Do you have caregiver guilt?

It is very easy to fall into the guilt trap. We feel guilty for feeling
anger towards the one we are caring for. We feel guilty for feeling that
all of our time is being spent as a caregiver. We feel guilty when we
complain about out lives and feel guilty when we get caught complaining
by those we love. We even feel guilty for feeling guilty. Worse yet is
when we feel guilty for not being able to do everything for the one we
are caring for. When we have to say no we feel guilty.

I have felt guilty for feeling that all my time was directed towards
giving care to my handicapped daughter. I have also felt guilty for
being angry at my daughter when she was not cooperating or for all of
my time that she required. How could I feel this anger when I knew that
my daughter needed my time and my assistance?

These thoughts always brought on guilty feelings. Then I would feel
guilty for even feeling guilty. I would also feel guilty when I had
to say no to my daughter as I always wanted to be the one who could
help her with everything. I was also angry at my husband for having
a heart attack and changing our retirement plans. Then I felt guilty f
or having these feelings of anger. How easily we fall into the victim
model of caregiver.

To become a warrior caregiver, you need to manage this guilt.
You need to be able to follow these simple steps:

*Acknowledge what causes the guilty feelings
*Share what makes you feel guilty
*Stop feeling guilty for having feelings
*Learn to say no and not feel guilty

To become a warrior caregiver, you need to be able to acknowledge everything
that causes you to feel guilt. This is very important as it is this
acknowledgement that will start you down the road towards moving from a
victim caregiver to a warrior caregiver. There are many different feelings
that will cause you to feel guilt. I know that I have had guilty feelings
for feeling anger, loneliness, and for feeling overwhelmed by the amount of
time and work care giving requires.

It is important to share what it is that makes you feel guilty. You must
share this with your support group as they will be able to identify how
these feelings are affecting you. By sharing these feelings, you begin
the process of being able to manage your guilt.

We all have feelings. As care givers, we can have feelings that do not
make sense to us as these feelings cause us to feel guilty. Once we have
acknowledged the feelings and shared these feelings, it is important that
we stop feeling guilty for having these feelings. I had to come to terms
with the fact that I was going to have feelings and sometimes these feelings
would cause me to feel guilty. By managing the guilt, I was able to have
the feelings and let the guilty feelings pass by.

We can say no and not feel guilty. We cannot do everything and sometimes
we have to be able to say no. I have had to say no on many occasions and
I have had to learn that saying no is okay. Warrior caregivers are able
to say no and even though they may still have feelings for having to say no,
they can acknowledge that they do not have to feel guilty for saying no.
Saying no to one that we love becomes part of the transformation from victim
to warrior caregiver.

Once you learn to manage the guilt, it becomes much easier to set your
standards and to be able to say no without feeling that you have failed.
You have not failed. You have just learned how to manage guilt and are
on your way to becoming a strong warrior caregiver.

I invite you to come join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community
where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration.
Click Here