Making Sense of it All

People are coming out of the woodwork and although these cancer diagnoses are mind-blowing and scary if I let them be, they are also affirming of all the love floating around, just waiting to be activated to set its sites on a source in need.

We’re all in need, all of the time, but how many of us express it? Most of us, me included, need to show our indestructibility, our resolve, independence and definitely our tremendous capabilities, lest we appear weak and vulnerable. The horses on the merry go round that threw me off, may as well be named: independent, capable, indestructible and resolve because I rode them all – because I was all that. And then, all of a sudden, I wasn’t.

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http://makingsenseofitall.joycerothman.com/?p=889

Turning off the clock – just came into my head – maybe in response to just looking at it and feeling the crunch of time. I’ve been feeling its squeeze for way too long and am in a fight with it – to keep it from choking the life out of me.

http://makingsenseofitall.joycerothman.com/?p=868

Seven am on my deck, gray sky, cool dry air, a dove crying mournfully and other birds sounding happy and energetic. I’m into the moment, away from yesterday’s news. Here now, I’m at peace, yesterday I was not.

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http://makingsenseofitall.joycerothman.com/?p=858

The outpouring of love and support in response to my email and blog post about having cancer was so much more than I ever expected or imagined. I’m overwhelmed with emotion and feel like I’m wrapped up nice and warm, in a thick luxurious soft blanket of pure love and healing energy.

More....http://makingsenseofitall.joycerothman.com

Benadryl, Ativan, Flonase and Cough Syrup got me to sleep last night. Thoughts of carrot juice, wheatgrass, oxygenated kangan water, my crying daughter, ants on my patio, writing, meditation, phone calls to make, my pathology report that I saw last night – metastatic adenocarcinoma – woke me up........

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http://makingsenseofitall.joycerothman.com

Today I learn I have lung cancer. I feel like I’m writing this about someone else but it’s me. How often through my nursing career I cared for people with cancer and wondered what happened when they were diagnosed. Seemingly fine one minute and not the next, what happened in that transition?....



http://makingsenseofitall.joycerothman.com/?p=775

I haven’t written in a few days – guess I’ve been taking a break from delving and feeling. When I’m overwhelmed, I retreat into a mind haze which I can induce with TV, food and sleep. I remove myself from the attention and awareness I write about, even though I know they are the necessary ingredients of living life with joy, peace, love, health and prosperity. I do think though.........

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http://makingsenseofitall.joycerothman.com

My blog is doing great for its young age, I’m happy, learning so much from DG (Divine Guidance), loving my garden and life is good. I’m in the moment much more aware of small pleasures now and I’m finding that those moments are adding up like pearls on a strand – Pearls of pleasure.

Elizabeth Gilbert in “Eat, Pray, Love” tells us that she chose to go to Italy to learn the “Art of pleasure”, since it is inherent to the Italian culture. I’m happy to say that I’m learning to experience it right here at home.

But thoughts come in to my head like – “what about when bad things happen, because none of us escape life challenges. http://makingsenseofitall.joycerothman.com/?p=737

I hope you'll read the rest at my blog.

With love and peace,
Joyce

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http://makingsenseofitall.joycerothman.com/?p=737

In looking back at old postings, it seems appropriate to post this, since it shows some of the inner dialogue that led me to choose this path of writing to and from Divine guidance .

1/17/09

Everything was fine yesterday. The nodules on my lungs haven’t changed in 9 months so I wait 6 months for my next CT scan. Now, I am free and clear to focus on my writing, as I continue to grow, gain understanding, and experience the peacefulness that puts my fears, insecurities and uncertainty to rest. I’m realizing that life continually presents opportunities to circumvent, overcome or decompensate. As painful as these opportunities sometimes are, I see that they are also experiences for growth......

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http://makingsenseofitall.joycerothman.com/?p=671

Being in natural beauty makes me feel alive - all my senses wake up and I'm in heaven. I love to write about what I see, how it makes me feel and the thoughts that it brings to mind. this is a piece that I wrote last summer. My intention is to do a compilation of them, starting with Cape Cod and who knows, maybe some other areas in the country. If you have any thoughts, comments, suggestions, please feel free to let me know.

With wishes of peace and love,
Joyce

I am surrounded by astounding natural beauty as I sit on my deck. Tall trees, mostly pine and oak, rise untamed from the conservation land behind my cedar fence. The leaves barely move now but earlier they spoke with the rustle of the sea wind. They sounded like the woods of Maine, even though they’re planted in Cape soil and sand. The sky above is so crisp it could be sliced cleanly by a sky writer. Void of clouds, planes or any intrusion, it is uniform in color, almost a luminescent blue. The birds must be readying for rest. They’ve taken to the trees where only an energetic few still chirp. The hummingbird couple retired after a ten minute visit to my red bee balm plants and yellow honeysuckle vine...........

I hope you'll come over to my blog to finish reading how being in nature transformed me that day.


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http://makingsenseofitall.joycerothman.com/?p=488