studioe109's Blog

You know what they say about people that talk to themselves so I always did my best to ignore the pessimistic thoughts that would arrive each time I considered moving forward with my creative career or thought about creating a piece of work that was a bit risky. Eventually my self-doubt took on a voice of its own, and I could hear it!
Who are you kidding, you are not good enough!
Who do you think you are?
Why would anyone want anything you made?
You do not have time for this.
You cannot afford this.
Have you cleaned the toilet, yet?
You cannot paint with those cheap brushes.
There are so many real artists out there that are so much better than you.
I was sure I was about to be handed a one-way ticket to the rubber room!

I cannot tell you how relieved I was when the book “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron mentioned this negative self-talk as perfectly normal for creatives and even gave it a name, “The Creative Censor.” All I could think of was Whew! I am not nuts! Although this acknowledgment was a huge personal relief, I was very disappointed that the only recommendation to resolve this ugly situation was to ignore it. Ignore it?

I accepted the well-meaning advice but soon discovered that ignoring the creative censor can quiet the self-doubt for a while, but it will not make it go away for good. The censor’s message of inadequacy that undermined my self-confidence in the beginning was now gaining strength. Each time I ignored the censor, the volume got louder and the small nagging voice was now a rampant screaming fear paralyzing all of my creative efforts.

One day, out of sheer creative panic and desperation, I literally shouted back
“Stop it!”
“What the hell do you want?”
“Where did you come from?”
This ridiculous moment of befuddled bravado was the first time I talked back to the censor instead of surrendering to it or ignoring it. It was the beginning of the most significant and surprising dialog of self-discovery and healing.
Me: What do you (fear) want?
Censor: I want to protect you from other people not liking you or your work, I want to keep you safe, I want you to be secure.
Me: Where did you (fear) come from?
Censor: From childhood teasing, Unsupported creative dreams, Occasional creative failures (we all have them).

The censor, with its fear messages was not the self-destructive monster I need to avoid at all costs. The censor is delivering lessons I need to learn. I cannot ignore them anymore, I have to listen and I have to engage in the dialog.
“Where is this fear coming from?”
“What is this fear trying to protect me from?”
“Is the fear real?”

We all have the choice ignoring the lesson of fear or thanking the censor for delivering the fear and the lessons that lead to creative strength and self-confidence. However, to fully access these lessons we need to engage in the dialog…
but you know what they say about people that talk to themselves.

Cheryl Jones Evans

http://artistswaypages.blogspot.com/2011/02/you-know-what-they-say-about-people.html

I have a proud history of being called crazy in countless colorful ways.

I heard my children (under their breaths) after being disciplined say “She’s psycho!” My husband, on occasions exclaims, “Have you lost your mind?” There have been shoppers in my art festival tent that blatantly declare (out loud and in front of me) “Is she nuts? She wants how much for that picture?” And, from my students and creatives in class “She is berserk thinking I can do that!”

I have been referred to as McGoofy (the short version of one fry short of a happy meal), nutcase, bonkers, loony tunes, maniac, screw loose, loopy, whacko and a boatload of other colorful examples whose graphic vocabulary might get me thrown off my own blog site since I did not check adult content in the sign up box.

Embracing and trusting creativity feels like going insane at first. Breaking free of old conventional beliefs about creativity might bring on alternating emotional bouts of self-doubt then wild self-assurance or creative blocks then outrageous originality. These wild erratic thoughts look and feel like going insane but in reality, they indicate a marvelous artistic self-awareness and are one of the first magnificent symptoms of going sane.

Initially, we all have a difficult time understanding the difference between going crazy and going sane but it does not take long to realize that going sane requires creative courage, conviction and confidence.

So, I proudly announce to everyone that thinks otherwise, “I am not going crazy I am going sane!”

Cheryl Jones Evans
http://artistswaypages.blogspot.com/

Synchronicity, a wonderful concept! Julia Cameron author of The Artist's Way introduces us to psychologist Carl Jung’s theory of synchronicity. It postulates that there is an underlying connection to the universe that manifests itself through meaningful coincidences. Some scientists are beginning to see a theoretical grounding for synchronicity in quantum physics, fractal geometry, and chaos theory, but personally...
I think it is the Synchronicity Fairy.

Somewhere along the way, I apparently grew up, lost the magic of make believe and replaced it with psychological theories grounded in quantum physics and fractal geometry. I have decided it is time to dump the scientific theories and revive my inner child’s imagination.

My inner child still holds Santa Claus as the supreme high holy synchronistic sovereign. Make a list of toys, and poof– he manifests them! The Easter bunny works pretty much the same way, he just does not get the press that Santa does. Of course part of the problem is that a basket of colored boiled eggs and chocolate is good, but cannot hold a candle to a Barbie Dream House or the blue Schwinn with a handle bar basket.

I think it is time to introduce you to my Synchronicity Fairy. She is a first cousin of the Tooth Fairy and they share many of the same characteristics. The Synchronicity Fairy is stealth, preferring not to be exposed by the retail industry and blatant commercialization, like Santa and the Bunny. The Tooth Fairy requires I loose a tooth before I get a quarter under my pillow. The Synchronicity Fairy expects me to loose my doubts, my ego, and all of my preconceived notions before she will bestow her gifts. The Tooth Fairy only works with my eyes closed because I already know what her gifts are. The Synchronicity Fairy prefers I keep my eyes wide open and pay close attention so I do not miss a thing; her gifts are different every time.

Yes indeed, I believe I have reconnected to my inner child!

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”
Pablo Picasso

Cheryl Jones Evan
http://artistswaypages.blogspot.com/

I recall the very first time I read “The Artist’s Way” and got to the section on the enemy within. It had a huge impact on me. It was the first “self-help” book I had read, (and believe me, I have read a zillion of them) that had some relationship to my life.

The author, Julia Cameron records a list of core negative beliefs held by creatives and the bell in my head goes off like I am a game show winner, ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Her list read like a grocery list.
Everyone will hate me-CHECK…
I can’t spell-CHECK…
I don’t have good enough ideas-BIG CHECK
and the list went on. It all hit home.

However…nothing hit home more than question # 3 in the back of chapter. Identify the monsters (people) that are responsible for your core negative beliefs. It was the first time I was given permission to acknowledge that there were people I loved and people I trusted that had done hurtful things that negatively influenced my creative adult life.

As I name them one by one, my monsters climb out from under the bed, they crack the closet door and tip-toe out. There they all stand in row, small and powerless. I am not saying that the years of self-destruction created by the fear they produced would immediately go away, but for the first time in my life, I felt like I had found a big spray can of monster repellant and I am not afraid to use it!

Cheryl Jones Evans
http://artistswaypages.blogspot.com/

I will be launching all of the art marketing and creativity workshops online soon, but I am looking for a group of creatives (aka guinea pigs) that are interested in doing the 12 week “Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron free! (kind of…)This group is limited to the first 20 and you will be helping me work out the programming logistics instead of paying tuition. Nothing is ever really free, is it?

Will meet on line same day, same time,once a week (just like the real time class!)
You need....
a copy of the book, an internet capable computer and an audio microphone and video camera (if not already embedded on your computer)

Dates to be announced but probably mid-April early May!
More info at http://www.theartistsway.org/classes.html
or email Cheryl studioe109@aol.com with questions or class reservations
http://artistswaypages.blogspot.com/

Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way describes a shadow artist as a creative that chooses a career that is close to the life they would like to have themselves, but are afraid to actually pursue themselves. YEE-OUCH that stings!

I should know, when it comes to shadow artist’s it is very possible that I am the queen! As a young woman I went to school and got a degree in interior design, in practice and the real world interior design was more about budget and installations than the opportunity to be creative. I became increasingly dissatisfied with my work and life!

The chance to manage and then own my own picture framing business brought me even closer to the art my soul was silently screaming to be near. I made certain I stayed very close to the energy of creativity by limiting my business to art galleries and artists, drawing even closer to my “tribe” but still afraid to acknowledge or God forbid give into to it.

Years of unrealized dreams zapped my energy, joy and happiness, until finally this interesting book came along and called me a shadow artist, and gave me the tools to move forward into the life I was meant to have.

Woo-Hoo! 15 years (and counting) and not a day passes that I am not grateful beyond measure for the creative tools, the artistic support and the phenomenal creatives that "The Artist's Way" brings into my life!

Shadow Artist.......I don't think so! Not any more.

Cheryl Jones Evans
http://artistswaypages.blogspot.com/