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I just sent my weekly newsletter out, and today's article shared my best secrets to successfully managing my time so that I have more time to spend doing the things I love.

I shared that since I've always been a high achiever and perfectionist, the hardest step in getting my calendar under control was just accepting that I couldn't do everything on my To Do List.

This was so difficult because I thought that if I just worked a little harder and with more efficiency, I could do everything. I thought I just needed a better system to get it all done.

It took me a while, and some stress-related symptoms, to realize that 1) I actually could do everything, 2) but to get it all done meant I had to work way too hard, 3) that was a bad, and unhealthy, system, and most importantly, 4) I still wasn't happy.

I think I was trying to prove something to myself (or someone else) at the time. But whatever it was, it was no longer important.

What was important was that I realize that there was not enough hours in the day to do everything on my list. Time is finite and there's just no way to stretch it. It's a precious resource and we must invest it wisely, not spend it frivolously.

Once I accepted this, I chose to begin investing in the activities that brought me joy and enriched my life.

So how about you? Are you investing your time on what's most important to you?


To read more about my secrets to better time management, or subscribe to LifeSMART News, click here.

Melissa Gordon is founder of LifeSMART Coaching and is dedicated to helping women live authentically. What does it mean to live authentically? It’s identifying your personal beliefs and values and then choosing to live by them. Even more, it’s about discovering what you’re passionate about and including it in your life. This could be finding your true calling or fulfilling some long held dreams. Discovering the True You can bring tremendous inner peace and joy. What are you waiting for? Visit LifeSMART Coaching and let Melissa help you live your best life now!

The most successful people are those who work toward the things they are passionate about.  They are driven to share what makes them feel happy in hopes of making others feel happy, too. And the more they love what they do, the harder they’ll work at it. After all, don’t you love doing things that make you happy?

Unfortunate ly, many people aren’t quite sure what their true passion or purpose is. They want to be successful but they just aren’t sure what it is that they can do.

< span style="font-family: verdana,geneva;">Finding your passion is possible, but it may take some deep searching within yourself.  But once you find your passion and purpose, you’ll begin to see just how successful you can be.

Fin d Your Purpose

An obvious first step in finding your passion and purpose is to look at the things you enjoy doing, like your hobbies. The trick is to figure out where you draw your internal energy from and where your gifts and talents serve you best.

Here are some questions to ask yourself that will help you pinpoint your purpose:

• What are you doing when you are most happy?
• What recharges your batteries? What do you do to energize yourself after a stressful day?< /li>
• If money wasn’t an issue and you had all the time in the world to pursue hobbies and socialize with friends, what would you want to do to add meaning to your life?
• What is your biggest dream?

Once you’ve discovered what it is that really makes you tick, you get to decide how you’re going to incorporate your purpose into your life.

Wor k With Purpose

You already know that doing what you love makes you happy, and there’s no better way to spend the day than doing something enjoyable, and getting paid to do it. That’s why so many people choose to pursue their purpose through their careers.  

Success is never easy. Reaching your career goals involves a lot of hard work and is often frustrating, but remember that working with purpose toward something you’re passionate about is much easier than going to a job you hate every single day.

Unfortunate ly, changing careers isn’t possible for some. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t pursue your purpose in your current position. Ask yourself:

• Is there another position within your current company that better fulfills your passion?
• Is there a special project or committee that you could work on that is more in line with your purpose?
• Can you moonlight at another job that fulfills your purpose?
• Is it possible to start your own business is your free time?

Liv e With Purpose

If pursuing your passion through your career isn’t an option right now, you can still add purpose to your life. Here are a few ways to add more passion and purpose to each day:< /p>

• Volunteer for an organization that shares your purpose
• Participate in hobbies that your passionate about
• Take classes that develop your purpose or passion
• Teach others about your passion

Also, take a close look at other aspects of your daily life, the people you hang around with, the hobbies you participate in. Are these people and activities in line with your purpose? Negative or unfulfilling activities can be exchanged for the ones that supercharge you.< /p>

If you don't already know what drives you in life, take some time to reflect on it. Then make sure everything you do lines up with this purpose. Do everything you can to focus on your calling with the things you say, think and do. If it isn't necessary or doesn't align with your goals, let it go.

Living with intense purpose renews your passion for life and enables you to be the best you can be. It strengthens your self-confidence and, best of all, brings self-fulfillment. Find your purpose today, and give it all you've got!< /p>

  ;

Melis sa Gordon is founder of LifeSMART Coaching and is dedicated to helping women live authentically. What does it mean to live authentically?  ; It’s identifying your personal beliefs and values and then choosing to live by them. Even more, it’s about discovering wh at you’re passionate about and including it in your life. This could be finding your true calling or fulfilling some long held dreams. Discovering the True You can bring tremendo us inner peace and joy. What are you waiting for? Visit LifeSMART Coaching and let Melissa help you live your best life now!

A few years ago on a lazy afternoon, I was lounging in the sun, reading one of my favorite magazines and came upon one of those quizzes. You know the ones, those questionnaires that supposedly teach you something about yourself that you didn’t already know, like “Are You a Clean Freak or Comfortably Cluttered?” As if the stacks of junk in every nook and cranny of your house didn’t already have you guessing that you had an aversion to cleanliness.

I know these quizzes are meant to be just for fun, because really, how could you not already know that you were a control freak, light sleeper, preferred pastries to muffins, etc.? And just how insightful can a 10-question quiz in a popular women’s magazine be, anyway?

The particular quiz I was taking that afternoon was cleverly crafted to rate your happiness level, and since I was pretty darn content in my life, if not downright joyful, I began taking this one with a smug smile on my face.

I knew I would rate at the top of the chart since I had recently gotten engaged to undoubtedly the most handsome man alive; had two gorgeous, happy children; and had just bought a new home. Seriously, how could I not ace this quiz?

And then I read question Number 13. (I’m not joking! It really was question number 13! That should have been a clue, huh?) The question that changed everything. The question that wiped that smirky smugness right off my face and had me questioning just how truly happy I was.

What was the question, you ask? Nothing more than, “What did you think you would be doing at your age?”

I was momentarily nonplussed.

What DID I think I would be doing at my age?

I really had no clue what I thought I would be doing, but I was beyond certain that I didn’t dream of being a secretary, my current job. No disrespect for the administrative profession. I was a member for nearly eight years.

But I wondered how I had gotten here? I looked back over the last few years and realized that I had landed in my present job as a result of life not going according to plan.

But if life HAD gone according to plan, I wondered what I would be doing now. If I had not gotten divorced, if the marriage had been stronger, if I had been happy in that relationship, if our family budget had been high enough to allow me to stay home with the kids…I think I would have been very content as a stay-at-home mom.

But as the kids got older, would I have needed something more to fill my time? Would I have taken up old hobbies or learned something new? Or even sought employment? I know I would have needed something to make me feel useful, like I was contributing. And then I realized…

I probably would have opened my own small business, most likely a solo operation, but an operation none the less.

As I came to this realization, I felt like something opened up in me, something that had been tight, squeezed, constricted for a long time. Like something finally fell into place. And I started to get excited. At that point, I knew I had to get out of my current job. And this is how my entrepreneurial journey began.

So if your life seems to be perfect in every respect, but you’re still feeling discontent, ask yourself, “If I was financially set for the rest of my life, I owned everything I’ve ever wanted, and I had the perfect relationship, what would I like to do with my time and resources that is meaningful?”

Living your life with intense purpose renews your passion for life and enables you to be the best you can be. It strengthens your self-confidence and, best of all, brings self-fulfillment. Find your purpose today, and give it all you've got!

To learn how you can discover your true path, visit LifeSMART Coaching.

When we hear the word “marriage,” we typically assume a close, intimate relationship. We envision a couple who finishes each other’s sentences, knows how the other likes their eggs cooked, and anticipates the other’s needs. This may be true in the beginning of the marriage, but too often, marriages lose this closeness over time. The couple becomes disconnected, personal details are forgotten, and the intimacy wanes.

But the fact is that a marriage needs intimacy in order to thrive. Intimacy is the substance which “glues” two people together and enables the couple to enjoy a lasting relationship.

What is Intimacy?
By definition, intimacy means a close, personal relationship or knowledge of someone or something. Marriage intimacy goes beyond knowing just your partner’s preferences and dislikes; it’s more than a familiarity with his routine and habits. When two people are able to share their innermost thoughts, feelings, beliefs and values—the most essential parts of themselves—without any kind of inhibition, then true intimacy is achieved.

Building Blocks of Marriage Intimacy
Creating intimacy in your marriage is a skill that everyone should learn. It is essential in forging the connection between two people that is the cornerstone of a strong relationship. Here is a list of key components to creating that deep connection. Consider it a marriage guide to intimacy:

Attention—cr eating intimacy involves consistent attention, not only for one another, but for the relationship itself.
Respect—with out respect for each other and the relationship,intima cy is impossible.
Communication—regular, healthy verbal communication is always an important factor in establishing openness, familiarity, and trust.
Trust—trusti ng your partner, and creating an environment where your partner can trust you, allows both of you to safely express your feelings.
Caring—showi ng your partner tenderness lets him know how important he is to you.
Honesty—sayi ng and doing what is truthful and honest goes without saying in any relationship.
Acceptance—a ccepting each other’s personality quirks, bothersome habits, and even meddling relatives, will foster understanding between the two of you.

All of these are hallmarks of a deep, intimate bond. But partners in any good marriage will also take the time to listen, live in the present and avoid past issues, and encourage each other’s personal growth. After all, marriage partners should complement each other, not overshadow or stifle one another.

Creating intimacy means sharing the best, and the worst, of you with your partner in the best possible way.

Originally posted at SimplyRedHot.com, a source for tips to fix marriage challenges and reconnect with your partner.

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Have you ever been driving along deep in thought and suddenly realized you were at your destination, even though it seemed like you just started off? You had zoned out for the better part of your trip and put yourself on auto-pilot. Do you wonder what you missed along the way? Do you find yourself putting yourself on auto-pilot frequently during the day---zoning out during meetings, dinner, a conversation with your spouse?

If so, then you're not living consciously and are probably missing out on a significant portion of your life.

Living consciously means being aware of what is going on around you, participating in what you're doing, paying attention to the little details that give life flavor. It's about taking the time to stop and smell the roses, and it's vital to our enjoyment of life.

Conscious living allows us to recognize opportunities when they come along, and helps us get to where we want to go in life. It helps us feel more deeply, enjoy greater happiness, and expand our expectations. It helps us work more efficiently, have more passionate, meaningful relationships, and slow down our hectic pace.

So how do you begin to live more consciously?

1. Engage---thr oughout the day, frequently stop and look around you. Take notice of your surroundings, what you can hear, see, smell, and touch. Notice the details.

2. Experience-- -become aware of how your body feels sitting in your chair, or wherever you happen to be. We often ignore when we are uncomfortable or not feeling well and just push through our discomfort to get the task at hand finished. But take a moment to just breath deeply and feel your body relax. Don't think about what is still on your agenda.

3. Expand---do your usual tasks a little differently or try something altogether new. When you engage in unfamiliar activities, you have to think more and pay attention to what you're doing. In other words, you have to become more conscious.

There are many ways that you can begin living life more consciously. Take a few of the ideas above and work them into your daily routine. The more often you practice these steps, the more aware you will be. You can begin enjoying all that your life has to offer and living it to the fullest.



Learn more about living consciously at LifeSMART Coaching.

Last night was weekly date night for me and my husband. We hadn't made any special plans, so we grabbed some take out and headed to a beautiful park near our home.

We intended to walk around the park and watch the sunset, but shortly after we arrived, a chilly wind came up, and we were forced back to the car to stay warm.

We watched the sunset from the car, and started to talk about a book I had checked out of the library called Hot Monogamy, by Dr. Patricia Love and Jo Robinson.

Earlier, we had taken a quiz in the book to get a sense of our individual relationship styles and discovered that, although we were very similar in most areas, we scored on opposite ends of the spectrum in a couple other areas.It was surprising to me because these two areas were where I thought we were most compatible.

So, we decided to reread each question and share our answers. Boy, did we learn a thing or two!

One of the sections where our scores we very different was Passion. And as we reread the questions, I asked my husband why he rated himself so low. After all, I saw him as "passionate" and thought we were "spiritually connected."

He vehemently disagreed. After some discussion, it turns out that he and I had very different definitions of "affectionate," "passionate," "spiritually connected," and "surrendering to passion"---phrases used in the questions.

Since I tend to be literal, I interpreted the words at face value. I took the words "surrender to passion" to mean allowing myself to feel the strong emotions I have for my husband, not hold anything back.

He, however, attached mental images that evoked a strong negative reaction. He envisioned something like a romance novel cover---think Fabio, bare-chested and puffed up with an over-inflated sense of his potency on the female population. And "surrendering" to my husband means giving up, being beaten, submitting.

Needless to say, his translation was very different to mine. As a matter of fact, we had similar discrepancies in more than half of the questions. In the end, we discovered that we were, in fact, very similar in these areas once we allowed for the "language barrier."

So what's the importance of this?

First off, you should have a candid discussion with your partner about what "romance," "passion," etc, means to him. His definition may be very different to yours.

Next, use his definition to look back over the last few weeks for instances where he was being romantic, according to his definition. You may find that he's actually more romantic than you thought. And be on the look out for similar gestures from now on.

Also, try to create a new language using terms with which you're both comfortable. This way, there will be no misinterpretations. You'll know for certain when he makes a romantic gesture and thank him for it. And your appreciation will encourage him to keep the romance coming.

Originally posted at Simply Red Hot, where you'll find more tips to move your relationship from fizzle to sizzle.

And check out “10 Secrets to Simply Red Hot Relationships.”

It has long baffled me how easily we can yell ugly words at our spouse or partner, a person we love so dearly. But why THIS person? Why not others? It’s not as if we don’t get angry at other people, we just don’t resort to that ugliness.

For instance, how many of us have been thoroughly ticked off at our bosses for one reason or another and wanted so badly to go into his office and scream at him that he’s an idiot. Or our child stains a brand new outfit after being told not to wear it out to play, and we want to yell at her for not listening to us.

But something holds us back in these relationships. Something prevents us from blasting our boss or our children with our unchained wrath. What is it?

It’s pretty simple, really. It’s CONSEQUENCES.

Read the rest of this post at Simply Red Hot and learn how to put the brakes on your anger and temper your words with love.

Get more relationship tips with the free report "10 Secrets to Simply Red Hot Relationships."

“I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, ever let you forget you’re a man, ’cause I’m a woman.”

Remember that perfume commercial in the seventies—Enjoli, I think it was—showing a beautiful, confident woman coming home from her corporate job to cook dinner and romance her husband? It made us think we could have it all and do it all.

But can we? Have we got to a place where we excel at our careers, our relationships, and everything else in between? Or are we still falling short in one area or another?

Women are great entrepreneurs; we’re fabulous visionaries and can multitask like none other. But we often have to tap into our masculine qualities to earn notice and respect in our jobs.

Since “channeling the guy in us” helps us get so much done at work and even earns us accolades, we tend to stay in this mode when we get home so that we get everything done there as well. It worked great at our job, so it should work even better at home, right?

WRONG!

Our husbands pick up on this masculine energy. And, needless to say, they’re not turned on by it.

Read the rest of this post at Simply Red Hot.

Learn the 10 Secrets to Simply Red Hot Relationships with this free report!

Responsibili ty is the most important choice you can make to improve your relationship.

This means that you learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs. This means that instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure, you learn how to do this for yourself through your own thoughts and actions. This means learning to treat yourself with kindness, caring, compassion, and acceptance instead of self-judgment. Self-judgment will always make you feel unhappy and insecure, no matter how wonderfully your partner is treating you.

When you learn how to take full, 100% responsibility for yourself, then you stop blaming your partner for your upsets.

Originally posted at Simply Red Hot.

10 Secrets to Simply Red Hot Relationships

You know those times when you've had a heated argument with your partner and long afterward, you are still feeling angry and resentful? You know that if you could only apologize or touch them tenderly, things could move on, but you just can't let go of your anger!

Rationally, you know you have a choice about how you react to what your partner does...

...but why is it that you cannot control your emotions? Like clockwork, the very next time your partner repeats the offending behavior, you are in an argument in a matter of seconds.

Once the fight ensues, you don't feel capable of choosing to stop and end the argument with an apology or an act of tenderness. It's as if your emotions have high-jacked your will to choose. So you spend hours feeling furious instead of building a connection with the one you love.

How often does this occur in your relationships? Too many times to count?

Well, it's time to start reconnecting. Here's how:

First, acknowledge that you are stuck in negative thinking patterns and are reacting negatively as a result. Decide how you would prefer to react instead of the anger and resentment.

Then, learn to sense the feelings of anger or resentment building in your body. When they occur, consciously make a decision to not be angry or resentful, but to be more positive instead.

Part of the stress in life is that feelings of anger and resentment get in the way of the desire to be present with the ones we love and to create joy and fullness in our relationships.


For more tips on strengthening your marriage, visit Simply Red Hot.

Yesterday, I wrote a post about the power of gratitude to bring you and your partner back together.

Then I found this quote and thought how well it spoke of the need to love others when they behave the worst. So I created this wallpaper to share. Enjoy!




Learn the secrets to turn your relationship from lackluster to Simply Red Hot!

Even in the best of marriages, there will be rough patches that sometimes seem insurmountable. But, learning to appreciate and feel grateful for your husband can help mend the fences and may even begin to ignite the sparks of passion again.

When you're resentful, angry, and hurt, you focus on what your husband isn't doing for you. You pay more attention to his minor faults and transgressions. In fact, you seem to be hyper-sensitive to every instance he fails to fill your needs.

But what if, instead, you focused on what other needs he does fulfill? Maybe, despite the current frostiness of the relationship, he still calls every day on his way home from work to ask if there is anything you need from the grocery store. Or he fixed the malfunctioning garage door opener without you having to remind him. Or he got snacks for the soccer team and took your son to practice so you could get in a much-needed workout.

Be grateful for his generosity, good parenting, helpfulness, thoughtfulness, etc. And look for every opportunity to be thankful for his presence in your life.

You'll be surprised to discover that once you tap into your gratitude, you'll begin to see your husband in a new light---the same light you saw him in at the beginning of your relationship. The light that illuminated the strengths in his character, not his weaknesses.

Those minor transgressions and faults will, once again, not be worth your attention and energy. And you'll focus on all the good qualities that drew you to him in the first place. Soon, you may find that you found that lovin' feeling again.

So make gratitude your attitude in your marriage.

Do you work from home like me and find yourself more often than not tapping away at your computer in your pajamas...all day long!

You figure why bother getting dressed? That's one of the perks of working at home, right? You get to wear whatever you want.

Well, I've noticed something interesting. The days that I stay in my jammies all day, I tend to get less done. I feel laid back, no sense of urgency or commitment. It seems the casualness of my attire bleeds over into my work ethic for the day.

But on the days that I HAVE to get dressed because of an early morning appointment, I find that when I sit down to work afterward, I get a lot more accomplished. It's like my body thinks if it's all dressed up, then I must mean business. So I seem to be more focused, more efficient, even more ambitious. More professional, maybe?

Today, I really want to accomplish several things, so I decided to get out of the pajamas and into something a little more "office appropriate." (In my office, we're allowed to wear jeans I also fixed my hair and put on makeup.

And you know what? Already this morning, I've gotten my blog posts written for the week, participated in an hour-long networking teleseminar, processed all my email, and sketched out a marketing funnel for my next coaching venture.

I feel much better about myself and my abilities. And, even though I slept poorly last night and would appreciate a good nap, I feel less inclined to crawl back into bed.

So, dress the part and the mindset will follow.

I read a blog post yesterday from our BraveHeart sister, Bell Rushing, that had the following quote from Maya Angelou:

“I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

by: Maya Angelou

I always feel inspiration and love when I read Bell's Gentle Warrior Blog, and yesterday's post was no exception. It made me give some serious thought to how I make those around me feel, in particular, those that I deeply love.

I think it comes naturally to a mom to temper her words and actions when speaking to her children. She knows that a brief moment of irritation communicated in some harsh words and dramatic gestures can seem threatening to a child, causing the child to feel scared and unloved. So with a soft voice and a kind word she gently corrects her child's behavior. She knows the "mom voice" will get the desired result without inflicting hurt.

But how many of us use the same caution in our words and actions when communicating with our husbands? Do you lovingly tell him he left his wet towel on the bedroom floor and gently ask him to pick it up? Or do you berate him with a lecture on how he's an adult and should know how to put the towel in the laundry basket without being told and how you're not his mother and shouldn't have to constantly tell him to pick up after himself and you have enough to do besides cleaning up after him and on and on.

Imagine speaking to your child in this manner. How would your child react? Your husband is probably experiencing some of the same feelings your child would.

"But that's different, my husband's an adult," you might say.

Yes, he's an adult. And he's also a person with faults, vulnerabilities, and deep feelings. And he's a person that you love.

Try asking your husband to pick up after himself instead of shaming him into doing it. Use a voice that conveys the message, "I love you and would love for you to pick up your towel." Don't use the "mom voice," because you're not striving to be his mother and he doesn't want to be married to his mother. Instead, think "girlfriend voice." He wants to please you, so let him know that picking up after himself would make you happy.

And don't forget to praise him when he does pick up the towel!