Never Give Up

"Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never" Winston Churchill

I've always lived on edge....fighting....never feeling safe..always wanting to hide....needing to disappear. Shame consumed me.....crippled me...made me feel less than human....hideous....ugly....unacceptabl e.

I learned to fight....to stay alive even though everything inside me screamed to give up...give in...die. Something in me, though, kept fighting...fighting hard...fighting to stay alive....to push back against all the brutality.

I watched friends give in to the darkness.....ending their lives....unable to fight anymore. I lived numb...aching inside...desperate to belong....desperate to stop the cycle of pain....Nothing worked....nothing could free me from the chains that held me in their grip. Nothing except......His touch...the touch of His gentleness. He did what nothing else could....One touch of the power of His gentleness broke through the darkness....broke through the chains....He was the key that turned the lock and broke through when nothing else could even make a dent.

My friend died....took all the pills her doctor gave her. She couldn't fight anymore. She couldn't hang on. She was kind and gentle....but she had no peace....she lived in constant turmoil....wondering why she had to live as if she weren't alive....in torment.....her mind never quieted from the angst in her soul.

I never knew life could be....fun....connected.....free. I want others who are where I was, to know....they can experience freedom. I learned if we hang on long enough...life changes...the bad can turn good.....But when you're fighting in the darkness....it seems like it will never change....It does...it really does.