I went to a psychic once…nope that’s a lie…more than once. Not in a number of years, but I’ve been and I’m tempted at times. I went to the eerie type who establishes themselves by putting a sign in the window or a shingle in the yard to coax people. I drove by a particular sign to and from work for years. I wondered, "Could I slither up to the door incognito enough to knock, knock my way to freedom?"….freedom from the troubling chatter in my head that always seemed to want to scare me. I wanted some relief from the constant fear of what might happen. Maybe if I knew the future I could control it…or prepare for it in a way that I wouldn’t get hurt. I was looking for someone to tell me it was all going to be ok.
I wanted a heads up on my situation and I couldn’t resist it. I stood there and I shook on the porch, looking around hoping no one sees me. A guy let me in and said his aunt would be right down. I could hear arguing coming from somewhere. The lady that showed up looked totally fried. Her eyes were bloodshot and she had stains on her shirt. The whole experience was bizarre. She told me I looked cold and gave me a fleece lined jean jacket that I’d never wear, but I couldn’t say no. It had a jungle scene with a large orange and black tiger stitched in the middle of the back. She told me I should come back the next day bringing coffee and sugar and $75 more dollars. She said it was very serious, but she could help me. I needed a weeklong spiritual cleanse to the tune of $350. I did need some kind of a cleanse. This I already knew without her.
My experiences are all different. They each have their own flavor and feel. I went to a tarot card reader to find out if my boyfriend at the time was cheating on me. He had left on a road trip to “figure things out”. He met a woman that he stayed with for about a month. I was sure they were having sex. The tarot reader told me, “No, he wasn’t sleeping with her”. I was so sure that he was. She told me, “The cards don’t lie”. I left her presence feeling confused, still desperate for the truth because I didn’t feel that I had it. I found out later that while he wasn’t sleeping with her, he was sleeping with someone else. My intuition was already telling me what I wanted to know. I was looking for proof. It seems that I often search for proof when I already know because I don’t trust myself.
I saw an astrologer when I was at the Wellness Expo. There was a roped off area with all kinds of readers sitting at little tables like a restaurant. You could order whatever you wanted…from crystals and gemstones, to faith healers and palm readers, it was a smorgasbord. I chose the stars; something about the stars gives me comfort to infinity and beyond. I chose the woman I chose because I liked the look in her eyes, although I have no idea what that look was. She said, "you'll never have a lifelong partner, but many monogamous relationships”, and, "you'll never have children". She said it rather nonchalantly as though it were no big deal. It certainly was to me. It was very hard to hear, but truthfully, I knew it in my heart already. It makes more and more sense all the time.
I have wondered if the power of suggestion has caused me to attract what was predicted for me. I usually forget so much of what is said. I never use it as a guide for my ways and my days. I don’t want to know what's going to happen, not really. I'm only curious. We all have a story; I don’t want to know how mine ends and all that transpires between then and now. I only wanted to escape the fear and doubt in limbo when I don’t know all of the answers. I know I am only responsible for the effort, not the outcome. I can detach and let it go because it shall be what it shall be. I don't know what tomorrow will bring...I Honor My Truth.
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