The 1st step for Warrior Caregivers...

We need to start by acknowledging what hurts.

As victim caregivers, we try to be strong all the time for the ones
that we are giving care to. We do not want the ones receiving care
to know that we are feeling hurt and unappreciated. We also do not
want any health care professionals to know that we are having these
hurtful and angry feelings while we are being the responsible caregiver.

We tend to ignore or stifle our own feelings as we are so busy caring
for others and feel that it is not right for us to have these hurtful
feelings. We feel sorry for ourselves but we do not want to acknowledge
what really hurts.

Let's begin the process of moving from Victim caregiver to WARRIOR CAREGIVER:
* Write down a complete list of what hurts
* Read the list aloud to yourself and to your support group
* Acknowledge your feelings
* Accept and manage your feelings
* Acknowledge yourself and gain strength
* Move forward and find laughter

You need to start by writing down all the things that hurt your feelings.
This may be as simple as not receiving a thank you for something special
that you have done to a complex hurt that is both verbal and mental abuse
from the one you are caring for. When you write down all these hurts it
begins the acknowledgement process in your own mind.

You need to make sure that the list is complete. You can not leave out
anything that makes you feel hurt. You might think that it is a small and
insignificant hurt so you can ignore it. However, this is not true. All
hurts big and small must be on the list.

You need to read the list out loud to yourself and to those close to you.
This is important as it makes you acknowledge the hurt and at the same
time you share that hurt with your support group. This gives your support
group the opportunity to get to know why you react the way you do and
therefore helps them understand you better.

You need to accept that all feelings are acceptable once you have
acknowledged them. It is normal for caregivers to feel anger. This anger
may be focused at the one that you are caring for and then it may shift to
you being angry at yourself for having these feelings. You may even direct
your anger towards your own support group. Acknowledging the anger and
learning to manage the anger are part of the first step.

You need to acknowledge yourself. You need to accept that you may not
receive the appreciation from those you are providing care to. You do not
want to become the forgotten caregiver. You feel that you are giving up
your life for the sake of all those you are providing care to.

By acknowledging yourself you gain strength to move forward to do more.
You need to accept that as a caregiver, you will have these feelings. You
know that you love the one that you are giving care to and that there will
be times that you will feel anger towards them. Once you acknowledge this,
then you will be able to control this anger. You need to accept that the
one you are giving care to may not be able to show their appreciation of
what you do for them.

You need to know that feelings of resentment for all the time required for
care giving is appreciated even if not acknowledged. You need to be able
to acknowledge the hurt and move forward. You need to be able to write
it down and laugh at it later.

This is the first step in the process of becoming a Warrior Caregiver.
Good for you for acknowledging what hurts!!

Janie Pighin

I invite you to come join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community where
we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration. Click Here