Natalie's Blog

Last Monday I listened to a song posted by a virtual friend in facebook. Suddenly, I was back in that club where I spent so many nights more than a decade ago. I felt warmth and joy. A smile appeared on my face. I commented the song: “Nice start into this Monday”.  My virtual friend answered: “If I’d live in Barcelona, the start in every new day would be nice... would be a dream of myself”. I responded that it was for me. He said: “Well, I have not yet given up completely on this dream, should be really great.” I responded, “You should never give up on dreams”. 
 
Sometimes our dreams do not materialize rapidly or when we would wish to. While realizing my dreams, I took detours that sometimes took me several years. I had to overcome obstacles, mainly my internal ones. Yet, finally I arrived. Each dream that I had realized gave me a lot of positive energy and a new feeling of commitment to whom I really was. I learned to take actions into the direction of my dreams, to trust and to have patience.
 
To realize your dreams it is important to keep moving forward into their direction in your rhythm. Maybe you like to run like an ostrich or you enjoy crawling like a Galápagos tortoise, this does not matter. Every little step that you take is precious.
 
I want to invite you to spend some time this week dreaming! Go some minutes outside in the nature. Observe the nature and enjoy how it is awakening in the spring - maybe some fresh light green spots are slowly appearing on the branches of the trees, maybe there are the wonderful bright colors of tulips or crocus, the birds singing their songs or just the first sun-rays that warm your skin. Take some deep breaths. Close your eyes and allow yourself to dream! Dream about the best and most authentic you that you can imagine! 
 
What do you see? Explore your dream, every detail that you can see, hear or feel. When do you want to have it realized? Which is the first step that you can take now? 
 
Get into action! Take one step after the other. Establish patience, trust and courage. I know that you can make your dream real!
 
Have a wonderful week full of dreams!



Warm regards,
Natalie

Read the original post: http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/2012/03/14/spring-time-to-dream/

I woke up this Monday. It was dark outside. I stayed in my bed, just to enjoy the warmth of it a little bit longer before I would feel the coldness of winter. Suddenly I heard the birds singing their song. It was such a sweet sound. “Spring is coming!” The words came into my mind like a wake-up call. I jumped out of my bed full of enthusiasm, made my coffee and started my day. I felt full of energy and joy. All of my actions became fluent and I realized that I was much faster than in the last months.

Another time, I become aware how much my thoughts and my own inner dialogue influence my day. During winter, I spent a lot of energy to decide about the right moment to finally leave the warmth of my bed. Even though I now live in Spain where the winter is in average about fifteen degrees warmer than the temperature I used to experience in Germany, I tell myself every day: I do not like the cold. That thought was neither giving me energy nor motivation. The moment I thought, Spring is coming, this changed my mood. Actually, the day turned out to be a bit colder and without sun, but it did not matter. I felt energized and motivated only by my thought.

Our thoughts influence our reality. The good news is that we have the power to change them. When you wake up, observe your thoughts and your inner dialog. What do you tell yourself each morning? How do your thoughts make you feel? Write down any negative thought you might have. Turn it around into a positive mantra for your day. The best is to formulate them in the “here and now” by using present tense. Just to give you some examples:

I am full of energy
I am lovable
I am attractive
I can achieve all I want

Make sure that your mantra makes you feel positive. Repeat this mantra to yourself each day, at least ten times. Even though you might not believe the words in the beginning, say it to yourself every day. Have patience. Trust your process! Over time this mantra can help you make a significant change in your life!

I know that you find empowering and energizing words to have a wonderful week!

Best regards,
Natalie

Read the original post:
http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/2012/02/28/a-fresh-new-start/

What kind of person are you? If you have a new venture do you start the same day full of excitement or joy? Or do you need time to think about it, go back and forth to find out what you really want?

Let me tell you my story:

We were in the swimming pool. My mum was standing in the breast-high water and I made my breaststrokes, regularly and fluently. She gently followed my movements so that her hand always softly supported my stomach. I was a clumsy six-year old child wearing the wonderful inflatable orange armbands. She told me, “Now you can make it alone! Your breaststrokes are so good, you don’t need my support,” and withdrew her hand. “No, without you I will drown”, I screamed with a voice full of panic. Immediately, I transformed into a small little dog struggle for its life! I felt her supporting hand on my stomach again. I continued with my breaststrokes. Many more times I enjoyed swimming this way in that summer. Then, I had swimming in school. Without the supporting hand of my mother, I stood in the low-level water for the non-swimmers for months. I looked with envy to the others who already could swim. “How wonderful it must be to be swimming like this!” It seemed impossible for me. And then, one day I took my heart and made my first breaststroke, alone. Finally, I had made it! That day I came home full of pride.

I admit that it costs me a lot to do the first step into the direction I want to go.

When I moved to Barcelona I wanted to start Ashtanga Yoga again. Nearly one year, I found many excuses why I was not able to go. In reality, I just struggled with my own fears. “What might others think of you? You are so clumsy while doing the postures”, an internal dialog that was not really motivating me. Each time I wanted to go, I did not. I felt like a loser. And then, I decided to have a coaching session for this objective, “I go to the yoga studio tomorrow”. In the session, I became aware that I had to make the first step in that moment. I would not overcome my fears by staying at home. The longer I would wait the more I would lose. The next morning, I entered the studio and started again. I felt energized and empowered and since then I never have stopped practicing it.

I have experienced that it is important to take the first step to achieve an objective. I can think about it and concentrate on preparing everything perfectly, yet it is the action that really counts. Sometimes my first step is a big glorious jump, many times it is a tiny insecure step with shaking knees and hands. It does not matter. Important is that I take it. Any following step will be easier. If I feel stuck and if I am not able to take it, I ask for help. When I started my business, I chose to be accompanied by a coach. It helped me achieving my objective in a faster, more energizing and empowering way.

Our objectives can seem big or small. Maybe we want to start a new life, maybe we want to start a new hobby, or we want to overcome a fear. We all have the power to decide to take the first step now and go into a new direction.

What is your first step towards your objective? Are you ready to take it now?

Have a wonderful time!

Kind regards,
Natalie

Read the original post:
http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/2012/02/13/the-first-step/

Once upon a time there was a conference in Madrid where I was listening to the great masters of coaching, bored and tired. A woman stepped on the stage, sat down in the circle of the masters and told a story with love and feelings. Immediately my attention was connected with her, my eyes became bright and fascinated like a little girl. It was Lisa Bloom, founder of Story-Coach Inc. That was the day that I plunged into the beautiful world of stories for coaching, thanks to Lisa.


The world of the stories is great and has an enormous diversity. Although the world has changed a lot, the stories still teach us timeless truths and wisdom in a graceful and indirect way and support us to give meaning to our lives that sometimes can seem complicated. We live always in a hurry and listening to a story gives us a quiet moment in that we are present and deeply connected and it helps us to pause and reflect about ourselves and our lives.


When we tell our own stories we define how we see reality, whether it is a story about how we found our partner or the story that we tell to find a job. We do not only tell facts because we are not only rational. We are emotional and our emotions often cause us to decide. The stories include emotions and can touch us in a deep level, sometimes they even work in our subconscious mind. The stories of other persons can inspire us or give us hope. They can show us a new perspective, something we never thought of and they can open us new horizons.

What is the power of stories in our life and in coaching?

For me, the best person to answer this is Lisa Bloom:


What is the power of stories for you?

The power of stories is the ability to connect with people on a very deep level, to inspire and to get really their attention. Since the beginning of time we have expressed ourselves through story. We have passed on our culture, our value system and our sense of community through stories.


How do stories help us to understand our reality?

People tell stories all the time. If it is for example the story of "how I came to be where I am now”, you are not telling what is actual fact necessarily. We tell opinions, our approach, our point of view. It creates the framework about which we create our whole reality. I give a good example: My sister and I, we might reminisce about our childhood. Sometimes I do not know how she grew up. Mostly, it is because she tells a different story. She tells it because of her own personal outlook and her belief system. It is her story and is different to mine, although we grew up together.

Story is what creates our reality. When you listen intently to somebody else’s story, you get a picture of a lot more than the words they say. You get images, a sense of an opinion, values and a lot of information on how the person particularly sees the world.


What is the power of stories in coaching?

For me, storytelling and coaching is a whole methodology. It is about coaching at a much more effective level because you are using story as a way to access people’s inner most state to be able to create a change and new perspectives and to help them achieve their objectives. The idea is to inspire clients by using your own story, by fairytales or folktales. It allows you to bring them to a place where they have never thought of.


How do stories help us to heal our lives?

We have stories that we live with that generate pain for us. When you uncover this story of your live and look for different ways to transform it, looking more at the journey, the transformation and the outcome rather than the pain, then you relieve the suffering and begin to heal. Being able to find someone to listen to your story without judgment and without trying to solve it, allows you to tell it and this can be the start on the healing process.

Sometimes it helps us to heal our situation if we listen to stories that are inspiring us because we can imagine something better.


What influence do the stories have in your daily life?
Stories are the way I am in a sense. I find that I can navigate life in a more enjoyable way when I am aware of the story.

We create a lot of pain and tension because we have a story about any given situation that is not serving us well or that is not good for us. So much of how we live is simply a story that we can tell from so many perspectives. You can choose to tell an empowering, beautiful, grateful and contributing story. Or you can choose to be miserable. For me, deciding on how I tell my stories is a day-to-day activity.


Anything else you want to comment that I have not yet asked you?

I love to encourage people to inquire their stories and to learn a little about them and take the responsibility for their stories and on how to tell them, both the good ones and the less good ones and to figure out how they could create more powerful stories. Because many times we just do not think about it and tell stories that do not do us too well. Once you've identified these stories, look what you can change in your perspective so that you can tell them in a way that you feel better and that it serves a better purpose. This is how we can transform our lives and make a meaningful change.


Do you want to tell us a story that you particularly like?

It's really hard, there are so many ... I think one of my favorite stories is "The picture of peace." The reason I love this story is because this message is so powerful, that even at the worst of time, when everything seems so destructive, peace is simply possible because it is in our hearts, it is not that it comes from outside.


Finally, I want share with you the wonderful story of "The picture of peace":

There was once a king who offered a prize to the artist who could paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The king looked at all of the pictures. After much deliberation he was down to the last two. He had to choose between them.

One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror for the peaceful mountains that towered around it. Overhead, fluffy white clouds floated in a blue sky. Everyone who saw this picture said that it was the perfect picture of peace.

The second picture had mountains, too. These mountains were rugged and bare. Above was an angry gray sky from which rain fell. Lightening flashed. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not appear to be a peaceful place at all. But, when the king looked closely, he saw that behind the waterfall was a tiny bush growing in the rock. Inside the bush, a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest. She was the perfect picture of peace.

The king chose the second picture. "Because," he explained, "peace is not only in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace is in the midst of things as they are, when there is calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace."

I'd love to hear your comments and your stories!

Have a wonderful time!

Best regards,
Natalie

Original blog post: http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/2012/02/08/metaphors-for-change-tell-me-a-story/

based on the article "Metáforas para el cambio: Cuéntame una Historia" published in the magazine "Crearte Magazine".

On a warm and wonderfully sunny day, a colleague explained to me his plans for the summer: “I will go to San Francisco to improve my English! I also want to visit Las Vegas!” - “Oh, if you have time you need to go to Six Flags Magic Mountains. The amusement park has amazing roller coasters!” I responded, full of excitement remembering the times when I was there. My inner child loves roller coasters! He looked down at me, puzzled, and said in a very grown-up and serious tone: “Well, I am not interested in roller coasters. I want to learn and understand the culture.” My inner child was a bit disappointed by this answer. I assumed that he enjoyed other things in life.

Some years ago, I re-discovered my inner child. I had forgotten and abandoned her. Like my environment, I was earnest and focused on my career and the pleasures of the “adult” life like shopping or going out for dinner. Somehow these activities did not fulfill me completely.

I started to draw again. I loved drawing as a child, yet I forgot about it when I grew up. It did not seem appropriate for an adult. And suddenly my inner child showed up again, full of curiosity and joy. Now we have regular conversations. I may ask her in the morning how she wants to dress. She loves combining bright colors like red or violet. Or I ask her how she wants to spend her day. She loves to visit the zoo and to listen to stories. If she feels a bit sad or lonely she wants to eat egg-breads with a lot of ketchup. It was a meal that my father cooked me that still gives her love and comfort.

My connection to my inner child gives me joy and fun. And she makes me feel young and alive.

Inside every person lives an inner child. Being a bright and shining child, he or she represents the ageless aspects of us. If our inner child feels loved, they are full of wisdom, intuition, curiosity and playfulness. We also may have a wounded child inside ourselves, hurt from the moments when she or he did not receive the love that they would have needed. Based on these past experiences the wounded child now has learned to protect him- or herself because he or she does not want to feel any hurt or pain anymore. The wounded child may even control our actions or look for compensatory activities like an excess of work or sports. It can happen that the wounded child takes control over our behavior and hinders us in achieving what we really want. It is important that we connect to our inner child with the intent to learn about his or her feelings and to heal the wounds from the past through compassion, acceptance and understanding. When we establish a loving adult for our wounded child we achieve a high degree of connection to who we really are.

Find out more about your inner child! Have a conversation with your inner child once in a while! What does he or she love to do? Start to explore the feelings of your inner child and to understand his or her needs! If your inner child feels sad, explore what experiences are producing this sadness. Take the position of a loving adult and heal these wounds with compassion and understanding so you can live more freely and happily!

Find out how much joy this connection can bring into your life!

If you have problems connecting to your inner child, visualize inside yourself a young child, full of joy and curiosity! I visualize my inner child as she is dancing enthusiastically to the sound of “Purple Rain” – this way I connect very fast to her. Or buy him or her a lovely teddy bear and imagine yourself that you talk to your inner child! Wait for his or her answer.

I am sure that you will have a great time exploring your connection to your inner child!

I'd love to read your comments!

Have a wonderful week!

Original blog post: http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/2012/01/30/the-amazing-child-within-you/

A friend asked me yesterday: “Do you regret your decision to have your own business?” She herself is a cautious person and needs security. I looked in her eyes and answered: “Having my own business gives me so much joy and I do what I love to do. Even though I cannot predict the future, I will never regret my decision to have done it.”

Her comment reminded me of a situation some years ago. I was sitting in a restaurant with a friend and my partner. My friend had just decided to move to Singapure. It was our farewell evening, the last time that we spent an evening together, enjoying a conversation while having dinner and later going to the cinema. She was full of joy and excitement. She explained full of energy the details of her move. I looked in her radiant eyes and said: “I know how much you wanted to live in Asia. I will miss our evenings together, yet I am glad that you can go.” Then I heard myself saying: “If I had never lived abroad I would regret it!”.

My words were full of longing and came from the depth of my heart. At that moment, I saw myself as an old woman, sad and discontent about her broken dream. The conversation died. I became aware of my inner truth and the importance of this dream. I had talked with my partner about my dream. However we had never found the right time, nor the right place nor the right proposal. Three years later, I moved to Spain. Alone. It was the best decision of my life. I will never regret it.

I will never forget that scene in the restaurant. I can still hear myself saying these words. It was my first step to commit to live my dreams and to follow my heart. Over the years, I started to listen closely to my own inner truth: What would I regret at the end of my life if I had never made it? This regular practice helps me becoming aware about what I should be doing right now. I focus on actions that are really important for me and I take the right action for my life. And I know that there will be nothing that I would have to regret at the end of my life.

Take a five-minute break, relax and take some deep breaths. Imagine yourself at the end of your life: What would you regret if you had never made? What would you regret if you had never tried it? Take a moment and write down your top10 list! Remember, you still have plenty of time to realize it. So, when do you start?

It is hard for you to answer this question for yourself? Some weeks ago I read an article about the regrets people have on their deathbed, written by a nurse who worked in palliative care. The most frequent answers were:
“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
“I wish I didn’t work so hard.”
“I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”
“I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
“I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

Do you resonate with any of these sentences? Don’t wait until it is too late. You can start today and I know that you can realize whatever you want!

Have a wonderful time!

Do you also have a friend who has a relationship, but seems to be suffering all the time? Or a friend who allows his partner to treat him or her without respect?

“I deserve that he shows me love and respect! I deserve that he spends Christmas with me and that he celebrates my birthday with me”, my friend told me recently. Even though she sounded sad, her voice was firm and strong. During the last months she did everything to support her partner with his business, she worked from early in the morning until late at night, she did work she did not like, and she accepted his bad moods. Each time we talked to each other she seemed more desperate and lacked more sleep. And each time she commented her situation: “Yes, I know I would need to sleep but I have to support him. He has so many problems right now. I know that he is not treating me well but he has difficult times right now.” When I expressed my worries, she responded: “Well, I am also difficult and not easy to handle.” Her words worried me, because I believe that even though a situation is difficult, you should always treat your partner with respect, yet she was not ready for a change. Then, I received that call and she started to respect her needs again and to communicate this to her partner.

She reminded me of the story of my first relationship.

“I do not love you” were the words my partner regularly told me for many years. Each time he said it, it hurt me. Yet, it was such a well-known feeling from my childhood. Deep inside myself, I believed that I did not deserve to be loved. My friends saw the situation with worries and did not really understand why I accepted this. All their concerns did not help. I could not imagine anything different. Yet, overtime I looked at other relationships that seemed much more satisfying and was wondering what they made different. And then came the day when I opened my eyes and became aware that I deserved to be loved. And I deserved a partner who loved me. So I left this relationship. Later, I found a new partner. And he loved me.

What do you deserve in your relationships? Take a moment to think about it. Is there any negative thinking scheme you have? Change it to something positive! We all deserve to be happy and we all deserve to be treated with respect and to be loved!

Have a wonderful week!

Original post: http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/2012/01/15/what-do-you-deserve/

Do you know those conversations when people remember times when they had been really happy? How suddenly a smile comes on their faces while they talk about it?

Some years ago, I sat in my Spanish class together with three other students. The teacher asked the question, “When was the best year of your life?” My answer was clear within a second.

So we started the circle. A woman in her early twenties said: “The best year of my life was when I was 15 years old. I played a lot with my friends and was outside in the nature.” Suddenly, there was so much joy in her voice.

A man in his fifties answered: “The best year of my life was the time when I studied. I was regularly going to parties and had many friends. I was free to do what I wanted.” His eyes turned radiant for that moment.

A woman in her forties remembered: “Well, I had just fallen in love with my husband. We did so many activities together like dancing and going into the cinema. Back then, we made many weekend trips to visit places all over Europe.” Her voice was full of love and her back suddenly became straight and her gestures vivid.

It was great to listen to their answers, yet I also felt a touch of sadness. It seemed that they did not feel as happy in the current time as they had felt in the past. Talking about their past gave them a positive energy that I had not seen in them in any other moment. They seemed to accept it as a fact that they cannot change. Yet, most part of their life was still ahead of them, wasn't it? Wasn’t it worth to make the current year the best time of their lives? For a moment I hesitated to say my answer, it seemed so different and not really fitting to the group. And then I said: “The best year of my life is the current year.”

For many years that statement has not change. It does not mean that everything turned out to be perfect: I had relationships that did not work out and some projects that did not give me the result I wanted to achieve. Yet, each year gave me a deeper connection to whom I really was and more freedom to do what I wanted. And even though I grew older, inside myself I felt younger, full of curiosity like a child. And I know that I can create each year so that it turns out to be the best year of my life.

And I know that you can create it, too! Make 2012 the best year of your life! Write the story about the best year of your life!

Sit down for a moment, close your eyes and take some deep breaths. Imagine yourself that 2012 is the best time of your life! What are you doing? Who you are? Whom you are with? Where are you? Allow the pictures to develop in your inner eye! How does this make you feel? Enjoy the experience and explore the answers like a child that is dreaming about his presents that Los Reyos Magos will bring today!

Have a wonderful time!


Original post: http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/2012/01/06/the-best-year-of-your-life/

Download my free ebook "Kind and easy actions to find freedom and personal realization": http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/meet-me/e-book-newsletter/

This morning I went into a park with a friend, the final stop of her visit. The sun was shining brightly, sun rays were softly warming our faces – a summer-like feeling in the winter air. The sky was deeply blue, palm- and pine-trees showed an amazing palette of greens, combined with orange dots shining in the dark green of some orange trees. In the distance, the sunlight was glittering in the calm sea. The melodies of street musicians accompanied our walk. It seemed the perfect reflection about how I felt about 2011, what for fabulous final notes of a wonderful year!

It was the perfect prelude to start my year-end ritual. Each year I sit down to reflect about the year. The first part of my ritual is that I ask myself, what I am grateful for, what I learned throughout the year and what I have achieved that I am proud of. In my business, I am grateful for Lisa with her wonderful stories and for my clients, their trust and their sharing of their stories. I am grateful for the relationships I have. I learned that even though I love chaos I need some stability. I am proud that I wrote my ebook because I considered this as being impossible to achieve in 2011.

The second part of the ritual is that I define with which intent I want to live the coming year. My basic motivation is that each and every year becomes the best year of my life. So I ask myself, what I need to do so that 2012 becomes the best year of my life. The answer varies each year: in 2010, I started a journey inside myself to deeply connect with whom I really am and to find out what is really important for me. In 2011, I felt that it was time to build new friendships here in Spain and to rewrite my life, so I focused on writing and connecting to other people. In 2012, I will focus on sharing and celebrating.

After defining my intent, I define my five major goals for this year. Later, I break them down into objectives I want to achieve each month. Important is that the imagination to have lived the year based on my intent, my major goals and my objectives gives me positive energy and makes me feel in a positive way.

When my friend said goodbye to me at the airport bus, she said, I am glad that you look so happy. And that is how I feel.

You can start with your year-end ritual today! Just spend some time reflecting the following questions and writing down your answers:

What are you grateful for in 2011? What have been your major achievements? What did you learn?

What do you need to do so that 2012 becomes the best year of your life? What are your five major goals?

Thank you for following my blog! Happy new year!

I wish you that 2012 becomes a wonderful year full of joy, love and celebration!


Original blog post: http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/2011/12/30/what-final-notes-of-2011-do-you-hear/

I know that Christmas can be a difficult time, especially when you are alone without your family or without a partner. In these situations, Christmas can become a sad story.

Let me tell you my story about Christmas:

I spent each Christmas the same. On Christmas Eve, I celebrated with the partner of my late grandfather and my sister, eating potato salad and Christmas cookies. The potato salad was the only remains from the Christmas evenings that we celebrated as children. In the air, I felt the tension when one of them started to tell an old story which had hurt the other one. They tried to show a neutral face and their eyes showed their hurt and anger. I could feel the mourning for the ones who had gone many years ago. Many times I just went home feeling sad or crying. Every year I told a sad story, it did not matter how much I tried to mediate or how much Christmas cookies I baked. But I did not see any other way to celebrate it.

I became aware that I would not change my story if I continued celebrating in the same way. The voice of society said in my head, Christmas has to be celebrated with your family. And I saw my sister’s face, unable to understand that I wanted something different, feeling rejected and angry. And there was this little voice - my inner self - telling me, follow your journey. I decided to spend Christmas in Barcelona. I asked my sister, "do you want to join"? She said, "no".

My dream was to celebrate Christmas with the same feeling I had during my childhood. For me, it was a special evening when I had the attention and love from everyone and all problems seemed to be forgotten for some moments. I felt curious, happy and inner peace.

The first Christmas I spent alone, preparing and eating my own Christmas dinner, enjoying my time at the beach and inviting myself to a visit in a Spa. It was the best Christmas I ever had as adult. Since that year I celebrate each Christmas in a different way, doing different things and with different people. This year I celebrate with a far away friend by skype. And each Christmas I light a candle to connect with my family members whether they are alive or long gone. So they are always with me.

I now feel the same that I felt as a child, curiosity, happiness and inner peace. I am looking forward to Christmas as a special time to reflect about the year and visualize my dreams for the following year.

And each Christmas when I am asked the usual question that people ask a foreigner, will you go home for Christmas?, I respond, I am at home.

Even though Christmas is a very traditional time and there seems to be only one way to celebrate it, everyone can write his own story for Christmas.

So, what story do you want to tell at Christmas?

Merry Christmas! Have a wonderful time!

Original post: http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/2011/12/21/what-story-do-you-tell-about-christmas/

Download my free ebook "Kind and easy actions to find freedom and personal realization": http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/meet-me/e-book-newsletter/

Do you know this time of frustation when you think you will never reach your goal? That it is not worth trying it anymore?

Let me tell you the story of a good friend of mine:

She is a woman in her mid thirties, long blond hair and wonderful blue eyes. The past years were hard and sad for her. She got divorced from her husband and her closest friend fell in a nonreversible coma. She does not have a family to protect her in difficult times.

And my friend decided to change her life. She wants to realize her dreams, one of them is having a loving relationship with a wonderful man.

First she met a guy from Scotland while he was visiting the city where she was living. He went back to Scotland. My friend faced all her fears to give him a chance and she went through some hard months until she was ready to open up for him. She made it - he gave up because of his fears.

She met the second man, spent a lot of time with him, listened to his problems and was curious to understand him, open to accept him as he was. Again, she trusted him and faced her fears. Yet, he was not ready to have a new relationship.

A few weeks later she met the third man. The beginning was perfect, he wanted to see her and spent a lot of time with her. After some weeks he was not sure what he wanted. She accepted his unstableness, gave him freedom to sort out what he wanted, trusted him and faced her fears. Finally, it did not work out.

At the beginning, she simply seemed desperately sad when it did not work out. When the last guy left she started to read books to learn about her relationship patterns and to change them. She started Yoga to do something for herself. Now, she concentrates on what she needs and what she can do for herself without focussing too much in the possible partner. She is setting limits to the other person if she is not treated in the correct way. She has an increased self-esteem and she is on her way to love herself as she is. She now approaches new candidates under the perspective: “What can I learn from it?”.

I admire her strength and her efforts. In the end, if we never try we will never know what the result might be. And we only learn if we relate to others.

She never gives up to realize her dreams.

How about your dreams? Will you ever give up to realizing them? Which efforts do you spend to realize them?

Have a wonderful time!

original post: http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/2011/12/16/will-you-ever-give-up/

Download my free ebook "Kind and easy actions to find freedom and personal realization": http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/meet-me/e-book-newsletter/

I was working on some concepts. Looking out of the window I became aware that the autumn had arrived. It was nearly dark outside, the air was humid and chilly. Suddenly I missed a friend and one of her wonderful embraces. Spontaneously I just sent her a message telling her “I miss you” without any expectations. A few moments later she responded that she was just staying in the city and if we should meet later. What for a lucky coincidence!

That evening we spent some hours together, eating tapas, laughing a lot. And I received one of her loving embraces to say goodbye. I gained a wonderful moment which gave me warmth and joy.

I remember that some years ago I would not have shared anything. The moment I missed someone my mind would have told me hundreds of “what-if” questions like “What if the other person does not feel the same?", "What if they laugh about you". And so I would have stayed silent.

Over time I learned that I only gain when I say “I miss you” when I feel it. And I am glad that there are persons in my life who I miss and who miss me.

Whom do you miss right now? Your partner? A far away friend? Your sister? Your parents?

Just tell them!

Have a wonderful time!

original post: http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/2011/11/23/whom-do-you-miss-right-now/

Download my free ebook "Kind and easy actions to find freedom and personal realization": http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/meet-me/e-book-newsletter/

Last Monday I came home and did not feel well. The night before I had received an email from a man I wanted to get to know better. While reading his words I felt a lack of respect and got angry. And because it is so easy and fast to respond by email I responded by attacking him slightly.

After I had some time to think about my response, I felt a bit heavy and sorry because I realized that I might have misunderstood him. I tried to call him to clarify what he really meant. He did not answer the phone, but contacted me by chat. I was not sure if I really understood all he wrote. I explained him that I would understand easier if we called each other because Spanish was not my mother tongue. He did not want to. He told me that it would have been a good way just to ask him what he meant. I saw his point.

Words are always interpretable, and if two people have different cultural background the same word can have very different meanings. I notice quite often that I understand the word a Spanish friend is using, however I have no idea what it really means. If it is just the written word I miss the tone, the mimic and the gesture so it is much more difficult to get the right meaning. But he was sure that I cannot misunderstand his words. I presume this chat left both of us angry and disappointed in front of our PCs. At least that was how I felt.

I have to admit that in the past I was not really good in solving misunderstandings by talking to a person directly. Interpreting and writing an email based on my thoughts seemed the most convenient way. I learned that it was not a solution. Since I am using three languages in my daily life I am very conscious about how easily I misunderstand a meaning of a word. That is why I now call if I sense that I have misunderstood something. If I get very emotional, I still tend to answer an email based on my interpretations and forget to ask what the other person really wanted to say. I try to clarify this in the second step. Well, this is something I want to improve in the future.

Do you really understand what a person wants to say? What do you do if you sense that there is a misunderstanding?

I wish you a wonderful time!

Original post: http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/2011/12/01/do-you-really-understand/

Download my free ebook "Kind and easy actions to find freedom and personal realization": http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/meet-me/e-book-newsletter/

Do you have these tasks or things you do not dare to do because you think you are not able to do them? Do you postpone things because you do not feel able to do them properly?

I have things I don’t dare to do because I think I am not able to do it. And then, the following happened...

It was early in the morning when I went out of the room after the first meditation of a Zen meditation retreat. Sleepy and hungry as I was, I just wanted to get my bowl to have breakfast. Suddenly I was asked: “Do you want to do the service?”

I froze. A movie started in my inner eye. The monks were sitting in the posture in the dojo with its warm atmosphere with candlelight, knowing the ceremonial with all the precious little gestures by heart, their faces serious and deeply concentrated waiting for their food. I entered the room, with a hot and steaming bowl of soup in my hand, forgetting all the precious details and serving the meal with my two left hands, pouring the soup on the floor instead of inside the bowl. I saw everyone looking at me with dismay. As I saw others serving the meal in the past, I became deeply convinced that I was never able to make this properly.

I took a deep breath and looked up straight into his eyes and said: “Yes”.

I told myself, make the best out of it and serve with love and appreciation. That was what I did.

I crossed the altar to serve on the other side of the room because it was such an invitingly short distance. Some monks gave me some signs, with a smile in their eyes. I did not understand what they wanted to tell me. Later, I found out that it was forbidden. So I chose the longer way.

I arrived at the next person to be served, the hot water of the bowl coming dangerously close to the border. I nearly poured all the hot water over the monk. I grinned. When I looked up I saw in his smiling face. Afterwards, I moved more cautiously.

I misunderstood the gesture that indicated that the other person did not want more food. Well, if someone raised his hand up, my brain automatically told me to pour more. After some attempts my brain understood.

It was a pleasure to have served the food and I enjoyed this retreat more than any retreat before. And I found out that I am able to do more than I thought.

What are the things you do not dare to do now? Why don’t you just start and find out what might happen? Just dare it! If you never try you will never know the result and you will never learn how to do it.


Original post: http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/2011/12/08/do-you-dare-to-start-today/

I was sitting in my apartment. I saw the long list of things I still wanted to do. And there was this inner urge that told me that it was a special day, 11-11-11, I should go to the beach, sit down and just dream.

So I went to the beach, sat down at the humid and cool sand and enjoyed looking at the moon and the sea. The reflections of the moonlight seemed to be dancing, inspired by the calm and gentle movement of the water. And I connected to my dreams, imagining them as being real. Suddenly I felt relaxed and calm. When I returned home after a while my enthusiasm for my work had also returned, and I had so much energy that I solved tasks in some minutes that before had seemed to take hours.

When was the last time that you spend time to dream?
What did you dream about?

Original post: http://www.jovanic-coaching.com/2011/11/15/when-did-you-dream-the-last-time/