One of my deep quests was to heal the inner turmoil of never feeling like I was enough. It was a thick web in my consciousness that affected all areas of my life. It affected how much money I felt comfortable asking for, how much love I could receive, and how I interfaced with my responsibilities.
I grew up learning that “work was hard” and I adopted a mentality of whipping myself forward, rather than loving myself forward. I was never really satisfied with my results; always looking to improve. When I heard feedback I discounted the good and focus on beating myself up with the corrective suggestions.
The process of healing unworthiness is deep and intensive. It takes awakened vigilance. I had to allow myself to connect to my early years and see what old tapes were running my life today. One situation at a time, I noticed when old wiring resurfaced, and rather than playing the tape of the story I chose to feel my discomfort.
I dropped from my head/the story, to the presence of the feelings within my heart. In the comfort and security of my own space, I let my emotions rise and express themselves. I chose go into my feelings and pop them like a balloon - removing emotions and vibrations that weren’t serving my HIGHEST. I was shocked with how much repressed emotion I had buried inside - emotions that clouded my lens and affected my vibration within the world.
In my opinion the deeper we go within to heal and excavate, the higher we climb in the external world.
In the beginning I had all the famous excuses for not doing the deep work.. “I have worked on myself in the past, I don’t have the time. I’ve read a book about it… ya-da
ya-da..
Truth is we have far more joy to unearth than the limited ego will allow us to believe.
GO DEEP, FLY HIGH!!!! Wise Goddess with divine ancient eyes,
See your magnificence reflected in the skies.
Across the desert, you traveled on a mission,
Discovered your voice and healed through your admissions.
Here today, before we stand,
I see your beauty, your knowledge of the land.
Goddess before me I ignite your fire!
Go deep inside, connect to your desire.
Mystical powers reveal yourselves today,
Allow the Divine to show up and stay.
Remove the fear, the frozen stance,
Turn up the volume, allow the Goddess to dance.
Fellow wise Beings bring forth your power,
Move forward the Goddess let her feel your energy shower.
Rain, rain, cleanse her shadows away,
Purify, heal, reveal the Great Work of this day.
Wise Goddess with Divine ancient eyes,
The forces are bestowed - it is your time to rise.