Reactive Candy Blog

Being the huge Shakespeare fan that I am, when I came across the following post I loved it and had to share it with you. Enjoy!

Through therapy the realization that my depression lies mostly with the abused inner child in me. It is the child in that has been suffering. The child in me that feels the unbelievable pain. With an amazing therapist I have been able to get in touch with this child and help her heal from all that she is suffering from. One thing my therapist asked me to do is find an activity that I enjoyed doing as a young girl. I loved to colour & draw for most of my childhood, so I decided to go out and by an art pad and pencil crayons. When I was feeling pain, anxiety or any overwhelming emotion, I would try to pick up my pad & crayons. Here are some of my first drawings: Ever picture I drew I never had an image in mind to work towards, I simply picked which ever colour striked me at the moment and started with that. I am by no means an artist, but it sure to make the little girl in me happy & calm. I even started drawing pictures with oil pastels. This is definitely something I will continue doing for a long time.

As you can see, I have not posted an update regarding my mental health journey in a while. In the last few months it seems, with the help of my therapist, I have delved into, what I think, has been the darkest part of my journey.  I know I have said that before, but I was wrong.  The darkness surrounds me and I see no light at the end of the tunnel.

There have been some very hard and painful realizations that have come up through my therapy.  These realizations have me feeling so broken, unloved, unworthy and very unsure of who I am and where I belong in this world.  These realizations have opened a can of 40 years of pain, that I was not allowed to feel or recognize until now.  Realization of abuse my entire life, abandonment and my entire belief system of right and wrong is completely questionable now.

The pain is so unbearable at times, that thoughts of suicide enter my head.  The thoughts are more often than not lately. My days and nights are currently filled with darkness and I struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel on a daily basis.  I'm working through this will my therapist and he is aware of these thoughts.  Still very scary.  The pain becomes so unbearable that I just do not want to feel anymore, I just want it to stop.

With all of this going on, I just have not been up to doing anything that I use to enjoy doing, including writing my blog.  I just wanted to provide this quick update and let you know, I will be back as soon as the light prevails.  Will share more details of these horribly, dark part of my mental health journey.

The Oscars are only a few days away. The Oscars take place this year on February 26th 2012. This is your chance to show off your movie knowledge. Join my first Oscar Pool, it is all for fun, points only, no purchase required. Bring it on, like donkey kong!

Click HERE and use the following code to join Reactive Candy's 2012 Oscar Pool: 1514-Djq3

Reactive Candy has been nominated for the Ninjamatics' 2012 Canadian Weblog Awards in the Disability and Health & Wellness categories.
The Ninjamatics' 2012 Canadian Weblog Awards are a juried competition with nominations that are open in 35 categories between February 1st and November 31st, 2012. The nominees shortlist will be announced on January 15, 2013, and the winners will be announced on January 31, 2013. A running blogroll of the nominees is kept throughout the year so that they can highlight Canada's blogging talent.

I do not know if this is a symptom of a "nervous breakdown" but I'm really having the urge to shave my head.
I have never heard of people doing this, beside Brittney Spears.



I do not have a weave or anything that I want to get rid of like she did either. Every day I am closer and closer to doing this.  Is this normal?  Have you suffered from a "nervous breakdown" and had the urge to shave your head?  Please, let me know.

I have not blogged in a while.  I have several posts to write to share my progress on my current mental health journey. It has progressed nicely, but Im currently at a very difficult and very painful point in the journey.  Feeling a lot of fear, sadness, anger and am so overwhelmed that I fear, at times, I do not know how I am going to survive this next leg of my journey.

 Best Supporting Actress

Berenice Bejo – The Artist
Jessica Chastain – The Help
Melissa McCarthy – Bridesmaids
Janet McTeer – Albert Nobbs
Octavia Spencer – The Help

Best Supporting Actor

Kenneth Branagh – My Week with Marilyn
Jonah Hill – Moneyball
Nick Nolte – Warrior
Christopher Plummer - Beginners
Max Von Sydow - Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Best Actress

Glenn Close – Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis – The Help
Rooney Mara – The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep – The Iron Lady
Michelle Williams – My Week with Marilyn

Best Actor

Demian Bichir - A Better Life
George Clooney – The Descendants
Jean Dujardin – The Artist
Gary Oldman – Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Brad Pitt – Moneyball

Best Director

Michel Hazanavicius
Alexander Payne
Martin Scorsese
Woody Allen
Terrence Malick

Best Original Screenplay

Michel Hazanavicius – The Artist
Annie Mumolo & Kristen Wiig – Bridesmaids
J.C. Chandor - Margin Call
Woody Allen – Midnight in Paris
Asghar Farhadi - A Separation

Best Adapted Screenplay

The Descendants
Hugo
The Ides of March
Moneyball
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Foreign Language Film

Bullhead
Footnote
In Darkness
Monsieur Lazhar
A Separation

Animated

A Cat in Paris
Chico & Rita
Kung Fu Panda 2
Puss in Boots
Rango

Best Picture

War Horse
The Artist
Moneyball
The Descendants
The Tree of Life
Midnight in Paris
The Help
Hugo
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

 As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest manmade vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal ammount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion -
If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

You'll need the following:
1 cup sugar
1 cup water
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 bottle whisky

<hr />Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup & drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still OK. Cry another cup. Turn off the mixar. Beat two leggs and addd to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the tuner. If the dried frust gets stuck on the beaters pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn on the cake to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out the window. Check the whicky again and go to bed.

Another funny find! Enjoy!

 

1. Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder.
2. Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap. Refuse to get off.
3. Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you're wearing it.
4. Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, "Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town..."
5. Hang mistletoe in the doorway. When your roommate enters or leaves the room, plant a wet one on his/her lips.
6. Hang a stocking with your roommates name on it. Collect coal and sharp objects in it. If s/he asks, say "you've been very naughty this year."
7. Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you never get to join in on the reindeer games.
8. Make conversation out of Christmas Carols. (I.E. "You know, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night.")
9. Wrap yourself in Christmas lights and roll around in the snow.
10. Sing: "All I want for Christmas is my roommate's two front teeth..."
11. Give your roommate the gifts from the twelve days of Christmas song.
12. Build a snowperson with your roommate and place a hat on its head. When it doesn't come to life, cry hysterically "it didn't work!"
13. Whip your roommate screaming "now Dasher, now Dancer, now Donner, and Blitzen, etc."
14. Tear down all your roommate's Christmas decorations yelling "Bah Humbug!"
15. Wake up every morning screaming "Ghost of Christmas Future, please have mercy on my soul!"
16. Tell your roommate you're moving out. Santa's buying you a house on 34th Street.
17. Pin a poinsettia to your lapel.
18. Make anatomically correct gingerbread people and eat the best parts first.
19. Put on a fake white beard and insist that all your roommate's friends "give it a yank."
20. Ring jingle bells maniacally saying "every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings."
21. Stand in front of the mirror reciting "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" over and over in your underwear.
22. Smoke mistletoe. Do what comes naturally.
23. Watch your roommate when s/he is sleeping. When s/he wakes up sing, "he sees you when you're sleeping..."
24. Steal a life size nativity scene and display it in your room. When your roommate asks, tell him/her "I had to let them stay here, there's no room at the inn."
25. When your roommate goes to the bathroom, rearrange his/her possessions. Tell him/her that Santa's elves must have done it.

This is something that I am currently suffering from and it is soooo hard to not isolate myself.  Currently I am spending approx. 22 hours in my bedroom.  Im not sitting and brewing over everything in my head, I do keep myself busy, with reading, tv, movies, twitter, facebook, etc.  I force myself to go for, at the very least, a small walk, every day.  I also have to force myself to do one house chore a day.  This is how I spend the 2 hours I am not in my bedroom.  I just don't feel like doing anything. Found this article below regarding this, and I am hoping I can make some progress with my isolation, as I know it is very unhealthy for my mental health.  The journey continues.

 via www.healthguidance.org

via www.mayoclinic.com

When stress is at its peak, it's hard to stop and regroup. Try to prevent stress and depression in the first place, especially if the holidays have taken an emotional toll on you in the past.

1. Acknowl edge your feelings. If someone close to you has recently died or you can't be with loved ones, realize that it's normal to feel sadness and grief. It's OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season.
2. Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events. They can offer support and companionship. Volunteering your time to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships.
3. Be realistic. The holidays don't have to be perfect or just like last year. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones. For example, if your adult children can't come to your house, find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails or videos.
4. Set aside differences. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to all of your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they're feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression, too.
5. Stick to a budget. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don't try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts. Try these alternatives: Donate to a charity in someone's name, give homemade gifts or start a family gift exchange.
6. Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. Plan your menus and then make your shopping list. That'll help prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten ingredients. And make sure to line up help for party prep and cleanup.
7. Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can't participate in every project or activity. If it's not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time.
8. Don't abandon healthy habits. Don't let the holidays become a free-for-all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt. Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don't go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks. Continue to get plenty of sleep and physical activity.
9. Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Take a walk at night and stargaze. Listen to soothing music. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm.
10. Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

Take control of the holidays

Don't let the holidays become something you dread. Instead, take steps to prevent the stress and depression that can descend during the holidays. Learn to recognize your holiday triggers, such as financial pressures or personal demands, so you can combat them before they lead to a meltdown. With a little planning and some positive thinking, you can find peace and joy during the holidays.

Found this on the internet...had to share.
____________________________________

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.

Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

• Men can't pack a bag.
• Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
• Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
• Men don't answer their mail.
• Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
• Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
• Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
• Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men...

Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith, and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is.
I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!!

Today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps.
Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.

The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.

The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French.

The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.

The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order.

The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.

The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. Their function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.

As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching.

Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.

Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.

Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cut back on new music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line.

We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved. Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), action is pending. Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.

I know, I know, you read the title and are probably thinking "WTF?". That would be my first response if I stumbled upon this blog post. The thing is I have this memory from when I was 5 or 6 years old, Im not sure if it was a dream, my imagination or an actual visit from beings not from earth.

Here is what I experienced:  I was in bed, and suddenly woke up and saw these figures walking down the stairs from our 3rd floor laundry room.They didn't have a face, and wore these long cloaks.   I was scared, closed my eyes and hid under the blankets, and didnt look again. Until, they pulled my blankets down and tied me up.  I remember not being scared anymore, as they were very gentle. They started showing me a slide show on my wall next to my bed, of animals, and asking me what they were, I answered.  It didn't take long, and when they were done, they turned around and left the same way they came.

I have shared this memory with many people as I grew up. People either laughed & brushed it off, said nothing at all, or were on side with me in thinking this was an alien experience.

According to this survey which identifies typical experiences shared by many abductees, states that I HAVE NOT experienced an alien visit. While it is not intended to cover all similarities, it lets you compare your experiences with those of known abductees.

You be the judge. Was this just a vivid dream of a 6 year old child or was it something else? You tell me!