radical ramblings and thoughts of a southern girl
Posted May 13, 2013 05:43 AM
pondering and pondering and pondering...
Whatever God you believe in
We come from the same one
Strip away the fear
Underneath it's all the same love
About time that we raised up
I spend much of my time watching and pondering the mysteries of the human race. We are so different yet so much the same---our own little comfortable boxes filled with ideas we've been passed and given and had layered upon us without us even knowing someone was placing something upon us--we just learned to carry the weight around.
why, because, what if....
culture and religion and the experiential after effects of living in a home with someone who too wears the masks of their ancestors
we learned to break open our little world,
tear a crack in our safe little abode of a box
took off those glasses that are colored with something other than our prescription of what is right and good and valued...
how do we
hurt each other
prick each other
rumble and grind against each other and
then in the same breath
God....IT is love...
go to church
sit on a pew
go home and
then < div style="text-align: center;">talk about the people next door....whose names we don't know and whose story remains untold....
open it up,
take it off,
strip down a level of our wall
walk through the fear
what will there be
what will we find
eye to eye
toe to toe
people to people
underneath our multi layered safety zone
underneath that stuff that
causes us to push away others,
roll our eyes,
think those bad thought...
underneath all those layers we are burdened with
underneath it all
is a seed from which we came
planted deep inside the hidden crevices of our heartspace
love that flows from the basement of time
is humanities hidden potential
to offer grace,
meet hand and heart and soul
eye to eye
we will realize
There is only
that < div style="text-align: center;">remains.
May we all
try really hard
just for a moment or perhaps all day long
to crack open our little
boxes of delusional safety
allow that seed to spread out some roots
share a bit of ancient truth...
Be a great Monday!
blessings...the radical rambler
Posted May 1, 2013 05:54 AM
“Limitless undying love which shines
around me like a million suns
it calls me on and on across the universe.”
I was driving along feeling a bit hopeless.
It really was an extraordinary morning. The breeze was cool and blew through the window that I had cracked. The coolness of the morning tried to awaken me, but I, well I was was deep inside myself closing off from the world--becoming detached from my emotions---something I've perfected over the last 50 years of my life and I suppose at times--it has served me well-but all too well at other times.
Just as I was almost to the place where I get to work--it happened! From out of an ordinary detached morning from myself--something from the Universe stepped out and created a normal but yet extraordinary scenario for me to take in.
The light turned red and I was stuck at the light. I tapped the steering wheel to the beat of black gospel praise on the radio---and zoned out. I looked to my right and there they were---same old green van, same old balding dad in his teal green scrubs---same little blond girl--grown up a bit since I last wrote about them but there they were---waiting for me I suppose.
The bus pulled up.
Dad got out of the car, rushed around to help his girl out of the car. He looked at her with love and adoration and as I watched I realized that the love I witnessed was filling up the air around me almost in such a tangible way, I could just about reach out and touch the invisible atoms that were bombarding off them, zooming out into the atmosphere and somehow making it over to me----50 (not almost 50 something anymore) reaching me--just when I needed it most.
He stared at her--you could tell he believed that she actually hung the moon and she him. He helped her on the bus and stood staring as she took her seat to take her on to school that day. As I assume she was sitting, he was still staring--standing there at the door waiting for something--and just as the bus drove off---he pulled up his hand and signed the "symbol for love" holding it high and unashamed as his "girl" drove off for her day so school...
there I sat
on what felt like a hopeless day
and i smiled...
smiled at the wonder of the Universe...
the stopping at the light
was no mere accident
i needed a subtle reminder
I too had been sent off
for my day at work
types of wonder.
Big Daddy packing my lunch
a "love you too" from my girl
off color son--he was still asleep but I peaked in right before I left
I zoned out for just a bit
felt a sense of Holy
as I remembered the sound of the symphony
of birds playing as I got in my car...
cool breeze whispering --you're alive---LIVE! in my ear.
Something in me shifted--if only for a fragment of a day---
and as the bus
I whispered a prayer of thanksgiving
all those I loved and adored
thanked the Creator
that great "love" sign
just when I needed it most.
Have and be a great day!!!
Watch for it!!!
that sign that you are loved....it is right in front of you!
the radical rambler...
Posted Apr 16, 2013 05:49 AM
When we learn to say a deep, passionate yes to the things that really matter, then peace begins to settle onto our lives like golden sunlight sifting to a forest floor. Thomas Kinkade
Yesterday, I was walking into the place where I spend a majority of my time earning a paycheck to pay the bills and allow me to play.
I was deep in thought about some issues I'd been wrestling with--mainly those damn old tapes that play over and over in my southern head. YOU--did it all wrong. You--are too nice. You---should've.... I could almost hear myself saying to myself...
Why Bless my little Southern heart!!!
Suddenly without rhyme or reason
in the midst of a gray cloudy morning
something inside me flipped
flipped on myself
you are doing the best you can
now do something different
I said to myself
but it is hard work
I said to myself,
Just do it
be willing to change
Just as I finished talking to myself about myself
something stopped me dead in my tracks.
I saw something sticking up
on the ground so i stopped to look.
There in front of me
right at the moment i needed to see it
was an Eastern Swallowtail Butterfly...all closed up....sort of like me.
I thought it was dead so I bent down
even though I thought I might be late to work
it did not move
so I touched it
ever so slightly
when I did
right before my eyes..
this closed up
opened up to reveal
yellow and black
mixed together opening so gracefully
i stood in awe as if I
right before the
stood in a moment of sacred silence
as it stood still
all opened up for me to see
I think I heard
either out there or inside
the whisper that said,
paid homage to
the sender of
a message I needed
walked on my way.
I'm thankful for the way
we are given subtle and startling messages
that speak to us
thankfulfor my morning
wakeup call to live
grow and transform
........thankful for a moment on Holy Ground
thankful for the cool breeze,
the birds singing,
hot coffee with hazelnut cream
in my heart
it really is
to change and be!!!
May it be so...
Have a Great Tuesday...
The radical rambler
Posted Apr 9, 2013 05:27 AM
“I think that the best kind of change, is the change that comes from the inside and begins it's way out until it emerges on the outside; a change that is born underneath then continues and spreads until it has reached the surface. That's a true change. A powerful change. And I have found that while we are emerging, changing into something glorious; it is actually us becoming who we really are. A water lily is born underneath the water, inside the soil at the bottom of the river or lake. And the water lily has always been a water lily for that whole time that it was sprouting out of the wet soil, reaching up through the dark water towards the sunlight, stretching and grasping for the surface; where it then buds and blooms on the outside in the sunshine. It doesn't bud and bloom on the surface and then try to reach down below into the soil.” ― C. JoyBell C.
Tuesday morning brings a rather normal feel to the "off color" household. Glitzy dog is running around snorting with his big bone stuck between his teeth, looking for a person on which to leave his slobber or else convince them to stop what they are doing and play.
He's growing out of his eat everything stage or else his compulsion to have us like him has actually started him toward better dog behavior. "Off color daughter" celebrated her 17th birthday yesterday--- so for three days both our off color kids will be the same age. "Off color son" turns 18 on Thursday and just like you hear all those "other" parents saying....."where did the time go".
Everyone is now safely home from their travels. They returned home late...very late on Friday evening. We picked "off color daughter" at the airport late on Friday--it was probably the latest Big Daddy and I have been up in years. We tried to be subtle in our excitement to see her, but the sign saying, Pick up for Princess "M" gave it away. It was past midnight when we got home and even later when we got to sleep since we had to hear about all the "off color children's spring break adventures".
"Off color daughter" spent her week in China, touring and absorbing the culture. She took some great pictures, visited the great wall, temples, marketplaces, saw people and collected story upon story. We still haven't heard them all because she is jet lagged. "Off Color Son" returned from a relaxing vacation with his friends at Panama City Beach. He said, "I just took some time to relax and think." He for sure is growing up. Big Daddy and I enjoyed some quiet time while they were gone and if I remember correctly, I believe one night we went to bed at five because we didn't feel well----and went to sleep---we are for sure getting old.
I look at my children and am thankful. I'm thankful for laughter and long discussions. I'm thankful for two little ones who taught me more theology than any class I ever took in seminary.
They have taught Big Daddy and I the depths of off color love teaching us about laughter, celebration, mercy, grace and forgiveness. They are the best of off our off color genes!!!
This morning, as the birds sing their morning song,
as the breeze blows through the window I just opened behind me,
as the sun starts to raise her shade,
I sit here in my little off color abode,
Big Daddy Boo Boo sitting to my left,
glitzy dog jabbing his nasty bone in my side,
off color children still snoring a bit
Life is more than pretty damn good
I--sexy hot mama that I am-- am blessed
to live in
"off color world."
The best kind of life is the "off color kind".
Happy birthday week off color kids!!!
"Heart you both to the moon and back!"
Keep on Blooming!!!
NEWS ALERT: Big Daddy gave off color daughter his car for her birthday--no ghetto van/Big Bertha (he decided he was afraid for her to drive it) Off Color daughter now is styling and
Big Daddy...well Big Daddy is trying to figure out how to get all those radical liberal stickers off the back of his new ride.
Be a great day!!!!
the radical rambler
Posted Mar 31, 2013 07:07 PM
“Awakening is not a thing. It is not a goal, not a concept. It is not something to be attained. It is a metamorphosis. If the caterpillar thinks about the butterfly it is to become, saying ‘And then I shall have wings and antennae,’ there will never be a butterfly. The caterpillar must accept its own disappearance in its transformation. When the marvelous butterfly takes wing, nothing of the caterpillar remains.”
― Alejandro Jodorowsky
Suddenly, in an instant or more like a year,
a transformation moved over me, settled upon me, unfolded within so slowly I couldn't even recognize that it was happening.
I can remember as I stand and reflect. I can almost feel it again.
I recall It---- Darkness moving over my spirit,
removing any hint of light and finding myself
Lost within myself,
Lost and Unconnected,
Lost and ready to Leave...Leave it All.
I continued to walk
not knowing how my next step my occur...not really knowing if I could or wanted to continue but somehow
I traveled to the very edge
stood for a moment
thought about it
to something or someone or anything
to send me
Darkness came over
Fog settled on my thinking process,
a film covered my ability to see see clearly
I stopped for a bit...
I found myself
entombed within myself.
waited for a long time
what seemed forever for
You to come
rag around your charcoal hair,
when you put your feet on the ground
:praise God you are alive:
I was Eastered
eastered up from the darkness
pulled forth into the light
oh it didn't occur over night
it has taken a while
to walk out
walk into the light of resurrection
moving forth from my resting place
into the world
someone one said,
it is Good....and I'm glad I get to do it.
Thankful for Resurrections of all kinds
Thankful for Sonshine that calls me forth
for Easter moments
to be recreated, rebirthed, risen if you will
into a better version--a transformed version--of who we were created to be..
I've been Eastered...over and over and over again.
May you too
feel Easter resurrection
The Radical Rambler
ps. don't eat too much chocolate
Posted Mar 29, 2013 11:40 PM
Christmas and Easter can be subjects for poetry, but Good Friday, like Auschwitz, cannot. The reality is so horrible it is not surprising that people should have found it a stumbling block to faith."
— W.H. Auden
Silence fills the void
as we wait
holding our breath
on the cusp
the evening dusk.
Meal shared with friends
finally reaching the
bottomless pit of despair as we hear those words from a distant past
"it is finished"
the sound of silence
through the night.
and we wait on the edge of hope
to come again.
may it be so...
for all of us...
The radical rambler
Posted Mar 28, 2013 02:57 PM
"Love is everything it's cracked up to be.
That's why people are so cynical about it...It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is,
if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."- Erica Jong
It is Thursday and it is not just the typical kind of Thursday.
First, we dropped off color daughter at the airport this morning. She is currently in the air on the way to China for a week. Big Daddy and I did everything we could to embarrass her at the airport. We yelled her name and gave the love symbol as she went through security and then as she got through she stood and stared and suddenly Big Daddy and I gave her the big heart draw in the air followed by our off color jerk dance..The heart draw is what we one time saw on a prison documentary. Two of the female prisoners were in love and both being housed in opposite sides of the prison, when one would get her time outside she would stand at the opposite side of the yard while inmate number one stood on her bed to gaze out the window. At just the right moment they would draw big hearts in the air and the one would yell, "I heart you!" It has become one of our "warm fuzzy" ways of embarrassing the children. The jerk dance is what we'd do at her band concerts when she looked at us. Once one of her friends asked her to look at those weird people in the stands dancing to the music and off color daughter said, " I was too embarrassed to tell them those weird folks were my parents!"
Well she is off and just like when they go to school--you kiss them good by and place them into the hands of the Universe and pray for their protection. I have no doubt, China will never be the same!!! And for sure there will be more stories to share.
It is a table talkin' kind of day. Tonight, millions of folks practicing the Christian faith will gather in a place, break bread and remember part of the reason they "faith".
Loaves will be broken.
Wine or grape juice will be passed or served. They will taste sweet or bitter on their tongue that has been coated with a doughy taste of flour and yeast and then they all wait...
wait for the Mystery of Life to unfold inside.
Sometimesit is just an plain old bite of wonder bread---nothing happens---or so it seems
there is an energy
a nourishing moment
hits a dry spot in our being
resurrects it if you will.
I really don't understand IT...
that Mystery of sorts...
but IT sustains me in ways and fashions I can't even begin to articulate.
I've been thinking today--doing a bit of soul searching about who I wouldn't like to invite to the meal...who I have felt betrayed by...hurt by...injured by...about who I'd like to exclude
what kind of healing might take place
if just for a sacred moment
I starred across the room and saw
those who I'd rather not be with
all breaking bread and partaking in
a Mysterious Banquet of sort
they have a place at the table just like me
they are loved just like me
they are valued just like me
yet I wrestle
with < div style="text-align: center;">forgiveness and granting grace and mercy
broke bread with
crazy folks-like me,
people who sold him out,
people who pretended not to know or understand his gifts...
The teacher broke bread
shared the cup
told the story
lived the story
then < div style="text-align: center;">washed
their dirty feet.
how I might be changed...
I shared a bit of bread,
poured another cup and passed it on around
to my estranged brothers and sisters and people I'd just as soon not see...
what might happen if
I risked enough
to see and touch and know them
risked getting underneath all that stuff we place upon our spirit
what they might teach me
how I might grow
how the world might be transformed...
allowing the Mystery
to heal and unfold.
May it be so
on this Holy Thursday!!!!
may the Mystery rise up
and< div style="text-align: center;">grab hold of you
the rambling rambler
Posted Mar 25, 2013 05:54 AM
When the Soul wants to experience something
she throws out an image in front of her
I am not feeling so peaceful this morning. I'm trying to find it but I can feel the anxiety swirling inside my stomach. I tell myself--live what you preach---and I swear to you... I am trying.
It has been a good week in the off-color house.
So let's get the off-color update out of the way:
Off Color Daughter: BEWARE!!!! She passed her driving test on Monday. It was pouring down rain once again and when I got the phone call at work, I could hear tears in her voice---she is quite the prankster. "I didn't pass again...almost....I did better, but Dad says he won't bring me next week. Can you? I pull out my work schedule to see what day I might do a late morning and suddenly she says..."Gottcha! I passed."
She then proceeded to tell me the only bad thing that happened was the fact that she almost hit a pedestrian who ran into the street from between two cars. I asked what she did and she said, "Well I slammed on my breaks and said, "Sh$*". The instructor/tester didn't even see him." So off-color daughter--she is driving!!! OMG.
Big Daddy is a bit nervous because we talked him into letting her drive his car for the next two weeks--seems Big Bertha is a bit too big for a new driver. Big Daddy---your so nice!!!!
Additionally Off-color daughter has a new prom dress and one day if she let's me, I'll tell you how she rudely ignored a prom invite while driving!!! She is too funny and often a bit "too rude".
She leaves for China in 72 hours for 9 days---in case your wondering---I do believe my anxiety is coming from the fact that the baby bird is flying away and mama will not be able to fly with her!!!! oh the growing one has to do!!!!
Off color son: He rented his tux and has a girl on his side. Prom is in a few weeks and I'm sure we will have more updates as that nears. He is leaving for Florida with a group of his friends on Friday, a senior road trip of sorts!!! another reason for my anxiety ridden stomach---another baby bird is flying the nest.
You also know that means we will have sole custody of Simba--Glitzy Dog from inside the gates of Hell!!!
Seems Glitzy Dog got into some food he should not have eaten and was up sick all night----off color son says, I hope my room is not destroyed forever--I cleaned it up but I'm worried. This was the first time I know he's had to clean up and accident--seems mama bird had her earplugs in because of the NCAA basketball blaring in her bedroom as she was trying to sleep and did not hear her 911 text from off color son. Oh well---little birds do have to learn to clean up big messes along the way!!!!
Big Daddy---Big Daddy is now 50 and still pretty damn sexy hot.
We spent a week of celebrating---cake and pie and dinner out--1 pound latter Big daddy is still 50 and I'm one pound heavier!!!!
We went away to a state park for an overnight get away. We hiked and played and slept and relaxed. It was nice...very nice....
Whew!!! It has been a long week and I realize
that I'll get through the week this week..seems tomorrow always comes.
I just have to trust
that I'll get through it.
Big Daddy and I hiked what we thought was going to be a short trail--it turned out to be pretty demanding and longer than we'd anticipated but led us to the breathtaking water fall in the photo above-----as we rounded the bend next to the lake,
large rocks rose up along the shore and trees slammed against the rocks as if they were pixie sticks.....the river running so fast, moving and rolling along time, flowing from there to somewhere i'll never know.....
as we rounded the last bend we could hear the sound of water hitting and suddenly in sight
was the falls...
we both stood in awe
awe of rock and color
of water and space
of sight and sound
paid homage to a Mystery of Creation.
in the midst of this crazy week
if i travel long enough,
keep putting one toe in front of the other
quit worrying about all the
"what if's" that are really out of my control...
I'll be surprised again
life just moves on along
just like the river
rolling and turning and splashing
and we go with it
instead of resisting and trying to figure it all out..
I'll just step into it this morning
Have a Happy Monday and
be a great day!!!
The Radical Rambler
Posted Mar 15, 2013 05:58 AM
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was THE key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life”
~ John Lennon
It has been awhile since we've had an off color update, but it is about time I do believe--I'm sure you've missed them. I am able to include this in my blog because off color daughter--my Siamese twin has given me permission. Off Color daughter has been dragging her feet when it comes to getting her drivers license....She is nervous about driving. Finally as a year with her permit is approaching, she decided or we helped her decide it was time to go get a license---basically I told her that my sexy hot taxi cab was closing down for drop off at yoga, zumba and friend pickup....
She knew I wasn't telling the truth, but it did make me feel like I might be trying to give her a push.
Finally last week she decided that she'd go give it a try. Now let me just say, after having birthed two children within 12 months of each other, I must say I am continually amazed at how two people who are derived from the same two genetic gene pools can out wired so differently. Off color son who is more quiet and introverted took his permit the first day and if I remember correctly was caught driving a time or two before getting his license--it sucks when your parents have done a thing or two (Big Daddy always knows when they are trying to pull something--I hate to admit it but I'm the gullible one in the family---they can really pull stuff over on me).
When he started driving, he was cocky. He was the best driver in the world and nobody--not even me could convince him that he didn't know everything. He seems to have started driving one handed and sometimes blindfolded--seems nothing bothered him.
He was always ready to drive alone or to some place and often it was me trying to hold him back.
Now off color daughter---she is like a spider monkey---clinging to us--not wanting to drive herself. We've pulled her off and finally we made an appointment.
Big Daddy took her last Monday....bless her little heart....
now I don't know if you'll recall but this
brilliant kid had trouble passing the permit test---
she was over thinking it....I told her she'd have to pretend to be dumb to pass and we chose one of her "not so intellectual friends" and had her pretend to be her for the next taking. Here is an example of what she asked me after the permit test...
"They asked about a small motor vehicle on the road.....what do they mean? Are they talking about a Prius or a moped or a lawnmower...I don't know what the hell a small motor vehicle means." I'll never forget when she called me at work and said, "guess who got their permit today?"
I said, "you".
She said, "nope, the girl in front of me!"
Well Monday I get a call after she and Big Daddy went to take the test. It was storming and pouring rain and the phone rang. "Well I didn't pass the test." I simply said, 'oh well--we will practice this week and you can do it again next week."
She had videotaped her test and she let me listen to part of it.
You can hear the rain hitting the windshield and the rhythmic swiping of the wiper blades. I hear the instructor saying, "Now don't be anxious, we're not in a hurry just drive safe" and lots of silence broken by rain and wipers.
She fast forwards to the end and I hear him saying, "You have the techniques down but you are trying too hard. You are gripping the wheel too tight and pushing it. You just need to practice a bit more and try it again."
Big Daddy said, "He (the policeman) said she is just too anxious and needs some more practice. You'll understand when you see how she parked in the parking lot."
Big Daddy said when he went to get the car, it was parked right in the center of two parking spaces, center line down the middle"...seems off color daughter does things as she likes and doesn't like living in the lines of life--she gets that honest as well.
so off color daughter will take her test again on Monday--world if you have some place to be---do it Sunday!!!
I think if she thinks about it...she may have learned some life lessons from not passing that test...
1. you can't aways get what you want.....you can try sometimes..(Big Daddy and I used to sing this to the kids all the time)
and it is true....sometimes life is filled with disappointments and the failures and the true measure of your character is not what you do in the moments of disappointment--it is what you might do
in the next day when you still have to get out of bed and walk another day.....and the world sees your disappointment or you tears or your really bad crying face.
2. Life gets stormy and confusing sometimes and anxiety can and does over take us-------breathe----it all will pass eventually and it is never as bad as you imagine in your head....
so what--- you get to practice again and soon you'll be driving alone---you will miss my good conversations and my excellent singing with dance moves!!! you'll see! True!
3. If you don't get something right, there are very few times that along the way you don't get a chance to try again. Listen to those around you and take in their words of wisdom. Loosen up as the instructor said....go with the flow....relax. Just drive.
So dear off color daughter
I know you'll be driving soon...
while I know it bothered you..
just an itty bitty little bit
I was proud of the way you have just kept walking--not driving--but walking.
just drive and yeah and don't forget to turn you wheels when you park on the hill and learn where that emergency brake is located.
You'll be smiling when they take your picture...
what I really want you to know is this---it isn't the driving lesson that is most important---it is the life lessons you learn from it---
and by the way
failing your driving test the first time must be in the genetic pool---
I know another sexy hot thing that failed her driving test as well---but we won't mention my name.
as always and forever
I love you dear Siamese twin!
in the end---Happy is what I want for you!
The off color Siamese twins after running the 5K Color me Rad!!!!!
that is dye from the color bombs on our teeth and clothes!
Have a wonderful Friday...
the radical rambler
BTW: BIG DADDY IS TURNING 50...TUESDAY!!!
SO I'M SURE THERE WILL BE MORE OFF COLOR STORIES TO FOLLOW
Posted Mar 11, 2013 05:54 AM
I'M GONNA TAKE A DEEP BREATH....
I BELIEVE I HAVE INSIDE OF ME
EVERYTHING THAT I NEED TO LIVE A BOUNTIFUL LIFE.
WITH ALL THE LOVE ALIVE IN ME
I'LL STAND AS TALL AS THE TALLEST TREE.
THANKFUL FOR EVERYDAY THAT I'M GIVEN,
BOTH THE EASY AND HARD ONES I'M LIVIN'.
BUT MOST OF ALL
I'M THANKFUL FOR
LOVING WHO I REALLY AM.....AND I'M HERE.
[Source of information - www.angelrecords.com/colorpurple/lyrics .pdf]
I've always been getting from there to there
straight line toward something
even though most of the time I didn't know
where in the hell or what in the hell that something might be
I've just been walking
picking up things
to cover myself up
make myself appear to be
what the world wanted and expected me to me
andall the while
a piece of myself took root
way down deep
past all the world and people expectations...took root in the center of my heart.
called to me
inviting me to step deep into the authentic self of my self...
I was afraid
afraid of what you say...
afraid to be...
be seen or viewed or perceived
as weird or different
so I hid
hid who I was
tried to live like everyone else
andin spite of all the trying
sorta of like the little "whos in whoville screaming"
"We are here"
I could feel that piece of me
I tried to ignore that piece of myself
will not and cannot go away
< div style="text-align: center;">so
< div style="text-align: center;">I stand
peer deep inside myself
andit is good. I kind of like it even!
May you too
take a moment
to peer into the depths and
find a place
The radical rambler....
Posted Mar 7, 2013 05:06 AM
“But I don't want comfort.
I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger,
I want freedom, I want goodness......”
― Aldous Huxley
, Brave New WorldIn the wombthere I was melittle something of sortsatoms and electrons and quirks bonds and charges and compoundsall piling upbuilding up on top of each othergrowingdevelopingbecoming.IT-watery fluid-supported mewarmed mebirthed me up and out and into the world if you will. IT was all I knew!
Now i findan unquenchable thirstdeep inside of meI try my best to ignore IT,force IT down,forget about IT,ITancient folkssaid it was like a deer panting for waterlonging for ITI'd agreebut most timesyou wouldn't find me saying it out loudlooking for itmostlywell truthfullymostly i spend more timetrying to find a way to"fill IT up""mix IT up""forget about it somehow"butITthat deep longingthat dryness in the crevices of my heart spacesIT is therewaiting...waiting...to be filledwaiting for me to quench my insatiable thirstthat only IT can fill.
I wait until I am half deadparched withering away...I try not to see YOUhear Youpretendat timeslike I don't even know who or what or how You are or can betruth is I don't understand that any more than I understand this dry thirst that comes over me...but thenwithout any rhyme or reasonother than your undying love for meYOU---incredible IT---that you are....somehow in your waythrough sunset and human and little blades of grass pushing up toward YOU..reveal your incredible ITNESS...
You stop me on my slow steady crawlandtease me with a cool drop...it touches my tonguemoves over and down the back of my throatdry parched sandy spirittouchedBy You---I feel an electric spirit charge--as You and I mix together....I look upYou surround meenfold meYou breath of lifesay to me"Drink"I look at youskeptic at heart and hear myself laugh--saying--"really--yeah right!":Drink:I savored You in the small dose I could take inmy soulwell you restored meinfused meandI thought I was too full to drink morebutyetI'm still thirsty........You just smile ...then hand me a another tall glass...Drink up...there's plenty where that came from...and I walked on down the road,skipped a bitandthen went on about mylittle life....andI suspectjust whenI need YOUThere you will betiny drop of LOVE Dewoverflowing waterfallancient Springflowing from the depths of all time and placeYouthe ITI have known foreverand you'll say to meThirsty...well drink on up..there's plenty where that came from...ITIncredible abundant IT.
Be a happy Thursday......
blessings..the Radical Rambler
Posted Feb 27, 2013 05:43 AM
come on it says...come on...
In the velvet darkness,
Of the blackest night,
There's a guiding star.
No matter what or who you are.
Janet from "Rocky Horror Picture Show"
Okay, you got me! I used (am) a Rocky Horror Picture Show
fan. I remember the first time I was privy to my first viewing, there I was naive Baptist girl from the town with the flashing light at the four way stop--mouth open--shocked at the viewing of a "sweet transvestite". We were stuck on campus and not much to do on a Saturday night (you know Baptist Theology in ones bones can keep a girl on the straight and narrow for a long time)....so we walked a mile or so down the road to an old theater that showed this particular movie on every Saturday night at midnight. After our first venture, my fellow naive friends and I were hooked. For me, Rocky Horror Picture show taught me lots about the world and other people and if I think about it now--broadened my own view of the wonder of Creation--diverse, unusual and wonderful.
Rocky Horror is full of laughter, dancing and embedded with theological glimmers like no other. I still enjoy watching and yes, this Big Sexy Hot Mama can still do a mean time warp!!! I do think it is probably the only dance I can do and stay on a somewhat natural beat!!!
At the end of the movie, the Rocky Horror World is unwinding and suddenly in the midst of horror and fear and in the midst of "unknowing and untold" event unraveling, one of characters, Janet, breaks into song,
"In the velvet darkness,
Of the blackest night, Burning bright,
There's a guiding star.
No matter what or who you are."
And suddenly in the midst of a dark movie theater,the lines from the song flip to ,
"there's a light"
in the midst of strangers and friends, lights begin to flicker all over the place, moving and swirling Bic lighters sway to the sound of the music and yes I will swear to you--every single time this part of the movie still comes around, I find myself filled with a bit of hope and little goose bumps running up and down my arms in an electric kind of way..
Our journey takes us on pathways, up mountains, down byways, around hidden corners where we think we might just get slung out into the universe. It is full of bumps, rough patches, desert landings where we become so parched we think we might not make it. We sometimes find ourselves
moving into thick forest and into caverns so dark and scary we become frozen--afraid to move forward because we can't see and afraid to go back---cause--who wants to go back.
The wonder of it all is this.........no matter where I have been
somehow, someway, people, different people along the way
have flicked a Bic, switched on a light, held up a torch, beckoning me to move on forward...
"The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming.
Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming
Into my life. Into my life... "
in the midst of our darkest night
glimmering< div style="text-align: center;">beckoning
just a bit more
one more toe forward
There is a light
a light for all of us
can't you see?
There is a light
I am thankful this morning
for a glimmer!
Blessings to all of you
this Wednesday morning!
there is a light
There's a guiding star.
No matter what or who you are.
The Radical Rambler
Posted Feb 18, 2013 05:40 AM
“It would be like describing colors to someone blind from birth: The words might be understood, but the concept would remain mysterious and private.”
― Nicholas Sparks
, The Last Song
looking to my left and to my right
brush in front of me
covering the back of me
I couldn't see where I was going or where I came
I just was
lost in the wilderness
on the way
there to there
in the midst of
both wonder and fear
I stand in awe
what this journey is all about
I really was pretty comfortable
aside from the heaviness in my spirit
just sittin' for a while
rejuvenating now I suppose
for the wilderness travel that I don't quite understand
it is not quite like giving up chocolate
hard at times
wonderful in joyful ways
full of emotions that can't be articulated
walking dust roads
hearing tales and stories and adventures
filling my pockets with
the richness shared by those I meet
savoring the sweet aroma of something so Holy
words can't even begin to articulate the depth..
I don't know where
I am going
I'm on my way
it's not easy
these things coming up from within
these voice from the past
"You will not make it"
"it will kill you"
"don't even try it"
"just be content"
"you are not good enough"
to get to make it all the way
from there to there
so just stop
build your little comfortable abode
in the midst of lush and let life
pass you on by
your old now
no need to put your heart out
no need to try anymore
without rhyme or reason
without so much of a plan
something moves over me,
touching every atom of my body and mind and spirit
I don't understand
this mystery of sorts
this Unknown that moves in me like
early morning dew rising to meet the noon sun
it touches the places of my hurt
the inner parts of me
that have been split into
with a Balm of Healing
It rejuvenates my soul
It pulls me forth
take another step
on the way
I don't know where..
The radical rambler
Posted Feb 13, 2013 06:03 AM
“Ash Wednesday is for people who know that it means for their soul to be logged with these icy waters: all of us are such people, if only we can realize it.
“There is confidence everywhere in Ash Wednesday, yet that does not mean unmixed and untroubled security. The confidence of the Christian is always a confidence in spite of darkness and risk, in the presence of peril, with every evidence of possible disaster…THOMAS MERTON
A few years back--okay--okay--a lot of years back--
I had been working at my job for a year or so
fresh out of college and full of life and energy
having a high school friend take up residents in New Orleans
right during the High Holy Days of Mardi Gras...
well what fresh out of college with money in her pocket kind of girl
would be able to resist the invitation to a party of THIS MAGNITUDE...
Now I grew up in a small little speck on the map,
in a town that has a flashing red light and a railroad track
daughter of the local Baptist minister...
let's just say..
I had not lived much---even away--at college.
A car load of us girls
loaded up for the drive and we head to the party of the Universe.
My friend...oh he showed us the way....
parades and wine skins
Big beads and sucking crawl fish heads
There was life and laughter
colors swirling and people bumping and
fat food, good drink, big beads
it seemed all of humanity knew each other
all were digging in for their last "hoo haa"
grabbing for the tiny little baby baked in a cake of sweet goo.....because they knew the good stuff was about to end--and those folks...they know how to savor a good time.
As a good little Baptist girl from a little town...
well let's just say
Mardi Gras and New Orleans
were about as close to what I thought could lead to "hell" as one might encounter
it was fun!!!!
We drove through New Orleans traffic from one parade to the other
collecting beads and coins and if one was lucky---really lucky---a coconut head or two...
James Brown was full blast on the radio and
my friend Bill...everyone once in a while would pipe in with James and say...
"give the drummer some"---which means in Bill language
take a swig from the wine skin...
let's just say...
"we did feel good"
I remember paying to park in someones yard
and then asking them if they'd allow us to use their bathroom--
and we crept inside
about to bust
into a shotgun house with lights hanging down from the ceiling on a long rope
I was sure we were inside some kind of mafia gang house...
but for a dollar
and an emergency..
well that bathroom was just fine!!!
Ash Wednesday immediately follows
the Shrove Tuesday of life..
mortality shatters the part...
From Dust we came
to Dust we shall return...
talk about a party buster upper....
I've come to love Ash Wednesday
it gives us folks a really good clear dose of reality
"Life is fun........but it ends........."
Live it well
born and dead
an "IT" so big I can't describe
I sense tonight
when I walk toward the front
to receive the Ashy reminder
I will think of what Thomas Merton said,
:“There is confidence everywhere in Ash Wednesday, yet that does not mean unmixed and untroubled security. The confidence of the Christian is always a confidence in spite of darkness and risk, in the presence of peril, with every evidence of possible disaster…
THERE IS GOD
WE ALL NEED A BIT OF A REMINDER....
TODAYTHESE ASHES WILL BE MINE someday.
MAY EACH OF YOU TAKE A MOMENT
TO PONDER THE MOMENTS
THAT ARE BETWEEN
BORN AND DEAD
HAVE YOU LIVED A LIFE YOUR PROUD OF?
IF NOT THEN DO IT...
BLESSINGS TO ALL OF YOU...
ON THIS ash Wednesday.......because
it really happens you know
even if we don't want to think about it
LIFE will Meet ASH
ALL TOO QUICK!
The radical rambler
Posted Feb 11, 2013 05:48 AM
Faith is a process of leaping into the abyss
not on the basis of any certainty about "where" we shall land, but rather on the belief
that we "shall" land.
-- Carter Heyward
I sometimes try to explain it and often wonder where it really comes from...
I wonder why some folks seem to have larger does of it and why some seem to have--well virtually none.
Is it our life experiences?
The Skeptics inside of us?
The circle of knowing we received from our family of origins?
I don't now the answer
just have lots of wonders
Everyone of us
as we travel along,
up and down
to and fro
has a pivotal moment
when we climb atop the mountain
sweating and pushing
just trying to get to the top
sweat beads dripping off our face,
running down our back,
sitting to rest of a bit,
seeing all kinds of magical wonders along the way,
grass pushing and swaying,
"critter" of God's creation
big and small
mushrooms with their umbrella tops
decorate the dusty landscape in brilliant and unusual colors and the
green moss spreads a carpet of sort
in which to sit,
then we push forward just a bit more
not being really sure we'll make it there
but determined none the less
one foot in front of the other
back bent over with the weight of the stuff we can't leave behind....
the top must be almost there...
just beyond the next bend...
don't you think?
step after step
just when one believes they can't
make one more movement
just as the last turn is taken
vibrant light breaks
through on the path
awe inviting opening
we step out
reaching the top
and with shaky legs
move ever so slowly toward the edge
breath becoming shallow
fear rising up,
gazing into the horizon of the future
unsure of where it will lead
the thrill of the unknown
it pulls me..
pulls me to the edge
I find myself
at the most important moment
do I turn and go back to what I've always known
what I've always done
do I hold myself back
bind myself up...
do I just do it
what the "f"
move to the very edge of what is known
to the edge of what I've never seen
and look down
into the abyss of uncertainty
do I dare?
dare jump into it?
dive into it?
fall face first into
the wonder of "something" i can't describe?
Will I live?
And there I stand
and something in and behind and above and below
fall on into the depths of that little thing
George Michael's says we must have...
decided to trust
and I fell face first
into the openness of the unknown
"something or someone"
catch me and set me where I needed to be...
may it be so
for all of us
decide on this day
to take the dive of faith...
have a great Monday and blessings..
The radical rambler..
So off color daughter is getting ready for her China trip..
here is a link to her etsy store
where she is selling her crochet items to pad her pocket..
check it out
Posted Feb 3, 2013 06:47 AM
“When you stand and share your story in an empowering way,
your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else.”
― Iyanla Vanzant
Well it has happened...
I am no longer
40 something...although, I have not changed that in my bio yet....
I am now just plain ole fifty...no something.....just it...
it's not too bad...
not too bad at all.
There was a moment when i stood in my bedroom and I gazed deep into the fire burning and I pondered..
well here I stand...
right at the top
looking behind to see where I have been and yet
gazing over the top of the mountain I seem to have been climbing since the day I came out of the womb---
carving my path through thicket
always taking the longer harder road....
there I stood
thoughts flooding for just a moment
there was a rush of deep unsettling grief for moments lost,
times I did not stand in my authentic truth,
times I did not take the time to tell folks
i loved them or let them see the real me because of my own insecurity or fear of what they might think,
i remembered moments--just a few---when i didn't do the right thing
or had to hide my story...hide my own truth...
and just as that
deep unsettling moment of grief
moved over me....
something inside me switched
it hit me
I no longer have to do what other people want me to do
I no longer need to be pleasing everybody else
I no longer have to dance any dance
that I don't want to dance...
hell 50...it "ain't" half bad.
for a brief moment
that connected to the next
and the next wave of thinking happened...
I am older--
and much more comfortable in my
sexy hot skin
than ever before....
"i said it"
in my heart
"f" all the expectations
"f" all the stuff other people want or tell or boss..
time to be
sexy hot me
For it is enough!
in that moment
it suddenly fits.
may each of you
stand and gaze
be surprised when you meet yourself looking back...
suddenly realize IT---your skin---it fits.
The radical rambler