Before the humbling fairies came along and knocked it almost completely out of me, I was a pretty cocky chick.
In my youth I was "all that", knew everything, reeked of confidence, and as they say in today's vernacular, 'tude. Truth be told, I was a self-absorbed twerp.
I made my way up the corporate ladder quickly. I did what it took, if it meant stepping on another rung or another person, it really didn’t matter – onward and upward. I’m not real proud of my climb.
For years I have struggled to balance my desire to be a Godly, compassionate, serving woman with my need to be a powerhouse and force to be reckoned with. A hire wire act might be easier to master.
In penance for a life not so well lived, I gave away a lot of my power to others. I'd blown my chance at starlight and success. Better to stay in the shadows and let others have their day. Somewhere I confused gentleness with servitude.
An extremist, I see now I threw a lot of confident babies out with the egotist's bathwater and went from having a servant's heart to abject subservience; from Diva to Doormat.
Perhaps the balance I'm seeking lies not in compromise but in degrees of gentleness. It's okay and essential to carry some of that old swagger when I’m righting wrongs, tilting at windmills, battling my own dark-talkers. Strength is fine when its force is measured.
There is a quantum difference between self-assuredness and self-absorption. Quite the high wire act indeed. Better bring in the safety net!
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I'd love to hear what tight rope you are walking on today?
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