"Progress Not Perfection" The "IT'S ALL TRUE!" Series Episode 7(video)

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The “IT’S ALL TRUE! SERIES” Episode 7

“Progress Not Perfection”

I feel like I’m crawling out of a cave. I went directly back to work after attending the RISE event and I have been working everyday, all day, ever since. My plan for balance in regards to my job went out the window this month. Now that the season is over and done, I am ok with it. I’m even glad I did it, but I’m glad it’s over too. We clean up and close up for the winter. It is what it is… a seasonal business in Door County. It has been good to me and although I feel myself moving on from here I will miss it nonetheless. I have tried many different ways to do this job and maintain some kind of serenity, some kind of “normalcy”. Anyone who does it will tell you that while it’s a lot of fun and great money, the hours are literally insane. Although I have gotten better at it, I find it nearly impossible to do much else other than work and get adequate food and sleep. If I do that, I am doing fairly well.

I made some progress this season. I did set some boundaries and let go of some perfectionism, but in the end, I worked like crazy, no holds barred. For the past few years, I have intended each to be my last season when we shut the doors. However, when it came time to return for the following season, I always did. It seemed easier, saner, safer, yet it has become increasingly difficult to put what I love up on a shelf 6+months. Now that I have been following my heart, I’ve done my best to keep the desire and inspiration alive while I am here working. I pull it down from the shelf just enough to know it's still there waiting for me when I'm done. I will work another season if necessary financially, but I really don’t want to. Consequently, there is a sense of urgency to cram as much cash as I can in my pockets for the lean years I’m certain are coming. This, I feel, is not a very good mindset… planning on being broke if I do what I love, if I honor my truth.

Every year I work as hard as I can to stow away as much as I can for this reason, for the moment I decide to take a risk and go for my dream. I prepare for the day I quit my J.O.B. like I’m preparing for a blizzard. I was even thinking this morning that it would be a good idea to stock up on canned food and water for a number of reasons. One reason being that were I to decide to create my own destiny, it appears I plan on struggling. It seems to go without saying. Somewhere I got the idea that following your heart, at least my heart, was a sure fire way to end up homeless and penniless. I worry about emergencies, can I take care of myself in an emergency and so on. I can't seem to imagine making any money doing what I love. I may hope and dream but ultimately I decide I’m not good enough or something. I'm just a dreamer with an imagination gone wild. I couldn't possibly succeed. If those of us with a lot of negative thinking and chatter just turned our profound ability to imagine the worst case scenario in detail around. It's just inverting out imagination.

I had a dream the other night from which I woke up saying, “God knows how I’m going to support myself” The sound of my voice startled me into consciousness. In the dream, I was telling my employer that I was done, that I quit. When I said it, I instantly felt scared and pessimistic. I was doomed. My prospects were dismal. I thought there is no way I will be able to support myself, and even if I could, I will never live an abundant joyous life. As I lie there, I thought wow I have a really bad attitude. I am already building my “I might as well work another season because I don’t know what else to do” case for next year. I'm already setting myself up to return. Not because I want to, but because I have to... interesting. Then I realized... I don’t need to change the dream and what I said, just the inflection of my voice, my interpretation of it. "God knows how I’m going to support myself". My heart has a plan my mind knows nothing about. How it’s all going to work out, how it’s all going to happen, is none of my business. I truly believe we are given all that we need to do what we came here to do. The universe shows up to assist us if we show up. I believe all that is required in return is to continue following our heart, one small courageous step at a time despite the doubt and fear. God, the universe, the heart knows the way. I need only Honor My Truth!

Debra Hadraba
The Honor Your TruthCommunity