4 Comments
I have been in a similar situation. I had left my relationship 5 yrs ago for the sake of me and my children. He had tried a couple of times to take custody of our children but due to his history of being incarcerated for physical assaults on me, alcoholism and anger, he lost both court cases. I have gone for numerous counseling, workshops and courses to help me overcome the traumatic years of physical abuse. I have a full time job, and don't need anyone to depend on financially. Throughout all that, I have kept in contact with the ex for the sake of the children. He also calls them on the phone from time to time. He hasn't send them any gifts for bdays, xmas or anything at all. He does not live in the same town as we do, so that is rare. Well, now that he has sobered up and has a regular job, he wants to come home. I kept telling him that I cannot take him back, yet he won't seem to understand or respect my feelings. I told him that I no longer have feelings for him and that I cannot forgive him. He is using the kids to make me feel guilty and keeps insisting that I 'forgive and forget' like he has. Tells me that I should just stop living in the past and get on with our lives. The kids don't feel comfortable around him and want him to leave when he comes to visit them. He just comes and goes out of the house like he never left...only thing is he crashes out in the living room. He comes with no groceries at all. Just expects me to feed him. He hasn't done anything to improve his anger, or to heal himself like I have. He doesn't show any improvements at all and thinks that I am just too unforgiving. He still uses drugs, hangs around parties w/o drinking, allows people to drink around him and doesn't think there is anything wrong with that. I don't know what to do anymore...I can't sleep or eat because this situation is really bothering me. Things were fine until he started showing up here again and I know he is trying to manipulate his way back into our lives, but how do I stop it? There are no grounds for a restraining order...All I can do is pray. Pray for me and my children, also Hi Laccey, After reading your post, I felt as though I had just looked into the mirror. Wow!!!! You take heart LADY! Unfortunately, in traumatic situations, and you have had too many, there is the process of HEALING. As for me, I haven't suffered the extent that you have, but I am a single mother of five wonderful children by a man that tried to kill all of us on September 24,05. I still love the man and although I do realize the difference between the MAN and the DEMONS, I too had to make the ultimate choice to remove myself and my children from the situation. Thankfully, GOD spared all our lives. I feel your pain. You made the right choice to get out no matter how much it hurts. My children and I almost didn't make it. I am still coming out of shock after 41/2 years and had to start over at the age of 38 with a new baby of 3 weeks. I also can relate to your tricks of the trade. My emotions had to be put on hold as well. My motherly instinct kicked in instead and I knew I had to protect my children from a fixated drug addict on the loose and stalking as well as find the money to feed them. You have come through a great deal concerning loss and I can only imagine what else came with it in a dangerous environment. Sounds like you have begun the healing process better known as "THAWING OUT" after severe frostbite. I do truly believe that a person can die from heartache. I have felt as though I would. I am not one to run for medical attention, but found myself in the emergency room only to reveal that my heart was suffering with anxiety and causing irregular heart rythym. I am also short of breath, very sad inside, and very lonely, being that I am pulled in every direction with the needs of my children, financial responsibilities, and negative surroundings. As for you, as well as myself, it does get worse before it gets better. But that is the healing process. That is where you stand at the present. It is an acceptance factor. I have learned to talk to myself first outloud and rationalize the factors of my situation. I have also physically had to train myself to breathe again and it naturally alleviates the anxiety. GOD said "let the weak say I am strong" paraphrasing of course, but it definitely works! I always lean on scripture. Now, that is from a spiritual standpoint. There is also the natural side of things. The loneliness, OH the loneliness!!!!!! It brings on the emotions of knowing you shouldn't go back but are aching for what use to be. I am right there with you sister. Stay busy. I have since begun a community outreach, I homeschool and also operate a home business. You know, GOD is good, all the time. Don't forget it. . I truly can relate. You really can't do this alone. Find a trustworthy individual to talk to and debrief as much as possible. I will be glad to listen as well. Give and I did say give lots of hugs to the people around you. It keeps the heart from waxing cold. That would be a healthy beginning. Be careful not to fall into depression. It will come on unknowingly. I should know. I could go on and on, but here is my # if you would like to take advantage of it. 706-847-5356 Warmest Regards, Laura Hi Laccey, I know how you're feeling. I ended a 3 yr relationship too - finally. I tried many times before but kept going back because the lonliness got the best of me. I don't know what happened but I finally got to the point where I realized I was OK. I wrote and wrote and wrote and got out my feelings and learned about myself. I put the focus off him and on me and let myself feel. People said if you aren't afraid to face the pain and go with it, you come out the other side and they were right. I did come out healthier and whole - and much better. Maybe you can try writing - just put your pen to paper and don't take it off. Don't think - just write for 20 minutes and do this every day for 30 days. It was life transforming for me so possibly it could help you too. I think going within to find your inner wisdom is where the most comfort and love comes from. That's where I found my best self - my happiest self. I wish you the best and will send you good light and love. Joyce Laccey, Doing what you know in your heart is right is often not the easy thing to do.I was in a relationship for 25 years. I knew after the first several years that it was not healthy, but I kept finding excuses. Having a baby will help things change, Giving more of myself will help things change, Getting counseling will help things change. Well all of these things did change me because I was willing and wanting to change, yet I finally had to realize that if I wanted to live a healthy life I needed to leave this relationship. It was not easy. Four years after divorce my ex self destructed and died suddenly. I had to fight hard not to blame myself. I knew if I had stayed he would not be dead, yet it was not my responsibility to hold everything together for this person, while loosing myself in the process. Have faith in yourself. Have faith in a Higher Power. Try to get to a place where you can be comfortable with just being you. Let yourself have time to grieve your losses, past and present. Journal your feelings. Find a local support group where you can feel you are not the only one going through the process. There are many other who will stand with you. Have faith!
Leave a Comment
You must log in to comment on this blog.
|
Archives
laccey's.. Recent Entries
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
| Welcome Guest |
|
|
|
|
Del.icio.us
Digg
