Becky's Blog

Today - for some reason - I actually took a nap! Usually, I am unable to do so because of all the mind chatter in my head.

Well, I when I woke up, the story, "The Sky is Falling" came to me after reading Ellie's weekly newsletter. It did not have anything to DO with anything in the newsletter - it was like just the READING of it, made this story pop into my head. I had to look up it's origin and meaning - found this link in Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sky_Is_Falling_%28fable%29

Okay, so the meaning for ME personally, is both of the possible morals listed: 1) Do not be a "Chicken" AND 2) DO NOT BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU HEAR!

This has significant meaning to me in relation to our current situation. (That of being told we will lose our home - and running around in constant fear of imminent disaster lurking just around the next corner.)

As long as I am living "IN FEAR," rather than THROUGH it, I feel paralyzed and unable to accomplish anything productive at all. But if I listen to my inner wisdom, which tells me, "The sky is NOT Falling!" (or that this is not the end of my world/life) - I am then able to take positive action.

Packing becomes an adventure to relish. The prospect of "moving" into the UNKNOWN becomes less scary. In fact, it can actually be fun!

(Not sure my conscious mind has actually GOT this message yet.....but my SPIRIT HAS, and that is the thing that will save me from myself!

With Love and Joy,
Becky

I have not posted for a while because I had become physically ill from allowing circumstances to affect me in a negative way.

This morning, the subject line on one of my emails said, "You can motivate others with your message." When I saw that, my first thought was, "REALLY??? I still have a REASON for being here?"

So I have spent this day doing small things that seemed good to me. I even posted in one of the groups. I am on my way - and I realize that I never left the path. I just got stuck for a bit.

Last night, I dreamed about pretty much all the yucky stuff that has happened since I was 'downsized' in 2005, and then the scene switched to 'fears of what COULD happen.' Not pretty....

I woke up feeling the impact of those fears. But after thinking about it, I realized that possibly, all that yucky stuff could be on it's way OUT! I mean, seeing/observing what is going on inside with old beliefs that no longer serve me, is the first step to letting go of them. So now I feel relieved, and can move on. I do not have to be a prisoner to old beliefs. I can choose to change those beliefs, and realize our waking DREAM of being free! I can choose the path I WANT. I can appreciate the things that are most important - Love in my life: My wonderful Husband, our Fur-kids, our grown children and grand-children, our families...the feel of a cool breeze against my face...good friends...and even something as mundane as having an internet connection.

To being FREE!!!

I feel so overwhelmed with happiness and joy - tears are streaming down my face...

Today, I had a GIGANTIC breakthrough. I simply asked, "Where is the 'allowing space,' and how do I get to it?" The answer came IMMEDIATELY!!! All I had to do was ask. All I had to do was step inside the open door...into the loving arms of the Universe that had been just waiting for that moment from me. The following is my song that came after the breakthrough. (The tune is a country western song tune "From This Moment..." by Shania Twain)

"Allowing"

chorus:
In this moment...I am so blessed
In this moment...I have the best
And forever...I'll live in grateful-ness
In this moment....Now.

I thought that it was hard, but now I see
That all it takes is Love to let it Be.
With open Loving Heart, I can receive
All things that were waiting...just for me!

In this moment...I am so blessed
In this moment...I have the best
And forever...I'll live in grateful-ness
In this moment...Now...
In this moment...Now...

***************************************

If that were not enough - I opened my email and my oldest daughter/best girlfriend, had sent me a beautiful e-card for Mother's Day. The song playing on the card is Jim Brickman's "A Mother's Love."

And once again, I was filled with gratitude at how very blessed I really am!

With Love to all my BraveHeart sisters,
Becky

Yesterday, I got to the 14th day of listening to the entire cd - The Dive and Immersion. I have never gotten that far before! I dug out the instructions as to what to do next, and in reading through the material, I read about resistance.

"Resistance (not what you are resisting, but the resistance itself) is the source of any physical, mental, or emotional discomfort you may have." - Bill Harris, in Support Follow-up Letter.

That helped me a lot, as my session had been pretty loaded with TONS of mind chatter, feelings of helplessness and anger about our financial situation, and on and on. I followed the instructions to "observe." I just let it be ok to have those feelings and rantings going on inside me. I even felt myself having a panic attack. I can't say that I felt better after my session, but after reading about resistance to what IS as being the source, I did manage to calm down considerably.

In the past, I would have been sobbing uncontrollably by the end of that session. I guess my threshold has risen above that reaction. Although, I think that crying does have a cleansing affect - to a degree. But it does not change anything.

Before my session, I was upset because my husband did not want to talk to the mortgage company when they called. I did get the phone number they left in the message though, before he had the chance to delete it. He said the reason he didn't want to talk to them, was because he didn't have anything to tell them. Personally, I think it would be better to know what they wanted to tell us, than just be in the dark..."Hoping & praying" for the money we need to pay them, to come in somehow, like it always has before.

I plan to continue meditating with my Holosync Cd's. I know that there is more than enough - that the Universe, in it's great abundance and love, desires the best for each of us. In the daily Abraham Hicks email, I am told that I need to be in the vibration of receiving and allowing the Universe to meet all our needs. I believe I am doing that to the best of my ability. And Bill Harris says that we need to be in a place of acceptance without judgment, "what is." I guess that is why I feel the struggle. Accepting "what is"......My mind runs amok with a gazillion scenarios an what-if's. Even when I was a child, we "HAD" to move every year, because my parents could not pay rent. They never owned a home. And during my 23 1/2 yrs of marriage, this is the first time we HAD a mortgage. Before, we always rented. And we had to move several times, due to not being able to pay the rent. I know - that is a "not enough" thing. Bill Harris says to not try to "fix" what comes out during the sessions. And Sonia Choquette says we must live with an open and loving heart.

I know these things. I do not want to lose our home and our Fur-kids. I am doing all I can to get a job. I believe that I DO have an open and loving heart. It is the 'vain imaginings' that get to me.

Hopefully, continuing my meditations will help me find that place of allowing and receiving.

Thank you, my BraveHeart Sisters, for listening and just being there.

With much love,
Becky

Today, I went to the shopping for groceries and met the most amazing people. I talked to anyone who would listen to me. I just couldn't help myself. (I REALLY relate to Forbes Riley in this regard!!)

Well, at one of the stores I went to, I found a ring. Since Mother's Day is coming soon, and I lost my wedding ring in an airport scanning thing, I really wanted to get something to replace it - but it had to be really special and mean something. I was looking at the selections, and found this amazing sterling silver ring/band. The outside of it has leaves flowing all around the band. (Representing to me, the ever-flowing energy of Life.

On the INSIDE, it says, "Imagine Believe Receive." When I saw that, I HAD to have that ring. After getting it, I went through the store getting the items on my list, and singing, "Imagine, Believe, Receive." Also, the sweet sales girl who sold me the ring, is here from Cambodia going to school and learning about other cultures. We talked for quite a while. And she really understood why the ring meant so much to me - and I hope she joins. Her name is Lin.

I told her about the website, BraveHeart Women! I also told her that I wanted to get a group of women from our area together to support one another.

Back to the ring: the words are NEXT TO MY SKIN!!! I felt that was really important. There were other rings that had similar words on top - but this one...well, all I can say is WOW!!! I have been gushing ever since!

So if you are a gushy person - GO FOR IT!!! Don't hold back! Spread your JOY!!! You will be amazed at the people's reactions and how many will tell you that you have "made my day." And in that loving and giving from the heart space, YOU receive even more Joy to give. It reminds me of a verse, "money have I none, but what I have, I give unto you..." Is this just totally awesome or what???

Love & Blessing & JOY, JOY, JOY!!!
Becky, in Glen Allen, VA

Feel the winds beneath your feet,
Hear the leaves and branches creak
See the starlight in the sky,
Watch the moonbeams rising high

Softly now, the night awakes,
All tensions left behind this place
All breath, All Hearts, All souls are one,
With earth, with sky, all stress is gone

And quietly now, we are filled with Peace,
As I Will, So Mote it BE

© 2002 - Theia

Seeing through new eyes again...I sure needed this today.
Becky

I have been so inspired by the BraveHeart Women TV segments that I have watched, as well as the posts and emails and responses. Also, I believe that by re-starting my meditation sessions with my holosync cd's from Bill Harris at http://www.centerpointe.com I finally am GETTING IT!!!

Yesterday, I was working on web research for jobs for myself and my husband. And I suddenly had an idea just "pop into my head." In the profile section of http://www.linkedin.com there is a link to put in a current position. I suddenly realized that even though I am not receiving a salary from a company, I AM DOING something. I am doing intense web research, and managing our home office. I am doing desktop support for my husband and for friends that call and ask. I have set up and maintain our network system, security system and fixes on the computers in that system. So I came up with a name: "Jackson and Jackson Services" Then I gave myself a title: "Web Research & Office Manager." Then I described the things I do. These just came to me 'out of the blue' *grin*
Then I discovered that Yahoo is no longer going to support the Geocities websites. So my husband told me to upgrade to the new one. After I did that, I spent several hours creating the beginnings of OUR consumer services site. http://www.jacksonandjackson.org
I have a feeling that this is going to really be a launching pad for something big in our lives. And getting my epiphany, of MORE THAN ENOUGH - is right there on our web page. Not only this, but I had to share with my oldest daughter, because when I get excited about anything, I gush - I just cannot help myself! (I so relate to Forbes Riley in that regard, and loved her video/interview) Well, the day I shared with my daughter, I was not quite 'there' yet - I told her what I desired, was to be connected to my son, her brother, again. Then, the very next day, I got a message, "Congratulations, You are now connected to....." MY SON!!! IT WAS AWESOME!!! And I got my epiphany about More Than Enough from saying it over and over during my holosync meditations. I am so extremely excited and pumped!!! I feel like the woman on the TV commercial who is running all over the park telling everyone that she just got HD TV. Or the woman on the ad for Dunkin Donuts coffee - I wanted to get up on my roof and shout to everyone, "THERE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH!!!"
Maybe our website will become a venue for doing that. I just HAD to share with all my BraveHeart friends. Just imagine me saying, "YES!!!!" & "YEE-HAW!!!" I AM SO EXCITED!!! I AM FREE!!!!!!

(There just might be a book in this....*grin*)

Namaste,
Becky

When I re-read this poem that I had written several years ago, suddenly, it meant something new. The "you" in the phrases is ME - MY SPIRIT!! Wow...I hope others enjoy it as much as I did.

I Am Free
by Becky Jackson

You light up my life...make my nights shine...
fill up my heart...with poetic rhymes.
You're the waves of my ocean...warm sand on my beach...
with you all the stars...are still in my reach.
You're my calm steady waters...my shelter from storms...
I've nothing to fear...you keep me from harm.
If all the world's treasures...were placed in my hands...
They'd be empty of pleasure...like quick shifting sands
Without you to share them...without you to see...
T'would all be for naught...what more could it be?
You give me direction...when I've lost my way...
Light up the path...when I've gone astray.
With you I am whole...know who I can be...
I'm inspired to completion...
With you I am Free.

Since October of last year, we have been blessed many many times. Somehow, even though the company that we had worked for was sinking like the Titanic (litterally), money kept coming in from unexpected sources. When we were prosperous, we gave from our hearts; and it has been coming back to us in our time of need - just in time - EVERY MONTH. So each month, at the end of the month, even though I know that somehow all our needs will be met, I get anxious. I am doing better this time because I have gone back to listening to my Holosync meditation cd's from Bill Harris' Centerpointe. I am sleeping better at least.

My husband had another stroke in February of this year. Thankfully, he has recovered incredibly well. He only has slight weakness on his left side when he gets tired. That was also the month that the company we both used to work for announced it was closing. I pretty much fell apart for a bit during that time. I just wanted to hide somewhere - of just disappear. It felt like everything was caving in on me and I just could not bear one more thing.

Now we are at the end of another month, with bills due that I have no idea where the money to pay them is going to come from. I tell myself, "Well, it has always come from somewhere before - so it will this time too." But sometimes I am so afraid of losing our home. If that happened, we would have to give up our Fur-kids. They have been a huge source of joy in our lives for over 7 years now. Neither of us could handle that very well. We have no family that we could go stay with that is able to accomodate our pets/furkids.

I have never allowed myself to express this fear before. I was afraid that if I did, it would surely make it happen. But now that I have written it down, it doesn't seem so scary as it did before.

More later...