Pity Party

It is Saturday morning, June 22, 2010. I have not been to BraveHeart Women in a very long time. Somewhere along the way, my life became overwhelming and I do like I always do...become silent. Ummm,,,I think there is a poem about that inside me somewhere. It would tell the story of those days when the world seems bound and determined to beat me down to my very last breath. It would tell the story of how I stood up and told the world "You may not have soul this day; it is not yours to take. It is mine to give and I choose not to give it, not now, not ever!" It would say how hard it is to tell the world that so much and so often and how sometimes I don't want to stand up. Sometimes I want to get in bed, pull the cover over my head and wish the world away from me.

I wonder do I feel like this at the end of every school year and this has been a rough one.
When will all the people who make decisions about what should be happening in schools remember who they serve...the children. If it weren't for them, there would be no need for all the Congress, government offices of education, superintendents, staff coordinators, curriculum coordinators, principals, assistant principals, department chairs, etc. etc., Most of these people have never set foot in a classroom or have been gone so long that they have forgotten what it is like to be in one. Worse yet are those folks who left the classroom because they couldn't or didn't want to handle the day to day activities of a classroom or do all the work outside of the class day. They thought they would be better in administration telling teachers what they should be doing. EXCUSE ME...if they can't handle the day to day workings of the classroom and all the outside work that takes place before a teacher steps foot in his or her class, then they have no right to tell us what we should or how we should be performing our jobs. Next would be overbearing, selfish parents, but I am stopping here because I am getting angry.

I always thought that when I died, I would have all or my original body parts. Well, that isn't happening. I had a swollen lymph node removed two years ago and now I am going to have knee replacement on the right leg this summer and the other leg next summer. There is no cartilage in the right knee and very little in the left.
Walking, some days, is a major feat; the pain can be so awful. I should be happy that science has gotten to the point where this can be done. Everyone tells me that I will be happy when it is done and all the rehab is complete. I believe that, but I am not thrilled about having my bone cut and an artificial joint put inside of me. This may sound stupid, but it is how I feel. My consolation is that my painful everyday existence will be diminished to a great degree and I will probably be a happier camper.

The other consolation is that one leg will be pain free and I can get shots that will help relieve the pain in the other until the next surgery. I should be able to wear a pair of low heel sexy shoes! Yes, that feels very good! I think I will get a RED pair!!!!!!!!!!!

YES! this one is one of those mornings when I decided to have a pity party. I think I have had enough of that. It is time to stand up and go on with my day in a positive way.