I have been reading so many things that women have wrote and each time it amazes me that they cannot see the greatness and courage it takes to have done what they have done, or been through, or experienced. They have left careers and/or lost jobs and are now left feeling worthless and are anxious of not knowing who they are or which path to take. They speak of fear, of being lost, of broken hearts, of raising children, of being in unfulfilling relationships and how these things have left them with diminished self worth.
I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that a part of me wishes that I had never felt some of these feelings. That I wish I had told the “School of Hard Knox” to keep their ridiculous diploma and that I had followed some easy, painless, flowery path in the opposite direction. That I sometimes get tired of looking for the genius in painful situations and that I wonder if my self worth can take another blow to the solar plexus? But I have come to realize is that it takes unimaginable courage to walk the over grown, thorny path toward you goals while trying to keep hold of self worth’s hand the entire time. That no matter how many times I stumble and fall, that self worth is always there to keep picking the twigs from my hair and wiping the tears from my eyes.
The definition of “Courage”:
“Courage: The quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery. Idiom: have the courage of one's convictions, to act in accordance with one's beliefs, especially in spite of criticism.”
It takes courage to forge ahead and seek out our self worth. It takes courage to get out of undesirable situations and want more for ourselves. It takes courage to believe in ourselves and our greatness. It takes courage to stand up for ourselves and to find our voice. So now I want us all to realize that we are courageous. That we are not standing still, paralyzed in fear but that we are moving forward with valor and fearlessness. Today we will acknowledge our courage and be grateful for it and we will allow this mindset to allow our self worth to grow.
Do 3 things to help you to remind yourself of your self worth courage:
1.Write the word “Courage” someplace that you will see it a number of times a day as a visual reminder of how far you have come.
2.Do something today that is out of “routine”, something that you have been afraid to do before and acknowledge your courage to be able to do it.
3.Make a list of 5 courageous things you have done in your life as a reminder of all you have accomplished.
I believe that if we acknowledge some of the difficult things we have done in the past and recognize the strength and courage that it took to do them that we can then see that our self worth was there with us, encouraging us. I believe it is these steps towards the unknown and the belief that we will succeed that keeps that tap of self worth flowing. Let’s build our self worth by challenging ourselves by taking the road less traveled.
If you haven’t already, join us in the self worth tribe, a safe yet vibrant gathering of women just like you & me who accept that our past does not define our future.
I failed at getting to the gym because I was just too tired. I failed at getting that job completed as I said I would because I wasn’t feeling creative. My self worth was failing me. Is this happening to you also? Watch this video to learn how to resolve this self worth issue.
I would also like to invite you to join the Self Worth Tribe. We are a tribe of women who accept that our past does not define our future.
The other day I was having a conversation with a friend of mine. She was telling me how tired she feels, how exhausted she is at the end of the day. She was telling me how she can’t remember the last time she laughed a really good belly laugh or felt like she was truly enjoying something. She said to me that she had no passion for life anymore and didn’t even know where to start looking for it and even if she knew, where was the time. Her statement to me was, how could she possibly start to build her self worth and she didn’t know if she had a “self” left?
I went home with a bit of heavy heart after this conversation. She is a fantastic lady with all the outside appearance of a successful, fulfilled woman and yet here she was telling me how she had lost herself along the way. I believe this touched me so dearly because it was the exact same feeling I had, not so long ago. That feeling of dull routine and obligation that left no time for exploring the things I wanted to learn about or experience. I had convinced myself that this path was what was going to make me happy. The feeling that I was obligated to stay on the same life track because this is what I went to school for, this is what I had wanted, wasn’t it? I had fully participated in getting there so why was I feeling so lost and lacking in self worth?
I looked at how I allowed other things to start to push my “pleasure” things aside. I stopped taking a walk at lunch because I could work on one more file or check my voice mails. I stopped listening to music in the car and used the time to return calls. I quit talking to friends on the phone or going for lunch because I could see what they were up to with Facebook. My life had become so full of “time saving things” that I filled up their spots with more time working or watching TV. Somewhere I forgot what I liked to do. I forgot what I thought was funny. I forgot what I was passionate about and I forgot that without these things my self worth didn’t grow.
Today, I want us all to make sure that we are doing one thing however big or small that brings back that passion in our lives so that we can build our self worth. Download your favorite song and sing it out loud or dance like no one’s watching, take a walk in the park, or just let the sun shine on your face. Do something, anything that when you’re done you have a smile on your face and then I want you to start to make a list of what you are good at, what excites you. I want you to start to look at how you can start to put one small thing back into your day, each day. Your self worth will love you for it!
I would love to hear from you. Please add your comments about my blog below. I would also like to invite you to join the Self Worth Tribe. We are a tribe of women who accept that our past does not define our future.
There are some days that I feel like such a failure. I failed at getting my to-do list completed because there were 45 things on it. I failed at getting all the house work done because each time I try I pick up another half finished project. I failed at getting to the gym because I was just too tired. I failed at getting that job completed as I said I would because I wasn’t feeling creative. I failed at my relationship because I wasn’t attentive enough. I failed at eating healthy because there wasn’t time. The list goes on and on and each compounding “failure” striking like a hammer to my self worth.
So what happens when we consider ourselves failures at all the little things going on in our day, what does that do to our self worth? Well I know for me that it makes me want to stick my head in the sand so that no one can see me. I become frustrated and annoyed at all the little things and when something big comes along I feel absolutely out of control and overwhelmed. I feel so bad about the things I haven’t done or got to that I begin to avoid them by distracting myself with other less important things. I distract myself in a desperate attempt at willing them to go away.
So why am I considering them failures or believe that “failing” is bad, I mean don’t we learn something about ourselves every time we try something? Why do I make a to-do list with 45 things on it knowing I won’t get half of them done? Why do I put my self worth nurturing so low on that list when I know how vital it is to my happiness? How do we shift our words and our awareness so that we can stop sabotaging ourselves every day?
Today I want us to first, start to change how we feel everyday by changing our definition of the word “failure” or at least to change our perception of “failing”. Without failure or failed attempts we wouldn’t have successes like light bulbs or cures for diseases. We are going to start to look at all the things we have learned about ourselves, like how we want to be treated, or don’t want to be treated when something we have attempted has failed. We are going to find all the positives that come about because of those struggles and challenges.
Secondly, I want us to recognize that when it comes to your self worth ultimately nothing we do is a failure, it is an experience. Each experience teaches us about our strengths and our weaknesses. Thirdly, I want us to start counting our successes instead. I want us to talk only about the things we completed and not dwell on what we didn’t. I want us to prioritize our to-do lists so that we are clear on the things that are truly important to us and to not get hung up on the little stuff. I want us to see each step as a step up the self worth ladder.
I would also like to invite you to join the Self Worth Tribe. We are a tribe of women who accept that our past does not define our future.
I can’t tell you how many times I have sat sobbing over the things that were happening to me. It was usually over the man who didn’t call back, the promotion that was given to someone else, or the friend that treated me badly.
Everything good always seemed to happen to other people and I was the one who was working hard and getting no where. I pitied the girl I was and figured that perhaps I was going after things I didn’t really deserve or wasn’t qualified for so with each disappointment I believed a little bit less in myself and my self worth.
It didn’t seem to matter how many times I tried to do something a little different or swore to myself that I would never let that happen again it always did. It made me angry, it made me hate myself a little more each time. I wanted so much to be perfect but I grew up thinking there was something wrong with me and I was ashamed of what that something was. My “spongy” boundaries made me easily manipulated. I was a chameleon in what those few boundaries were and I was always trying to read people and be who they wanted me to be in order to protect myself.
As my awareness started to change and I began to realize that I needed to change my life to save my life, I started to REALLY look at what was going on. As I learned more and more about boundaries and self worth, I began to look at the patterns in my life I realized that I had no gauge to which I held myself or others accountable for. I just knew when I was hurt or felt bad about myself. Even as I became aware of this I realized that even if I set a boundary I rarely committed to them. They were so hard to stick with because I didn’t want to hurt anyone and I was so worried that they would think I was a bitch if I didn’t bend just a little, it was easier to give in time and time again because I already felt that I was undeserving and I already knew what that felt like.
I know realize how absolutely important boundaries are to my self worth. They define us to ourselves and to the world. We will never know ourselves until we start to take responsibility for how we treat ourselves and in doing so, how we allow others to treat us. So get out that journal or paper or sit at your computer and start to write, start to write down all the ways you want to be treated. Then sit and read it, do you treat yourself that way, if not when are you going to start? Let’s stop sabotaging ourselves, stop building those walls around ourselves and start building our self worth.
So if you haven’t already, join us in the self worth tribe, a safe yet vibrant gathering of women just like you & me who accept that our past does not define our future.
I never thought I would miss those stilettos and having to get dressed up everyday. But yesterday as I was sat at a downtown restaurant in my casual pants and sketchers I felt a little less powerful then I had a few moments earlier driving to the restaurant. I felt self conscious about how I looked. I felt less adequate, less successful then those ladies at the table across from us in their cute skirts and heels. I didn’t know anything about them but I was allowing myself to feel judged by all of them. I was allowing myself to feel less important just because I wasn’t dressed like them and it was affecting my self worth.
I never realized that the fantasy of never having to get out my pajamas would actual leave me believing less about myself. As I sit in my home office and make calls and send emails in my sweatpants I somehow feel less successful then my 9-5 friends. I feel like I should go and put on makeup and dress pants and yes even those stilettos to impress the puppy that sits at my feet. Would it improve my work? Would I feel differently? Would the prefect shade of lipstick really help me to sell a client on that project?
So what is it about being dressed “the part” that makes me feel successful? As I look back at the days of commuting to an office I realize
the person I was back then needed those clothes to hide much of what was going on in the inside. I needed people to tell me that I looked great, or that they liked my shoes. I needed to get that confirmation of what people thought about me because I felt so little about myself. My self worth was depending on those compliments to get through the day rather the actual belief that I was worthy.
Being self employed and working from home has had many challenges and I realize how often my own thoughts defeat me. Being at that restaurant made me realize that I am now choosing clothes and shoes because I enjoy them and that I am just as successful and likeable casual pants & sketchers as I am in skirts and heels. As I build my self worth I am able to notice when I am allowing my thoughts to get away from me and I can change the perspective to things. I now accept that the next time I feel like putting on my red stilettos that I can and my self worth will love them!
Hi I’m Velvet with the self worth tribe, a tribe of women who accept that our past does not define our future.
Have you ever felt like the whole world is against you and no seems to be listening when you talk? For me it seemed like everything in the world was out to get me. Management at the company I worked, my parents just didn’t get what was happening, and my friends weren’t in my shoes so how could they possibly understand? It really felt like I was surrounded with the bad luck and I was miserable. My famous words were, “Why was this always happening to me” and,”Why were people treating me this way”? But each time I spoke and blamed someone a little piece of my self worth went with it.
I’m not sure where I learned that need to blame or that finger pointing and “she did it” mentality but I do know how it made me feel. I felt like no one was in my corner supporting me, like I was so alone in the world. I complained to anyone who would listen and I was looking for justification for what was happening to me. I didn’t want to take responsibility, I wanted people to like me so it was easier to blame others then to admit to something or acknowledge my actions and move on.
I have to admit that I finally got tired of hearing myself talk about certain things so I can only imagine how it was affecting those around me and the more I talked the less people seemed to be listening. The less they listened the easier it was to prove my point that people didn’t care about me and everyone was out to get me and my self worth. I’m sure they were just tired of hearing what I was saying, repeating, dwelling on and they checked out! I was being a “Negative Nancy” as my girlfriend calls it.
What I have come to realize is that when we keep talking and repeating the story we are actually still living in that energy. The more we live in that energy the more we draw like energy to us. When I FINALLY realized what I was doing was able to catch myself when I wanted to start to blame someone else for what was happening to me. I was able to start taking responsibility in my part, however big or small, and I was able to start to change my reactions, which lead to a change in my choices. Each time I made a choice that I made me feel good about me it became a sort of drug that I couldn’t get enough up. My self worth started to bubble up inside of me and I began to want that feeling rather then that lump that would sit in my chest each time I talked about something negative. So my lesson today is to watch my talk, listen to my words, and to take responsibility for my actions and to let my self worth boil over!
Watch this video and add your comments below. I would also like to invite you to join the Self Worth Tribe. We are a tribe of women who accept that our past does not define our future.
Join the Self Worth Tribe Here
Ever feel like you just want to give up? Like you have lost your self worth and you just can't stop feeling like you have no Self Worth?
Watch this video and add your comments below. I would also like to invite you to join the Self Worth Tribe. We are a tribe of women who accept that our past does not define our future.
Join the Self Worth Tribe Here
Ever feel lost? You have feelings of depression but just don't know why or what to do? That's the time I take care of me! I get my hair and nails done. I do something that puts me back on my list.
Watch this video and add your comments below. I would also like to invite you to join the Self Worth Tribe. We are a tribe of women who accept that our past does not define our future.
Join the Self Worth Tribe Here
Are you avoiding something you love? Watch this video about Emotional Blackmail.
If you haven’t already, join us in the Self Worth Tribe, a safe yet vibrant gathering of women just like you and me who accept that our past does not define our future.
Have you ever felt like you are the bottom of a well and all you’re doing is looking up and seeing the sun? You keep staring up and see the brightness and you can see other people up there and all you want is for someone to throw down a rope or a ladder any thing so that you can get out of the darkness. Each time you look away from the sun all you see is the blackness that is around you and it feels like no one cares about you. You keep looking up into that bright light hoping and wishing that someone will just realize you’re there and will truly see you. But as the moments or days pass and you realize people don’t hear you or see you feel like your self worth seeping out of you.
I have spent many days and years at the bottom of the well feeling worthless and unloved. Feeling like no one cared. I was blaming others for not looking around and noticing me or wondering where I was. I wanted them to hear all my desperate cries for help even though I’m not really sure I really opened my mouth. All those thoughts and feelings felt like they were like a lead weight on my back that I thought surely someone would notice or show concern. But the more I looked into that light and knew that I wanted to be there the more darkness I saw around me.
I can’t say that I gave up all hope or that I truly believed that no one cared even though at the moment it sure felt like it. But one day I quit looking up into that light and I let my eyes readjust to the where I was. I noticed that it wasn’t quite as dark as I had thought. I had spent so much time staring into the brightness above and wishing I was there that each time I turned away I was a little blinded to what was around me. As I started to look around I realized that there was fresh water to drink. As I looked some more there was a blanket to keep me warm. Then I saw the remnants of a well used ladder. It was rickety but surely I could climb it.
I stared at it a bit. I wondered if it would hold me. I thought what if it broke when I was half way up and I fell back down. It was in that moment that my perspective changed. Somewhere inside myself my self worth was telling me that I could climb it, that I needed to climb it. So I started. I put my foot on that first spike sticking out and I stretched to reach the first rung. As my hand gripped it I felt this wave of anticipation pass over me. With each inch up I started to trust myself a bit more, I started to trust my decision.
As I got closer to the top I could hear the people and I could smell the grass. I slipped a couple times, broke a nail or two, even skinned my knee but I felt stronger. I felt more powerful. I started to wonder why I hadn’t seen the ladder sooner. Why had I allowed myself to stay down there for so long but I realized that I hadn’t been ready. I hadn’t been ready to take responsibility for my part in getting down there. I started to call out as I got closer to the top, to really call out and they came, strangers, family, & friends all encouraging me and supporting as I made my way to the top. As I threw my leg over the edge I wondered why I had been so scared. My self worth was blossoming in the sun as I looked down and saw what I had accomplished. It was in that moment that I realized that the hole I was living in had been inside me and that those people had always been there but it was my own lack of self worth that had created the well. So today I chose to be inspiration and honor that journey to the light and vow to myself to continually build my self worth so that I can support others in their journey to the top.
If you haven’t already, join us in the Self Worth Tribe, a safe yet vibrant gathering of women just like you and me who accept that our past does not define our future.
How many times do we hide something about ourselves because we are afraid of being judged? Are you embarrassed about simple things like a fleck of pepper in your teeth or a drop of coffee on your shirt? Do you wear a hat because of the bad haircut that you got the day before? Or are you avoiding doing something you love like swimming or going to the beach because you hate the way you look in a bathing suit? Do you allow yourself to feel worthless and that you are not enough because you are worried that people won’t like you? If so, how is this emotional blackmail affecting your self worth?
I think for me is started in kindergarten, those first interactions with people other then my family. That pressure to fit in and that wanting people to like me. I can still remember the heart break when little Jacob didn’t want to hold my hand on the field trip because I had “koodies”. I remember how hurt I was that he didn’t like me anymore or that I might actually have something that no one else wanted. When ever it was it started me on path of trying to be what other people wanted and that hiding from the person I truly was. Each time I hid something I was acknowledging to myself that I wasn’t good enough and it was draining my self worth.
So what would it take to stop hiding and to stand up and be proud of everything about me? Will showing off my true self uncover some buried strengths? How can I change my thinking so that I can get to know myself better and how do I to stop worrying or caring if the world loves me and learn to love myself? Have I been hiding myself to protect my self worth or has hiding depleted my self worth? How will these changes affect my life? Will people still like me?
One of the hardest things for me has been to tell people what I really want, to have a voice. I have usually agreed to things because it was easier to fit in and it usually got the approval from others. It was easier to fade into the background and to not “rock the boat” then to really look at what I wanted to do. It was so much less work to be a follower.
So as I stop with the emotional blackmail and as I start to step up to be the person I was born to be I have found that I am actually attracting more like minded people who are encouraging and supportive. I am finding more joy and laughter in my days and that heaviness that was in my shoulders seems to have lifted. My friendships and working relationships with people are so much more positive and fulfilling and I am attracting greater opportunities and experiences. I am now trying to be the person I want to grow old with and I’m trying to honour all my uniqueness and those things that make me an individual so that I can get to know all of my strengths and continually build my self worth.
If you haven’t already, join us in the self worth tribe, a safe yet vibrant gathering of women just like you & me who accept that our past does not define our future.
Ever feel like you were getting your hands slapped when asking for for help? I really need to turn off the little voice in my head that keeps telling me I am a failure if I ask for help or delegate.
Please post your comments below. I love hearing what you have to say! I would also like to invite you to join the Self Worth Tribe. We are a tribe of women who accept that our past does not define our future.
I had a huge kick to my self worth the other day as I was attending my nephew’s graduation. As I watched all these “shiny new” graduates prance across the stage announcing their hopes and dreams of future travel and education, I felt my chest constrict a bit and I wanted grasp them by the shoulders and give them a shake...
I wanted to warn them that the next phase of their lives was going to be filled with disappointment, broken hearts and broken dreams. I wanted to tell them to guard themselves and to protect their self worth at all costs.
Somehow when I had walked through that auditorium door I had been drawn back into my 17th year self and my self worth was terrified. Now it’s not that I have a tonne of regrets as I’m learning to embrace the lessons I’ve learned through the years. I am now accepting that I would not be the person I am today if any of those things were different but why did I find myself critiquing all their plans? Why did I want to cross my arms over my chest and hum a little tune so that I didn’t have to listen to any more of it? Why was I thinking less of me while watching 17 year old kids get their high school diplomas?
Now it’s not that I would ever want to be in high school again or be 17 again but I would like some of that unbridled passion back, that, “I can do anything” feeling without being tainted by life experiences. I was longing for that naïve optimism and that carefree feeling of less responsibility but with all the self worth that I have today. As I started to realize what the feeling was I had to laugh to myself just a bit. As much as I would like to embrace my 17 year old self and to give her a few more pieces of armour before sending her out of the trenches I do believe she has done just fine.
So today’s lesson was to learn to be grateful for each grey hair I have and for those laugh lines around my eyes. These are my self worth battle scars and I proudly acknowledge each one of them. For if I had not experienced all those challenges, heartbreaks, and disappointments I would not have the clarity of my purpose or know the strength and value of my own self worth. Watching those young adults was certification to the growth and expansion of my self worth.
Please post your comments below. I love hearing what you have to say! I would also like to invite you to join the Self Worth Tribe. We are a tribe of women who accept that our past does not define our future.
Do co-workers or friends dump all kinds of negativity on you when you present an idea to them? Watch this video to learn what Toxic Culture means and what you can do to change that culture.
Please post your comments below. I love hearing what you have to say! I would also like to invite you to join the Self Worth Tribe. We are a tribe of women who accept that our past does not define our future.
Are you always using negative words when you describe yourself? What about your negative thoughts? I have done this in the past. I now know I deserve all the things I have worked so hard for in my life. My self worth cup is filling up and I no longer blame others.
I would like to invite you to join the Self Worth Tribe. We are a tribe of women who accept that our past does not define our future.
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