In case you've been wondering what I've been up to, I can say that I am EMERGING from a huge corporate project that has used up just about every brain cell and nerve ending that I had.
For the last 3 months (or more) I have been creating materials, developing exercises, leading teams, hiring and firing contractors, evaluating job candidates, and writing feedback reports, Now that the heaviest lifting is over, I am putting the finishing touches on the process map so that I have a SYSTEM for doing it over and over again in the future.
It has been challenging, exhausting, and rewarding all at the same time. Can you relate?
As many of you know, I also hosted the Business Momentum Series Teleseminar with some of the biggest names in businessand self-development fields including Jack Canfield, Rich Schefren, Lorrie-Morgan Ferrero, Raymond Aaron, Dave Lahkani, Kate Buck, DC Cordova, and many more.
So, now that things are winding down a bit, I can get back to NORMAL -- whatever that is-- and share some of the amazing lessonsI've learned about growing your business and expanding your personal potential.
Let's be like the autumn trees and leave....leave behind negative thoughts, toxic relationships, and any extra pounds.
I'm Kammy Haynes with the Emerge Community where we expand your personal and professional potential so you can grow into the best you. One of the foundational steps of the Es of Emerge is ENGAGE.
The ENGAGE step is all about taking action to overcome inertia and obstacles (real and imagined). That means getting started and being willing to face the challenges that lie between where you are now and where you want to be.
While we all know that “the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”, it’s often easier to keep looking at the travel brochure and dreaming about the trip. So, if you really want to take that journey, how do you get energized? Do you focus on the grand goal (run a marathon) or do you break the trip into smaller components (walk for 20 minutes today and 30 minutes tomorrow)? Either of these approaches works just fine (along with all of the variations in between). The best one is the one that gets you off the coach and into your walking (or running) shoes.
As a fan of Star Trek: The Next Generation, I always loved when Capt. Picard would give the order to the helm: "Engage." He is the perfect representation of putting all the calculations, planning, strategy into action. They decided where they wanted to go, plotted the course, and the only thing left to do was put the ship in gear and hit the proverbial gas pedal.
Oftentimes, that first step (pressing the gas pedal) is the most difficult part of the trip. There may be some fear or hesitation because we’re unsure of what lies ahead... obstacles, setbacks, criticism, or a Borg ship (Next Generation fans know what I mean and that resistance is futile).
Some of the reasons we put off taking action include:
• Imagining obstacles that aren’t there and then using them as an excuse to not move forward (E.g., it might rain, it’s going to be difficult/time-consuming, they might say no)
• Perfectionism – if we can’t be perfect, we don’t want to make any effort at all
•We a ren’t fully committed to the outcome. Maybe it’s unclear or not sufficient to motivate us. (E.g., if your neighbor offered to pay you $10 to mow a huge backyard in 90 degree weather, you may not be interested in the outcome or the compensation).
While scary, taking action can also be exhilarating, liberating, and life-changing. Many of us go through phases when we feel stuck, lack energy, and struggle to "snap out of it" -- whatever "it" is. Sometimes we're given an extra push by someone or something external, even if we don't feel ready. These nudges are often blessings in disguise and prove to be turning point in our lives. Knowing that they have confidence and faith in our abilities often propels us further than we would go (or try to go) on our own.
The key is to recognize and make the most of these opportunities and not over-think them (to the point that we talk ourselves out of taking action). Once we take action and begin to see results, the next step in the EMERGE model is ENCOURAGE. It’s important to motivate ourselves and others to sustain the momentum that we’ve generated.
I invite you to join me in the Emerge Community, where we take expand your personal and professional potential!
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How many times have you started to make a decision and then talked
yourself out of it because you stopped to consider what others would
say or think? If you ran out of fingers and toes a long time ago,
let’s talk about doing what’s right for you.
After numerous examples of this in my life, I’m continuing to get
better about focusing on what I want, what’s important to me, and
not worrying so much about what others think. I am more and more
willing to say “no” even when I know others will be disappointed.
This shift continues because I no longer want to:
Do things out of guilt or obligation
Feel resentful before, during, or after the event
Trust others’ intuition more than mine
Explain or justify my choices
I’ve certainly questioned some of my past choices, but am working
on recognizing that I did the right thing for me at the time, based
on the information I had. While we are all caring individuals and
want to please others to some extent, ultimately we are responsible
to ourselves and need to do what’s best for us…even when it makes no
sense to anyone else.
Just to prove my point about doing things just for yourself, you can
see some photos of my new “friends” from Florida on a recent vacation.
I also held a jellyfish in the Bahamas (but left my camera in the kayak).
Trust me, no one will be more surprised to see these photos than my family
and friends who know how I feel about creepy-crawly things – but I decided
to give it a try just because the opportunity presented itself. It felt
empowering to take some chances and fight some fears!
Please send your comments and questions so we can continue the conversation.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Education of all kinds is near and dear to my heart. That’s because I was in school for over 25 years (with most summers off, of course). I went from kindergarten through a doctorate. I joke that I’ll never have to go to school again unless I really WANT to.
But, the joke is on me….because I still want to learn and would be an idiot not to. Now, I’m not talking about getting more degrees or certificates, but good old fashioned continuous learning. It is impossible to be successful in today’s changing environment without continually upgrading and expanding your skills. Whether it’s learning to: use your new cell phone, operate your computer, load your MP3 player, order books on Amazon, or acquiring work-related skills (coaching, delegation, conflict resolution, etc.) we all need to be learning and growing. At the same time, we are learning about ourselves. For example, how thoughts control our actions, what habit or early programming is getting in our way, or how to use affirmations.
As you can see, there is overlap between EDUCATE and EXAMINE in the EMERGE model -- they are often inextricably linked. In some cases if you go to the examination phase and don’t follow-through on the education process you'll feel more frustrated than if you'd never acknowledged the need. That’s the equivalent of putting something on your mental to-do list and never checking it off. It nags at you and feels like a weight around your neck.
The good news is, there are so many options for learning these days there's really no excuse for not getting the training and information you need. Whether it’s online, in person, forums, bulletin boards, chat rooms, webinars, tele-seminars, conferences, job shadowing, or cross-training opportunities, there are options 24 hours a day seven days a week.
Once you’ve identified what you want to learn and some possibilities for getting that information, the next important step is to ENGAGE. That means take action…implement your plan. You have to invest your time and effort to get the results you want.
I invite you to join me in the Emerge Community, where we take expand your personal and professional potential!
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The examination step is about looking at and leveraging your strengths and identifying any potential areas for improvement. As women, we tend to gloss over our strengths and take them for granted. We ignore them in order to focus our time and effort on improvement: getting smarter, thinner, richer, etc. While growth and achievement are wonderful goals, it’s important not to lose sight of the gifts, abilities, and qualities that we already have without any additional effort. Take time to acknowledge all of the positive things about yourself before you start your improvement to-do list. Then you’re ready to begin any developmental activities.
Once you’ve pinpointed the issue or problem you want to work on (from the EXPLORE step), focus on that one area rather than taking on the world and wondering why you aren’t 100% successful. For example, if you were advising your daughter or girlfriend about how to improve her life, would you tell her to lose 20 pounds, clean her house, look for a new job, adopt a dog, and learn to play the piano at the same time? Of course not, but many of us (me included) often attempt such ridiculous feats and then waste precious time and energy beating ourselves up for it.
The need for setting priorities and having some patience are important aspects of the examination process. It’s often difficult to accept the fact that slow and steady wins the race just ask the tortoise and the hare! We want a quick fix and may be frustrated by having to wait for result but that’s the way it works (no matter what the late-night infomercials say).
How you determine your priorities is up to you. There is no RIGHT answer. How you set them this week may be different from how you set them next week. That’s okay, too. You need to have enough flexibility in your decision making process to make course corrections along the way and go with whatever is working for you at the moment. I want to emphasize that we are talking about what’s working for YOU, not your spouse, kids, sister, brother, best friend, or mother. Whatever you choose, be willing to tweak that system or throw it out the window and start from scratch if you aren’t getting the results you want in a reasonable amount of time.
For example, some people swear by the system of prioritizing that says do the most difficult or least appealing task first (get it out of the way rather than worrying about it all day and potentially running out of time). Others will say just the opposite do something fun and easy so you get a quick reward and can build some momentum. Yet others will focus on the most important task (with important being defined as urgent and/or having the most severe consequences if it’s not completed).
The list goes on, but you get the point. Which of those three options (difficult/least appealing, easiest, or important) appeals the most to you? For me, it depends. I use different priority systems for different kinds of tasks (home, work, business development, administrivia, exercise, travel). Most importantly, I pay attention to what’s working and what’s not, so I can try something new (sooner rather than later).
So, as you prepare to move forward with the EXAMINE step, consider what skills, abilities, connections or experience you already have that can help you pursue your goals. For example, if you want to go back to school, do you already have good study habits? Do you know someone working in that field? Are you a good writer or test taker?
Once you acknowledge your strengths and consider how you can leverage them to achieve your goal, then you can turn your attention to any new skills or improvements that are needed. Continuing with the back-to-school example, maybe you decide on a speed reading or business writing class. Maybe you look for advice on time management to help you balance your class work with your job, family and other obligations.
In any event, the key to the EXAMINE step is to look at what you bring to the table and what else you’d like to add in order to create the life you want and deserve. At that point, the next step might be EDUCATE. We’ll talk more about that in the next article.
I invite you to join me in the Emerge Community, where we take expand your personal and professional potential!
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How clear is your goal? If at first you don't succeed, do you refocus and try again? Watch my video and learn why Marvin The Martian is my HERO. I invite you to join me in the Emerge, where we take expand your personal and professional potential!
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If there’s a gap between what you want and what you’ve got, it helps to pinpoint where your areas of greatest distress come from. Sometimes we feel a general sense of listlessness or the blahs, but it’s almost impossible to relieve those symptoms if we don’t know what’s causing it. While there may be multiple issues that contribute to it (bored at work, lack of sleep and exercise, strained family relationships, marital discord, poor health) chances are there is one that bothers you the most (e.g., keeps you awake at night, the one you talk about with your girlfriends the most, etc.).
Once you’ve identified the main area of distress, it’s important to determine whether your previous or current attempts to resolve the issue are working. We’ve all been guilty of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results (Einstein’s definition of insanity). As such, we need to be willing to let go of “solutions” that aren’t really solving the underlying problem. They may make us feel a little better because we’re doing “something” but these “band-aids” or quick fixes won’t help us succeed in the long-run.
To get started on this journey of exploration, ask yourself these questions (maybe multiple times) to uncover what’s bugging you, holding your back, or sapping your energy. If you have more than one answer (which you probably will), then focus on the one that is most important for you to address right now.
Don’t fret over which one to choose…just get started.
You may find that that by addressing one area, other issues disappear on their own because they are so darn interrelated.
The Issue:
What am I concerned / worried / unhappy / angry / frustrated about? (use whatever word makes sense for you)
What topic do I always think or talk about?
Why is this important to me? How is it impacting my life?
Why am I spending so much time and energy on it?
Your Actions:
What am I doing (or have I done) to resolve this issue?
Is it working? (Am I feeling better, seeing results, achieving my goal?)
The Solution:
If it is working: continue and tweak as needed
If it’s not working (or not working fast enough for you) ask yourself:
Am I willing to try something else?
What else could I try? (research, reading, coaching, training, etc.)
Now that you’ve started on the Explore step, the next “E” of the EMERGE model is EXAMINE. We’ll talk more about the importance of focusing on one area at a time in the next article. Stay tuned and keep finding ways to let the best You emerge.
I invite you to join me in the Emerge Community, where we take expand your personal and professional potential!
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One of the foundational steps of the Es of Emerge is EXPLORE. The Explore phase is all about asking questions to determine what’s working and what’s not. We all have certain expectations about how we want our life to be going, what we want to be doing, how we want be feeling. Notice, I didn’t use the word “should.” I purposely used the words “want to” instead. An important part of Emerging is making make sure that it’s YOUR version of YOU…not a YOU based on others’ expectations.
It’s important to create time for self-examination and reflection. Too often we avoid this step for one of two main reasons: complacency or fear. Complacency is often a result of being in a comfort zone. We get so used to our habits, attitudes and problem-solving strategies that they become automatic...we don’t even realize they’re happening. It’s as mindless as blinking (by making you think about blinking, you’ll be aware of it for the next couple of minutes—sorry). It can be easy to stay in the comfort zone (even if it’s not what we want or even painful) because it’s so familiar and doesn’t require any action or risk on your part.
Complacency is often described as “settling”, “selling out”, “giving up” or “learned helplessness”. People (especially women) may stay in miserable, negative situations rather than taking a chance on something new because they may not feel like they’re worth it or have any chance of success. Their decisions may also be tied to the second reason for choosing not to EXPLORE…fear.
Fear is often a result of the inner critic that resides in each of us. It’s the inner critic that punishes us for mistakes, generates guilt and sadness, and constantly reminds us of our shortcomings and imperfections. It’s the voice inside our heads that tells us that we’re selfish, stupid, fat, useless, boring, clumsy, or any other negative term we use to describe ourselves. Since we already have this voice constantly evaluating and judging our every thought and move, it's easy to see why we might not be interested in finding anything else to beat ourselves up for. So, we plug along, doing the same thing over and over again (or do nothing), all the while hoping things change.
Rather than focusing on the perceived pain of exploring, let’s look at the positive side. What can we gain by looking inside? Everything! Whether you are 20 or 70 years old, it's amazing what you learn about yourself by setting some time aside to ask yourself a few simple questions. However, the inner critic and automatic thinking are very skilled at keeping secrets... and those secrets are often the key to your success.
The bottom line is this if you don’t understand the problem it will be almost impossible to solve it. That means you need to EXPLORE what’s going on (ask questions to uncover those secrets) and identify potential solutions. We’ll talk about how to do that in the next article.
I invite you to join me in the Emerge Community, where we take expand your personal and professional potential!
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It doesn't matter where you start as long as you start. You need to take action! I invite you to join me in the Emerge Community, where we take expand your personal and professional potential!
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This came across my desk this morning and I knew I had to share it.
As is often the case, this inspirational message arrived at just the
right time. I've been working hard and burning the candle at both
ends (no pun intended, but you'll see what I mean if you watch the video).
On top of that, someone close to me, almost a second Mom during my
teenage years, just recently received a prognosis of 3 months to live.
Carol is the perfect example of someone who always put others first
and didn't take as good a care of herself. Now it's too late to undo
that damage. I know this is a dramatic case, but I suspect we're all
guilty of assuming that we'll have time...later. Sometimes later comes
sooner than we think.
I encourage you to check out this 2 minute video clip and choose one thing
that you'll do differently...to take care of yourself.
During a call with one of my coaches the other day, we started
talking about the difference between reactions and responses.
When all was said and done, we decided that the main distinction
was the level of conscious thinking that was taking place. Let
me explain...
A reaction is emotional, physiological, and visceral. You have a
feeling that causes you to behave in a certain way. It could be a
smile, a laugh, a gasp, a glare, a queasy feeling in your stomach,
a lump in your throat or a tear in your eye (just to name a few).
It happens so quickly, it's as if it's automatic and all but out of
your control.
A response, on the other hand, involves some conscious processing
that might include evaluating the truth of the information,
considering potential options, weighing the pros and cons, and/or
contemplating the consequences of taking action or not taking
action. I think of this delay as the "count ten before you speak"
factor that so many of us learned as children (so that we wouldn't
lash out at someone and say or do something that we'd regret).
There's currently a phone company commercial (here in the US) that
illustrates the difference between reaction and response perfectly.
An office worker discovers his colleagues eating free tacos outside
the conference room and yells at them for not inviting him. He goes
on to reveal the group's (secret) dislike for another team member who
is standing right there. At that exact moment, he receives the slow-to-
arrive invitation but cannot do anything to "unring the bell." Because he reacted out of hurt or anger, rather than responding calmly to the
situation, his relationship and reputation are severly damaged.
If we are not aware of this distinction, we will continue to react to
new situations based on old experiences. We will be trapped in a pattern
of repetitious behaviors and reactions that no longer serve us. We will
continue to demonstrate the thought patterns and behaviors that we used
as children...when we were defenseless against the treatment we received
from our parents, siblings, teachers, relatives, etc.
For example, if we are criticized by our boss, we may easily experience
the same sweaty palms, racing heartbeat,churning stomach, and dry mouth
that we felt when we were yelled at as a child, embarrased by a classmate,
laughed at by a relative, picked on by a sibling, or called on by a teacher
when we didn't know the answer. If we allow ourselves to react, we are
likely to make a smart-alec remark or get defensive...neither of which
will help the situation. If we focus on responding, we can take a few
seconds to evaluate the merit of the comments, ask some clarifying
questions, and decide on an effective course of action for the current
situation (rather than trying to rectify or overcome the childhood issues
or feelings).
As you go through your day, I encourage you to pay attention to your
reactions and responses. You may be surprised at how much you rely on
auto-pilot reactions rather than exerting more control over your life
and responding in a purposeful, conscious manner.
Click on the link below to get more tips, tools and strategies to
help you expand your personal and professional potential.
As we start to find our rhythm for the new year, let me
caution you against an insidious enemy that attacks those
who are goal-oriented and have a passion for success. And,
here's the rub...we basically send it an ingraved invitation!
Now, you're thinking, Kammy, this is crazy! Why would I
invite something so terrible into my life. It's not possible.
Well then, let's see...
Have you ever:
Been inflexible about how and when a particular task is completed?
Undertaken too many tasks or refused to delegate or said "yes" to
a request (even when you were overwhelmed)?
Remembered to put everyone's needs ahead of your own?
Not felt guilty for taking time off or relaxing (especially if
you still had unfinished tasks on your to-do list)?
Outsmarted millions of medical professionals by thriving on the
consumption of massive quantities of caffeine and junk food?
Used at least ten hours a day and as many weekends and holidays
as possible to completing your work?
Tried to please everyone, all the time?
If the answer is yes to some or all of these questions, you are
well on your way to BURNOUT. It's spelled out right in front of you!
(in bold letters)
All of these behaviors will contribute to the frustration,
anxiety, and even depression associated with exhausting our
energy reserves. Just like a car, we can't run on fumes for
long. Eventually, our mind and body break down and leave us
stranded on the side of the road.
While the behaviors and thought patterns I described above
can be managed in small doses or on occasion, we get into
trouble when they are added together or sustained for long
periods of time. We need to fill the tank and recharge our
batteries...otherwise, we'll never make it to our desired
destination.
To avoid or minimize burnout, do the opposite of the list
we started with. For example:
1) Be flexible and don't expect perfection.
2) Delegate when appropriate and be willing to say "no."
3) Balance your needs with the needs of others.
4) Relax and take time off, before you run out of energy or get sick.
5) Eat healthy food and get some moderate exercise on a regular basis.
6) Set time aside for non-work-related relationships and hobbies.
7) Don't try to please everyone all the time. Set realistic expectations for yourself and others.
After years of buying into the concept of the "comfort zone"
it finally dawned on me that I've been bamboozled!
I used to think of the comfort zone as a relatively nice place --
one that I visited and decided to stay in because it was
sufficient, good enough, an acceptable location. It was a
place to "hide" when I wasn't willing to try something new.
It was the blanket I'd wrap myself in my was afraid to take
the next step in a plan that I had created to go somewhere else.
Then it dawned at me... if it's such a comfortable place why am
I consistently trying to get out of it?
If it's so great... why do I only talk about it (to myself and
others) when I fail to do what I set out to do (eat healthy food,
exercise more, find new clients, de-clutter my house, confront a
negative person in my life).
I now realize that my comfort zone is a pit of quicksand that sucks
me back into unproductive habits keeps me stuck in the past. It's
not a zone of comfort at all. In many ways I've come to hate my
comfort zone.
While I don't want to get caught up in an endless pursuit of
something better and never being satisfied with who I am and
what I've got, I'm learning to distinguish true comfort and
satisfaction from complacency. For areas where I am really
satisfied with the way things are, I will accept and enjoy that
level of comfort.
However where comfort or the status quo is an excuse for not
taking action to achieve what I've determined is important to
my success (as defined by me alone), I'm making a point of
recognizing it as an obstacle. By correctly identifying the
issue as an obstacle rather than a place of comfort, I am
better able to resolve it. A big part of the solution is to
examine WHY I'm willing to sacrifice or delay my goals rather
than moving forward.
Oftentimes, it's these types of "simple" questions that help
us really start to understand what makes each of us tick in
our own unique way. So if you want to escape from your comfort
zone, here are a few questions to get you started:
1) Am I comfortable where I am?
2) Do I really want to stay where I am when it comes to ____?
2) What aspects of my life create discomfort for me?
3) Why do I say I want to ________ and then not follow through?
4) What would happen if I followed through on my plan to _______?
(consider both positive and negative possibilities)
5) Am I willing to do what it takes to accomplish my goal of _____?
If you are truly comfortable and satisfied with some or all aspects
of your life, celebrate those. For any areas that you'd like to change,
take the time to ask yourself these kinds of questions so you can create
an action plan that works for you and gives you the life that you want
and deserve.
I'm wishing you all belated Happy New Year! I'm confident we'll
all have an amazing year ahead...filled with opportunities for growth
(personal and professional), fun, and prosperity.
The new year will feel more official when I finally get my Christmas
decorations packed up and back in the garage. I've been putting
it off because it's such a huge undertaking and I want to enjoy the
lights for just a little longer. They're so pretty!
However, on the upside, when the tree and decorations are put
away, my house will seem huge and almost empty by comparison.
Returning things to their proper place will give me an opportunity
to clear out some clutter and let go of some things that no longer
hold a special meaning or belong. For some reason it's easier
for me to let go of something by not putting it back than by removing
it once it's there. It has less of an emotional charge to it. Does
that make any sense or sound familiar?
In any event, I'm ready to make room for more love, adventure,
success and happiness this year.
How about you? What do want to make room for in 2011? Let me know.
Make it a wonderful day and let the best you EMERGE!
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