Upon awakening I realized that the dream I was awaken from was providing me with insight into my life. I am so grateful to have developed my inner awareness so that I no longer react to life situations disregarding my hand in it all. I find that my greatest growth has come out of my greatest challenges.
Once again I am stretching and my present challenges are facilitating this expansion. My daughter’s illness is the dominant challenge (although lots of things are also working in my life). Challenges knock on the shut doors of my psyche, insisting that I release what lay behind each door. The present challenge is in this situation (my role as her mom). Almost every other day a door is being knocked on and opened. I had no idea there are so many.
So how do I know there is a door? Well let me tell you, you know because there is a feeling of being trapped. It doesn’t feel good and it is easy to panic, at least for me. The oxy breaths (Ellie teaches) help me to stay calm and not go into to fight or flight or at least fully. Sometimes I am breathing this way constantly throughout the day, just to maintain my balance and not react. I ask for inner guidance and watch for it expectantly (it can come from a dream, gold tongue wisdom spoken through someone I meet up with, to an aha or numerous other ways). Sure there is good reason to be feeling upset, after all from a logical place the situation is scary and heartbreaking. However, I want to go beyond it and rise above the situation. I can do this when I am open to my own expansion and willingness to let go of what no longer serves me.
Today I discovered that I have been making my life conditional. Before I can move on I need my daughter be well or at least improving. I expect things to be in order, in order for me to get on with my life aspirations. I have been reminded that this keeps me stuck and miserable. There was some relief in recognizing this, even though I was astounded that I was actually thinking this. I suppose it is rooted in my past. My father was a perfectionist and very volatile. So if things were not in order, life would be uncomfortable for the rest of us. It doesn’t really matter where it came from. Now I know and I want more insight as to how to overcome this.
I asked for further guidance while I was doing my unique toning and aligning routine. I connected with my inner visionary (Ellie teaches this) at my root chakra and she showed me how being clear about what I want, even in this situation with my daughter, would aide me in staying true to my course. This would then help me to move forward in my life.
It became apparent that I had done this before with projects and events but now I am seeing how this way of operating will assist me even when things show up like my daughter’s illness. My inner visionary illustrated this as usual from a kayak being paddled through the marsh. As I stay true to my course I pass by landmarks but I do not get out of my kayak. I may even go through a channel or it might rain but I continue to paddle staying true to my course. I don’t get out and try and change the landscape.
Now I declare what I want. I want for me what I also want for daughter or anyone else. I want: love, wellness, fulfillment, meaningful interactions, engagements and contributions, gratitude, appreciation, play, fun and growth. As I experience these qualities of life for myself, I experience them in others. That includes my daughter. So as I paddle thoughtfully through my life, I stay true to my course and feel myself living beautifully