noifonlys's Blog

Deodorant


The first time is not really about sweat
it is about the start
of the many little things we do
to keep life smooth and odour free

and over time it compounds
like a good investment
slowly, unnoticed

until you ask yourself
what have I done with my life

and you answer
I have remembered so many little things
so well
that I forgot to live

Hope

I look at my daughter
Who wants hugs all the time
Who thinks I am beautiful
Who uses my toothbrush

And I think of my mother
Who has become the other person in the room
Whose breath I battle to share

And I wonder
Were we ever like that when I was little?
I don’t recall any more

How many looks of mild disapproval
How many moments of silent cold dismissal
did it take for the chasm to be so wide
that it is no longer worth the effort to try and bridge it

I look at my ten year old daughter
And I hope with futility