Influence By Design

 

My country matters to me. The market place is suffering. Our country appears to be losing its direction. People are uncertain and afraid. All of this adds up to a critical time in our country and in our business thinking.  

I’m an independent thinker. I want to grow my business. There are people who need me. And there are people I need. Competition gives me purpose. It pushes me to be better. Produce. Engage.  

The Presidential Debate offered pretty clear ways of thinking about leadership, business development, and professional growth. There is more to be done. This debate demonstrated what you and I can be doing in our businesses. 

Five things we can learn from this debate:

1.    Carry out your plan. I was on the debate team for three years. A debate is where two people square off sharing their plan of action, their differences and challenging each other. They present facts and credible opinions from experts to support their stand. There was a problem last night. President Obama didn’t appear to be himself. He wasn’t as engaged as he usually is. What happened can be blamed on the altitude, sleep deprivation, or no teleprompter as political pundit Bill Maher stated. He wasn’t the person we elected four years ago. 

Business lesson: In business you are responsible for not only creating your plan but carrying it out. You are the master of your destiny. Don’t give in to powerful forces that will derail you. Develop the discipline to focus on your plan. Your company, your employees and your customers rely on you to follow through with the commitments you make. In this same vein, Ari Emanuel, Co-CEO at William Morris Endeavor, recently shared six lessons that you and I need to remember.  

2.    Watch out for the audience. The debate rules banned audience reactions, applauding, booing, hissing, and laughing. I have to confess that past debates where audience ‘participation’ was permitted had some influence on me. I trusted that if the audience thought the debater’s comments were bad I should too. Not true – but it is a tempting practice we fall into.  

Business lesson: Beware of who you listen to. Your friends, family, and number of clicks can lull you into an isolation that may lead you into thinking you’re right. Of course, we’re right much of the time but when we think we’re right all the time is when we make mistakes. We stop listening or disagreeing. We don’t challenge ourselves. Shut out all the clutter. Listen everywhere and find those moments when you can stand up and say, “No” or “Yes.” 

3.    Stay with what works. During the debate Romney found his sweet spot – the economy. He was prepared, knew his facts and shared his plan. The polls show this is what Americans need to hear. They want to know how things will get better for them. Romney needs to stay with this focus. 

Business lesson: You, too, need to not only stay with what works but expand on it. For instance, if you find your greatest response comes from the videos you make, why would you stop doing that and start producing audios? Rather build on your video library. Create themes and archives lists for your audience to better navigate your material. This rule also applies to sticking with what you know. If you are the expert on training Tibetan Mastiff dogs don’t start venturing into showing your audience how to make Hungarian Goulash.  

4.    Speak the language. As we saw in the debate one of them was subscribing to the ole ‘what-you-see-is-what-you-get’ adage. It appeared that Romney was telling us like it is (however sad that may be). Remember the duck scenario? If it quacks like a duck . . . . well, you know the rest. On the other side, Obama seemed out of sorts. He is a great speaker but for some reason it didn’t click for him last night. This wasn’t the place to campaign. This was his opportunity to share his plan and speak from the heart.  

Business lesson: It’s the same in business. When we try to use the technical and sophisticated jargon we end up way over people’s heads. They want to understand what you said NOW not after they’ve had a few days to decipher it.  So dazzling them with ‘fancy and impressive’ is in the past. People want the truth in terms that have meaning for them. Don’t become too scripted. Know and understand your circumstances. And certainly become adept at adjusting your plan to the circumstances.  

5.    There’s always the next goal to pursue. During the debate several key points were made. The two men pointed out glaring differences between themselves and their plans. But there is still more needed. We want to hear more about their plans. We want to know how it will affect regular Americans. Will what Obama or Romney say give me the assurance of a better tomorrow? What do their plans call for? Let us see what lies ahead.   

Business lesson: It’s no different for you in your business. Although you initially tell others who you are, you need to take that extra step into showing what you can do for them. Tell your customers how you can make a difference in their lives. Let them trust you. And to do this you have to continue setting, refining, and reaching existing and better goals.

Last night’s debate was only the beginning. It was the start of receiving information and pushing us to ask questions – meaningful questions. Better questions that get to the heart of what’s wrong or right with our country. How will they fix the problems? What do they believe in? Does it match my core values? All of these are necessary questions and concerns we should be asking ourselves daily. If you think it is important to ask this of our country’s leaders then it is equally imperative you ask these things of yourself.

 

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My country matters to me. The market place is suffering. Our country appears to be losing its direction. People are uncertain and afraid. All of this adds up to a critical time in our country and in our business thinking.  

I’m an independent thinker. I want to grow my business. There are people who need me. And there are people I need. Competition gives me purpose. It pushes me to be better. Produce. Engage.  

The Presidential Debate offered pretty clear ways of thinking about leadership, business development, and professional growth. There is more to be done. This debate demonstrated what you and I can be doing in our businesses. 

Five things we can learn from this debate:

1.    Carry out your plan. I was on the debate team for three years. A debate is where two people square off sharing their plan of action, their differences and challenging each other. They present facts and credible opinions from experts to support their stand. There was a problem last night. President Obama didn’t appear to be himself. He wasn’t as engaged as he usually is. What happened can be blamed on the altitude, sleep deprivation, or no teleprompter as political pundit Bill Maher stated. He wasn’t the person we elected four years ago. 

Business lesson: In business you are responsible for not only creating your plan but carrying it out. You are the master of your destiny. Don’t give in to powerful forces that will derail you. Develop the discipline to focus on your plan. Your company, your employees and your customers rely on you to follow through with the commitments you make. In this same vein, Ari Emanuel, Co-CEO at William Morris Endeavor, recently shared six lessons that you and I need to remember.  

2.    Watch out for the audience. The debate rules banned audience reactions, applauding, booing, hissing, and laughing. I have to confess that past debates where audience ‘participation’ was permitted had some influence on me. I trusted that if the audience thought the debater’s comments were bad I should too. Not true – but it is a tempting practice we fall into.  

Business lesson: Beware of who you listen to. Your friends, family, and number of clicks can lull you into an isolation that may lead you into thinking you’re right. Of course, we’re right much of the time but when we think we’re right all the time is when we make mistakes. We stop listening or disagreeing. We don’t challenge ourselves. Shut out all the clutter. Listen everywhere and find those moments when you can stand up and say, “No” or “Yes.” 

3.    Stay with what works. During the debate Romney found his sweet spot – the economy. He was prepared, knew his facts and shared his plan. The polls show this is what Americans need to hear. They want to know how things will get better for them. Romney needs to stay with this focus. 

Business lesson: You, too, need to not only stay with what works but expand on it. For instance, if you find your greatest response comes from the videos you make, why would you stop doing that and start producing audios? Rather build on your video library. Create themes and archives lists for your audience to better navigate your material. This rule also applies to sticking with what you know. If you are the expert on training Tibetan Mastiff dogs don’t start venturing into showing your audience how to make Hungarian Goulash.  

4.    Speak the language. As we saw in the debate one of them was subscribing to the ole ‘what-you-see-is-what-you-get’ adage. It appeared that Romney was telling us like it is (however sad that may be). Remember the duck scenario? If it quacks like a duck . . . . well, you know the rest. On the other side, Obama seemed out of sorts. He is a great speaker but for some reason it didn’t click for him last night. This wasn’t the place to campaign. This was his opportunity to share his plan and speak from the heart.  

Business lesson: It’s the same in business. When we try to use the technical and sophisticated jargon we end up way over people’s heads. They want to understand what you said NOW not after they’ve had a few days to decipher it.  So dazzling them with ‘fancy and impressive’ is in the past. People want the truth in terms that have meaning for them. Don’t become too scripted. Know and understand your circumstances. And certainly become adept at adjusting your plan to the circumstances.  

5.    There’s always the next goal to pursue. During the debate several key points were made. The two men pointed out glaring differences between themselves and their plans. But there is still more needed. We want to hear more about their plans. We want to know how it will affect regular Americans. Will what Obama or Romney say give me the assurance of a better tomorrow? What do their plans call for? Let us see what lies ahead.   

Business lesson: It’s no different for you in your business. Although you initially tell others who you are, you need to take that extra step into showing what you can do for them. Tell your customers how you can make a difference in their lives. Let them trust you. And to do this you have to continue setting, refining, and reaching existing and better goals.

Last night’s debate was only the beginning. It was the start of receiving information and pushing us to ask questions – meaningful questions. Better questions that get to the heart of what’s wrong or right with our country. How will they fix the problems? What do they believe in? Does it match my core values? All of these are necessary questions and concerns we should be asking ourselves daily. If you think it is important to ask this of our country’s leaders then it is equally imperative you ask these things of yourself.

 

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I’m going to start this blog with an example of the top leader this country has: the President of the United States. Now, whether you’re Democrat or Republican and no matter what term it is, you have to admit that the man elected to the station of POTUS has tremendous influence. Whether you agree with how they got there, the fact remains, they have a huge burden for the next four years to be the ultimate leader, not only for Senate and Congress, but the leader of the nation! Now, come on, if that’s not the pinnacle of great leadership, tell me what is.  

My point is that one of the reasons that Presidents got where they are, is because of their ability to influence those around them and use that influence to lead, whether it was their business, city, state or even an entire nation. So what influence factors do I think lead up to that kind of leadership? 

Clarity: You have got to make sure people understand what you want and expect from them and what you’ll provide in return. When you outline what your needs are and what you intend to accomplish, people understand more quickly and can get to work on their part of the puzzle. 

Empathy: If you can’t understand where people are coming from and relate to them, they’ll have a harder time relating to you and actually wanting to accomplish great work under your leadership. Try to understand where they’re coming from before making rash decisions. 

Communication: This goes hand in hand with clarity. If you don’t let your team know what your expectations are, how will they ever meet or exceed them? You’ve got to keep your lines of communication open in order to effectively influence your employees. 

Availability: Think about it, don’t you respect a boss more when they’re actually around and working? While they might be out at meetings a lot, the leaders that take the time to be available to their team are the leaders that find success.

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So many of the relationships in our life boil down to one simple word: trust. It works in friendship, romance and in the workplace. Really, if you don’t have trust in any relationship, there’s nowhere you can go that won’t wind up being tainted by distrust and underhanded dealings. So what are my six tips for making sure you have trust in the workplace? Here you go! 

     1.    Stay open. There’s nothing that will get people to distrust you more than closing yourself off to them or their suggestions. Keep an open mind (and an open door) to your team members and they’ll feel more welcome and trusting.

     2.    Be honest. Of course, tact is important, but it’s always critical that your employees trust that they can always count on honest feedback or opinions from you.

     3.    Don’t keep secrets. Going right along with the whole honesty thing. Keeping secrets from employees may come back to haunt you in the end. Now, I understand there are some things that you simply can’t share with your team for the sake of confidentiality, but I’m talking about trivial secrets. There’s no need to hide them.

     4.    Use discretion. Tackling that whole confidentiality topic I mentioned above, it is important that you don’t turn into the office gossip. If someone tells you something in confidence, they must be able to trust that you won’t go blabbing about it to the entire office. Make sure to respect people’s privacy and they’ll trust you much more.

     5.    Be an advocate. Stick up for your employees when you think that they’re right. Don’t just go with what your peers or management says. Sure, it may not make you popular short term, but when your team trusts that you have their back, they’re much more loyal and willing to work harder and better for you.

     6.    Respect your employees. It’s not just about standing up for your employees, but about really, truly respecting them. When a team can tell that you really respect them all, then they are much more likely to trust you. 

Now, I said that these tips were for developing trust in the workplace, but I honestly think that many of these points work in friendships and romantic relationships as well. We’d all do better (dontcha think) by keeping these guidelines to heart – even in this world where the click of a button means sharing your information, thoughts, and feelings with the world.

 

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Throughout our lives, we have different relationships with money. When we’re a teen, we don’t quite understand it. We know it buys things, but we don’t understand the value of it. In college, some of us are introduced to credit. Yikes. Then as we enter our adult lives, we really start to understand what the true value of money is.  

It’s rent and groceries, it’s paying off our student loans or credit card debt. Sometimes it’s hours spent awake at night trying to figure out how on earth you’re going to pay all your bills next month. As we get older, though, and start to find monetary success in our professions, the bills can become less worrisome and you start thinking about the fun things you can do with your money that you used to dream about when you were younger. Or, at least that’s how you would imagine it goes. 

In fact, many times, the more money we have, the more problems can arise. I’m not going to say that’s the case all of the time, but just because you have money doesn’t mean you’re going to be happy. I’m big on making sure I lead a fulfilling life, because I think that’s what makes people truly happy.  

The point I’m getting at here is that it’s what you do with your money that will make you happy. Simply having it doesn’t really accomplish much at all. For example, Bill and Melinda Gates use much of their wealth to fund their charitable organization. They have all the money they could ever dream of, so they give back to those less fortunate. 

Charity is something I always recommend considering, but why not look at other options such as travel or adventure. Perhaps it’s important that you take time each month to take care of yourself, whether that’s a spa day or a personal trainer, use the money you’re making to add to your life. Make smart buying decisions, but don’t ferret your money away like Scrooge.  

In short, money on its own never amounts to happiness. But what you choose to do with your money can lead to a much more fulfilled life.

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You’ve worked hard and you’ve earned the respect and understanding of your colleagues and team. Now you’re out ahead of the pack. No one can stop you in board meetings and your team looks to you for the type of leadership and advice that they can rely on. In short, everything is coming up roses. Except one thing: where on earth are you going to go from here?  

You’ve heard the phrase “sky is the limit” but what happens when you run out of sky? Well, my friend, you’ve got to shoot for the stars. But when there’s no one else in your field that you really have to look up to, what then? Where do you find inspiration to continue on your path of leadership excellence? I know what you’re thinking: “Karen, stop asking so many questions and start giving me more answers!” 

Well, the thing is, when you’re a leader in your field, you’ve got to look outside the box for inspiration and the answers I give you might be a good start, but ultimately, it’s up to you to figure out where you’ll be finding your inspiration. But here are a few suggestions to get you started. 

Religious figures: Many of us find inspiration from our religious leaders, whether you’re Christian, Buddhist or Muslim, and I think that we should be able to take some of the lessons that they teach to heart in our day to day business dealings. Whether it’s about humility or charity, they can give us a little push in the right direction. 

Civil rights leaders: These folks knew what to do in order to change the world. Sure, it may have taken decades to manifest change, but their voices are the words that inspired millions to change. 

Authors: I’m not saying you’re going to find the answers for business success in the Twilight series, but do try to read books by authors that are out of your comfort zone when it comes to reading. You never know what gems you might find. 

Successful entrepreneurs: Why not look at other success stories? Steve Jobs and Bill Gates both started small and look where they made it! Now that’s inspiration you can take to the bank! 

Professors: While we may find more “real world” success than some of our professors, I find that they can still be great mentors. They knew us back when we were still struggling to make our way and they help put things into perspective.

My point with all of this is that inspiration for leadership can come from just about anywhere and you shouldn’t limit yourself to thinking inside the box for leadership inspiration when thinking outside the box is what got you to where you are today!

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You’ve worked hard and you’ve earned the respect and understanding of your colleagues and team. Now you’re out ahead of the pack. No one can stop you in board meetings and your team looks to you for the type of leadership and advice that they can rely on. In short, everything is coming up roses. Except one thing: where on earth are you going to go from here?  

You’ve heard the phrase “sky is the limit” but what happens when you run out of sky? Well, my friend, you’ve got to shoot for the stars. But when there’s no one else in your field that you really have to look up to, what then? Where do you find inspiration to continue on your path of leadership excellence? I know what you’re thinking: “Karen, stop asking so many questions and start giving me more answers!” 

Well, the thing is, when you’re a leader in your field, you’ve got to look outside the box for inspiration and the answers I give you might be a good start, but ultimately, it’s up to you to figure out where you’ll be finding your inspiration. But here are a few suggestions to get you started. 

Religious figures: Many of us find inspiration from our religious leaders, whether you’re Christian, Buddhist or Muslim, and I think that we should be able to take some of the lessons that they teach to heart in our day to day business dealings. Whether it’s about humility or charity, they can give us a little push in the right direction. 

Civil rights leaders: These folks knew what to do in order to change the world. Sure, it may have taken decades to manifest change, but their voices are the words that inspired millions to change. 

Authors: I’m not saying you’re going to find the answers for business success in the Twilight series, but do try to read books by authors that are out of your comfort zone when it comes to reading. You never know what gems you might find. 

Successful entrepreneurs: Why not look at other success stories? Steve Jobs and Bill Gates both started small and look where they made it! Now that’s inspiration you can take to the bank! 

Professors: While we may find more “real world” success than some of our professors, I find that they can still be great mentors. They knew us back when we were still struggling to make our way and they help put things into perspective.

My point with all of this is that inspiration for leadership can come from just about anywhere and you shouldn’t limit yourself to thinking inside the box for leadership inspiration when thinking outside the box is what got you to where you are today!

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Aretha Franklin sang it best: R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That’s what you need if you’re ever going to be a good leader in your company. Now, you may have experience as a lader in other companies or you may have just been promoted to a new leadership position from within the company. Either way, you’re going to have to work to get the respect of your new peers and the team that you’ll be managing. Here are a few little tips on exactly how to build respect. 

React quickly. Don’t wait for problems to turn into something larger. Your team will look to you know to handle problems as they arise, so always be on the ball. 

Earn trust. You’ll never get respect unless you earn the trust of your team and peers. You can do this by always following through and keeping your word. Be someone they can count on.  

Support your staff. As a leader, not only is it your duty to make sure your team is getting work done, but it’s also your job to be an advocate for them when you think they’re making the right decisions. 

Pick your team wisely. Having a great team will really increase the respect you get from your peers and upper management. When they succeed, you succeed.  

Enjoy your time. If you aren’t having fun, chances are, not many people will have fun doing their job either. Make sure to remain passionate and engaged with what your team is working on.  

Control conflict. People fight. It happens everywhere and there’s not much you can do to stop it. But you can control it by meeting the conflict head on and working to resolve the issues as quickly as possible.  

Treat others with respect. It’s the golden rule, folks. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. Give respect and you’re a lot more likely to get it back.  

Look at that, with just a few simple pointers, we’ve easily constructed the foundation for respect from everyone you work with in your new leadership position. I hope you use these tips next time you’re in the market to earn a little respect.

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In any business, whether it’s your very own small business or start up, or you’re a member of a very large corporation, it’s always important to have strategies. Of course, we all have some form of strategy to get ahead or to impress your peers or management, but sometimes in can get knocked a little off course. So what do you do when your strategy doesn’t seem to be working the way you think it should? You need to take the time and find the right direction you want to be heading. 

Of course, when you’re charting new territory, you need all of the instruments to find your way, right? You’ll need a map, a compass and landmarks along the way. 

Strategic Map

How will you know where you’re going if you don’t have a map to guide you? A strategic map will let you know where you’re going and where you want to be. You can even make a separate map to avoid any of the uncertainty that you might be expecting to really guide you through everything. You know where you are and you know where you want to be, so make a map with all of the steps you’ll have to pass before you can make it to your final destination. 

Compass

You’re going to need something to help you keep your bearings while you walk along the path that your map will take you. I can say, for one, that staying organized will help keep your mind uncluttered so you can focus on your more important goals. Also having a mentor or peer to help keep you in check can really help to maintain the focus on the path laid out before you.  

Landmarks

How will you know if you’re on the right path if you don’t pass a few landmarks on the way? You know what these landmarks look like to you, whether they’re a pay raise or a promotion. You should know what they look like and when to expect them so that you’ll know you’re that much closer to reaching the end goal on your map. 

I find it’s really helpful to physically map out my strategies. Of course, you don’t need to draw a literal map, but setting mini goals to reach your final strategic outcome is incredibly helpful to help keep your job aspirations clear.

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Most people spend more time at work than they do at home, with their family or with their friends. While it seems like an utter travesty, the facts remain unchanged, so it’s important that you have a good relationship with your work environment, whether that’s the people that you work with or the space in which you work. What are some tricks for keeping things healthy and happy while you’re in the office? 

Keep your space clean. You know the phrase “cleanliness is next to godliness” right? Well, whether you believe that or not, it’s still really important to keep your space clean. It’s a direct representation of the way your mind works. Cluttered desk; cluttered mind.  

Make your office/cube inviting. Don’t keep it so clinical that it’s not comfortable to be in your work space. Put up a few pictures and get a lamp to brighten things up. It makes work much more pleasant. 

Help keep communal space tidy. How many people in your office gripe about the break room being dirty again? Making it so that only one or two people deal with that area is unfair and breeds resentment. Chip in and do your part to help keep everything clean. 

Bring in treats every once in a while. Nothing motivates a crew like a break room surprise of bagel and cream cheese or cookies. It gives them an excuse to leave their desk and they are sure to come back to work feeling happy. 

Organize a potluck. This is a great way to get the whole team in on an activity. You can all have lunch together and taste some of your delicious homemade food. It also helps to keep the employees feeling like a team when they’re able to spend time together outside of a project. 

Allow yourself some time to chat about non work conversations with team members. Which brings me to my next point, that you’ve got to take time to talk about other things besides work or everything becomes work and then there are no breaks, which can be really exhausting.  

Make sure there’s levity. A good dose of laughter will help lift the spirits of any team and boost morale right up. Take time for some joking or even doing funny activities around the office.  

Keep lines of communication open. Above all, make sure there’s communication. If people don’t feel as though they can communicate with you or others on the team, then productivity grinds to a halt. Make sure everyone you work with feels comfortable communicating any ideas or problems they may be having.

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When you’re advancing in a corporate environment, you, of course, spend a lot of time hearing about persuasion and influence being big parts of your success or failure in the company and that’s very true. However, many people make the mistake of thinking that persuasion and influence are the same thing. That, my friends, is far from the truth. Yes, they are both a means to an end and many times they involve swaying opinions, but there is one thing that I believe influence has that persuasion does not use and that is your reputation. 

What do you mean, my reputation?

I mean that anyone can persuade another person with some slick graphics and the right words, but when you’re working on changing minds through influence, likely the people you’re working with know you, or at least they know your reputation. Influence involves trust and a relationship, where persuasion deals more with solid facts and figures manipulated to get the desired outcome. When it comes to influence, your reputation is your best asset. 

How do I know what my reputation is here?

The simple answer is to ask around with people whose opinions you trust. The slightly more complicated way to go about gauging your influence and reputation is to judge the reactions to your presentations when you’re trying to maximize your influence. If people are open to hearing your suggestions right off the bat, you probably have more influence, and thus, a better reputation. 

What if I have a bad reputation?

Boy, do I wish there was an easy way to fix this, but there isn’t. If your current reputation isn’t all that favorable, you’ve got some hard work ahead to change people’s perceptions of you and your work. This is one area where you don’t want to try to find an easy work around, because it will come back to bite you in the end.

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When you’re advancing in a corporate environment, you, of course, spend a lot of time hearing about persuasion and influence being big parts of your success or failure in the company and that’s very true. However, many people make the mistake of thinking that persuasion and influence are the same thing. That, my friends, is far from the truth. Yes, they are both a means to an end and many times they involve swaying opinions, but there is one thing that I believe influence has that persuasion does not use and that is your reputation. 

What do you mean, my reputation?

I mean that anyone can persuade another person with some slick graphics and the right words, but when you’re working on changing minds through influence, likely the people you’re working with know you, or at least they know your reputation. Influence involves trust and a relationship, where persuasion deals more with solid facts and figures manipulated to get the desired outcome. When it comes to influence, your reputation is your best asset. 

How do I know what my reputation is here?

The simple answer is to ask around with people whose opinions you trust. The slightly more complicated way to go about gauging your influence and reputation is to judge the reactions to your presentations when you’re trying to maximize your influence. If people are open to hearing your suggestions right off the bat, you probably have more influence, and thus, a better reputation. 

What if I have a bad reputation?

Boy, do I wish there was an easy way to fix this, but there isn’t. If your current reputation isn’t all that favorable, you’ve got some hard work ahead to change people’s perceptions of you and your work. This is one area where you don’t want to try to find an easy work around, because it will come back to bite you in the end.

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What does likeability have to do with influence? Everything.

For instance, when was the last time you left your child with someone you didn’t like? How many times do you buy from someone you despise? When did you follow a dislikeable person’s instructions? How much do you listen to a person who pretends to be someone they aren’t?

Probably not much, if at all.

Why? Because when you don’t like someone, you don’t pay attention, you keep your distance, you don’t buy from them, and you don’t believe them. It’s human nature. We are attracted to what makes us safe and secure, keeps us happy and gives us a sense of ease and hope.

We tend to believe and trust a person we like. It makes it easier to engage with them from a space of realness. You can develop personal and business relationships. Networking depends on likeability. Likeability is tied to some of your deepest, long-standing habits and traits.

What qualities cause you to be likeable? What makes you a desired person to be around, to talk and share with, and to call a friend? There are several traits that you can develop, which also translate into the business world. Here are 5 of them:

1. Authenticity. Never be someone you’re not. Being who you are makes you stand out in the crowd. There’s no point in having people like you when you’re a phony. Being phony means you really don’t like who you are, so why would you expect others to like you?
2. Serving. Be attentive to others and their needs. Focus more on them instead of yourself. Listen closely to what you can do for them or how you can be helpful. Acting in a servant role means being approachable and available. Give your time, your energy, your emotions and your understanding. It’s true; the things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone. The things you do for others last forever.
3. Similarity. People tend to gravitate towards others who are most like them. When you share a connection with someone, it puts you at ease. Finding similarities increases your comfort with new people. But it doesn’t stop there. No two people are identical in every way. It’s important to discover how you are different from others because it’s these differences that create curiosity and curiosity creates attraction. Be prepared to build bridges to your differences.
4. Self-Image. What you think, feel and believe about yourself is a strong determinant as to how likeable you are. For example, if you see yourself as being really shy, then others may not notice you or avoid you because they don’t know how to approach you. (Not that this is necessarily true!) On the other hand, if you feel confident, you will be yourself, saying what you think and feel.
5. Transparency. Be clear about who you are. Show yourself to the world. This means you need to take a risk. Never lie. Your credibility is depending on your ability to tell the truth. If you can’t tell the truth, i.e., you look fat in that dress, then keep your mouth shut. Nothing good ever comes from a statement that starts with, “I thought you should know…”

Being likeable is a choice you have control over. You determine to what extent you will have the attention, admiration or respect from your peers, bosses or friends. Don’t waste time; start now in developing and cultivating the important habits or traits that will make you likeable.

[This is only one of the many powerful articles in this week's Influence It! Real Power for Women free ezine. To enjoy the full issue, jam packed with insightful information on strategies to enhance your personal and professional life to achieve ultimate success, you must be a subscriber. Sign up for your own free subscription NOW by clicking here!]

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We all have strengths and weaknesses. We’re human, which means that we’re not perfect, but in the world of business, it’s important that you not let your flaws show too much. That’s why it’s critical that you always play to your strengths, whatever they may be. In the past I’ve talked about using the SWOT method in business and I think that there are a lot of other great ways to analyze the way you perform in certain business situations, one of which is to give yourself a job interview. Think about it, we go on so many job interviews in our lives, and we tailor our answer to best fit the job description. But what if you could invent a job, your dream job, and interview for it? How would that look? 

First, you take a look at your past experiences. Pull out that resume and actually think back to the different jobs that you’ve had. Don’t just look; remember. Which jobs did you like? Which did you loathe? 

Then, figure out your successes and failures. I’ll go out on a limb and say the jobs you loved you were probably more successful at than the ones you hated. But what you really need to do is think about very specific successes. What did your bosses tell you during your performance reviews? What were the projects you exceled at the most? 

Next, you’ll find your strengths from your successes. When you take a look at those successes, you’ll probably start to see a pattern of strengths running through all of your success stories. Perhaps it’s your organization a delegation or maybe it’s your ability to motivate a team. Whatever they are, suss them out. 

Finally, come up with your dream job. Now the research begins. With those strengths in mind, do some research for what types of jobs use your strengths the most? You may be surprised at some of the results, but when you find a job that suits your strengths perfectly, you’ll be amazed at the level of fulfillment and happiness (and success) you can achieve.

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We’ve all got to use to use them: our words. There’s no way anything would get done if we didn’t communicate at all and it’s comical to even imagine a business functioning where no one speaks or writes at all. So, of course, you use words to communicate, but have you ever stopped to think about the words you are using to communicate and how they affect the outcome of what you’re trying to say. Here are a few examples of what to say and what not to say when trying to persuade your peers or team on a particular subject. 

DO NOT use negative words like can’t, don’t, won’t when presenting a topic (and, yes, I see the irony of putting this in the do not section).

DO use positive words such as will, can or even should. Believe it or not, even subtle changes from negative to positive put the listener or reader in a more positive frame of mind and they’ll be more likely to respond to your pitch in the affirmative. 

DO NOT allow yourself to be derailed by tangents.

DO have a plan and stick to it. I’m not saying you should just read off of index cards; you can let your tone be natural, but stay on your points when you’re talking. People will take notice that you’re organized and focused. 

DO NOT have grammatical or spelling errors in your emails or presentations.

DO proofread all your work before you send it. Folks, we have spelling and grammar check built into Word and Outlook for this exact reason: so you can use it. Read over your emails and proposals before you send them to ensure that your writing sounds professional. Blatant errors degrade the impact of your presentation or communication.

 

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Things happen in our past when it comes to relationships. Whether they’re professional, personal or romantic, many times, when we end up in a bad relationship, it can be hard to let go even after that relationship ends. But it’s important not to cling to the past. Don’t let it stick to you and weigh you down when making decisions. Here are six simple steps to moving past a bad relationship and getting into some good ones. 

Step one: Recognize the reluctance. Before you can really overcome any past negativity, you have to learn to recognize any hesitation to move forward with something new due to experiences in the past. If you’re feeling apprehensive about something, decide if it’s because your intuition says it’s not right or because you’re scared of a repeat of the past. 

Step two: Acknowledge the pain. If you’ve decided that the reluctance is due to some past pains, it’s important to acknowledge it. If you try and shrug it off, it will always remain with you. If you look your fears straight on, many times they become less scary. 

Step three: Begin the unsticking process. No one overcomes holding on to their past overnight. It’s a process, so have a little patience with yourself. Address your fears one by one until you’ve peeled yourself off of your past.

Step four: Give your past a Teflon coating. If you don’t want to get stuck on the past again, you’ve got to make sure it remains nonstick. This means you’ve got to be honest with yourself and others and make sure that you’ve fully let go of the past. 

Step five: Stop looking back. Now that you can’t get hung up on your past anymore, you’ve got to stop looking back at it. It’s true that we learn from our mistakes, but if we’re always looking back, chances are, we’ll stumble quite a bit trying to move forward. 

Step six: Start looking forward. This brings me to the final step. Turn your head and mind to the future and start thinking about what could be instead of what was. You’ll find a lot more positivity and potential when you plan for the future instead of ruminating on the past.

 

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