stephiesstuff's Blog

Dear BraveHeart Women Friends,

My holiday season was warm and spent with family and friends over good food, gifts, and music. I played Christmas music on the piano at our extended family gathering, with my niece at my side on the piano bench, which is our custom. I enjoyed singing to shut-ins at homes and convalescent centers at our church caroling event.

My children and grandchildren came over for our traditional Christmas meal, gifts, and stockings. They are so much fun to watch, and I enjoy doting on them. I read "'Twas The Night Before Christmas" to them.

For New Years, I am visiting cousins in Modesto. One cousin is ill, so I helped her in the house. Please pray for her and all of us to make the lifestyle choices necessary to promote good health. May we all be reminded not to take our health for granted.

I look forward to a fabulous year of change, growth, evolution, as Ellie suggested, and connection. Thank you all for being a part of my year and my heart.

'Til next time,
stephiesstuff

Dear BHW Friends,

I am so grateful this season for family, friends, and sisters like you. I have not been able to associate with the BHW network on a regular basis recently, but hope that I will be back on track soon. I find your encouragement and advise very uplifting.

I have been feeling disjointed of late and unconnected from my dreams and goals. I know they will rejuvenate, perhaps in a different form, or perhaps in a different time frame than I assumed or planned. I am open to exploration and guidance.

My Thanksgiving was wonderful, with many family members coming together. Traditionally, I host a dinner at my house, but this year we went to my sister-in-law's house. The food was fabulous, and the fellowship exceptional.

I also realized with a fresh sense that I am among the elders in the family, since all my older relatives have passed on. But, I also marveled at the passing of traditions to the young people and the children. The cycle repeats itself.

I hope your respective Thanksgivings were wonderful as well, with family and friends, festivities, and fun. God bless you all and keep you as you fulfill your passions and dreams with thanksgiving in your hearts.

'Til next time,

stephiesstuff

Dear BHW Friends,

I had a great week and have attained some of my short term goals, using my FPH:

*a new teaching job
*a new respite care special needs client
*tools and a format to build a website to advertise my services
*progress in attacking those weeds in my previous "Mending Fences" blog
*progress in using "one step at a time", "Law of the Farm", and "the best use of my time" approaches
*a new singing group
*travel to Zion National Park
*family visits
*beauty and serenity boosts
*a "new to me" car that was given to me by a family member

Now, if I can just figure out how to insert my picture on my profile, like everyone else, I'll be "cookin' with gas".

'Til next time,

stephiesstuff

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Dear BraveHeart Women Friends & Community Members,

Sometimes we need to mend something in our lives that has suffered from neglect. I find myself in this position now. Everything in our garden of life needs to be tended faithfully, or proverbial weeds grow up and entangle us. In my case it is literal weeds in my garden that proliferated over a time of inattention. It will take me awhile to get them under control and my garden back to normal.

A dear friend and I had a disagreement last year that has caused a rift in our relationship. I feel the necessity to reach out and offer amends, and I am sure she has the same desire. I've decided that in order to "mend our fence", I will send a note, make verbal contact, and attempt to right the situation. By accepting this responsibility, and acknowledging my part in the rift, hopefully we can rekindle our friendship. It does put me in a vulnerable position, and subject to rejection, but I have to get my emotional and spiritual tools out of the box and get to work. Time is of the essence.

Relationships, like my garden, need to be nurtured, not left to happenstance, especially after a dormant season. I trust that by taking action, removing the weeds and reconnecting with both nature and nurture, my garden and our friendship will bloom again.

"Till next time,

stephiesstuff

Dear BHW,

As I responded to another member's blog today, I was reminded of a habit I have come to love and to engage in periodically. I learned it from a study by Stephen Covey entitled, "Seven Habit of Highly Effective People". In his writing, Covey discusses the principles of "First Things First". He maintains that there are 4 Quadrants, or areas of our lives, that interweave throughout our day, and that we can consciously seek to expand some Quadrants and diminish others, to make us more whole and centered. Each person's version of the 4 Quadrants is different, but the principles are true for everyone.

At the risk of being simplistic, I will summarize them below:

Quadrant 1: *Important to us, and urgent

Things we do for ourselves and our family, others in need, developing our passions, work, daily activities, appointments, meetings, etc., that are necessary for health and safety, quality living, and humanistic outreach, and that are aligned to our life purpose.

Quadrant 2: *Important to us, but not urgent

Things we do for our spirit - art, hobbies, lifestyle plans, travel, exercise, peace seeking, religious expression, developing and nurturing relationships, entertainment, quality TV, music, personal "treats", retreats, reading, dancing, etc., that give us peace in our spirits and that are aligned to our life purpose.

Quadrant 3: *Not important to us, but urgent

Things we do for other people or organizations - unnecessary meetings, appointments, committee responsibilities, overloading our calendar, begrudgingly performing tasks as a "duty", and entertaining and internalizing negative comments and relationships, etc., that are not aligned with our life purpose.

Quadrant 4: *Not important, not urgent

"Waste of time" activities - procrastination, "pity parties", crashing, mindless TV, that are not aligned with our life purpose.

Our focus should be on Quadrants 1 and 2. We have to do certain daily functional and humanistic activities for our families, others in need, and work as in Quadrant 1. However, if we ignore Quadrant 2, our life becomes chaotic, unfulfilling, and void of personal expression or creativity. As BHW, and in order to activate the FPH, we must seek and dwell each day in both Quadrants 1 and 2, with an emphasis on developing and expressing Quadrant 2.

We must downplay, and seek to curtail or eliminate the activities in Quadrant 3, which contribute to stress, depression, and anxiety, if those activities and people are not aligned with our life purpose. This is especially true if we are not creatively expressing ourselves and filling our spirit as in Quadrant 2. We all dwell in Quadrant 4 periodically, but should not do so repeatedly, or as an everyday experience.

Periodically, take out your Quadrant list, review it, revise it, weed out, throw out, and reorganize to continue to identify your passions, and proper functions. We need to look up and forward, develop our best selves, focus on our goals, fill our emotional and spiritual selves, and practice our individual version of "First Things First".

"Til next time,

stephiesstuff

Hi BHW,

This evening, I picked up my 21 year daughter and 2 of her friends from a "night out". We had known the 2 friends since they were in preschool. We talked and laughed about past memories and commented on their adult status.

Even though all my youngest daughter's friends are in college, my heart wants to believe that they are still in grade school or high school, piling in my car to drive to school and sports events, camping, snow skiing outings, band/flag competitions, or youth group events.

I fondly remembered all the birthday parties, sleepovers, and friend days. Whenever I had a large slumber party, I would cook on-going meals and snacks, and a large breakfast with several choices of food. The kids still talk about it. They comment that I was "always there", and talk about how I was always there for them personally. I would encourage, smile and laugh with them, inquire about there well-being, and counsel them if needed. I would even scold them if required, and warn them of impending consequences for upcoming actions.

The time spent with your child's friends makes a huge impression on them and on your own child. A few years ago, a childhood friend of my oldest daughter called me at work one day. We had lost contact over the years as the young people were going their separate ways. She was now in her mid-twenties. She did not know where to reach me at home since I had moved, but remembered the name of the school where I worked. She said she was calling to say "thank you" for all the good times we had as neighbors, and for including her in our family activities. I thought that was a special tribute to our past, which sends ripples into the future.

Now all my "kids" are grown. The last of the friends started college last year. A couple of years ago, I was sitting on my front lawn chair. 2 neighbor boys of junior high age came over sat down and just started talking to me. I had never carried on a whole conversation with them before, but had always said "hello" in passing. They opened up to talking about quite personal information for an initial conversation. I felt as if I had come full circle, with a "new batch" of kids. Eventually, other kids from the neighborhood started coming over to talk, and to play in my backyard. At the same time, I was formally starting an educational and enrichment program at my house, so the neighborhood kids just became part of it. My grandchildren also became part of the program.

Soon we were piling in my car to go to horseback riding, the beach, the museum, camping, etc. I loved it!! I think my heart is the happiest when I have a carload of kids.

stephiesstuff

Dear BHW,

I noticed that many of you write about gratitude journals. I believe I will start one today. I'll just consider today and work forward. Later, I can reflect back on my life and fill in other things relating to gratitude from the past.

Even in the midst of trials and tribulations, we can still have gratitude for our blessings and peace within our souls. Sometimes it is difficult, and we do have our "valleys", but we can acknowledge them, and then focus on the positive journey ahead.

I had so many good things happen one after the other today, that I was almost overwhelmed. Then, I remembered the "attitude of gratitude" and the gratitude journals, compliments of my BHW friends.

I thank God for bringing all of you into my life. You have been an inspiration and a beacon of light for me. Bless you all!

'Till next time,

stephiesstuff

Dear BraveHeart Women Friends and Community Members,

A big part of my life revolves around flowers. Today, I took flowers from my garden to the workplace of a friend, who's mother was having surgery today. The flowers brightened up her day and refreshed her outlook.

In early July, I took a vase of fragrant "Double Delight" and "Secret" flowers to my mother-in-law, who had just arrived on the "Southwest Chief" to Union Station. She was moving back to California, so I wanted to refresh her spirit from her long trip, and give her a family "hello" with flowers.

Each day I sit outside in the morning, pull aloe vera from the pot, smear it on my face, eat the gel, discard the shell back into the flower garden to decompose, and enjoy looking at my flowers. How refreshing!

This evening, I trimmed my client/friend's garden and remarked at how well everything that I had planted there was growing. She said that she was trying to be water conscious with our California drought. The flowers looked great and it refreshed me to tend to them.

Tomorrow, I will put fresh flowers in the vases again and refresh my living room. Then I will trim my flowers in the backyard, and my body and spirit will be refreshed by doing so.

Refresh and renew each day!

"Till next time,

stephiesstuff

Dear BraveHeart Women Friends and Community Members,

I have 4 grandchildren, each with distinct personalities:

David my oldest is 10 and loves music, especially drums and guitar, math, science, and history. He's engaging and wants to know "Why" for everything. We even get him "How and Why" books for gifts. He is naturally athletic and skied for the first time at 3 years old.

Eric is almost 7 and is a builder, inventor, craftsman, and a discoverer. He learns and understands physics principles in a practical sense and uses these principles in his play, or rather "work". He collects tools, parts, and gadgets and puts things together. He takes things apart just to see what their made of. I tell him I love that he is inventive, but I do not want him breaking my things. We are making his own "work area" so he can experiment, hang things, dig, construct, and build "ideas".

Daniel is 6 and loves cars, art, music, projects, socializing, board games, outdoor sports, and learning. Last weekend, we played "Sponge Bob Checkers" together. He beat me 3 times. He memorizes songs shortly after hearing them. He holds a joy and glee in his heart and expresses this when he is excited.

Justin is 6 and is an "Animal Saver". He loves kittens, dogs, large animals, and "Diego". I even got him a "Diego" Christmas ornament last Christmas. He is very gentle to animals and is sensitive to proper treatment of animals. He is extremely athletic in an "Extreme Sports" type of way - he has no fear. He loves skateboarding and knows all kinds of tricks.

One thing all my grandchildren have in common is that they are unique individuals, with a love for people and for grandma.

"Til next time,

stephiesstuff

Today I planted a tree. It was a discard from a neighbor, and I put it in my backyard. I have planted 7 trees, some of them flowering ones, and have watched them grow and bloom over the years. I hope this one takes off, too. The roots were not planted quite deep enough, but it is in good soil, and with watering and fertilizing, it will grow strong. It is kind of like our lives. Our roots need to dig deep, so our branches can grow, and our leaves, flowers, and fruit can bloom.

'Til next time,

stephiesstuff

Hello BraveHeart Women friends and community members,

I accidentally happened upon a section of the website called "friends". Imagine my surprise when many of your names with your wonderful faces came up asking me to approve them as friends. I had actually wondered how people became someone's friend, as I have scrolled through what little I've seen of the "whole picture".

I had confessed at the very beginning that I was a neophyte to computer networking and interaction, and I am happy I figured out this part, even though it was quite by accident. I look forward to the times I can sneak in to blog, read others blogs and entries, and comment to individuals. I have not yet figured out how to insert my picture, but deja gave me a clue, which I will try.....Now, "How do I find a picture on the computer, attach it, and send it to the website?" - I'll figure it out. - That is, my 21 year old will figure it out. I told my grandson today when he was trying to use my cell phone to call his mom, that if someone wants to know something about technology, ask a 10 year old. He is 10 years old, and that made him smile.

I am also grateful for the acceptance of this new group of women friends and for the various communities I have been asked to join. I find your comments uplifting, supportive, instructional, and enthusiastic. I hope I can contribute in some small way to the success of the BraveHeart Women community.

I felt a little down, lethargic, and stuck earlier this evening. I almost went to bed to crash, but instead, I remembered some advice from some of you women to "take care of you". So, I removed my wilted flowers, did some stretching, ran a warm bath, put on some quiet music, and soaked and meditated in the water.

What a treat! I do this bath routine daily, but I do not always put on the music. And since I was feeling down, that small change was music to my ears and made all the difference in my attitude. I also got a phone call with great news to top it all off!
After this, I sat down at the computer, where I got my next uplifting sight - your "friends" entries and pictures. What a blessing!.

Tomorrow, I will wake up, worship at church, put fresh flowers in my vases, and take positive steps toward accomplishing goals. Hopefully, I will be able to connect again with my new "friends".
And, I will take care of me, so I can also take care of others.

'Til next time,

stephiesstuff

Dear BraveHeart Women,

Recently, I was shopping at the 99 cent store and I was short of change. I offered to put one of the items back, and the man behind me asked the clerk how much I needed. He put the money down and I thanked him and said that was very nice of him. The clerk indicated that many people come up short of change literally, and "short changed" figuratively, and that we as neighbors should watch out for and help each other.

After that, whenever I go to that store, I give the cashier a bit of change back, and indicate that it is for people that come up short of change. Perhaps a drive could be started where shoppers at stores could leave a few pennies or loose change for those that need the help at that moment at the cash register, when someone comes up short. Many small neighborhood markets and candy stores do that very thing, although on an informal basis.

The "Souper Bowl" is an international drive once a year during the Super Bowl, that was started by one youth group and one idea, as a community service project. Money collected at places of worship and other venues on the day of the Super Bowl is donated to a local charity, of the sponsoring group's choice, whose mission benefits the immediate neighborhood. Now it has expanded worldwide. Penny drives and other fundraising events at schools are popular. Fortunately, many cities and school districts now have education foundations which sponsor many school activities and programs which would otherwise be cut out.

Progress!!

'Til next time,

stephiesstuff

Hello BraveHeart Women,

Recently, I wrote about the displaced homeowner and her children having to rent a new home quickly, and with no credit. I was somewhat misinformed, much to my chagrin, but also to my relief!

She did not, after all, have to move abruptly because of losing her home, but rather needed to move to a safer area. However, everywhere she looked, people would not rent to her because of the credit issue.

The problem is still there of needing a place, but the circumstances are not as dire, thank goodness. I collected a few ideas from other BraveHeart Women, thank you very much, and have compiled some other referrals for her to investigate. Please pray that she will find a place of safety and peace.

Hopefully, with people, such as our women friends, working together and supporting each other with ideas, affirmations, and actions, this social/economic problem will diminish rather than boom. Thanks for your help.

'Til next time,
stephiesstuff

Hello, my BraveHeartWomen,

I was asked by an attorney to help a woman from Los Angeles, who was being displaced from her home due to the economic downturn. She had tried to do a mortgage loan modification but did not qualify. She needs to rent a house or apartment in Los Angeles for her family, a 17 year old daughter, and 2 disabled children. She can pay $1,500 per month rent, but has no credit to be able to establish a new home. She also wants to move out of her unsafe neighborhood to another area of Los Angeles or the South Bay.

I do not know the woman, but am going to arrange to meet her. I can give her referrals, and social services type of information related to the children with disabilities, but my heart goes out to her as far as losing her home and the hopelessness that she faces.

I'm not even sure if this is appropriate, but I have to speak my heart. Do any of my BraveHeartWoman sisters know of someone, or have themselves, a place that she can rent? I realize that this is risky business, but any of you who are landlords probably have already have dealt with matters such as this, or perhaps have been "burnt" by unscrupulous tenants. Or, does anyone have any suggestions that I can pass on to her.

My major concern is that I feel that scenarios, such as this one, are going to be more and more commonplace, as displaced homeowners cannot, for one reason or another, find adequate housing, without relying on the federal government and its beaurocracy. Do we need a grassroots effort for helping to salvage this new category of drowning people, rather than referring them to the Department of Social Services or Federal Housing Assistance programs. I am unclear!! These agencies serve a definite purpose, and some of you work with honor in these agencies.

I just have this idea that individual property owners could offer rentals to displaced homeowners, or perhaps enable them to stay in their homes through individual contracts. The mortgage lenders are acting in greed, but I am speaking of need. Actually, I went to a conference related to this topic, and a woman had set up a non-profit agency to help with this very thing. She would pay their back rent, pay any taxes, but become a co-homeowner with the mortgagee, which would enable the homeowner to stay in the home. In situations where this was not possible, she would buy the house herself, and attempt, if at all possible, to rent to the same person, which would still enable the person to remain in the home.

Also, people of means could buy vacant or distressed properties for the specific purpose of renting them at a modest rent to displaced homeowners, which would help to keep them out of the Social Services system. Habitat For Humanity started by one couple helping one family!!

Of course, this is an idealized situation, and I do realize that some people create their own messes, and cannot and should not be extricated from them, without going through their own emotional and spiritual "desert" of acknowledgment, redirection, and rebirth.

Please help me with any thoughts or suggestions about this quandary that keeps needling in my mind. If you read my former blog, I spoke of many times using my own money and energy to help others, when it was not in my power to do so at that time. This time, I did not do that, but am seeking a less enabling and more pragmatic solution to this one problem. However, I sense a growing more global concern that requires community action.

I hope that this and other situations will be resolved favorably. Sometimes an upheaval, with associated problems, is actually a redirect and a blessing in disguise, as solutions are discovered. I pray for such for this family and others like theirs.

"Till next time,
stephiesstuff

Hello,

I just watched the video "Funky to Fabulous" and could fervently relate to the topic. I am also trying to redirect and am in transition as Rolanda mentioned so many of us are. The flower power that brought fresh energy to Ms. Davidson is very true for me also. I try to always have fresh flowers in the house from my garden. However, sometimes I have neglected to take out the expended ones and replace them. It is like our lives. We can not neglect to put in the fresh ideas, passion, or new direction in our lives. We can not live in the past like the expended flowers. We are not wilted, we are expanding!!

When I am in one of those funky times, looking through the rear view mirror instead of the windshield, I put in literal and figurative fresh flowers if I see that they are in need. Or, I work in the garden, a peace builder and energy lifter. It works wonders!! Then, meditate and seek your direction. It will come, not because we force it, as we are used to doing, but because we are led to it and it unfolds - like the flower.

*Create a support system
*Get up and do something
*Think something positive
*Have an attitude of gratitude and thankfulness
*Follow your path and serve your purpose

'Till next time,
stephiesstuff

Hi BraveHeart Women,

After 30 years of teaching, and sharing my passion for recreation and leisure and outdoor education with individuals with special needs, I have taken a turn due to injuries several years ago, subsequent retirement from teaching, and a recent dormancy in my education and enrichment services clientele. I am being drawn to pursue a varied career in more of a social services nature. I love people and am always drawn in an empathetic way to people's struggles or disadvantages in life situations.

I have also always been "guilty" of helping others beyond what they are willing to do for themselves. This has many times presented to them an expectation of extraordinary service from me, and over time, a consequential detriment to my emotional health and well-being. Although not true for most people who need a "hand up", which is charitable giving, there are people looking for a "hand out". The more a giving person gives, the less responsibility a taking person will assume for themselves, and the giver will continue giving until they are emotionally used up. I attracted these types of people over too many years to count, both professionally and through my human charitable nature.

I know that this was my responsibility for allowing my giving nature to be over-whelmed by someone's neediness, or a sense of entitlement, by the receiver of my kindness. I am learning to give, but to also have boundaries for myself. This has been a long, many years battle for me to find the balance in giving to others, and weighing this against the potential hazards to my family, my time and energy, and my finances. I believe I can continue helping people, but in a new perspective of "helping without hindering" the receiver or myself in my empathetic efforts.

Recently, after servicing several senior clients in companion care, and sheltering a displaced grandmother and her grandchildren, I find I have a knack for senior care and for helping displaced kids to regroup and focus on goals for their future. I love seniors and people with special needs. Also, I love kids and have had a tutoring, enrichment, and after school program for 2 years, and have bonded in a maternal fashion to these kids, some of whom struggle with difficult family situations.

With this new "social services" leading, separate from teaching, I have begun looking for positions, that are helpful to others but also provide a basic living. I signed up for and will be taking a Child Visitation Monitor course for court ordered child custody. I also will be renewing my childbirth educator and prenatal fitness license as a doula. I am researching being a CASA, a court assigned special advocate, to intercede for children in foster care, as well as other social services and court related issues.

I am also applying for positions teaching independent living, one of my passions, to developmentally delayed adults, which I have done in the educational arena, but this is at their place of living or day activity programs. I hope to continue with senior care clients as well. I even found out that their are "readers" at colleges for students who have difficulties with navigating the written word. One thing these jobs have in common is that they are all on flexible schedules and are not fixed 9-5 jobs, so to speak. I do not know which of these jobs I will be getting, or where they will take me, but at least I have options and flexibility, and can incorporate several part time passions as my newly defined mission.

Now that my youngest daughter will be going off to college in another state, I will have more freedom to work a variable schedule. However, I will miss her daily hugs, kisses, and presence. She and my older 2 daughters have always been supportive and a part of my endeavors. My youngest says she doesn't know what I am going to do without her to help me with my cell phone, connect wires to audiovisual appliances, straighten me out on the computer when a technical error occurs, and figure out, "how something works"; so true, so true. I just learned recently how to e-mail and to attach, but the best thing was that while navigating the internet, also new for me, I accidentally came across this web-site - fabulous!!

On a "green thumb" note, starting this Tuesday, I will be working for a grassroots agricultural sustainable gardening program, growing and distributing locally grown produce to local communities. My 3 daughters remember how we, and other members of our food pantry at my church, used to take sack lunches and groceries in our cars and distribute them to the needy. We would also give meals to people from local drive-ins and water when it was hot. My oldest daughter still does this with food and clothing, directly distributing donations to the local homeless and needy in her area. She told her kids, my grandchildren, about how she did the same thing when she was young.

Benevolence is becoming more and more necessary in our society. There are so many of my "BraveHeart Women" new found friends who are impacting the world through their projects, passions, and dreams. We can make this world a better place! The "New Beginning" is personal, unifying, uplifting, and giving in nature. I am so pleased to have found this group of women. Thank you all for being supportive of each other.

'Till next time,

stephiesstuff