"My Dad is at home in his chair and more....."

Dearest Courageous BraveHeart Women,

A few days ago I left Chicago and went home to MN to play a gig that I had booked last summer. I debated cancelling due to my Dad being sick, but then decided it best to play the gig and check on things at home as well. I hadnt left the hospital in over a week. I was scared to leave.....fearing it may be the last time I saw my Dad. Although he has been improving daily, he is still very ill. I kissed him, told him I loved him very much and walked out of the room. It was very difficult. Somehow, I felt if I didn't leave him, I could control everything. I think we all felt that way because none of us left the hospital really. Myself and my sister Teresa ("T") were literally there 24-7 and the rest of the clan hung out everyday but slept at home.

I was gone 48 hrs. In that 48 hrs, my Dad was released from the hospital. When I saw him again, I took one look at him and felt....somethings not right. I sat down next to him and saw that his ankles and calves were very swollen. He looked like he had aged 10+ years and he was white as a ghost. I think I noticed it more because I had left and come back, it shocked and scared me. He had some bloodwork to be done the next day but the follow-up appt with the doctor was not until this coming friday.....a week and a half after his release. I called and got him in sooner. I had to be very assertive and I felt like a B---H. I don't remember exactly what I said but something like, "you're not standing right in front of him and I am telling you that he needs to be seen now....this cannot wait" I felt like I was being annoying but I got him there and its a good thing...they had made a mistake with his medications. They had taken him off everything he was on before being in the hospital and didnt re-instate one of the ones he needed. I also think he needed to talk to someone about what happened to him and what "the plan" was.....I wrote it all down and made him a little chart. I feel blessed to have been able to be there and to be able to be here now.

However, it feels like my whole life has been put on hold. Off and on, I feel alot of anxiety. I know that this is my life....here...today...now.....I remind myself that the universe is giving me exactly what I need to be able to do what I am here to do.....I remind myself that I am in my "right and perfect place" I remind myself that I am lucky....that having this time with my Dad and with my family is a gift. I practice the principles of acceptance..letting go.....living in the present....breathing...love...compassio n....gratitude...it seems like it "should" be easy.....it is and it isnt. When it was touch and go, when my Dad was in the hospital and they told us he had a slim chance of survival.....I didnt think about anything else. Now that he appears to be recovering....its more challenging. Crisis throws me into the present....but being in the present when there isnt a crisis is more of a daily, moment to moment conscious choice.

I listened to the Prosperity Hormone call and it has helped me...what an AMAZING call. It was a reminder to practice deep, loving breaths....."vagus breaths". Breathing brings me into the "Heaven" emotions such as love, peace, trust, and courage.... as opposed to the Earth and Hell emotions like doubt, fear,envy,resentment and so on. I can easily tap into the energy of doubt and fear if I choose to.....I "should" being doing this or that....I havent done this or that....I "need" to get this or that done..... I was planning on doing this or that right now...blah, blah, blah,blah......I stop and take those 5 breaths.......the exhaling is so good. I trust the process. I let go. I am free. FREED-OM. I love that...I didn't know OM meant life force. Now, I am going to download the affirmations.

Thank you for all of your prayers....your loving thoughts and your kind words. I love this community. I look forward to seeing you at RISE!!

Much Love

Debra
The Honor Your Truth Community