Yesterday, I had the extreme pleasure and honor of interviewing, author, Maxine Schnall.
It has taken some time to catch up with her, but she started out being an advocate for women's rights in Pennsylvania long before many things were done for domestic violence. She's written many books, but the book I'm often recommending to those needing to move forward in their lives called WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU WON'T HURT YOU: TURNING BAD BREAKS INTO BLESSINGS. Now, she is the author of an upcoming book, a spy novel that will be officially out in July of this year, utilizing Jacqueline Onasis Kennedy as her main character, PARIS TO DIE FOR. You'll just have to tune in to find out more about this phenomenal lady.
This is a very inspirational interview that I had, which is certaily motivational for me to continue forward making sure my broadcasts continue. Let me know what you think!
Laurie Zieber once interviewed me about my work at the domestic violence hotline and the story of my survivor life on Blog Talk Radio's She Speaks To Inspire. Inspire, she does very well. We had collaborated to create, along with others, the Real Life Radio Network which launched in February 2010. I left Real Life Radio Network to take my own show Beyond Words Live on its own route by March 2010.
I'm happy to see that Laurie is back in the saddle again, so to speak, and being interviewed again.
Amazing that you will want to hear --
Please join them to hear....
Upside Chat: Transform Your Life by Intentionally Creating Relationships
Time Thursday, March 31 · 6:00pm - 7:00pm Location in the comfort of your own home (6pm EST/3pm PST) Created By Upside Thinking More Info Join me for this "No-Cost" event where I will interview Laurie Zieber of She Speaks to Inspire...
Learn the 5 Rules of Engagement
We were created to be in relationship. First, with our Creator and then, with our selves, with nature, and with each other--but enduring relationships don't just happen. We experience grace when we extend grace, we experience authenticity when we practice authenticity; we choose to be trustworthy and instead of creating fragile and insecure relationships; our relationships grow deeper and stronger over a life-time.
Listen in as we chat about her personal journey of holding on to her BIG dreams in spite of the many BIG speed bumps along the way. Here how she applied the 5 rules of engagement and how that has transformed her own life by intentionally creating relationships that support her and her dreams.
REGISTER TODAY! Email: Sheri@UpsideThinking.com and we will send you the call in information.
Thank goodness I have my boyfriend here as we finally broke into many boxes that we had in storage, which yielded a lot of emotions as we opened them.
He could, without any emotional attachment, and look at some of things could determine that some things were trash/junk that got mixed up in the boxes due to some fast packing at times. Often the fast packing can be detaching from an old relationship and deciding to move forward, although rather than dealing with going through things at that time, I simply put them in a box to be gone through later. That box wouldn't be opened at each new location... so the memories traveled with it.
Sometimes, it was movers who packed things in weird ways that yielded no real rhyme or reason; and, that box was ignored. For example, I had one box packed up from a home in San Antonio marked "garage". One would presume that, if it was marked "garage" it would yield garage type of things like old tools and such. Since I didn't want to look at tools that was my exes at the time, I just kept moving the box to each new location after moving from there to Houston in 2000 to Austin in 2003 to another location I moved to in Austin in 2006. In 2006, I opened up the box to, decisively, go through his tools to put some in a tool box I finally got and take the rest to Goodwill to be reused by another person needing that type of tool in construction, etc.
Instead, when I opened up the "garage" marked box, I found that the movers had actually packed it with lots of newsprint paper, a trash can, cereal from the pantry in the kitchen, and a huge bag of dog food that had not been opened yet and was stored in the bottom of the pantry in the kitchen. In another words, there was nothing about "garage" at all. With that revelation, I had begun going through boxes one by one.
Today was another such days that my new boyfriend of the last 3 years was staying with me during the weekend. While I was babysitting my granddaughter, he started opening some boxes that have been moved with me to the present location last July. Bless his heart though, because he gave me things that he knew would cause me to have a rush of memories while he continued to unpack the items and repack them, less the trash that had been included in the boxes from the move in San Antonio to Austin.
One of the things he gave me was a notebook that was 3-4 inches thick and spanned at the opening to at least 6 inches because of all the papers, pictures, letters, certificates, awards, accolades, etc. that told about my life story in the first 40 years of my life; a portfolio that I created in a portfolio class in college while working at Southwestern Bell back in the day. He took a break and sat down for a bit for me to talk away and tell him things about me that he never knew.
Now my cleaned apartment that was very clean on Saturday morning is now exploded with boxes and stacks of things all over the place. However, I guess with any amount of thorough Spring Cleaning one does, it is expected for things to look much worse before it gets better -- right??
I keep telling myself that, while it is to have the place appearing that everything is in its place (with storage items in closets), it'll be nice to move forward with life without those mislabeled boxes, etc. It is nice to have good friends with you when you do so that you can have a moment to be reminiscent before moving forward. I think, perhaps, that is the only way to truly have some thorough spring cleaning -- with a trusted friend that will allow you some time to be reminiscent, while keeping you on task so that Spring cleaning seems to be the resulted effect when it is all said and done.
What do you do to get Spring Cleaning done so that you can de-clutter your life of quite so many things in your life? How often do you do your Spring Cleaning? Is it often enough, or does the adage "out of sight, out of mind" play an important role in your life?
Working on stay-cation wellness. Planting some herbs (basil, thyme, rosemary, lemon balm, curry, garlic, chives, jalepenos, and much more, as well as a lavender plant are making the home smell especially delicious right about now. lol...
This has been a great way to take advantage of my stay-cation time these past few days. I have 3 more days to take advantage of the time.
Tomorrow morning is getting some glass cut from a glass table that broke during my move to current apartment back in July from the movers. I'm going to make one small coffee table piece of glass and 2 corner pieces that will do nicely to create some glass shelves for a corner of a room.
I am remembering to take time for self in the process, which is nice -- meaning catching up on things that I need to do and catching up on lots of sleep. We all need much more sleep than we think we do; oftentimes, we actually get more done with getting ample amount of sleep.
What do y'all do on your stay-cation time??
Hope y'all had a great weekend and forging ahead into a great week ahead!
I moved into my new apartment last July, but 2 days prior moving in, I was in an auto accident being hit by two jeeps from behind my own jeep.
On Saturday, I had some ladies come help me clean the apartment (I break down to have them come help me every 1 to 2 months to help get that deep down clean that I can't do on my own so well with my lymphedema in my legs. Following their departure though, we removed a lot of the things in my office and put them in the living room. (I didn't get to enjoy the deep down clean feeling of the living room area for very long. lol...)
We moved my desk around to where I had actually wanted the desk while we were moving in; however, the office had become a dumping ground for some extra boxes and books and we weren't able to move the desk around at that time.
It's taken some time to find some time to actually move those things out of the office to finally move the desk to an area where I can actually see out of the window while I am typing versus having the window at my back. A lot of that is healing from the accident and working full time and having very little me time left in the week.
Now that it is moved finally yesterday, it feels so much better; however, now I have the task to go through boxes and things that we had pulled out of the office. lol... Thank goodness, I don't have to go to work anytime soon; I've taken a few days off so I don't have to feel that I have to do it all at once, but the goal IS to get it done before heading back to work mid-week this coming week.
Some how, a bit of shuffling around and de-cluttering the home for the start of some Spring cleaning can be healthy for the soul. I am so loving my new office look. It's refreshing and inspiring to get the extra items in storage areas narrowed down to get ready for the next phases of my life journey -- 4 day work week (hopefully), earning extra income through other means (which is still being defined), and creating more me time in my life.
What are you doing to start your own Spring cleaning?
Allison has it exactly right. Many of us do have negative self talks, or "dead vegetation" as she refers to it. I know that I do because of the chronic condition that I have called Lymphedema (the swelling of the legs due to a malfunction in the lymph nodes and lymphatic system). I've had it since 2004, when I was involved in an accident that a suburban hit my little '92 blazer.
When one has terminal illness, or a long-term condition like I have, it is hard to keep up a positive approach 100% of the time.... and there are periods of time that it is tough to keep it up 50% of the time.
I love the phrase she suggests; it is one that we can all use from time to time to overcome the negative thoughts/dead vegetation so that we can all move forward to continued happiness and find that prosperity hormone that we want in our AQ.
Here's to continued longevity in our lives! :D
It has been a bit since I have taken some time off from work so I put in for 3 days off -- Sun, Mon, and Tues. Including my weekend, that will be 5 days off in a row, work 2, and off for another 2 days. Not too bad.
I'm actually looking forward to it. It's going to be hard to resist on checking on my work emails to see what I might be missing out on, but I'll limit myself to a quick 10 min run through and that's it!
Focus will be on working on some other things that I have been putting on the back burner for a little bit...
* getting my home environment prepared for working 2 days, off 1, work 2, and off 3 days in anticipation with drumming a means of drawing in, at the very least, a parttime income.
* getting some things moved out of storage and whittling it down to, at the minimum, a much smaller storage (will still need one for my washer and dryer)
* unpacking a few things out of closets that were piled in there from movers back in July (we had a car wreck 2 days prior the move and couldn't really move things like we wanted to and put them into places that might have been much more logical for them to be placed).
* working on defining my AQ better
Trying to work in some R&R time in there somewhere so that I'm not feeling exhausted from my "staycation". The true idea is to come away feeling rejuvenated, right?
I've got some time built up that I have to take before the end of August; therefore, there might be a little mini-staycation each month, if I can work it right! lol...
Hope everyone is enjoying their Friday and/or weekend by the time you read my blog posting.
My granddaughter is 3 (will be 4 in June). I watched her for a bit this morning while her Mom went to the doctor's appointment. When her Mom (my daughter) came back they got ready to go to the rodeo this morning.
She said, "Mema, my name is Jessie!" She loves Toy Story and can't wait to see the animals today at the rodeo. I told them to have fun while I get some rest this morning/afternoon (since I worked last night) and to get a picture of "Jessie" on a horse. We'll see...
This little girl is one of my inspirations and today this little girl aspires to be "Jessie". I'm not telling her otherwise! lol...
This is also a very popular question on the DV hotline. One would think only victims would call, but we do get abusers calling us too, which was probably one of the more shocking things that I was learning when I started working on this hotline going on 6 years ago.
My answer is an immediate, "Yes", followed by "How bad is that you want to change?"
I think that this takes them back a bit oftentimes because there will inevitably be that bit of a silent pause. What they say helps me to determine the direction of the call and an idea of how serious the caller truly is about wanting help.
We then talk about...
* some ideas for communication skills -- "I feel" for example to take ownership of the feelings
* some ideas for exit strategies when feeling the anger/rage coming on
* battering intervention programs out there available as a resource to them to relearn the bad behaviors that may be taking them to the anger/rage modes
* some ideas to try before getting into the battering intervention program (sometimes there may be a few days or weeks before they can step into a program)
* the desire to do this regardless of whether their spouse is seeking counseling for themselves or not
* the desire to do this regardless of whether the result is staying with this partner or not (the idea is for a long term change so that, even if not continuing with this partner, this pattern of behavior doesn't continue into other relationships in the future
* ect. etc.
It really moves me when we get these type of callers because, when they are truly having that deep seeded desire to change, there just might be hope in this world for ending domestic violence.
This is a question that we get all the time on the hotline from many, many callers. Sometimes, it isn't phrased exactly in so many words; however, the question remains the same.
If one really wants an education on "why he does that?", they can certainly read Lundy Bancroft's book called (very simply), "Why Does He Do That?" It's a great book that details many of the reasons why he may be doing the things that he is doing: but, the underlining things to remember is that abusive personalities are illogical (making it very hard for a logical person to truly 'figure' them out) and they are basically desiring power and control. That very innate and heated desire to have that power and control over another person that is close to them.
The important thing to remember is, for whatever reason they are doing the things that they do, it is all about power and control. It is critical that one doesn't get too wrapped up into trying to figure them out. You might spend a lifetime of trying to figure them out, and is that really how you wish to spend your life so focused on the past and not being able to enjoy the journey ahead of you?
There are just too many factors involved in why they do the things that they do; but the healthy stance is to understand that it is what it is and begin your own journey of healing (whether he accepts accountability for his own actions or not, and whether or not he decides to get help or not) and start:
* getting involved in a DV support group * getting involved in a DV counseling * journaling * mapping out some goals for yourself that you want to head towards in the next month, next year, and possibly within the next 5 years * getting involved with some things that you haven't been able to do (if separated and/or living in separate housing to begin with) * reconnecting with old friends * adding 2-3 things in your calendar for your "Me Time" etc., etc.
Just got an invite through my FB friends that I would like to extend to my friends here as well... that may be living in/around the Austin, TX area....
Austin WriterGrrls Women's Herstory Month Reading
The Austin WriterGrrls are making literary herstory every day! Join members of the group as they share new, old, and in-progress fiction, poetry, and essays.
Readers include Kimberly Cockrill, Jan Heimlich, Cindy Huyser, Kate Payne, Seja Rachael, Agnes Eva Savich, Devorah Winegarten, and Allyson Whipple. Come celebrate Austin's fabulous, fierce women writers!
While I do work at a domestic violence hotline, my passion for ending domestic violence extends far beyond that, I am a survivor of domestic violence twice over, worked as a CASA advocate and more.
I've been involved in survivors groups and a complaint that was received often was that they had no voice to tell their story. Media seems to twist the story that they are telling to meet their own demographics. It's funny though, if the demographic is 20 yr olds for instance, it may not be safe when a survivor is still in their 20s to tell their story until they are removed from the situation and now in their 30s or 40s, but then they don't fit the demographics, even if the event happened in their 20s.
Too, one of the things that has happened is that the prior awareness programs, the Silent Witness Intitiative isn't as well supported because coalitions are taking a different focus.
Putting on my thinking cap, I came up with the idea of collecting survivor stories and documenting them in an oral history format. Unfortunately, because of the way the economy has been, I've run into stumbling blocks of looking for funding sources to get the proper equipment and traveling expenses to travel and gather my stories in an oral history type format.
Economy struggles led me to the Blog Talk Radio where I have been able to gather a lot of stories; however, I am still wanting to take it further.
I want to have a book created with domestic violence survivor stories in it.
Are you such a survivor? Would you be willing to share your story with me?
The concept is to share the survival stories so that others may not have to walk down the same paths as we might have had to.
PS I wanted to start a community on this as well; however, I don't have the permissions to do so at this time. Perhaps I'm too new on this site? I don't know.
More soon. Please let me hear more ideas/suggestions and/or your willingness to share your story with me.
"Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal." ~ Pamela Vaull Starr
Absolutely, love, love, love this quote!
I have been always one to reach high, boldly going where no one may have gone before....
excepting I keep faltering from time to time, losing steam - or is it losing sight of my direction?
I'm not exactly certain at this time; although, hopefully, through redesign of my AQ, I'll get things better lined up in moving forward.
Taking some steps recently. I have joined up with some interesting communities. I joined up with several to test the waters and see how active/inactive they may be. I am bound to find some most active communities in the process that will be the most accurate match, at this time, for my own needs to met, as well as being able to best contribute.
If anyone should have some personal ideas/suggestions that they use to catapult them beyond that bump in the road that seems to want to cause a little chaos -- but, knowing that you have no time for drama or chaos! lol.. Do you know what I mean???
I've been mulling over what Ellie talked to us at the Austin Meet & Greet yesterday and I am wondering if I have really defined my purposes properly. Perhaps, that is why I have been dragging my feet lately??
Please help me to see if I am on the right track. I am certainly open to ideas and suggestions.
Personal Purpose -
I appreciate and value my experiences that have molded me into who I am in order to be a better listener to others.
Professional Purpose -
Through my personal experiences, specialized training, and an empathy for others, I hope to empower others so that they don't ever have to walk in my shoes.
Global Purpose -
Taking my knowledge, training, experiences to help those on a global basis, transcending invisible barriers via various forms of media that can reach across those invisible barriers.
I attended the BHW Meet & Greet here in Austin yesterday and found it absolutely enthralling! While I have been a member on this site for some time, I haven't interacted on it much lately.
Love, love, love the idea of tribes....
I'm a dv survivor (twice over) and currently working as a DV advocate at the National Domestic Violence Hotline since 2006 after being out of the DV situations for more than 10 years now. Love my job because it can present itself with interesting challenges from time to time, but I'm also getting an opportunity to try to make sure that no one else has to walk in my shoes ever again.
I have worked in a DV shelter for 2 years prior being a DV Hotline advocate at NDVH, been a paralegal for 15 years, a CASA advocate for 5 years, Guardian ad litem for 2 years, a Victims Advocate at a small town police station for 4 yrs, and so much more.
Member of - * Texas Council of Family Violence's Survivors' Caucus * Texas Council of Family Violence's Legal Advocacy Network * SafePlace's Survivors' Voices
I am also a mother and grandmother -- and loving every bit of that.
I love painting, listening to music, doing calligraphy, djing on the internet, writing, arts & crafts, playing the piano, gardening, and so much more.
Because I have lymphedema in my legs since an auto accident in 2004, life can be a little more challenging for me at times since it's a fairly severe case of it. Depression can hit from time to time and give me a funked state of mine where I end up struggling with my self worth at times.
Outside of my regular work, I'm active on FB with my Domestic Violence Voices fb page, Lymphedema in the News fb page, and my Beyond Words Live fb page which emphasizes my radio show on blog talk radio (http://blogtalkradio.com/oralhistory) which is designed to emphasize survivors stories.
Lastly, I have a producer's membership at a Community TV station here in Austin - Channel Austin. I'm hoping to spring more into that media piece by piece in the next few years.
I am really looking forward to getting to know the other Brave Heart Women on this site, as well as working on defining what is my AQ!. Let me know, if you want to know more and/or you would like to collaborate on things. I have many ideas and projects too myself, but sometimes need a little extra encouragement to catapult them into motion.