grandmomsheart's Blog

28 yr old Bonnie lost her fight with breast cancer on the 30th of April. I never believed we would lose her that way...she was a fighter to the end. Her children, my son, myself and her family were with her to the end. What a true Braveheart woman she was. We miss her so much. Please pray for her babies, 5 yr old Normand and 8 yr old Hailey.

Here's one way to save big bucks on those pesky Holiday decorations....added it to my list!!

Look at the house on the right...

I'm still here...I'm still here?...I'm still here! It's all in the way you say it, think it, feel it.

I'm pushing 60 hard, it's only a few turns on the wheel away and funny thing is, I really never thought of being there...how odd.

My thoughts were never of what would happen when I got old; the kids left home; I was a grandmom; losing my parents or husband...it just didn't seem like it would ever happen. It never occurred to me that time would run out, years would turn into months. The sands of time would start moving through the hourglass faster and faster, like multi-colored water. I never wondered about my mortality except maybe as a fleeting afterthought.

I sit here writing my thoughts down as they come to me, and listen as my husband coughs and struggles to catch his breath, and my only thought is...How long do I have till he is gone forever?
We have nothing planned for that, we don't talk about it, the elephant that sits in the middle of his world and mine, is avoided at all costs...walk around it, ignore it, don't worry about it till it takes a dump in the middle of your lap? Yes as usual, I'll be left to clean up the mess, and listen to the wagging tongues of my children, blaming me for letting it happen. The fact that he has a mind of his own and a stubborn will to ignore the obvious, is not to blame...we must ignore the unplesant, and it will go away after all... If I speak of it, or say no, I'm just borrowing trouble.

Yes, I'm a durned fool for thinking that things should stay the same, be predictable, or at least being able to see them coming so I have a chance to side-step the heartbreak. It would be easy if I could just accept that things change, people change, hearts and minds change, all things turn to dust....I just don't want to watch it happen! I want to fight it, wave the red flags. Stay on the right path I scream...but no one is listening, and they resent me for disturbing thier oblivious lives with my concerns or rebukes.

I've seen death hovering around my small world lately, and I want to scream go away! Why do you bother with us? I don't want you in my life! I'm not ready yet! Death of dreams, love, family, heart. No, I'm not ready yet....but, I'm still here! Yes, I'm still here...

Passing it on....

"This short note is from a colleague of mine! If you know this couple, will you please let them know? Thank you! Monica

Please repost this photo. Let's see if 6 degrees works. I found a camera while biking just North of Kapalua on Maui at the end of July. I would like these people to get their camera and picture of their child back, if you know them email me at gbpniko@yahoo.com
By:Nick Hare"

Sometimes I feel like the only Mom in the USA who thinks Halloween is one of the craziest things we do for our kids. How many times have we told our children "Don't talk to strangers", "Don't take candy from strangers", "Never go up to stranger's house", "Never Never go into a stranger's house", and yet here comes "Trick or Treat" and we have the exception. It's ok for Halloween?
The very next day we'll be wondering why our children run up to strangers in a store and ask for a candy, carry on conversations with total strangers passing by in a parking lot, run up to a man walking a dog on the street.
Maybe I'm a bit overcautious? Possible, but I don't want to see my child on a "Have you seen this child" poster. Granted, my child is autistic, and she generalizes everything, sameness and consistancy are a absolute necessity in her life, yet it is a question that perplexes me...aren't we sending mixed messages to our kids?
I will once again, turn out the lights on "give me something or else aka: Trick or Treat" night, and wait impatiently till all the gremlins go home and get off the streets till next year.

Drawing blanks, feeling empty, oh mind you are turmultuous sea of raging winds and dark blue depths.
I sail on a ship of thoughts and hope, patching holes with prayer.
Lingering dreams just out of reach, I am pulled and dragged out to sea. I see the lights off on distant shores as I stand and wave my hands.
Light touch me, light reach me, light reach out and pull me from this dark black sea.
Fleeting warmth, fleeting light touches the edge of the swelling sea.
Still I drift, still I pray, still I am pulled away by the sea of doubt, still I drift alone out in the dark blue sea. The sea sprays my eyes with tears of grief, loss and longing, and I pray, patching yet another hole in this ship adrift in this deep dark sea.
Above the roar of the storm in my head I smile as a ship sails close by filled with laughter and glee.
A song breaks through the wind "I am friend I will always be here"
"I will remember when you forget, I will lift you up from the sea"
"I will reach out with arms so strong, with words of hope, and shine a light on you in the dark"
"I am friend I will always be here"

Thank you my friend thank you for lifting me up, and remembering me when I forget who I am.


© 2009 K. Charette. All Rights Reserved.

I wonder what others believe when they do what they do to family, friends and strangers. What motivates their actions and words? Is it greed, self, or just the inability to feel another's pain as keenly as their own? I believe that mostly it's caused by those who presume that others are thinking what they're thinking, feeling what they're feeling, that their own motives are the same as the other person. I admit I've been guilty of presuming that another's hurtful actions and words, were motivated by this or that diabolical plan to ruin my life. That kind of rational is all fine and good when it's directed elsewhere, but what happens when it's directed at you? Your motives, your actions, your words are twisted into somthing you don't recognize, nor even understand.
People who should know better, accuse you of deeds and motives that never even crossed your mind, much less ever occurred. "You HURT me!" "You don't care!" "You HATE me!" "You _____ ME!" Sound familiar? These accusations then lead to more accusations, and ultimately the presumption that the other is responsible for the injury. The relationship is now riddled with mistrust and ever increasing distance.

More wars and deaths have been caused by those who believe they know another's motives or character in the history of the world, than any other reason I can think of. I believe that is why the Lord said pray for your enemies, do not hate those who spitefully use you, if they slap one cheek offer the other...If we only love our friends and hate our enemies, how are we any different than them?

As hard as it is, we must try not to judge or speak evil of those who hurt us; we don't know why they did it, no matter what we think we know about them. Judge not least ye be judged (and the two words often left off...) "in kind". If we judge someone elses motives, we will have our motives judged as well, and with as much tolerance, love and forgiveness as we offered them. How many of us could stand unmarked by that kind of judgement?

These are life lessons that come hard, and were learned at a cost. I must turn the hurts others have inflicted on me over to God. Let Him deal with them, for only HE truly knows their hearts and motives. Only He can deal with their problems, my job is to just forgive, pray & love them. I can only change my heart, my motives and my actions.

As we celebrate the birth of our Lord, let us remember His love in all we do, and try to forgive the hurts for His sake...and what we feel we can't deal with, turn it over to Him. He will deal with our hearts in His time.

God Bless you my family and friends....Love is a never ending resource, the more you give, the more there is...


© 2008 K. Charette. All Rights Reserved. (originaly posted Dec. 2008 Blog GrandmomsHeart)
Individuals may copy this post for noncommercial use without permission provided that this post is used in its entirety and linked back to this blog.

Funny how I thought that people, or "friends" actually cared to scan the "Friend Feed", or "Status" of particular friends to keep updated with how they were doing...So after a month or so, with some pretty awesome news posted off and on...and no comments or congrats from my "Friends", I've come to the conclusion that unless it's blogged, or e-mailed they don't get the message...and even then they usually don't respond. I was hurt at first, but then I realized that I just need to celebrate and enjoy my milestones...forget about what everyone else thinks, they've got their own journey, and it's human nature to think of your triumphs as more important and worthy of tributes, than anyone elses. Journey on my friends, and may the Good Lord give you your hearts desire...
My little girl became my daughter through adoption on the 15th of Sept. It has been a long long struggle, and I am happy with the outcome...But my real journey has just begun, wish me luck.

It was already a gloomy day, as I saw more clouds heavy with rain looming just beyond the rooftops. "More rain" I murmured to myself as I shooed the puppies out the door to potty. I was a little irked that it was gonna rain again...and the puppies seemed to be finding all the mud left from the rain the night before....sigh another bath, more mud on the rug. Tabi my little girl was helping me watch the puppies, and "keeping them out of the mud"...sorta... the wind began to blow, and she got excited, and plucked up the falling leaves and buried a bird feather (to send it to the angel who dropped it). Before long the rain started coming, she was almost giddy with excitement..."Look Mommy, it's raining on me!!". She peered out from under the awning with her mouth upturned to taste the rain...and I told her not to drink water from the roof..."No telling what crud you'll be drinking!" She looked at me and smiled as she stepped out under the tree and tried again to taste the rain. "No, don't do that either, there are bugs and junk on those trees it's dirty water!" The rain started pouring a little heavier and the puppies were now jumping on my legs leaving streaks of mud with each excited jump. I looked up just in time to see my little girl in the middle of the yard reaching up to the sky drinking in the rain as it fell on her face....she suddenly started spinning and dancing in the rain singing..."Rain Rainnn stay and play with me...." I laughed and grabbed my phone and snapped off a few pictures and started dancing and playing with her and the puppies... We laughed as we washed the mud off the puppies later and dried off our hair, "I didn't need a raincoat to play did I mommy! It was the best day ever!!"
There's always time to clean and worry about how much work there is to do, but this moment had been ours, and we had danced and laughed in the rain...."Yes baby, it was the best day ever!".
No matter what pours down in your life, no matter how hard the wind blows, find the joy...and dance.

©Copywrite Sept. 6, 2009: All photographs and text may be shared, if linked directly to this blog and K. Charette.

Bonnie Jean (Lydy) Charette 11-23-1981 to 4-30-2010

28 yr old Bonnie lost her fight with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. Bonnie is survived by her father Jack Lydy of Arizona, mother Patricia Agee of West Virginia, her "Mom & Dad" Karla and George Charette of TX, her partner in life Jason Charette, her daughters 9yr old Tabitha, 8yr old Hailey and her son 5yr old Normand. She was a loving Mother, devoted wife, daughter, sister, aunt and friend. You are loved and will be missed forever....

**************************************

Bonnie (aka: My Daughter) has just been diagnosed with IBC, Inflammatory Breast Cancer. It's very rare, and roughly 25% of people diagnosed with this form of cancer survive 5 years.

Bonnie is only 27 yrs old, recently divorced from my son, no income, no job; she visits her children in my home. She was able to get assistance and offered free chemo, eventually a mastectomy followed by radiation. I've asked her to move in with me and her children, but for now she prefers staying at her girlfriend’s home.

We've joked around about "chemo brain" something akin to CRS, and how great it's gonna be not to have to shave anymore..."no more bad hair days" she says softly with a smile... "You wouldn't believe all the guys that are suddenly asking me out on dates mom”, I laugh and tell her that the Dr. has probably slipped some kind of pheromone in the chemo that drives the guys wild..."yeah maybe we should bottle the stuff we'd make a mint". "It’s probably just guys with long term commitment issues is all".... We both smiled and then the tears came.

We're gonna beat this I know it! I wasn't sure how convincing I was, but it sounded good anyways. Her four year old crawled up into her lap and she gave him an extra tight hug as he tried to wiggle free, "I'm never letting go she said, I'm never letting go."

It's going to be tough, and I'm sure there are many things we'll find out as we go through this process, but I know I won't let go either... The cancer has metastasized to her spine, hopefully the chemo will stop the little critters in their tracks. The Dr told her she's got stage 4 cancer (there is no stage 5), but maybe she's got 10 yrs if the treatments work.

I ask that you keep her in your prayers, and that all my BraveHeart Woman friends click on this link & watch this video, and get the word out there!!! This is not a form of cancer that presents with a lump, it spreads quickly, it’s often misdiagnosed, and it can hit at any age.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6P5JpnLRFsk

I was recently reviewing some of my old writings and when I ran across this one, I thought it's message still had merit, and was worth sharing with my new friends at BraveHeart Women...

A LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS:

I always kinda joked that if God never gives us more than we can bear, he'd better get me a U-Haul before he loads one more box...LOL All kidding aside; I know I'll get through this too. Things always seem worse than they are, when you're going through it huh? I've come to realize that the hardest part of any crisis is the FEAR of what COULD happen....and not so much the actual circumstances. Guess that's why the Lord always told us not to be afraid. Fear is the opposite of trust, not bravery. I think bravery is something we do when confronted with something that must be taken care of, must be addressed immediately...the fight or flight syndrome, if ya fight, your brave...eh?

Fear is a whole nuther level; Fear is the place we come to when we have time to ponder, to wait for the storms, to weigh all the possible outcomes of our actions, the place where we are unable to just react! We get so caught up in the fear, that God can't even get our attention long enough to guide us through it. We are like a hurt and fearful animal that snarls and bites at the one who is trying to rescue it.

I'm thinking that is why the word says we must be as little children to enter into the kingdom of Heaven. Generally speaking if a child is fearful, Mommy or Daddy's mere presence will ease and chase away the fear, why? Because they TRUST absolutely that their parents will protect them. As we grow older, we know the troubles of the world, we know the dangers and reality hits home...Mommy and Daddy won't always be there to help us, and we subconsciously transfer that hypothesis to our ultimate parent, God.

Our very minds become our worst enemy. Our gut tells us that God is all powerful, but fueled by fear, our minds argue the point. It doesn't take long for the doubts, and self recriminations, or as I call em the "What-Ifs" to set in. The "What-Ifs" lead us further and further away from the path that leads to our Lord, and if we don't find a light to lead us back, we can get lost very quickly. We need our fellow travelers, our fellow Christian brothers and sisters, to be those lights in the darkness.

"Do not forsake the assembling of yourselves together with like believers" I think that this is what the Lord knows; we need each other to guide us home through the storms. We all wander off the path and get lost in fear from time to time...Our friends in the Lord can shine a light and guide us safely home, where our Father waits to welcome us.

Each time we struggle with fear, we grow stronger; we don't get thrown off long before we start looking for our way back. We know that our friends will be reaching out to us if we holler. We know they will hold up the light. We know that our Father sent them for us. We Trust... Thank God. Thank you for being a light in the darkness, may I light the way for you as well.

© 2007 Karla Charette. All Rights Reserved. Individuals may copy this post for noncommercial use without permission provided that this post is used in its entirety and carries the Karla Charette copyright notice and this blog