Forgive or not to Forgive?: General: BraveHeart Women

Forgive or not to Forgive? Posted Feb 11, 2012 03:15 PM
1 Attachment Tree shot up.jpeg (68.8 K) "Don't forgive and it changes nothing about the offender or you.... Forgive, and it changes nothing about the offender....but it changes EVERYTHING about you!" Judy Zobrosky ***Harmonic Living Now Commun*ity All of us can relate to finding ourselves in a poor to devastating circumstance and then holding on to the residual effects of that incident for weeks, month and even years. Holding on to anger, fear, resentment, hate and all the other emotional conflicts that go along with not letting it go, results in living a life that is controlled by our involuntary reactions to certain people, places or instances that trigger us, that hit that old pain body. Having been there many times in my life, I have learned the hard way of the damage that holding on to the past and not forgiving can cause. It can wreak havoc on our health, our relationships and our emotional wellbeing. The harm we do to ourselves spans from mild depression to literally destroying us, manifesting itself into self- destructive behaviors and even undesirable actions towards others. By allowing these emotional leaches to live in us is like feeding the ants in the kitchen and expecting them to go away. We have a choice! When I finally realized that I was the only one chaining myself to this and victimizing myself, I immediately made a conscious choice to begin the process of letting go and forgiving. I began to experience the transformation, from feeling that dark cloud hanging over me and being someone who was always on the verge of tears (whenever something or someone triggered that old pain), into enjoying a sense of freedom, joy and empowerment. Somewhere in my journey, I made up this quote to keep myself moving forward toward the goal of ultimate forgiving. I have to say….it was well worth the effort! It was and continues to be my gift to myself. I would love to hear your ideas, my BraveHeart Sisters, we can learn so much from each other!
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7 Comments

I agree with you Kat, that not forgiving is giving our power away....well put. Remembering the lessons learned are blessings for sure!

Great Article. Thank you for sharing.

When you do not forgive someone, they still have power over you. The energy you give to the anger or sadness slowly destroys you. But when we choose to courageously forgive, we take our power back for ourselves. We re-energize ourselves and let go of the anger and sadness that clings to us.

Forgiving doesn't mean forget. We learn from these experiences and when we forgive we are able to respond to new situations rather than to react when the open wound gets stung. Forgiveness is like tending the wound to allow ourselves to heal.

Thanks again for this great article.

Kat

Hi DinaIsabelle,

I truly understand where you are in your relationship and my heart is with you. I'm happy that you've found us here in this forum on BraveHeart, where we support and encourage each other. Where you walk ~ many have walked before you, ......we are here for you....you're not alone! :-x

Forgiving encompasses so much, doesn't it? Releasing blame is, in my experience, is the first step toward healing. I've found that as long as I hung onto blaming (either the other or myself) I just couldn't let go of the anger, bitterness and resentment or any of the other painful emotions either. It is first step in the developing compassion toward the situation, your husband and yourself. One of the hardest lessons I had ever learned was the importance of taking myself out of the 'victimization' role and accepting my part in what was taking place. It isn't easy to see through to it sometimes, especially when they've hurt us so deeply. This isn't to condone a hurtful action or dismiss it, rather to just accept it as just being what it is and being able to move forward. It also isn't to say that you need to stay in a situation that will continue to hurt you if the offense doesn't stop. This is about you healing.

If I may comment on 'forgetting' it. It is not only helpful but healing to turn the idea of forgetting it around. Forget (or release) the pain of what happened, but remember the blessings that come from it. Although it may be difficult to see the golden nuggets in your situation right now, they are there! Love can heal.

Thank you DinaIsabel for sharing and reaching out. I will be thinking of you and sending loving energy your way.

I would like to invite you to join my community 'Harmonic Living Now'. There is a video series, 'The Harmony of Forgiveness' and you will find continued comfort and support of others there.

Much Love,
Judy

I am going through a sour separation after a 7-year marriage. Your quote seems to fit my circumstance. I have been distrustful and unforgiving for acts done unto me for the past 2 years; yet, I think we can forgive, but it is hard to forget. I love my husband so much, but I am not sure that our relationship can be back to where it was when we originally met. Thanks, for your inspirational quote. It uplifted my spirits since I have been alone throughout this whole ordeal.

Thank you Laurie for sharing and the reminder ~ 'Reflect, Release, Replace', it certainly can turn a potentially painful situation around quickly! I agree with you about it being exhausting ~ it's the greatest relief to let it go.
:-x

You are so right Debbie, there is such a sense of freedom, like a ton of bricks are lifted off of our shoulders when we truly let go and forgive.

Thank you both for sharing your thoughts!

Much Love
Your BraveHeart Sister
Judy

This is so good to hear Judy.
I am amazed that once we decide to forgive completely that there are no boundaries to our forgiveness. We are free.
Thank you for this inspiration.
Delightfully yours,
Debby

Mastermind Grove "Where we pollinate ideas for fruition."

Thank You Judy,

This is a very important reminder. The involuntary reactions you spoke of can certainly cause pain.

We don't even realize we are doing it. That's why the daily practice of awareness is so important.

I love how Ellie talks about Reflect, Release, Replace. When you stop in the face of stimulation and reflect on your reaction, you begin to peel the onion so to speak...find out the underlying cause of your pain.

Being on the verge of tears is exhausting, much better to cut loose with it, and move forward..

It's awesome to have this forum to share and have transparency in.

Thanks again..
Love, your BraveHeart Sister, Laurie :-x

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