Influence By Design

The best learned lessons come not from your success, but from your failures. Actually, the biggest failure is not learning from your mistakes.

Mistakes come and go. But certain mistakes remain constant simply because you are circulating the same habits that perpetuate the same mistakes. Then you wonder, “What went wrong” or “Why does this always happen to me?”

The fact is most people turn a blind eye to the habits that cause them trouble. Mainly because they either don’t believe it’s a bad habit, or because they have nothing to put in its place. Humans dislike empty spaces.

So, to help you uncover your "blindspots’"or habits that keep you from expanding to the best you can be, read these 5 habits that hold you back, and what you can do to overcome them.

1. Negative thinking. This encompasses everything from "stinkin’ thinkin’" to "I am a total failure – useless." Any thought, idea or belief that says you cannot accomplish something is damaging to your quest.

   Habit Adjustment: Rid yourself of all self-limiting beliefs. When you hear the voice in your head say, "You’re no good" or "You don’t have the skill for THAT," you need to talk back! Exercise your free speech and contradict that voice until it begins to shut up. Soon you won’t hear it anymore. Then you will be able to focus on achieving and confidently move forward.

2. Procrastination. Everyone struggles with this. Putting things off is aka fear of failure. If you don’t do it in the first place, then nobody can say you failed, right? Procrastination is just another excuse for not moving, thinking or trying.

   Habit Adjustment: Get clear on what is preventing you from plowing ahead. Yes, sometimes it requires a plow to get the momentum going. This take guts. You have to address honestly what is in your way, which may mean getting into the nitty gritty of what’s holding you back. What are you unwilling to face?

3. Not following through. Aka laziness. You become an information junkie who doesn’t put things into play. But you "feel good" because you KNOW what to do, yet you just don’t do it.

   Habit Adjustment: Get some self-discipline. Take matters into your own hands and practice the cost/reward system. If you don’t get it done, there’s going to be a cost. If you get it done, then there’s going to be a reward. Make your list, and write out the costs and rewards. Circle the ones you can live with, and the ones you can’t live without.

4. Refusing to take advice. There is always someone who does it better and quicker with superior results. if you think you are too big or good to listen to valuable feedback, then you probably deserve to struggle just a bit longer.

   Habit Adjustment: Put your pride in the bag and listen up! Find out who has successfully gone before you. Reach out to them. Ask for mentoring. Read the guru’s books. There is always some gold nugget or take away that you can use.

5. Being a victim. This is the pity party. You’re always a day late and a dollar short. Poor you. At least that’s what you’d like everyone to think because then no one will have any expectations of you.

   Habit Adjustment: Snap out of it! No one likes to be around a self-proclaimed victim. Start to see yourself as the deserving person you are. Position yourself as an authority on something. Study, research, and learn what will get you from point A to Z – yes, you need to go all the way!

Study your habits – both the good and bad ones. What benefits are you getting from either? Yes, bad habits can have benefits. Unfortunately, they’re either short-term or unhealthy. Create and see the confidence, commitment and courage you were born with every day in the mirror. Tell yourself, "Yes, I have what it takes!"

[This is only one of the many powerful articles in this week's Influence It! Real Power for Women free ezine. To enjoy the full issue, jam packed with insightful information on strategies to enhance your personal and professional life to achieve ultimate success, you must be a subscriber. Sign up for your own free subscription NOW by clicking here!]

Tired of being a face in the crowd? Done with the "You’re-a-wall-flower" treatment?

Before you consciously make efforts to get noticed, the first thing you need to do is figure out who should be noticing you.

Who REALLY matters? Who do you want (or need) to impress?

Knowing this single piece of information will save you lots of energy, time and work. Why would you want to be noticed by someone selling sand when you live in the desert? Think about this …

The point is to be noticed by people who can help you, refer to you, and educate you.

Find out who will spread the word about the great work you are doing or the wonderful person you are. It’s great to be noticed by people who can give you a promotion or buy what you are selling.

Get the "skinny" on where they hang out, what they enjoy doing, who they allow into their "inner" circle, what makes them tick or take a second look.

Next, position yourself in the best possible light. Take up golf, write a provoking article, share an off-the-wall idea (these get noticed big time) or demonstrate a unique talent or skill.

Do anything that will place you in their sights or train of thought. Create a presence especially in key places that are relevant to your target. If your boss is a fitness freak, then you can show up at her gym – preferably working out!

It isn’t always what they see as much as it is what they are thinking. So, get in their head. Creating a presence may simply mean walking in the door. This is the caveat of real influence.

Never rule out anyone until they have flunked your "Get Noticed Checklist." Remember the person selling sand? Maybe if you live in the desert you want to be noticed by him because he may be the best rep to sell YOUR sand! Don’t be too quick to eliminate anyone.

Be outgoing, assertive and a multi-tasker. Make your existence felt and be more that just visible; be available. Broadcast who you are. Your body language and conversation should reflect a confident you.

Be a "bridge builder." Master your skills to link, to introduce and to connect people to people. People love to see you promoting other people because they believe you will promote them, too.

Be a leader rather than a follower. Organize the next picnic, write articles for the newsletter, volunteer for special projects. Put yourself out there regardless of your fear of being judged or ridiculed.

Demonstrate your authority in whatever topic, industry or piece of knowledge you choose to be an expert in. But be real. Talk about yourself often in a positive and humble light. No room for phoniness, arrogance or inauthentic posturing.

This requires you to know your unique selling points:

• Who am I?
• Why am I doing what I’m doing?
• What do I think is REALLY important in life?
• What is my personal philosophy?
• How am I walking my personal beliefs?
• What knowledge and experience do you have that will help or entertain people?

Figure out what makes you special, then make the most of it. You need to be a person of substance, not fluff.

Lastly, the best way of getting noticed by the right people, the ones who matter, is to be personable. Nothing makes them seek you out more than knowing you care, are approachable and have a true desire to talk (and listen) to them.

Finally, show up! Put away any fears or self doubt. No thoughts of embarrassment. Exercise your chutzpah! Get out there and spread your wings. But be prepared and ready to either be rejected or fly. If you fly – great! If you’re rejected – get up and fly again.

[This is only one of the many powerful articles in this week's Influence It! Real Power for Women free ezine. To enjoy the full issue, jam packed with insightful information on strategies to enhance your personal and professional life to achieve ultimate success, you must be a subscriber. Sign up for your own free subscription NOW by clicking here!]

Time is defined as the duration of sequential related matters. Huh?

Women wear many hats: wife, mother, executive, business owner, entrepreneur, friend, and the list continues. Unfortunately, many women think of time as not being late, watching the clock or feeling stressed for not having enough of it.

But where in the whole scheme of things does time take on a different meaning? Does time have to be limited to an enclosed segment of space?

Think of the ways you use the word time. “I don’t have time.” “How much time is left?” “Where will I find the time?” “I don’t want to get old.”

These statements or "conditioned beliefs" cause great damage: heart disease, high blood pressure, digestive problems, and anxiety to name a few. All this because you have a negative connection to time, such as pressure to meet deadlines, perform or finish that never-ending to-do list.

Consider a new way of using the word time. “There’s no time like the present.” “I’m in charge of my time.” “The time is now!” Not only do these sound different, they present a new perspective on time. When you make time your friend, several physiological systems inside your body rejoice; they breathe, relax and perform at peak strides.

What matters is how you spend your time. Whether you haven’t seen someone in 4 years or you see them every day, it all counts. Time is an interesting thing. You can’t touch it, wrap it or make it stop. It’s just there.

The good news is you get to make a decision about time. Will it be your enemy or your friend? If time becomes your enemy, it has you chasing dreams, missing what’s here and now and stealing your enjoyment of life.

Making time your friend leads to self-acceptance and powerful connections to others. Don’t just sit there hearing what your daughter is saying while you mentally make your grocery list. Focus on her words, the tone she’s using, and the nonverbal physical motion in her every move. Immerse yourself into what is not being said. Be present. That is how time becomes your friend.

So, how do time and wisdom go hand in hand? Wisdom supports knowing and honoring what works for you. There are a few things you can do to guard that precious resource you call time.

First, decide on and categorize your responsibilities. We all have them, so let’s put them into groups that make sense to us. This applies to both your personal and professional responsibilities. It can be anything from managing people on the job or spending play time with your kids. The idea here is to focus on the opportunities of what you are responsible for and not the crises that come up.

Second, ask yourself what percentage of time you need or want to spend in each category. Remember, needs and wants are vastly different, so keep this in mind during this exercise. Know what you want to accomplish whether it’s for that day, or it’s about a relationship. Once you’ve allocated the percentage of time spent, do a checkup. Ask yourself if the amount of time given to any one category is sufficient.

Third, make sure your time allocations are in alignment with your values system. Is anything out of alignment with who you want to be at the end of the day? When you complete this process, do a double check in a week or a month to find out if this is adequate to accomplish what you want with your time.

When it comes to improving your relationship with time, know that everyone has the same 24 hours in the day. If you don’t get to your ‘time’ list today, don’t worry – there’s always tomorrow.

[This is only one of the many powerful articles in this week's Influence It! Real Power for Women free ezine. To enjoy the full issue, jam packed with insightful information on strategies to enhance your personal and professional life to achieve ultimate success, you must be a subscriber. Sign up for your own free subscription NOW by clicking here!]

The definition of capitalism is a socio-economic system in which private ownership leads to profit for the owner. At least that’s what the dictionary says. But what does it really mean – for women?

Sure, we have Hillary, Oprah and Angelina who make it look as though we are entering the age of women. But let’s not overlook an important exception; the areas of real power and money are overwhelmingly occupied by men.

Unfortunately, feminism has set the stage for branding women as being better communicators and nurturers, thinking this is all it takes. However solid these qualities are, they don’t convince the Wall Street titans that Ms. MBA has the "kahunas" to make the big deals.

On the contrary, feminism has defined itself as the antithesis to being a capitalist. Little girls aren’t encouraged to become multimillionaire mavens because that goes against the feminist liberal agenda.

See where the ideology conflicts with real power and influence for women?

Women need to take matters into their own hands. But where should they start? By learning the secrets behind the most successful capitalists of our time.

Secret #1: Being a capitalist isn’t only about income. Because you make a large income doesn’t guarantee entrance into the capitalist class. What you need to do is create a business or revenue stream that generates cash regularly without you having to sell your efforts. For example, Sharon is a lawyer who makes more than 300K a year. She puts in at least 80 hours per week. Rhonda owns a travel agency that generates an annual income of 300K, but she doesn’t have to run it or be involved in any way. In fact, when she dies, her family will still reap the benefits of solid cash flow. Make your money work for you.

Secret #2: ROI for 25 years or more. Focus on projects that will provide income for the long haul, aka greater than the next paycheck. This is where you need to be willing to take the risk. Start that online business. Tell your daughter to start one, too. That online business will generate income, plus you are investing time and energy that you have control over. Focus on projects that will result in long-term income collection - income that you can reinvest into other ventures that interest you. For example, instead of working for that big coffee shop in the sky, work in your own coffee shop where every cup of Joe is "KaChing" in YOUR cash register.

Secret #3: Diversify sources of income. Which would you rather have: a job that paid you $250,000, or a job that paid $100,000 plus you collected additional income of $150,000 in stock dividends, real estate holdings and consulting fees? If you choose the latter, you’re more likely to survive a recession. Besides, you are not at risk for losing everything if your employer decides to downsize.

Secret #4: Capitalists value their time. This is the very reason they want the biggest chunk of their money to come from passive income (real estate, dividends, pensions, royalties, etc). They realize passive income is the road to freedom.

Secret #5: Capitalists think like farmers. Poor people see money as a finite commodity; it runs out, then you wait for more to come in, but you only get so much at a time. The capitalist sees money as a seed – just like a farmer. Each nickel that comes your way has the potential to produce or expand into more money. For example, if a teenager saved $10,000 per year and at a 12% rate of return (compounded), they’d have $83,692,000 by the time they were 75 years old. Unfortunately many young people want to have new furniture or a shiny new car right now. Time is a friend to your money, and the capitalist knows this.

Secret #6: Constantly create opportunity. Go after that big client. Research and invent the next "must-have" product. Look for the next risk. This does require you to become a student of investment, trends, and research know-how. Oprah said it best, "What looks like luck to most people is when preparation meets opportunity."

Secret #7: Think of business as a game – with confidence. Remember when you played Monopoly? It was a race to see who could accumulate the most money and real estate. In the real world, it isn’t that much different except you are racing with yourself. You are determined to prove your success not in terms of money, etc. (those are the rewards), but in terms of your talent and skill. Approaching your business this way helps remove a lot of the fear because you understand that if you lose money or assets, you’re only one idea away from rebuilding.

Secret #8: Looks and origins don’t matter. Capitalists don’t care that their money comes from non-sexy businesses. They can smile all the way to the bank if they are in the trash business, storage units, or selling electrical products. On top of that, they are smart to shake all possible resources to get money: banks, equity groups, or insurance companies. The average middle class person sees that banks are the only place to go, and if they get turned down twice, they stop trying.

Secret #9: Understand what’s in your peripheral vision. That means taxes and any other fall outs related to investments or business start-ups. Keep your eye on the main ball, but don’t lose track of the other balls on the table.

Secret #10: Recognize who holds your future. The capitalist knows that markets may go up and down, but they always have a plan for whatever they run into. They don’t remain tied into one particular action, especially one they don’t control. The capitalist doesn’t panic; they go to Plan B.

Become a capitalist or at least adopt that way of thinking and acting. They obviously are doing something different that results in building wealth. Women need to read memoirs, biographies, and reports on the philosophies and what motivates the capitalist to succeed. Learn the mistakes they’ve made, and what things they value. It isn’t just about the money.

[This is only one of the many powerful articles in this week's Influence It! Real Power for Women free ezine. To enjoy the full issue, jam packed with insightful information on strategies to enhance your personal and professional life to achieve ultimate success, you must be a subscriber. Sign up for your own free subscription NOW by clicking here!]

Asking for what you want is the necessary first step in getting what you want. That’s the way it works! If you don’t ask, you don’t get – simple.

Simple. Really?

If it was so simple, then why are less than 15% of C-level positions in corporate America occupied by women, although they comprise 47% of the U.S. labor force? And women only own 1% of the world’s wealth.

Are women not asking for or wanting higher level positions? Are they resisting leadership, decision-making and authority roles? Do women shy away from being in situations of power, wealth and influence?

Women are still being the "good girl" aka polite and self-sacrificing. This translates into passivity, ineffectiveness, and being poor. Women aren’t feeling free enough to state what they want, ask for it and demand to get it. Did you cringe at the word "demand?" If so, then this is for you.

Here are the 5 things you need to have in place before you ask for anything, especially what you want.

1. Recognize what you want. You will never get what you want if you aren’t sure of it. Too many women ask for something that they have no idea if it’s for them or not. They listen to what others say they should want. Not a good idea. You only end up with wants that belong to someone else. Rather, think of what will further your growth, your influence and your power.
2. Ask in an optimistic way – Negotiate for you and them. When you appear selfish and self-centered, you won’t get what you want. Perception is critical. If you appear timid, doubtful or egotistical, then you’ll be seen as unworthy of getting what you are asking for. Everyone who goes to bat for you wants to be certain you are worthy of their time and efforts.
3. Ask the right person. You’ll never get what you want when you chase the wrong person and expect them to open doors, give you opportunities or believe in you. Do your homework and think of your request for the long term. Study who controls the string to what you want. Who is the ultimate decision maker? What are they willing to do for you? Finding the right person may take some time, so be patient.
4. Expect to get what you ask for. This is probably the most important factor in getting what you ask for. If you decide that you have a 50-50 chance of getting it, then you are already half-beaten. Believe you deserve what you are asking for. If you don’t, then no one will. What goes on in the mind is 90% of your reality.
5. Don’t stop asking. This means not fearing the word "no." Rather, set your sights higher and go back. Find another route if necessary. Approach your situation or what you desire from a different standpoint. But under no circumstances should you surrender what you want because someone told you no. Women who conquer the fear know their value, their skills, and their talent.

When women start asking for and expecting to get what they want, they will. It takes practice and more practice. Start with something small. Negotiate with your kids or spouse. Make solid, confident requests of friends. Graduate to the bigger things when you are ready. But don’t wait too long; take charge and strike when it’s hot.

[This is only one of the many powerful articles in this week's Influence It! Real Power for Women free ezine. To enjoy the full issue, jam packed with insightful information on strategies to enhance your personal and professional life to achieve ultimate success, you must be a subscriber. Sign up for your own free subscription NOW by clicking here!]

Being the boss can be difficult at times. Making the tough decisions, giving people a second chance, being held accountable, taking responsibility, and being unpopular all go along with the territory. But what does it take to be the female leader in charge?

You may ask yourself daily if people will ever give you the benefit of the doubt, trust your instincts and let you lead. If so, then here are 5 characteristics that will help engage and connect with people you need to lead.

1. Set the tone. The environment is about how people feel around you. Are you approachable? Do you show interest in them as people? Do you disclose about yourself? Is the workplace fun? If you answered no or aren’t certain, then you have some work to do.
2. Support your followers. Respect who you delegate to. Trust they have the skills and abilities to get the job done. Explore their potential. Take a chance on them. Ask them how they need to be supported.
3. Be available. Listen to your followers' suggestions. Listen for what makes them get up in the morning or, for that matter, what keeps them awake at night. Don’t hole up in your office. Make sure the lines of communication are open and not just one way. Be a person of your word. Follow through on what you promise and never betray a confidence.
4. Provide feedback - frequently. Don’t wait for the annual review to share what isn’t working. Whether it’s good or bad, give your attention to who needs you. Providing constant feedback helps your followers improve tremendously. They begin to trust you and what you stand for. They believe in your goals and direction for the company.
5. Show compassion. Remember the people who follow you aren’t just followers; they are people with feelings, needs, and ideas. Show that you care about them.

[This is only one of the many powerful articles in this week's Influence It! Real Power for Women free ezine. To enjoy the full issue, jam packed with insightful information on strategies to enhance your personal and professional life to achieve ultimate success, you must be a subscriber. Sign up for your own free subscription NOW by clicking here!]

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People respond to courage. It’s a characteristic of many people who take charge (“fearless leader,” anyone?) and it’s something you should develop in order to become the leader and influencer that you want to be in your field. But how do you develop the kind of courage it takes to become and influencer?

Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. Mistakes happen. It’s only when you don’t use them as a learning experience that they are a complete failure. Having the courage to be able to make a mistake and admit it is a big deal. Many people never take on leadership roles because they are terrified of making a mistake.

Don’t be afraid to challenge status quo. If no one bucks the norm, then there would be no progress. Have the guts to go a different direction from everyone else and try something new. Nothing may come of it, but then again, you might just become a revolutionary in your field when you defy the standard.

Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Schoolyard bullies don’t go away in the corporate world. They just wear power suits instead of jeans and a t-shirt. Don’t let yourself get pushed around by domineering colleagues. Just like it takes courage to stand up to a bully in 6^th grade, it takes the same amount of bravery to stand up for yourself in a company meeting.

Don’t be afraid to take the road less travelled. Along the lines of doing something different, don’t be scared to travel off the beaten path to find solutions to your problems. Oftentimes it’s where you’ll find the brilliant answer to your issue.

When you find the courage to stand up for yourself, challenge the norms, look off the beaten path for solutions and don’t worry about making mistakes, then you’ll find yourself squarely in a position of leadership and influence in your career.

Women have choices on how they approach change. Often they pretend it isn’t happening, particularly when the change is unknown. What are the faces of change? Instability, lack of control, discomfort, loss of rights, inconvenience and, yes, that age-old monster, fear, just to name a few.

Change is the one thing that remains constant, but human beings continually try to avoid it, to control it, and to force it.

The one thing you can do to preserve your sanity is to accept, acknowledge and allow change to take place. Thinking it isn’t happening or even a possibility serves only to trick you into believing you are safe without it. Whether you realize it or not, change can be a good thing – if you let it.

Let’s examine how change can be a good thing. Change allows life to start over: new beginnings, new chances, new mistakes.

It allows new ideas to come forward, and it can feed your heart and soul.

Sure, there are times when bad things happen to good people. What happens after change occurs can result in something better than where you started. The point is to embrace your frustration or fear long enough for you to experience the benefits of change.

Here’s a short list of the benefits of change. You:

• Get to define your future
• Can make things happen instead of waiting for things to happen
• No longer need to seek permission
• Can create new and exciting things that you believe in
• Will expand your influence
• Don’t have to settle
• Can have fun
• Can change the world – your world!

These benefits are great; however, when you are at the pinnacle of fearing change about to happen, it’s hard to stop and think about them. This is where you need to make a commitment to cause change to happen. The first change is making up your mind to embrace the change that is going on within and outside of you.

While in the throes of change, ask yourself, “What will happen if I run away or deny what’s going on? What will I be missing? What am I afraid of?” Your answers to these questions will help you understand what really is within your control. They’ll also help you know where you should be focusing your energy. Look at how you can massage or curtail change to work for you and not against you.

Where does your peace of mind fit into this? Denying change causes confusion. Your mind begins to question reality. You then start to behave in ways that don’t support you or what God has planned for you.

Reality is deeply connected to peace of mind.

It all starts with facing that very piece of change that exists right in front of you. You only have a split second to do it. Then it’s gone - forever. It may be considering what’s changing, accepting wholeheartedly what’s changing or retreating in disbelief of what’s changing.

Sir Francis Bacon once said, “If we are to achieve results never before accomplished, we must expect to employ methods never before attempted.” He was right. You will never experience something new or something different if you never attempt the new, the scary or the unknown.

So, just say yes to change. Take the risk. Embrace it and work it to your advantage.

[This is only one of the many powerful articles in this week's Influence It! Real Power for Women free ezine. To enjoy the full issue, jam packed with insightful information on strategies to enhance your personal and professional life to achieve ultimate success, you must be a subscriber. Sign up for your own free subscription NOW by clicking here!]

Opportunities are like buses, there’s one coming by every 10 minutes. The problem is you can’t get on every bus, and there is no magical formula for knowing which bus is the right one. So, you make the best guess, step out and grab on only to realize that a different bus would have gotten you there quicker and better.

The same goes for opportunities. Not all opportunities pan out to be what’s best for you.

Women are constantly faced with making decisions about which direction to go, when to share information, and how to move forward. With all of this going on, you will sometimes miss an ample opportunity to further your growth, reputation or future.

When you miss an opportunity, what do you do?

Let’s look at what NOT to do.

Pouting. Pouting makes you look and behave ridiculously. It tells people you are a baby who needs consoling. This is akin to playing the ‘victim’ in order to garner sympathy from anyone who will pay attention.

Complaining. This only brings negative energy and negative people, who will fan your complaining, into your life.

Blaming. Finding fault with others doesn’t absolve you from responsibility. In fact, it will only make enemies of friends.

Giving up. This is the absolute worst thing you can do! Nothing gained - nothing lost when you don’t try.

So, if these things don’t work, what does?

Here are 5 tips for surviving a missed opportunity:

1. Be certain about what you think was missed.

   Find out if what you thought was an opportunity really was before you waste valuable time and emotion on it. Dig a little deeper into what you know or think of what you lost out on. Another tip is to know what an opportunity means to you.

2. Resurrect what you think could be a saved opportunity.

   If it was an opportunity, then explore all chances of finding it again. Maybe you aren’t too late. Perhaps the boss may reconsider her decision. Possibly the other ‘offer’ may have fallen through. In any case, exhaust all avenues of getting it back – it could be worth the effort.

3. Accept it wasn’t meant to be.

   Believe that this isn’t the last opportunity that will come your way. The sooner you acknowledge that what was lost is beyond your reach is when you will notice other opportunities. Keeping alive the thoughts of what "could have been" will only keep you stuck in the past, creating barriers, preventing you from experiencing what’s next.

4. Capture what you learned.

   Make a list of the things you missed in seeing, hearing or feeling the opportunity when it was in front of you. What will you correct? How was your thinking about what you saw, heard or felt? Did you have tunnel vision? It pays to explore what happened and what went wrong. Even more so, it’s critical to put into action what you learned.

5. Say goodbye instead of hanging on.

   Letting it go frees up your focus to find the next opportunity coming your way. Notice how you can change your problems or challenges into opportunities. Find out what’s missing – fill the gaps.

Developing coping strategies for missed opportunities helps you learn from what went wrong. This will maximize your chances of not missing out when the next opportunity presents itself.

[This is only one of the many powerful articles in this week's Influence It! Real Power for Women free ezine. To enjoy the full issue, jam packed with insightful information on strategies to enhance your personal and professional life to achieve ultimate success, you must be a subscriber. Sign up for your own free subscription NOW by clicking here!]

Communicating with Men

Have you ever been in a meeting where you or another female colleague spends an inordinate amount of time debating a topic with a male coworker, only to discover later that they were actually arguing the same point, but were communicating in a way that the other person could not understand? If not, consider yourself lucky, because it happens frequently in offices and relationships around the world.

The phrase “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” is very true. Genders communicate very differently and in order to have successful business relationships with men, it’s important to learn to communicate in a way that they understand. Here are a few tips on how to better communicate with the men in your company.

For men, activities are more important than talking. As women, we equate talking with intimacy and closeness, so when we’re trying to build a relationship with our male colleagues, we may try to get them talking more about their life and career. While they’ll more than likely oblige you, that’s not how men form bonds. From youth, they create friendships through activity and it extends into adulthood. If you want to build good relationships with men, try participating in activities with them. But pick an activity that allows talking to take place. You’ll put them in their comfort zone and still be able to talk to them about work.

Avoid talking about your problems. Unless you’re looking for help finding a solution, try to avoid commiserating about problems at work with male colleagues. Men typically do not talk about their problems unless they are looking for help finding a solution, while women equate sharing problems as a way to establish intimacy. If you absolutely must vent, I find it helpful to actually state that you are not looking for help or a solution, and that you just need to vent for a moment. This takes the pressure off your male colleague to find a solution for your problem.

Be assertive. I know I might be stating the obvious with this tip, but the fact is that men when men are talking and giving direction in the workplace, they typically talk over others and interrupt. That’s because, for them, being the one who’s getting the last word and who is giving the most directions means that they are more dominant. Talking is actually a status play for men, where it’s more of an equality play for women. These opposing concepts can really cause a mess in meetings, so just don’t take it personally when a man interrupts you. Keep talking and point out that they are interrupting you and they can talk when you’re finished.

Miscommunication in the workplace happens. It’s an unfortunate side effect of working with more than one person. Above all, try not to take miscommunication too seriously. Remember that sometimes our communication styles are just as confusing to men as their style is to women.

It’s easy being optimistic or maintaining a positive attitude when everything is going well. The real test is keeping a positive attitude when things turn to you-know-what.

The world today is experiencing several changes, most of which are scary. The outcomes are unknown making people feel unsure about what’s next. And these outcomes are basically out of your control.

So, what can you control? Your attitude, your perspective on what is happening, and your thoughts about what you can and will do.

Stop wasting time worrying. Rather, follow these five yet effective ways to influence a positive attitude:

1. Always Be Networking. Make friends of strangers you meet. Be enthusiastic about who they are and what they do. Ask questions and look for ways you can assist them in accomplishing their success.
2. Be proactive. Know your customers better than your competitor. Find out what makes them tick and be their cheerleader. Anyone can go the extra mile, but you need to take the next step or two beyond what they need. This will create customer success as well as future belief in your capabilities.
3. Be indispensible. To your customer. To your boss. Always contribute. Stay engaged. Find what it is you can control, and skip over what you cannot. This attitude assists you in recovering quickly when things don’t go your way. There is always another path, and you are the one who can travel it.
4. Stay Informed. Information is good. Be aware of what is happening not only in your sphere but also in your community, your country and the world. Learn how to apply that information to propel you to taking action.
5. Find the Silver Lining. No matter how bad things look right now, look to the future. Imagine the alternative to what’s going wrong this very minute. Put yourself into that picture. Visualize yourself being successful at everything you do.

Doing these five actions will increase how you feel about yourself, and how others feel about you. Promote good will and spread enthusiasm. Making someone else feel better goes a long way in helping you feel good about yourself.

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