How Do You Make Your Husband Feel?

I read a blog post yesterday from our BraveHeart sister, Bell Rushing, that had the following quote from Maya Angelou:

“I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

by: Maya Angelou

I always feel inspiration and love when I read Bell's Gentle Warrior Blog, and yesterday's post was no exception. It made me give some serious thought to how I make those around me feel, in particular, those that I deeply love.

I think it comes naturally to a mom to temper her words and actions when speaking to her children. She knows that a brief moment of irritation communicated in some harsh words and dramatic gestures can seem threatening to a child, causing the child to feel scared and unloved. So with a soft voice and a kind word she gently corrects her child's behavior. She knows the "mom voice" will get the desired result without inflicting hurt.

But how many of us use the same caution in our words and actions when communicating with our husbands? Do you lovingly tell him he left his wet towel on the bedroom floor and gently ask him to pick it up? Or do you berate him with a lecture on how he's an adult and should know how to put the towel in the laundry basket without being told and how you're not his mother and shouldn't have to constantly tell him to pick up after himself and you have enough to do besides cleaning up after him and on and on.

Imagine speaking to your child in this manner. How would your child react? Your husband is probably experiencing some of the same feelings your child would.

"But that's different, my husband's an adult," you might say.

Yes, he's an adult. And he's also a person with faults, vulnerabilities, and deep feelings. And he's a person that you love.

Try asking your husband to pick up after himself instead of shaming him into doing it. Use a voice that conveys the message, "I love you and would love for you to pick up your towel." Don't use the "mom voice," because you're not striving to be his mother and he doesn't want to be married to his mother. Instead, think "girlfriend voice." He wants to please you, so let him know that picking up after himself would make you happy.

And don't forget to praise him when he does pick up the towel!