybe I could keep everything internally ok. It gave me the illusion of control over that which I can NEVER control……PEOPLE!!!
Have you ever noticed how many variations on towel displaying there are? Towels folded on shelves, individually rolled up and put in baskets, tied with a big bow (clearly for show only), one small one on top of one big one and hanging on a towel rod, beautiful elaborate displays accompanied by some kind of paper towels on the sink intended for “real use”, tied in this funky tricky way that my sister does. I guarantee you there are articles and chapters out there on towel displaying. I just googled it and yes it’s true.
I cannot control the way people display their towels, much less what they say or what they do. People are gonna disappoint us, hurt us, leave us, even if they never intend to. No matter how perfect I might try to be, I could just keep on trying. Perfectionism is impossible and relative to interpretation. For example, towels that are tied with a bow are not my cup of tea. I am not a "bow type" person. I no longer get lost in contrived action, thinking it is sure to give me the result I think I need. I Honor My Truth, and in doing so, the result is perfect whatever it is.
Debra Hadraba
Honor Your Truth
Inspiration+Action
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