Warrior Caregiver Blog

Learn the difference between being a protector or a acceptor. I invite you to come join us
in the Warrior Caregiver Community where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration.
Click Here

I am very excited to share my BraveHeart Women TV video with you. Watch the BraveHeart
Women panel discuss how to become a Warrior Caregiver. I invite you to come
join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration.
Click Here

Are you a caregiver that is hiding your feelings? Are you trying to control everything? It's time to let go of the control. I can help you do that! I invite you to come join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration.
Click Here

I am sharing my story with the hopes that I can help others learn to recognize
miracles you will always remember. I invite you to come join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration.
Click Here

When we are giving care to others, it is easy to fall victim to becoming a forgotten caregiver. What happens is that everyone takes for granted that we will make sure that all the care giving duties are completed. They no longer worry about helping out. No one even acknowledges any of the care giving work that we have juggled into our lives. They are all "too busy" to make sure that we have time for ourselves and for our other family members.

I remember how easily I became a forgotten caregiver. When my cerebral palsy daughter was a baby and a toddler,she was prone to seizures. No one wanted to look after her as they did not want to take on the additional responsibility of caring for her. Even getting a babysitter for an evening out was a challenge. Her father would also not look after her by himself as he too was intimidated by her condition. As a result, I was the one and only caregiver to my daughter for the first few years of her life. My daughter was in physiotherapy classes at the Children's Hospital which was about an hours drive from where I lived. I had to drive her to these classes three days a week and juggle my other two children between grandparents and other relatives. I had become a forgotten caregiver.

Warrior Caregivers make sure that they always remain remembered caregivers and do not become forgotten caregivers.

Warrior Caregivers are remembered by:
Ensuring that all those able to help with the care giving are included in the schedule
Keeping control while still delegating out care giving duties
Making time for themselves and other family members
Making sure that all others involved are part of the decisions
Accepting help and acknowledgment for all the work
Warrior Caregivers ensure that all those that can help with some of the care giving are worked into the schedule. They do not accept that these people always appear to be too busy. They make sure that the duties are shared between all involved.

Warrior Caregivers keep control by making sure that care giving that cannot be completed by them is delegated out to those available to help. They also ensure that care giving is completed by others in a positive and timely manner.

Warrior Caregivers never lose sight of themselves because they make time for themselves. They also make sure that other family members are not forgotten due to care giving duties. They make sure that they work in time for all so that no one feels left out.

Warrior Caregivers make sure that others involved in the care giving duties are also a part of the decisions. This makes everyone feel important and also keeps them involved. This way, no one becomes forgotten.

Warrior Caregivers readily accept help with the care giving duties. They also accept acknowledgment from others for the work that they do. They are not too proud to accept either of these.

I had to educate others on how to care for my daughter. I had to learn how to delegate to others so that I had time for myself. I had to include others in the decision making process and I had to accept that I could not do it all. I had to accept help and I had to accept acknowledgment from others. I did this and became a remembered caregiver.

I invite you to come join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration.

Click Here

I invite you to come join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community
where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration.
Click Here

Effective communication between you and the one you are caring for is a
very important step in establishing a strong bond. Both you and the
one you are caring for need to voice your opinions so that there are
no hidden agendas or untold feelings between the two of you.

I remember how important it was in allowing my cerebral palsy daughter
a voice in setting her own goals. For many years, we held planning
meetings without including her in the discussions. We set the goals
that we felt we should be able to achieve with her over the upcoming year.

After she graduated from high school, we decided to place her into a group
home. This worked for a while and then she became very bossy and
uncooperative in the home. We then decided to try to let her share an
apartment with a mentally challenged individual that she had become
friends with. This did not work for very long and we were back at the
planning table.

We then decided to place a paid caregiver with her in the apartment.
My daughter rebelled and would not clean, cook, or talk to the person
living with her. We then asked her what she wanted and she told us that
she wanted to get her own apartment, manage her own bank account, and
do all her own shopping and cleaning. We decided to listen and we found
her a one bedroom apartment, set her up with a bank account that she managed,
and allowed her to do her own shopping and cleaning. This worked because
we finally allowed her to voice her opinion in her life goals and we listened.

Warrior Caregivers are able to establish strong communication skills between
themselves and the ones they are caring for.

Warrior Caregivers know:
* the importance of strong communication
* that all feelings must be spoken without fear from either party
* that unspoken words will lead to resentment and anger
* that they have to listen and try to find a solution
* that they need to form an empathetic connection

Warrior Caregivers know the importance of strong communication between themselves
and the ones receiving care. They know that without strong communication, there
will be feelings of resentment, anger, and frustration. They know
that all the feelings must be shared and there cannot be any fear of speaking
any of the feelings.

Warrior Caregivers know that they have to listen to what the ones receiving care
have to say. We may not always agree with some of the requests but we need to
listen without interrupting. We then have to be open to express our feelings and
thoughts even though they may contradict the spoken thoughts of those receiving the care.

Warrior Caregivers know that they need to listen and find solutions. They need
to form an empathetic connection so that neither party feels threatened
when they express their feelings.

With my daughter, we had to teach her how to cook, how to clean, and how to manage
her own money. We installed a call button so that if she had a medical problem that
she could get help. She successfully lived on her own for ten years.

She now lives with her boyfriend and is able to be a successful companion in his
home. If we had not listened to her requests, she would not be as independent today
as she is.

By recognizing the importance of communication, you have completed another important
step in becoming a strong Warrior Caregiver.

I invite you to come join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community
where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration.
Click Here

I invite you to come join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community
where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration.
Click Here

I invite you to come join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community
where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration.
Click Here

I invite you to come join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community
where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration.
Click Here

It is important to remember that it is just us. Often we feel
like it is us and them and we begin to feel like it is a constant
battle between us and the ones we are caring for. These feelings
must be neutralized so that we are working as a "just us" team.

I recall how easily that my cerebral palsy daughter fell into this
mindset of us and them. She became obsessed with the theory that
it was an "us and them" team. She was sure that everyone who was
part of her care giving team was ganging up against her. She put
up walls and her care giving team was met with resistance every step
of the way.

No matter how hard we tried, we were unable to get her to see that
we were on her team. These feelings of us and them soon filtered
into the minds of the caregivers and I realized that the" just us"
team was broken.

I know that there were times that I met with others from her care
giving team and it was felt that it was no longer an us team effort.
It was like we were forming an "us team" against her as she could
not accept that we were all working for common goals. My husband
also felt that it was an "us and them" team after he had his heart
attack.

The caregivers were all trying to direct the decisions and the outcomes
as if he was no longer able to make any of his own decisions. He felt
that he had no control over his life and that everyone was working
against him. We had become an "us and them" team.

Warrior Caregivers are able to keep the "just us" team by:

* Working as a team towards common goals
* Talking to the ones receiving care so that they feel like a part
of the team
* Always including the ones receiving care so that their feelings
count in the decisions
* Making the ones receiving care responsible for the outcome of their
decisions
* Understanding that we are only the caregivers not the decision makers
* Accepting that those receiving care remain in control of the outcome
of their decisions

When we work as a team towards common goals, Warrior Caregivers are able
to keep the team as just us. These common goals bind the caregivers to the
ones receiving care so that together they work as one. There is no longer
any need for there to be an "us and them" team.

Warrior Caregivers know that it is important to include and to talk to the
ones receiving care so that they feel like they are part of the team.
By including the ones receiving care, they feel like their feelings
count in the decisions and a strong us team is formed. This overrides
the "us and them" teams that can form if the caregivers make all the
decisions without any input from the one receiving the care.

Warrior Caregivers recognize that when the ones receiving care are
responsible for the outcome of the decisions, they feel like they have
control of their lives. Warrior Caregivers accept that they are not the
decision makers and that the outcome of the decisions rests with the one
receiving care.

By including those receiving care in the decision making process, a strong
us team is formed as the caregiver is now viewed as the solution to the
problem rather than the problem.

When we started holding group planning meetings where my daughter could
share her feelings and her thoughts on the decisions with the ones who were
giving her care, we found that we were able to form a strong us team going
forward. It became very evident that we needed to include the one receiving
care when ever possible so that they remained in control of their lives.
This assisted in forming the strong us team and we no longer needed the us and
them team to successfully work together. We had replaced the them team with
a strong us team.

Warrior Caregivers recognize the importance of just us teams. Congratulations
on learning how to have a "just us" team.

I invite you to come join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community
where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration. Click Here

I invite you to come join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community
where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration.
Click Here

Expressing Emotions

Often what happens is that the ones that we are caring for are unable
to effectively express their emotions. They become frustrated and
they strike out at the ones giving care to them. It is important
as a caregiver to not allow our emotions to react to these outbursts
and understand that the ones we are caring for need to learn to express
their emotions in a positive manner.

When I was raising my daughter who has cerebral palsy, I found that she
was not able to express her emotions in a positive way. She would
arrive home from school and would come through the door on the fight.
She would be yelling for no reason and would do anything to pick
a fight with either myself or her siblings.

I was sure that she must have been in the same frame of mind at school
and I was concerned that her behaviour would be causing a problem
for her teacher. I contacted her teacher only to find out that she had
been a perfect little girl at school. He told me that she appeared
happy and was cooperative and did not display any negative behaviour
whatsoever.

It was then that I realized that she was frustrated. She was not able
to express her frustration and her only way to vent this frustration
was to strike out at the very people who cared for her and loved her
the most. It was safe ground. She had figured out that we would be
there for her irregardless of what she did to us and that we loved
her unconditionally.

I had to come up with a solution to her frustration at expressing her
emotions. She needed to be able to vent her anger without hurting
herself or the ones that loved her.

Warrior Caregivers help those that they are caring for to come to terms
with their emotions and to have the courage to acknowledge and manage
their own anger.

Warrior Caregivers
* Provide a safe environment
* Remain positive
* Refrain from reacting to emotional outbursts
* Encourage acknowledgement of anger
* Teach expressing emotion with tough love

Warrior Caregivers provide a safe environment for those they are caring
for to express their emotions and to release their anger. It is important
that no one is hurt either physically or mentally in the expression of
emotions. Warrior Caregivers are able to teach those receiving care
to release anger in a positive manner.

Warrior Caregivers do not react to negative feedback and remain positive
for those they are caring for. It is very important that the caregiver
understands that the anger and frustration that is being directed at them
is only frustration and cannot be taken to heart. Warrior Caregivers remain
positive and strong and are able to unconditionally love the one they are
caring for even with emotional outbursts.

Warrior Caregivers know that reacting to emotional outbursts only encourages
the behaviour. They therefore do not acknowledge these outbursts. They
will only acknowledge the person they are caring for when they are able to
vent their frustration in an acceptable manner.

Warrior Caregivers know that the ones they are caring for will have anger.
It is important that the ones in care learn how to vent this anger in a
positive manner. Warrior Caregivers are able to provide the resources
o the ones in care so that they can vent their anger.

Warrior Caregivers use tough love teaching to assist the ones in care
to learn how to express their emotions and to vent their anger. Tough
love teaching allows the ones being cared for to find positive solutions.
With my daughter, I had to set up time as soon as she arrived home for her
to tell us about her day. If she had outbursts of anger, I would not respond
or react. I would wait until she stopped the behaviour and then ask her to
try again.

She would have to tell the story again without having the negative outburst.
She soon learned that the only way to release her frustration was to express
her emotions without attacking the ones caring for her. To this day, I teach
her with tough love how to express her emotions and to manage her anger.

I invite you to come join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community
where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration.
Click Here

Caregivers very often fall into the trap of feeling that they do not have
enough time to do everything. I recall even questioning myself as to how
I could do anything for myself or for my immediate family. I fell in
with the majority of caregivers who become obsessed with the amount of
time that they require to spend care giving. I was not able or willing
to take on anything more. I had become a victim caregiver.

Caregivers very often feel sorry for themselves and share these feelings
of "poor me" with any one who will listen. We do not even realize that
we are constantly sharing the poor me stories. Care giving to others
becomes our excuse for not completing tasks or for not taking on new tasks.
Victim caregivers are unable to give additional attention to their immediate
families, their spouses or their special others. We are constantly fighting
an inner conflict with ourselves and quite often we become depressed and
negative. We become victim caregivers.

Warrior Caregivers remain positive and become effective jugglers. They are
able to juggle their time between:

* Care to self
* Care to others
* Care for immediate family
* Care for spouse or special other

Warrior caregivers learn to juggle their time in order to remain in control
of their own lives. Making time for yourself is imperative to remaining
strong and positive. By finding time for your self, you are able to keep
inner conflicts under control. You are constantly recharging your own mind
and body. This allows you to share positive feelings to the ones you are
caring for and to attract positive people into your life.

Warrior caregivers are able to work care giving into their daily lives with
ease. Giving care to others becomes a positive and enjoyable experience.
Sharing these positive feelings with the ones that you are caring for allows
you to accomplish more in the same period of time. The ones being cared for
are more cooperative and are willing to work harder.

My daughter was in physiotherapy for many years. I had to incorporate all
the activities that we learned at physiotherapy into our daily lives so that
she would practice the motions. I was able to work these into our daily
lives in a positive and encouraging way so that she did not even realize
that is what I was doing. The result was that she was much more cooperative
and worked harder.
Warrior caregivers juggle their time to include time for their immediate family.
Our immediate families do not feel left out or short changed. They feel
included and are willing to help out more as a result. Family units remain
very important to warrior caregivers who make sure that they juggle their
time to accommodate family events and activities. My other children always
helped out at home so that we could all enjoy their baseball or volleyball games.

The warrior caregiver makes sure that they include time for their spouses or
special others. Quite often it is the spouse or special other that gets
forgotten while you are care giving for others. They are usually the first
to feel left out and quite often are the first to hear the "poor me" stories.
They too become negative as they attempt to live with a tired and depressed
victim caregiver. It is important to keep everyone positive and working
towards the same goals.

Effective juggling gives balance to the warrior care givers life. It provides
a positive atmosphere which is shared by family and friends. Effective juggling
also leaves the caregiver in control. This curtails the inner conflicts that
so often take over the care givers life. Effective juggling may take some time
to master but once achieved is worth the additional effort. I found that
becoming a warrior caregiver improved all my family relationships and effective
juggling allowed me time for myself, for my family, for my spouse, and for the
ones I was caring for.

I invite you to come join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community
where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration.
Click Here

Tough Love is a teaching tool that Warrior Caregivers utilize when
providing care to loved ones.

Tough Love involves:
* Separating yourself from the one receiving care
* Giving direction rather than solutions
* Providing guidance to complete the task
* Requires a strong will and patience to succeed
* Changing the behaviour by ignoring the negative
* Celebrating the achievements and acknowledging the miracles

Warrior Caregivers will not:
* Feel sorry for the one they are teaching
* Complete the task for the one they are giving care to
* Give in to frustration and anger that may happen while a solution
is being sought
* Acknowledge negative or unacceptable behaviour
* React to criticism from the ones they are teaching

Warrior Caregivers are able to separate themselves from the one
receiving the care even though they love these individuals.
Their love for the person receiving the care does not change.
They are able to be tough while helping those they love to reach
their goals.

Warrior caregivers will give direction to the one they are caring
for so that the ones receiving the care can find their own solution
to the problem. This may involve some frustration on the part of
the one being taught. However the outcome is far more positive when
the tough love principles are applied.

Warrior caregivers provide guidance to complete the task. They let
those being cared for find improvised ways to complete the tasks
rather than choosing the easy way and doing it for them. This guidance
gives the one receiving care the confidence to move forward and succeed.

Warrior caregivers must have a strong will with determination and
patience to teach with tough love. They must hold firm on providing
guidance to reach the solution rather than completing the task for
the one learning.

Warrior caregivers will only acknowledge the person when any unacceptable
behaviour stops as long as the one being cared for is not in danger of
hurting themselves. They will only allow positive behaviour from the one
receiving the care to overtake the situation.

Warrior caregivers provide guidance and will celebrate the achievements
even if the achievements appear small to the outsider. Warrior caregivers
encourage the person they are caring for to contribute to finding the
solution to the task at hand.

Warrior caregivers acknowledge the achievements and celebrate the miracles
when they happen. Tough love teaching allows the caregivers to witness
these miracles firsthand and to build confidence in the ones receiving
care for their accomplishments.

To some the tough love concept sounds too harsh. However, the joy that is
achieved by those that are given tough love teaching makes the determination
and frustrations all worth the pain.

I invite you to come join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community
where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration.
Click Here

Caregivers need to stay in control.

Often what happens is that we let the ones we are caring for to overtake
our lives and they begin to control our lives. We schedule our lives
around their calendars. Rarely do we even realize that we have allowed
this to happen. It is not until we take inventory of our own lives that
we realize what has happened.

I know how easily that I allowed the ones that I was caring for to control
my life. I would turn down my own activities to accommodate their
schedules. I would plan my day around their lunch hour and their rest
time. I would not allow myself to schedule any family outings without
incorporating in my care giving schedule.

I turned down lunch with friends and drove too fast to get to care facilities
at a specified time. I became stressed when I missed one of the specified
times that I had wanted to attend. I would feel guilty if I missed a supper
hour and would stay late and arrive home very late on a work night to make
up for missing some time with the one I was caring for. Family activities
would be altered or cancelled when the one receiving the care took control.

The ones I was caring for had taken over my schedule and my calendar and I
had allowed it to happen.

Warrior Caregivers remain in control. Remaining in control requires the
following steps:

* Take inventory of your life
* Plan your day around your schedule
* Work care giving into your schedule
* Let go of the stress and the quilt
* Take back control of your life

Warrior Caregivers take inventory of their lives. Taking inventory requires
that they write down their daily schedule for several weeks. Then they score
the results to see if they are in control of their lives or if their calendars
have been overtaken by the ones that they are caring for.

It is this inventory that determines who is in control. Warrior Caregivers
plan their day around their own schedule. They work care giving into their
schedule rather than making it their schedule.

Warrior Caregivers are able to let go of the stress that is associated with
trying to live your life for someone else's schedule. They are also able to
manage the guilt that occurs when missing scheduled times and know that they
do not need to feel guilty for putting their life first.

Warrior Caregivers take back control of their lives by making sure that their
own immediate needs and the needs of other family members are considered prior
to making any plans. They plan family outings and activities around their own
schedule and work care giving into their schedule.

Once you have taken back control of your life and have let go of the stress and
guilt associated with saying no and for putting you first, you will find that you
become stronger and able to take on more as a result. Having control of your life
gives you back the confidence that had gotten lost in the control struggle.

Congratulations for taking back control of your life and for taking another step
to becoming a Warrior Caregiver.

I invite you to come join us in the Warrior Caregiver Community
where we provide a safe platform for support & collaboration.
Click Here





.