Influence By Design

Learn to deal with difficult customers gracefully.

A difficult customer is anyone’s worst nightmare. Nothing you do will calm them down. In fact, sometimes it seems like the more you try to help, the angrier they get. Unfortunately, it’s your job to handle each and every customer, no matter how difficult they may be. Here is a simple, three step guide for dealing with difficult people.

It’s not you, it’s them. When you go into a situation with a customer that you know is going to be tough to deal with or has anger issues, know that it really isn’t about you in particular. Anyone they deal with will have the same hard time. It’s not up to you to “fix” their issues, but you to have to tolerate them. Knowing that, no matter what they say or do, it’s not a personal attack, will likely make it easier to handle this particularly difficult customer.

Go to a happy place. A friend of mine has this saying, “In with the rainbow, out with the storm.” Sure it’s a little bit silly, but learning to find a centered, happy place while dealing with a stressful situation is really important. If you can stay in this happy frame of mind, the chances of a difficult customer ruffling your feathers will be greatly decreased.

Know when to say when. At some point, you have to tell an angry customer to stop. Know what that line is before you reach it so that if it happens, you can tell your customer, with confidence and grace, that you’re very sorry, but you can no longer work with them. It’s OK to stand up for yourself and for your company.

Because women are looking for a deeper understanding of how they can become influential, I developed a 3-part mini-series where I will share the true meaning of influence, where it starts, what women do naturally, and how they can own their influence. This 3-part mini-series, “Designed For Influence”, is where women will find the 3 most powerful tools to bring forth their influence – in any situation. I am inviting you to get your seat before the room fills up – space is limited.  It all begins January 2012 so start your New Year off on a serious note – make yourself a priority!

Use change to make cents (and sense!)

I always find it interesting that so few of us deal well with change, when it’s one of the most common constants in the world. Change happens. It’s all around us! Yet for some reason, when change affects our lives or workplace, we have a little meltdown and don’t really know what to do. Today I want to let you in on a little secret: If you learn to embrace change (and even be the agent of change), you can reap the rewards. Here are five ways that you can use change to make a profit.

Jump on new opportunities. If you aren’t willing to jump on the bandwagon when change happens, you won’t be there to benefit. I’m not saying you should support every new idea that comes out. Of course, do your research, but don’t be afraid to support something new and different.

Be willing to take a risk. You know the saying, “The greater the risk, the greater the reward.” This is oftentimes very true, especially when it comes to embracing change. Be willing to take a risk and you’ll likely see some great dividends.

Lead – don’t follow. Leaders are always the ones that make change. Leaders are also the ones who get promoted and earn more money. Don’t be content simply following the leader. BE the leader.

Stay current. How can you embrace change if you don’t know what’s happening around you in the world? Stay as up to date on news, politics, technology, etc. as you can in order to be certain that you are one of the first people to learn about upcoming change.

Support visionaries. People that are innovative aren’t always natural leaders or even good marketers. If you can help to support people that have great vision and are constantly seeking to change the world, you will see the rewards that their innovations bring.

Because women are looking for a deeper understanding of how they can become influential, I developed a 3-part mini-series where I will share the true meaning of influence, where it starts, what women do naturally, and how they can own their influence. This 3-part mini-series, “Designed For Influence”, is where women will find the 3 most powerful tools to bring forth their influence – in any situation. I am inviting you to get your seat before the room fills up – space is limited.  It all begins January 2012 so start your New Year off on a serious note – make yourself a priority!

Sometimes it’s best to listen to your heart, no matter what your head says.

As women in business, we’re faced the challenge every day of competing in a “men’s world,” which oftentimes means learning to speak, act and communicate like a man in order to get ahead. This can lead to you spending a lot more time focusing on logic and less time listening to your gut. We women were given a gift of intuition and we should rely on it more often. What are some of the situations that we get into where ignoring our intuition will have bad results?

The data says “Yes,” but the heart says “no.” You’ve had it before. The numbers look great on paper. Everything in writing looks perfect, but you still get this sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that something isn’t right. How many times have you gone through with a deal like that and had it turn out sour? If something doesn’t feel right, you should definitely have a second look.

Your gut says “move on.” It happens to most of us. We become unhappy in our current job or career. We start feeling a little voice in the back of our head that chirps “Time to move on and find something new.” When you ignore that feeling, nothing good comes from it. Sure, you may still have a job, but do you have happiness? Are you fulfilled? That little voice is your intuition and it pays not to ignore it.

Your intuition tells you something is wrong. This can be as subtle as a little twinge or as apparent as an alarm going off in your head. For some reason, we sometimes ignore these warnings that something is wrong. Whether it’s a report that just doesn’t feel right, or while walking home at night. Stop telling yourself that you’re just imagining things and listen to your instincts. They will rarely lead you astray.

Because women are looking for a deeper understanding of how they can become influential, I developed a 3-part mini-series where I will share the true meaning of influence, where it starts, what women do naturally, and how they can own their influence. This 3-part mini-series, “Designed For Influence”, is where women will find the 3 most powerful tools to bring forth their influence – in any situation. I am inviting you to get your seat before the room fills up – space is limited.  It all begins January 2012 so start your New Year off on a serious note – make yourself a priority!

Tangled-up in an ethical bind? Here’s an escape strategy!

You know those scenes in movies where the protagonist has to make a decision and all of a sudden, a little angel and devil appear on their shoulders and have a debate about what the character should do? Well, as literal and campy as it may be, sometimes I think that is one of the best ways to show the battle that goes on inside of our heads from time to time, especially when it comes to business decisions.

On the one hand, we want to keep everything we do on the up and up, but on the other, sometimes we think it might be OK to bend our morals just a little to get the upper hand when it comes to taking care of business. Here are just a few reminders of why dishonesty and “bending the rules” just a little bit never pays off in the long run.

It’s a slippery slope. When you are faced with ethical dilemmas and you make a compromise on your morals, you will find it easier and easier to do so in the future. It’s best not to start compromising on what you believe to be right in the first place. Will it result in a few losses? Probably. But holding true to your ethical core is much more important.

Compromise will catch up to you. When you do start bending a little off of the most ethical thing to do, in some form or another, that dishonesty will likely catch up to you in the future. Whether you get a talking to from your superiors or you get fired for your actions, there are always repercussions for dishonest actions.

Think about the future. Next time your head is having an argument between the angel and devil on your shoulder, stop and think about how this will affect your decisions down the road. Will you have to continue to tell white lies and at what point will they stop becoming harmless?

Consider the lessons you’re teaching others. What are you teaching the future generations when you show them that the best way to get ahead is by lying and manipulating the system in order to get ahead? Is this what you want to leave behind as a legacy? More than likely it’s not, so teach your employees that honesty is always the best policy.

Because women are looking for a deeper understanding of how they can become influential, I developed a 3-part mini-series where I will share the true meaning of influence, where it starts, what women do naturally, and how they can own their influence. This 3-part mini-series, “Designed For Influence”, is where women will find the 3 most powerful tools to bring forth their influence – in any situation. I am inviting you to get your seat before the room fills up – space is limited.  It all begins January 2012 so start your New Year off on a serious note – make yourself a priority!

Every woman has “gamey” tendencies. Tendencies that help her get what she wants. There are times she will use anything she can to get it, including manipulation, tears, whining, pouting and yelling. Whatever works, right? Well, not so fast.

1. The set-up question. What is really going on when a woman asks, “Do you think I look fat in this dress?” or “What do you really think of my mother?” Let’s look further. If you fib and say she looks really skinny or you absolutely love her mother, she knows you’re not telling the truth. So then what happens? She punishes you not only for lying but also for not noticing she’s gained a few pounds and even she doesn’t care for her mother.
    

   Why does this happen? Because women think and react from their emotions – at least more than men. This isn’t a bad thing; it is a reality. This is the ultimate push-pull game.

   What you can do. You can change the topic or distract her with another conversation. If you’re desperate, you can play dead, but she’ll probably notice. But the best idea is to tell her what she wants to know – she has a great figure, and you love her mother. What she really needs is to know that you care about her.

2. The come-on scenario. This is where a woman wears provocative clothing and then when you look (which is normal), she takes offense saying, “Hey buddy, my eyes are up here.”
    

   Why does this happen? Well, two reasons. She wants to show off her assets, especially if she really has them; and she wants to still feel like a “good” girl, so she chastises you for looking because that’s what “good” girls do. In reality, she wants to assure herself that she still has what it takes. Getting a rise out of you proves she still has it, and she can control you in the process. Two for the price of one. Unfortunately, it’s a way to control with sexuality.

   What you can do. This is where you need to keep your wits about you. Think with your head and not your physical desires. The 100% cure for this if you’re single? Wait until the honeymoon! If you’re married? Look at your wife!

3. The recurring “wait on me” message. You are on time, and she isn’t ready yet. You call ahead, and she doesn’t answer (she sees you on caller id.) She promises to show up, but she doesn’t or is extremely late. This is her way of ensuring that you dance to her tune. You will find this referred to as playing hard-to-get. For women, half the fun is in the chase.
    

   Why does this happen? She wants to see how far she can push you because that will determine how much she controls the relationship. She wants to be the one calling the shots.

   What you can do. Again, keep your wits about you. Stay alert to this pattern of behavior. Don’t chase too much, act like a bit of a challenge yourself to entice her to take some initiative to being respectful. Women only play hard-to-get when they know they can get away with it.

4. Saying one thing, doing another. For example, she’ll say it doesn’t matter which movie you see, then complain when the one you picked was “awful,” or you’ve unknowingly said something that hurt her feelings. Depending on how you respond, she may throw tears in for extra measure.
    

   Why does this happen? She wants to find fault with you first before you find fault with her. It’s an issue of insecurity. Of course, there’s really no way for you to know what the “right” choices are.

   What you can do. Show some empathy. And, of course, if you’ve done something wrong or insulting, then you need to apologize. On the other hand, it’s important for you to explain how you can’t read her mind. Let her know you are trying to be as thoughtful as you can be. If she still persists in blaming you, then take a hike.

5. Mind reading. This woman expects you to read her mind. It’s anything from favorite restaurants, what happened to her during the day, what she wants in the bedroom, and every other little thing. And when you don’t get it, she gives you the silent treatment.
    

   Why does this happen? She equates mind reading with how much you care. Remember, women aren’t supposed to ask for what they want. They’re the ones taking care of everyone else. So this is her way to “ask” without asking. She wants to be certain you understand her feelings and listen to her. A woman doesn’t want to have to write your script. She thinks you should just either know or remember.

   What you can do. As much as you may be tempted to, don’t leave her alone. Going after her or attempting to talk it out (translation – you listen and she talks) doesn’t mean you are weak. That’s what confident, strong men do. What she wants to know is that her being upset is important to you. Whatever you do, don’t rush in to fix it. That will just make her feel incompetent. I know, but it’s true.

6. Compare and contrast. You are constantly being compared and contrasted with her friends’ boyfriends or husbands. You have to be a certain way to measure up for fear of not making the grade.
    

   Why does this happen? Yes, women can be competitive with other women – surprise! She is determined to have the best catch, or at least fix the catch she has.

   What you can do. Ask her how she’d feel if you compared her to your friends’ dates or wives. Let her know you are your own man. She should be happy to have someone who is confident in who he is and expresses it to her.

7. Conflicting wants. This woman wants a manly man who takes charge, but she doesn’t want to be told what to do or have someone to fix things. She wants a man who loves watching romantic comedies but one who doesn’t cry at them. When you show emotion, she brands you as “weak.”
    

   Why does this happen? A woman wants to have it all, but is uncomfortable with how to handle it all. She is still living with and answering to years of stereotypes.

   What you can do. Talking, talking and more talking. Something you do best, right? Talk to her about the confusion you are experiencing. Give her feedback about the inconsistent messages you are getting. Point out that if it continues, the relationship will die.

So what can you do about the games women play? First, make yourself aware of these games so you can recognize them when they happen. Then, stop tolerating them. As soon as these games are played out, address them for what they are. Bring it to her attention and call her on it. Tell her you’re not a game player.

She may like being made aware of what she’s doing. Some women do these things without awareness of it; it’s in their blind spot. If she listens to you and corrects what she’s doing, then you have a chance at a healthy relationship. If she blows her stack denying what you are seeing (another attempt to see how much you will put up with), then it’s time to count your losses (or blessings) and leave.

[This is only one of the many powerful articles in this week's Influence It! Real Power for Women free ezine. To enjoy the full issue, jam packed with insightful information on strategies to enhance your personal and professional life to achieve ultimate success, you must be a subscriber. Sign up for your own free subscription NOW by clicking here!]

Sometimes you just need to admit that you can’t do it all.

“Sure thing, boss! I’ll get that for you right away!”

How many times have you said something similar to this at work? Normally taking on a couple extra projects isn’t a problem, but when you pair that with evening plans with friends, a sick child or a family crisis, sometimes the burden of everything at once can be too much and you just crash. I understand that no one likes to let down their boss or coworkers and, in these uncertain times, you might even feel pressure to push yourself past the brink, but at some point, you just have to stop before you lose it all. What are some of the ways you can step back and regain control of your life when multi-tasking has taken over?

Accept that life happens. You know what? Chaos is going to happen and that’s OK. When it hits you and/or your family, it’s OK to admit that you need to take a step back from a couple things. Maybe you hand one of your projects over to someone else. Maybe you cancel your plans for the evening. Don’t feel guilty for taking something off your plate.

Hire a sitter or assistant. If you have to work more hours, but still have family affairs to take care of, hire a babysitter to watch your children or find a temporary assistant to run errands for you. It might be a one or two time payment, but if it will take some of the pressure off you, it’s well worth the money.

Ask for help. Here’s something novel. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, simply ask for help. Whether you need your partner to help you with your children or you need a coworker to put in a few extra hours on a project, it’s alright to ask for help.

Drop one “thing.” That plate of yours look fuller than a growing teen’s plate on Thanksgiving, which might be OK for one special day, but is not acceptable in the long haul. When you feel your place getting full, maybe it’s time to take one item off your plate and put it back on the table for someone else.

Because women are looking for a deeper understanding of how they can become influential, I developed a 3-part mini-series where I will share the true meaning of influence, where it starts, what women do naturally, and how they can own their influence. This 3-part mini-series, “Designed For Influence”, is where women will find the 3 most powerful tools to bring forth their influence – in any situation. I am inviting you to get your seat before the room fills up – space is limited.  It all begins January 2012 so start your New Year off on a serious note – make yourself a priority!

Submissive does not mean passive.

You’ve probably seen her in your company: The alpha woman in the office. She walks around the office, saying what she wants and not resting until she gets her way. She’s never afraid to raise her voice and it’s clear from her enviable collection of power suits that she is the dominant woman in the office. And I’m willing to bet that you’ve spent some time feeling very jealous of her, wishing you could be more dominant and less submissive. But I’m here to tell you that being the submissive woman in the office does NOT equate to being a doormat and there are a lot of positives to being a “people pleaser.”

You are a great mediator. The desire to make sure everyone is happy is a fantastic quality. Something that a submissive personality craves. When there are problems with employees in the office, your staff can rely on you to help smooth things over between the parties involved so that the work environment can go back to peace.

You can be trusted. Along the same lines of keeping peace in the workplace, employees can trust you to keep their admissions in confidence. The last thing you want to do is stir up gossip in the office. Being able to trust a coworker or employee is highly valuable to c-level employees.

Your opinion will be heard. A dominant woman is always stating their opinion and recommendations and constantly ensuring that they’re heard. At some point, their message can get lost because they are saying too much. If you hold back until you are absolutely sure about something, people are more likely to stand up and take note.

You are a hard worker. Sure, there’s merit to networking and fighting your way to the top, but at the end of the day, hard work pays off and most submissive women work very hard to make certain that their contributions are worthwhile and valuable to their employers.

Because women are looking for a deeper understanding of how they can become influential, I developed a 3-part mini-series where I will share the true meaning of influence, where it starts, what women do naturally, and how they can own their influence. This 3-part mini-series, “Designed For Influence”, is where women will find the 3 most powerful tools to bring forth their influence – in any situation. I am inviting you to get your seat before the room fills up – space is limited.  It all begins January 2012 so start your New Year off on a serious note – make yourself a priority!

Be strong and show off those influence muscles.

So much of getting ahead in business is all about using the influence you’ve built up over the course of your career and knowing when exactly to use it. Some of us, however, are a little shy about using our reputation and our influence to get what we want in our career. That’s when you have to be brave, step out of your comfort zone and use all of that influence you’ve earned! Just to help you know what situations are best for using your influence to get what you want, here are five great reasons to flex those influential muscles.

1.    To get a promotion. Yes, part of getting promoted relies on your merits as a worker, but some of it is also about how much influence you have with the higher ups. If you feel like you deserve a promotion (or a raise for that matter), stand up for yourself and use some of that influence and good will you’ve earned with your superiors.
2.     To green light a project. We all have projects that we’re passionate about at our job. It makes work more interesting and keeps us engaged. When you find a project that you’re excited about but that isn’t moving forward, it’s definitely time to flex those influence muscles and get the project fast tracked.
3.     To help out a deserving friend or coworker. Sometimes using your clout for others’ benefit is a great thing to do. If you know someone who really deserves recognition, it’s OK to use your influence to help them out.
4.     To raise money for a charity. On a similar vein, using your connections and influence to do good in the community is probably one of the best uses of your influential status possible.
5.     To make new business connections. If you’re a small business owner or work for one, you know how critical it is to always be making new connections. Using your existing connections to make new ones is a great way to use your influence to help grow your company.

Because women are looking for a deeper understanding of how they can become influential, I developed a 3-part mini-series where I will share the true meaning of influence, where it starts, what women do naturally, and how they can own their influence. This 3-part mini-series, “Designed For Influence”, is where women will find the 3 most powerful tools to bring forth their influence – in any situation. I am inviting you to get your seat before the room fills up – space is limited.  It all begins January 2012 so start your New Year off on a serious note – make yourself a priority!

Accountability is the glue that holds a team together.

When it comes to running a successful business or team, you know that everyone must be able to rely on one another in order for things to run smoothly. In order for that trust to be built (believe me, it doesn’t just magically happen), everyone must be accountable for their actions and decisions within the company. After all, if you can trust someone to take responsibility for their choices, how can you trust them to work with you? So what can you do to make accountability work in your team?

Weekly Team Meetings

When everyone is in the same room, discussing the same project, you can talk about any problems or issues that have arisen over the course of the week. Have questions for the team members regarding their progress and what areas of the projects they are handling. This is the best way to avoid he said/she said about assignments and responsibilities.

One-on-one Meetings

If you need to talk to someone about their accountability, don’t do it during a group meeting. The person will feel attacked and likely react negatively. Call the person into your office and talk to them face-to-face alone. You can discuss strategies for improving accountability and reorganize responsibilities if need be.

Open Door Policies

It’s important for your employees to feel as though they can come talk to you about anything that’s troubling them. If someone is having a problem working with a colleague, it needs to be addressed so that efficiency isn’t compromised. Keeping your door open for team members lets them feel secure talking to you.

Clear Goals and Responsibilities

Sometimes a person will have a difficult time being held accountable if they aren’t exactly sure what they are supposed to be doing. This is when it is your responsibility to ensure that each member of your team understands their roles and goals within the project and if they don’t, you must communicate it to them in a way that they understand.

Because women are looking for a deeper understanding of how they can become influential, I developed a 3-part mini-series where I will share the true meaning of influence, where it starts, what women do naturally, and how they can own their influence. This 3-part mini-series, “Designed For Influence”, is where women will find the 3 most powerful tools to bring forth their influence – in any situation. I am inviting you to get your seat before the room fills up – space is limited.  It all begins January 2012 so start your New Year off on a serious note – make yourself a priority!

How does she do it? She walks into the room, and all eyes and ears are on her. Waiting, listening, watching. She is the one everyone recognizes as the leader when a team is formed. She’s the first one picked by clients or customers to speak with about their multi-million dollar account. They look to her for guidance and courage.

What does that woman have that you don’t? What’s her secret? Presence.

Executive Presence.

The corporate culture has advanced a great deal in the past several years, but we are still guided by our primal instincts. Having a powerful, commanding presence is the “big stick” of the modern day woman in the executive suite.

Nothing can replace presence. The environment is simply a reflection of the energy we place out there – an energy that comes from within.

Why does this carry so much weight? Well, we don’t walk around with our resume glued to our forehead announcing our talents and skills to the world. Since people don’t “know” you, they are responding to and drawn to the physical energy you project. This is how people form an opinion of you in less than 3 seconds. This is your “visual resume.”

Everything you say and do is evaluated on the basis of that 3-second opinion. It’s not a question of whether this is right or wrong. It’s simply a fact of life you learn to live with.

You are constantly scrutinized.

It’s your executive presence that dictates how others will deal with you: the job interviewer, co-workers, bosses, boards of directors, and most importantly, your clients.

Being confident isn’t a guarantee of presence; rather, it’s how you express your confidence that makes an impression. It’s your ability to project a sense of ease, poise, or self-assurance.

Executive presence is all wrapped up in how you look, how you smell, how your voice sounds, how you carry yourself, what words you are using, and what energy you send out.

There are three areas for you to focus on to create and build your executive presence.

The first area is your image. You first need to know what image you want to project. This image can change with the situation.

If you are trying to convince the CEO of your newest idea, you want to portray an image of intelligence, competence and confidence. You will want to exercise respect. Keep your ego out of it.

This is different from the image you want to portray of being the team leader. As the team leader, you’ll need to be listening, encouraging, caring and thoughtful. You want to be seen as the go-to person.

The key is to choose and know which image fits the circumstance you’re in. There are three components that make up your image: looks and presentation, voice and words, and body language.

The second area is your posture. Do you lean back in your chair during meetings? Are you shaking your leg under the table? Do you fidget in your chair? Keeping a tall, erect posture portrays a sign of self-confidence, which allows others to be confident in you. Information received from someone slouching, being restless or less than engaged is assumed to be incorrect.

When you present a posture of confidence, which is shoulders back, back straight and feet shoulder width apart in a grounded stance, people will trust you, subconsciously admire you and begin to agree with whatever you have to say.

The third area is your eye contact. There is truth in the saying, “The eyes are the windows to the soul.” When you speak to clients or other executives, they search your face for your real intentions. The eyes are the fixture where they place emphasis. When you look into their eyes, you are giving them a sense of absolute certainty as to what you are saying.

Making solid, fearless eye contact draws people in to you, helping them to trust you and see you as an authority of whatever topic you are discussing. A strong powerful stare can help you stay in control of the situation more than any pointed statement you could make.

When you make direct eye contact, the message you are sending is that you are listening, interested, showing respect and concern that people will appreciate.

When you sense an argument or confrontation, look the other person straight in the eye focusing on the iris. Hold your stare with commitment that the other person will look away first. Be cautious of the “stare down;” use it only in certain circumstances.

You must always be aware of these three things without letting on that you are aware of them. Make sense? For instance, if you are getting ready for a meeting, you’ll want to be in your best clothes, neatest hairstyle, and smell good. Will that cinch it for you? No. You need to project what you’re wearing – your confidence, your commitment and your courage.

One final bonus area – be in control of your body movement. People can’t read your mind, but they can read or react to your body language. Your body tells others what is going on in your head. This means you have to monitor your thoughts. Keeping yourself in a positive state of mind helps you move with freedom and confidence. Despite whatever pressures you face in the office, focus on positive thoughts.

Pay attention to your voice. When you meet someone for the first time, project your name and greeting. Be clear. Project the key points when making a presentation. Keep your words simple and easily understood.

You can’t fake having a commanding executive presence; you can only move towards having it.

Having executive presence is the most important commodity an executive woman can have for her to have a meaningful existence. The key to having executive presence is the ability to project it.

[This is only one of the many powerful articles in this week's Influence It! Real Power for Women free ezine. To enjoy the full issue, jam packed with insightful information on strategies to enhance your personal and professional life to achieve ultimate success, you must be a subscriber. Sign up for your own free subscription NOW by clicking here!]