Here I will post various digital images. They will, with minimal words, tell a story. Hopefully this blog concept will work as I truly truly love going out and succeeding at capturing those 'diggies'. It takes me capturing some 100-200 diggies to get that one super duper image! It's all good though, gets me out into nature, exploring the human experience, discoveries the little things as I walk about from my home.
One day I know I'll be able to 'awaken' my slumbering iMac computer which I took to the Mac doctors, but despite telling me they had it 'fixed', my blueberry iMac chose to go back to sleep. Or find a way that it's external hard drive talks to my current pc, now that would be a monumental moment in my life! I am just thankful that a Mac guru friend was able to extract all the images onto an external hard drive!
One day I will again obtain access to the over 50,000 digital images sleeping along with my iMac, or from the HD. Some of them I haven't even viewed yet, just uploaded them from memory chips. One day I'll happily view and edit them that they may be shared here in new photo albums. It excites me way down deep just thinking of all those images, some virgin to my eyes. If you haven't guessed, I am definitely a visual person.
Perhaps others will share their visual images or photo stories here as well. All such stories are welcome. Let's keep them clean and fun and alive, thankx!
photo images: a tree growing out of a solid rock wall; nature hosting humanity's explorations
Yes I assuredly have! And I suspect many others have as well. I've some pretty interesting stories about my little voice, perhaps I share a few here or perhaps I chat about how one gets in touch with various ways our spirits or souls or the Higher Realms attempt to communicate with us. Just wanted a space where such topics can be discussed as they come up.
One of those 'ways' that immediately comes to my mind is... how all the clocks in your home may display the '11:11 'sign' or clue. This happend for me early on in my reawakening journey. And with all the digital clocks sources everyone has these days, ie: microwave(I got rid of miine though), kitchen stoves, radios, tvs, CD/DVD players, alarm clocks, wall clocks, VHS players(some of us still have those), car clocks, watches, cell and landline phones, home/work office clocks, city clocks, billboard clocks and on and on....
How can anyone not become part of this phenomena? I was recently watching a talk show segment where the several cohosts started a conversation about noticing all the '11:11's displayed on the clocks throughtout their homes! I thought to myself, 'boy this is a jetlag' as almost 3 decades earlier I'd gone through the same PPT moment. In case you've yet to read my blog entry that discusses PPTs, it stands for 'Personal Power Thrust' and represents those 'ahaa' moments you can not explain away, but that leave a lasting impression in your awakening/aware beingness!
I use to journal all of my PPT moments, until finally they were coming so fast and furious I just could not keep up! This 'speed up' in the flow of PPT ahaa moments happened in my life after I read my very first 'metaphysical' book. I won't mention the title here, but it was as though I'd stepped on the 'fast forward' button and my life would not ever be the same again! Ahaa!
photo image: Allowing the inner child out... discoveries are real-ized, dreams actual-ized and heartsoul eternal-ized
Our physical health and our inner wealth, depend upon the strength of our every belief...
These daily affirmations are shared to assist in strengthening your inner world. Oftentimes we forget how vital the inner reality is. As we become inwardly stronger in our beliefs, we stand taller, more true to who we really are. Our outer world then begins to resonate with our inner world and vice versa. Life begins to flow more smoothly, choices easier to make, letting go of the old comes more naturally and life just gets better and better!
As you explore this post, you'll discover the affirmations that feel really good to you. They're the ones that resonate with you on a deeper level. Make use of those on a daily basis, chuck the rest as you've no need of them at this tme. Or even better... create your own!
Affirm your true reality by your inner beliefs... and inner peace, self-love and many joys unfold...
MARCH 1st: I am opening my heart to love life fully with each new day *** 2nd: I am love in action bravely realizing my heart's desires *** 3rd: I am accepting my highest good as a real blessing in my life *** 4th: I am lovingly supportive toward any broken hearted reality *** 5th: I am building my life by the choices I allow my heart to make *** 6th: I am letting go all things that no longer add to the quality of my life *** 7th: I am true to my heart's convictions as I listen within for my truth *** 8th: I am bravely implementing necessary changes in my life *** 9th: I am bringing my heart to sing a song of universal truth *** 10th: I am the Light of truth and a song of love for all to witness *** 11th: I am allowing goodness to fill my heart to overflow with joy *** 12th: I am bringing my mind, body and soul to be in total harmony *** 13th: I am expressing gratitude by the good deeds I do *** 14th: I am enlivening my inner urges by following through *** 15th: I am fully trusting my ability to discern what is best for me *** 16th: I am healing a negative thought as quickly as it surfaces *** 17th: I am opening my mind to the new events in my life *** 18th: I am bravely facing challenges and becoming a stronger person *** 19th: I am playfully childlike and my life is joyful and exciting *** 20th: I am perfect and beautiful just as my Creator made me to be *** 21st: I am grateful and seek ways to give back to life around me *** 22nd: I am true to my Self and seeking a cause of peace to serve *** 23rd: I am gaining wisdom by feeling for my heart's subtle urges *** 24th: I am evolving my beliefs to reflect my soul's wisdom *** 25th: I am releasing old patterns no longer serving my higher good *** 26th: I am an umlimited being thriving within universal abundance *** 27th: I am a Light of loving joy brightly shinning for everyone to see *** 28th: I am a child of Creation designed to love and blissfully just be *** 29th: I am now enabled to bring Light to my doubts and love to my fears *** 30th: I am empowered by eternal grace as love fills my every cell *** 31st: I am a believer in love's magnificent power to heal ***
Each month new AFFIRMATIONS will be shared
Happy to birth this monthly column into being for my SOULFUL WISDOM blog. Although similar to a column in my newsletter, this is an original format with all new content.
photo image: aspects of life often blend together to become one expression
MISC MUMBLE: How is it I see Jesus... as a brother not a Brother?
There is a certain commonality among all souls... it's about life minus personality and loving roles...
EGO PERSONALITY = DENIAL'S RACE DENIAL'S RACE = FALL FROM GRACE
Let us wisely then: Consider being... that spirit having a human experience vs that human having a spiritual experience because... the difference is a vast void where truth's lost and the soul loses vibrational position, a big cost
ALLOW THE SOUL TO SOAR BY ITS VIBRATIONAL SCORE... AS WINNING POINTS ARE WON WHERE WITHIN LIES A SUN
From my view... my brother Jesus was the ultimate example of how each of us can humbly achieve... our soul's redemption if only each of us would simply believe...
BELIEVE TO ACHIEVE
There comes a unique moment in time a point-of-no-return in life's rhythm-n-rhyme where the human being surrenders their all to fulfill a soul's mission by a choiced permission and redeemed is their soul from further fall as vibrating integrity built by hearted choice begins the stairway ascent in fullest rejoice
WHAT IS TIME BUT A MEASURE FOR DENIAL WHAT IS DENIAL BUT A MEASURE FOR EGO
Some part of me says, "Better not share this post it may hit a few brick walls or bounce you off the site." But there's this other part of me that 'knows' I am to allow this to unfold in THIS moment for reasons yet known to me. The urge or compulsion from deep within is NOT to be denied, but honored for the purpose being served by it's emergence.
As I sit here having a bowl of hot thick-cut oatmeal with blueberries from the plants in my front garden area, I can't help but see how blessed I am. For some though they'd look at my life and exclaim, "Boy I wouldn't do it that way or how does she do it that way?" At times it's a challenge living on a limited income but many folks are doing it that way now. Most moments I am deeply and humbly lovin' it!
I don't heat my home at night, no need since I'm slumbering away under very warm blankets. Having bare hardwood floors adds to the cold creeping in as does not having any curtains or drapes hanging. My choice! Thankfully our summers still remain on the mild side while the growing season is shorter than some.
Just like my big indoor houseplants and the plants outdoors, I MUST have light to feel alive. And I must be the Light to live the life that truly counts, that of a spiritual being having a human experience. I've always been a tad unconventional, the puzzle piece that didn't ever quite fit a space, the loose screw, that loose goose indeed. I love geese but as a child you always knew when you were nearing a goose nest, boy howdie!
Unlike many other homes, my walls are all white, a nice contrast to the lowest grade of oak tongue n groove hardwood comprising my floors; except in bathrooms. Such a pretty wood, especially this lower grade as you get to enjoy all the knots, grains and colors. I think it's the unpredictability of it I like. And on the mornings the sun shines into my house from it's rise in the east, I'll have various rainbows flitting about on those white walls. Sunny afternoons have similar rainbows cast into the living room from the crystals hanging out on the front porch. Thankfully my house faces a southerly direction and I get maximum sun when it's out.
My porch is like another room, an extension or expression of me. It was a labor of love bringing it to it's current efficient use of space and purpose. It's adorned by many 'found' treasures, countless hearts, cats and butterflies are the porche's 'wall paper'. Many wintry moments have been spent out there soaking in sun's glorious rays of nourishment. Many times during a lightning storm I'll go out there to suck up some negative ions from that electrified sweet air the preceeds the storm front. I also envision, now that I'm writing again, many 'ahaa' moments will unfold out there as I allow writing to nourish me again. It feeds me. It excites me on a cellular level, it opens my heart wider, expands my vibrational integrity and spiritually educates me, all at the same time.
But I'd best get on subject... loose thoughts can take me off course and into a rambling mumble, which can be a good thing, just not the intended one here. So let's get back to the subject of my brother Jesus...
I must be totally truthful in regards to the belief system I have in place. I have not, as yet, read the Bible. I once tried but for me getting past all the thee's, thou's, thy's and old grammar, was an definite attention span breaker. Especially since my NDE, I have become and proudly so, a 'bottom line' kind of person I guess. Life's too short to sweat the 'petty details' and everything is a petty detail but look around to see how few see it so.
I've always felt 'connected' to earth, perhaps because as a farmer's kid you walk barefoot in dirt all the time, or because I would climb trees, hugging them all the while. My known spiritual connection happened much much later. Since much of my childhood is still a blank for me, I can't explore how connected I might have been in other ways. I trust than when I'm readied, memories will flood over me and yet more healings take place. This I welcome and for to heal is to be evermore real.
I was not involved with religious dogma ever, however I have many fond memories of attending summer vacation Bible school sessions with the neighbor boy during my younger years. Being a tomboy, he and I were best buddies and together we created many happy memories(many uniques ones for a later post).I remember all the folks involved in those summer VBS sessions to be kind, gentle, caring, not ever demanding, preachy or judgmental of me. And still to this day, while happily attending a friend in a flower garden, I'll catch myself humming 'Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so'....
Mom had my three children baptized in her church and bought each of them and myself a Living Bible, which I might say I still possess. Although she didn't attend services on a regular basis, her beliefs were strong and always in place. When Mom was very ill she often spoke of Jesus being in the room with her, how He would sit on the end of her bed to comfort her and bring her to be filled with peace. I hope my Mom is there for me when I return to my Home on High. She was such a good mother and as I've said in another post, the saving grace for me and my childhood. Although some part of her had to know of the misguided affection of a father toward his daughter.
My first real experience with my brother Jesus came several years after my spiritual reawakening in late 1987. It happended while living with my folks following my mysterious physical attack in late 1990. As I was writing one day, stuff was freely pouring out of me as it does most times, and the name Salandra come through the keyboard. "What's this all about?" I asked myself. Hmmmmm, well it just sort of stayed in the back of my mind for a couple years until I started writing alot and self-publishing certain portions of those writings. I thought why not use that name, but I dropped the R and it became Salanda, pronounced sa-lawn-dah. I changed my given name of Cheryl to Salanda when moving to the coast almost 20 years ago now. I believe in another post I've shared that story about the significance behind my urge to remove the 'R' from Salanda. One of my bigger 'ahaa' moments for sure!
From the very beginning it 'felt' really really right to me, the name Salanda that is. In fact now, when I have to sign Cheryl which isn't very often anymore, the pen drags on and even sort of rips the paper, really I am not kidding. Vibrationally Salanda fits me. Of course the family continued calling me Cheryl, which was and still is perfectly fine. But folks here on the coast don't know of that name so to them I am Salanda. One day while with the folks and in healing mode, I was sitting outside on the lawn under a tree, letting my mind drift off. Suddenly a thought flitted through my mind that the name Salanda was too close to a name some people associated with Jesus in those days, that of Sananda. I thought to myself, "I can't use a name that's so close to one given to Jesus, afterall I'm just an Oregon farmer's kid.
Well later that evening while lying in bed drifting off again before falling asleep, I did alot of drifting during those recuperative days, I began sensing a certain energy in the room. Strong but gentle, insistent by loving it felt to be This loving and peaceful feeling quickly overwhelmed and enveloped me. I sat up in bed and sort of turned my legs out over the edge of the bed thinking I'd best get grounded somehow. Sitting there I could still feel a certain presence and just as I was about to get up, I felt a very warm, penetrating and invigorating sensation coming from the top of my right thigh.
It was as though a hand was resting there and I knew I was being visited by a very special friend. Soon a voice said to me, "Salanda, think of the 'L' in your new name as the love you are to share." And the soft voice quickly added, "I am your brother Sananda or Jesus to some, in the Light of Divine love, and you are my sister within that Light. I say to you, go well and go wisely dear heart!" Goose bumps immediately covered every inch of my body. I felt the hair on my head sort of lift and I might have been floating off the bed a little, was too overwhelmed by the moment to notice, but I felt as though I might be experiencing a 'lift off'.
Since those magnificent moments that late November evening, Jesus has always felt like a human brother on earth to me. Not like the exhalted ultimate example of the vibrationally ascended Brother Jesus. I resonate with this brother's essence very deeply, feel a true kinship with Jesus now. In fact if this brother were to return right now, stand next to me, he'd say to me, "Hey, how ya' doin'? Good to see you've brought your heart and soul to integrate, feels good doesn't it? Well, keep on keepin' on, and thanks for not putting me on a pedistal above you, as we are equal in the eyes of our Createor!"
So if I offend anyone here because of this post, let me apologize and I do so with all of my heart and right now in this moment. At the same time I wish you to know that I must do it this way or compromise who've I've allowed my Self to become. This 'becoming', my soul's journey Home has happened through much soul searching, a very deep trust in that which lies beyond human sight and being true to my Self. I truly mean no disrespect toward anyone here, nor is it my intention to demean any other's beliefs. Please believe me when I say this, as I am lovingly choosing each word in my apology.
Now there's more to this story, guess this is as good a time as any to share it. As it turns out, during my spiritual seekings, my revelational moments and my countless 'ahaa's'... I managed to piece together more of the real me, that eternal aspect of my Self... That of my Higher Self, my reason for being. I am knowing of at least one purpose I am to fulfill on a soulful level while on earth. It has to do with the undeniable truth that my heart and soul are one in the same.
As love and truth and life are all vibrational, so does my soul exist as a vibrational essence. Through much inner exploration, acceptance of new things and being open to feeling for what is right and true to me, I now know and fully believe that my soul's eternal vibration, put to human terms is...
Salanda ananda alaa napa a
Now I know I've just lost credability here, but doubt that I have much anyway, and that's fine. But for me this is my truth and I stand in it proudly and humbly, seeking ways to give back to life for the life I was given not once, but twice! I must not be done here yet? The Salanda Ananda portions of my soul's vibratory essence came through the computer. The other portions were earnt by me through inner inititions, for want of a better word or explanation, which I won't go into. I've forgotten most of the specifics and have since recycled all my old journals, Perhaps that information simply doesn't need to exist in the physical realm as I've fully accepted all of this as my truth.
I believe Salanda stands for someone who leads by silent example and is not afraid to take risks. I remember viewing an Oprah show a number of years back. On the show she had a black woman guest who's name was also Salanda. No, I didn't copy her as I had changed names by that time. So I know I'm not the only human being walking around with that name.
That said, I'm just doing my thing, one day at-a-time and 'in'joying every minute of a simple life. Hoping I live a long, healthy, productive, purposesful, happy and love-filled existence... in service to the All. Along the way perhaps I'll have assisted one other person toward the Light. I would feel really good about that!
And right now it feels as though my poetic voice will conclude the post with this...
THE VIBRATIONAL ASCENSION
On earth there is much talk of the outer world where love's deeds are lost, so easily whirled
Earth students aligning to ego's deceitful way tossing hearted feelings every night and day
But not all are lost-some will live as the Light as beacons of truth-living their lives as proof, For they'll know of the glow that's ever Divine their hearts and souls united forever to align
Wisely accept the example Jesus bestowed... Brothers and sisters find the vibrational road!
Raise your vibrational score by deeds done travel then Home, back into the Central Sun
I know this post is a tad extreme, that few here will care about it, even fewer will 'get it'. But I did it anyway. The urge from deep within I no longer can deny. For that I'm wiser than I know!
photo images: view out childhood bedroom windows, home abandoned now; a moment a ray of light breaks through dark gray coastal day
just looking at the word you see the word ELECTIONS... so in life, whom we elect reflects those who vote...
in some cases that reflection in politics isn't of a humbled heart or caring nature... thus the importance of participating in life. There are many ways each human makes a small difference, and working together, we make big differences!
Today's INSIGHT is about...
when someone 'pushes your buttons' perhaps it's because those buttons needed to be pushed, and over time feelings of gratitude toward the button pusher will be felt...
when you push another's buttons, the button possessor may 'react' in an unkind way... so give them time to also generate feelings of gratitude... sometimes though it takes years for some of us to 'get it'..... so be patient!
so be it for TODAY!
photo image: peace can be found everywhere~even in a board's knot
At first glance at today's thought, one might assume it's about dancing, music or some form of poetic writing. Perhaps it pertains to RIGHT TIME, those opportune moments that come our way on a human and/or spiritual level... or vibrationally speaking it's about those... being in the 'right' place @ the 'right' time moments in life!
This is a good example of how humans easily and often are swayed by life to make false assumptions or how we may accept life's too commonly available, half-truths!
Today's INSIGHT is about...
The most impatient folks on earth are those who are out-of-synch with life's rhythm-n-rhyme, as they easily miss the 'clues' and those 'ahaa' moments life showers all human experience with on a day-to-day basis.
being patient is simply about slowing down the pace at which one moves through their lifetime... slowing down allows for OPENINGS to the NEW or how open one's heart is to feel every emotion... how open one's eyes are to the bigger picture and... how open one's mind is to the 'new' or... how integrated one's 2 brain hemispheres might be ~ or might not be!
Patience is one of the greatest tools given humanity to assist in evolving its souls!
Patience is the ability to surrender lower self's or ego's demands-n-commands, allowing the heart to more fully participate. The heart is the greatest tool by which love's vibrational reality is real-ized within one's Beingness. Love is a point by which truth is evolved into, by seekers of such. It's left up to one's ability to abide patiently, to sense those 'right times' within life's rhythm. Vibrationally speaking, it's about meshing with the mighty flow of synchorinicty ALWAYS and in ALL WAYS available to each and every seeker.
Simplistic synchronicity delivers... TRUTH THAT'LL HAVE A SOUL IN QUIVERS
Patience is a virtue not to be dismissed lightly, as any seeker who has come into their Divine Self, would share with you. Accepting one's own Divinity takes clearing ego's blocks, barriers, limitations and fears. Sometimes though ego's ploys and games are very cleverly disguised. Many very spiritual people are still encumbered by a weakening vibration of some sort, be it a small inner fear or lingering doubt. They have yet to real-ize and live as that total trusting life participant. Life traumas most often serve to bring those who experience them, into the realm of absolute unadultereated trust. Their life forcing them to reach for the moment where total trust is all that is left to choose from.
Rushing through life by creating busyness... ONE SIMPLY DOES NOT... CANNOT ACCEPT TRUE RESPONSIBILITY
As lessons come to the seeker, the wise ones will honor whatever form the lessons may take. They know beyond any doubt that their soul's vibrational integrity or evolution upward, depends on how willfully they meet and greet life's challenges. They take life experiences day-to-day, letting go what is best released and taking in what is most worthy of being accepted. They know 'now' moments are the most beneficial and have learned how to release the burdens that belong to others, for it is not up to them to 'fix' another's life. They openly welcome each day's new beginning and glide into the day with the hearted intent to create it one moment-at-a-time. This is the Way of the bearers, workers and guideposts of the Light of love on earth. This path so taken, evolves not only a Divine Self but human consciousness as well.
Photo image: Here's an opportunity to test one's level of trust
I offer you, a welcomed visitor to my blog, a chance to really KNOW the HUMAN behind the SOULFUL WISDOM blog. This entry is LONG, it wanders and meanders loosely but TRUTHFULLY. I willingly bare my heart and soul to the world. Blogging has QUICKLY become my NEW PASSION. Even if we do not become BHW friends, please KNOW I believe in YOU, as I believe in my Self. May ALL we women real-ize our truest purpose and reason for being, and honor our soulful vibration by every HIGHER CHOICE we make. It shall be by HEART each of us real-ize our full potential.
I am about to get down to the real nitty gritty of my life as I share ME with the assemblage of women building the BHW community. I know this post is all about ME ~ MY ~ I. I WILL NOT do this again, it's just not my style. But this way you WILL KNOW I really am a kook ~ but very real ~ and have heartfelt intentions behind deciding to be part of BHW. If you still don't know me after reading this blog entry, you'll not ever know me for who really and happily... I AM. So, just for all of YOU, I shall pour ME out into cyberspace as I would my watercolors onto a damp piece of awaiting watercolor paper. I'm hoping the image you see of ME will be one of an earthly sister who cares, shares and loves with ALL HER HEART!
I might add that I've left out many bits and pieces of my story but will at some time, I am certain, hit upon them as I build the content of my blog. Some pieces are boring, others just like some of yours and some are unique unto me and my life's journey. Those unique pieces are what I celebrate most about my Self, for they make me me. I am thankful to have this opportunity to let the world into the world of me.
But before this blog entry gets into me and what makes me... ME...
Let me say that my methods of being with my blog are probably a bit unusual, peculiar and out of the ordinary to say the least, or so it feels that way to me. It is however, serving to enliven me again, to bring more purpose to my day and night and at the same time has awakened even more truth within me! But in the process of composing, writing and manipulating the layout of my blog, I go back and forth alot. I am a visual person, thus probably making my blog's view count, and the number of posts listed on my profile... inaccurate indicators, for those looking at that. I can assure you I will not be real popular here. So when you see my blog view count, my number of posts count, as being high, just know it's me doing my silly thing with my blog, and nothing to do with how popular I or my blog may be.
Further, I would want you to know that I take writing my blog seriously and do so with fervant enthusiasm for life ~ living it and doing the most with mine ~ I am so readied and enabled to do. I guess this has much to do with me living out my SECOND CHANCE at life. I sincerely hope to make a small difference in the world with this second opportunity as my blog is now my voice in the world, such as it is. Some of my blog entries take a very long time to layout. I have spent as much as whole day and a portion of a night on a single entry. Composing them is the easy part, but each has to feel right to me or it will not be allowed a place in my heartfelt blog. Each entry will feature at least 1 photograph or ' diggie ' as I like to call them, or maybe 2. Every image I've ' captured ' and enjoyed bringing home with my trusty camera: Justice and my dependable old car: Liberty. And me: I'm ' for the All '. So when I go on a photo shoot by car, it's about Liberty and Justice for the All.
And lastly, I attempt to catch all my spelling errors and grammar booboo's(not good with grammar). Should you find some, especially ugly ones, I'd love it if you'd let me know so I can make corrections. And I thank you for that in advance and for understanding how one quirky blogger operates, especially when they're a computer/internet illiterate one and this is their first ever attempt at blogging!
So BHW girls... if you're ready to explore ME for the who, how and why I AM upon the world these days... I AM feeling... most privileged to have this opportunity for all of you to better know me, my life, my world and to feel the vibrations of my heart and my soul...
as your hearts and souls may deem the ALL of ME to be!
Shall we explore ME...
I joined BHW on Feb 6th, 2011 and have had a year's worth of ' IN ' joyment already from the experience. Such magic! I hadn't ever blogged before but had always wanted to, so BHW is that moment for me.
My near death experience, which I'm certain others here have experienced, brought me to a pivotal point in my human reality. One does not go into life's dark corner and come out the same person, if indeed you are blessed with a second chance. Remaining that same old human being is impossible because all veils, barriers, limitations, fears and doubts seem to dissipate into nothingness. One's life gets boiled down and rendered back to the simple basics of life. Certain spiritual revelations surface effortlessly and offer meaning and purpose to the healing moments one is forced to endure. One becomes a childlike innocence again, granted a new beginning within which one rebuilds the Self as heart so desires that to be. Opportune moments reveal more of who you really are. God-given abilities and gifts surprisingly and miraculously surface during the recuperative moments.
Life becomes undeniably stilled for long periods of time, the wheels of the mind stop ~ mind goes blank alot. You give your Self over to the Almighty's bigger Plan, negating your little human one, that you might survive another night and awaken to a new day. So went 6 months of my year and a half of recuperation. That was 21 years ago now. In moments since I've endeavored, like many of you, to become a better human being, to love my Self unconditionally so I might have love for all of life. With all the inner work, surrender and revelational truth I've been humbly privileged to experience, I still have much work to do. I will always have that, as human perfection is not a possibility on earth's plane.
I do the best I can do in every moment, and sometimes I SUCCEED beyond my own expectations, sometimes I FALL way below them, but more importantly.... I continue FORWARD my march to my inner drummer, to evolve my vibrational integrity UPWARD. Thus a NEW ME was reborn, slowly to evolve vibrationally into my Higher Self. Such a humbling phase in my small human moment. Out of this phase came a subtle knowingness ability. I feel much gratitude and devotion to my Divine Self, my eternal soul or my heart's vibrational counterpart. As these realities INTEGRATED they became an ALIGNED vibrational influence in my every moment. I am blessed in EVERY WAY imaginable. I hope every BHW woman comes to real-ize HER Divine vibration. Likely though, all here already have and... I'm simply the new KID on the block.
This truth SEEKER ~ VOYAGER ~ INSTRUMENT of Divine Inspiration ~ KEYBOARDIST to those Universality Powers that Be... discovered BHW's web HOME through an east coast male friend's suggestion that I visit a certain website. That site's content didn't feel quite right to me, but while there I happend to spot a BHW promo blip. This same male friend is a unique individual who's childhood makes most of ours look like a pleasant stroll through the tulips, as Tiny Tim use to warble about. He's a survivor, as many of us are. Whether it's a dis-ease within our human bodies, deep emotional scars, childhood abuse or a debilitating trauma to our physical bodies from outside forces... I tend to believe... that if we're still suckin' air ~ we ain't done here on earth yet! So my fellow survivors still suckin' air... let us celebrate life each and every day in each and every way!
I'm a pretty ordinary woman, as appearances go but most unique in many other ways. Usually an aquarian female struggles to not stand out too horribly much, but often our weird dress codes, or strange mannerisms and quirky natures get the better of us. As I've matured I no longer compromise my Self, for the sake of fitting in. I've discovered to do so is to exist within a lower range of vibration where I no longer fit. I don't wear much makeup anymore, nor do I use perfumes celebrities put endorsement to, but I do love essential oil blends. I no longer own a dress that fits and I've only 3 in my closet. I wear comfy cotton clothes(some of which are men's 'cause they're CHEAP), as they keep me warmer in this marine-aired environment. Most of my clothes now are from garage sales or thrift shops and I happily furnished this home from those same magical resources. I still go barefoot as weather permits, as it's a great FOOT REFLEXOLOGY treatment for the feet and my feet HAVE TO carry me THE DISTANCE! I feel human feet are one of the most neglected body parts we humans possess.
I love watching clouds float by, stargazing at night or planning for one of those spectacular meteor showers as I enjoy basking under their magnificent display. Like I just shared, I am one of those kooky aquarian females, independent in nature, a humanitarian and visionary of sorts, with the astrological motto of: I KNOW. I'm not very domestic these days as I spend little time in the kitchen. I've figured out how to have healthy, good tasting meals and have their preparation be quick and easy. I love hanging my clothes out on the clothes line, they smell so good when they come back into the house. I have found a great fabric softner for cold water washes and even when I hang my clothes on my wooden racks indoors, they feel like they've been in a dryer. It's a 7th Generation product. I'd rather get sweaty n dirty while gardening or maintaining my home, than worry about what others may think of me. I frequent thrift stores(as previously mentioned) and buy only what I will take home and put to use that day or the next. I love all types of music except most rap and heavy metal and still INjoy those fun uplifting sweet sounds of the old rocknroll and doo whoop or is it bee bop? And if you've not experienced some ZYDECO music, you do not know what you're missing! I can't sit or stand still when one of those CDs is playing! Try it ~ you'll like it too! I love to dance, do all I want with the CDs and open hardwood floor spaces I have. It's not quite the same without a dance partner and at times being single and alone sort of sucks. I quickly recover!
I've humbly learned through my years, it's better to be alone than in bad or wrong company. Thus I find inner peace and human comfort in being with MY SELF. I like and love MY SELF, although that has NOT always been the case. I had to grow my SELF up and out of a FAMILY of DYSFUNCTION. But alas, this came after I had already raised my kids. I now see the TRUTH of it all because my VIEW of it has CLEARED and my HEART has EXPANDED. Sadly some of my family's dysfunctional ways were put upon my children, unconsciously. This area of my human moment has yet to be fully healed. I hope that one day my kids and I become ONE HEARTBEAT, ONE LOVE, ONE PEACE. In the meantine my footsteps echo through my house. Even though mine is a small house of 1100 sq ft, I've LOTS of open space(allows my aura to expand freely) and NO CLUTTER I have to walk around. Stuff, or materialistic accumulation no longer owns me and I have most my life back. I've lived like this since my last relationship abruptly ended in July '01. I thought I was going to die of a heart attack, as he was my very best friend ever. It was as though he'd driven a huge blade into my heart over n over n over. But I survived, grew, expanded, learned, healed and my life of now moves onward with each SUN'S RISE in my life. That man who still is a friend, was thankfully, the one who taught me by his example how to live simply and frugally, as he didn't and still doesn't pursue money or allow it power over him. I appreciate how his example ended up making my life better, even though he left our shared experience. Once the pain subsided and I healed my heart, I too was so much more of my own humanity. And about a sun's rise in my each day... for me it's not just about this galaxy's sun rising up and over the coast range mountains east of my home, it's more about my Creator's SUN shinning from WITHIN ME. This I KNOW to be TRUE for me!
I won't marry again ~ don't know if I'll do a relationship experience again. It sort of feels good being responsible for just me and having MY time be MY time. I know this must sound selfish but who's to maintain my spiritual needs and my passioned pursuits, if not ME? Will love find me again? I have NO idea. But I do know I will remain OPEN to the FULL REALM of possibilities and if it's meant to be and is part of the bigger Plan, then it shall indeed unfold and so be. Otherwise my cats and I are having a great time and why wouldn't I wish to keep it going? You know cats are so very sensitive which I've noticed when we're all laying around in the living room where it's the warmest. They seem to sense or catch sightings of darting entities that choose to spend time around us. I do know while recuperating at home with my parents following my MYSTERIOUS PHYSICAL ATTACK, my cat then would lay on my chest and I could feel our heatbeats joining forces. She knew what I didnt know at the time. That my heart was fully encased in a horrific overgrowth of systemic candida. It would have eventually done me in(killed me) and almost did. Medical professionals would've labeled it heart failure, not an accurate diagnosis at all.
Thankfully a chance meeting with my herbalist ~ lifemate ~ partner ~ human cocreator... pulled me back from the edge ~ the brink. In turn and over time... I pulled him out of seclusion's closet that he might better or more deeply believe in his herbal healer's abilities. He is REALLY GOOD at what he does because he's humbly following his BLISS, honoring his PASSION in life. This was ONE of the biggest win/win phases in my life for certain, despite the inevitable outcome. Relationships are simply cyclical and some are destined to be LONGER cycles, some SHORTER ones. The trick is to know or be enabled to FEEL when the cycle has served its FULL purpose. My parents stayed together for almost 60 years, and they were both miserable the last half of it. It was sadful and hurtful to view. What is the point except to honor a small piece of white paper? Mom weighed 47 pounds when she finally passed, as life had literally eaten her up. She wanted to leave the relationship when I was around 5 or 6, but feared stepping out of her comfort zone. This I live with, but I shall not repeat in my own life. A MAJORlife lesson her life had for me to garner, and I have and I am THANK-filled. It was about STANDING in and as MY POWER and I FEEL I AM doing just that in my every NOW moment.
My father also had a MAJORlife lesson for me(each parent has such a GIFT for us), when we awaken to and real-ize this to be TRUTH. My father's life lesson for me was to allow MY dreams to come true. He fell short of that within his lifetime, sadly so, as he was not readied or enabled to do so. He retreated or escaped into the realm of a poor farmer and struggles he'd be forced to face for decades. He also came from a family of four's DYSFUNCTION. His father had promised him the farm IF he stayed and helped work it. So he left his good job(he'd been farming and plumbing), relying upon his Father's promise. That promise in later years was not ever kept, hardening my Dad's heart even further. Fortunately for him AND his heart, he found a deep love for and from a woman of a grand and happy heart. His remaining years were filled with joy, much love and happiness.
I have often wondered how Mom's life might have been better, had she stood in HER own POWER. Such a good mother she was for my brother and me. Always caring for others' needs before her own. She took care of her parents at the ends of their lives. Then cared for Dad's father toward the end of his. Along the way she answered the needs of an Aunt and her maternal grandmother's as well. Then all the babysitting for her Aquarian's kids as I cycled in and out of relationships in my earlier years. My three children each have a different father, but they were raised together and see one another as full brothers and sisters. Here's where I get real truthful with you to admit that I've been married 4 times. Yep.. I'm 1 of those 4-time losers. The first was when I got knocked up in high school and soon divorced thereafter. In my home growing up, there were't many family discussions, hugs, family joys around a dinner table... that weren't interrupted by a tired farmer's loudly voiced interactions or verbal put downs. I soon remarried, was soon widowed as the result of a fatal car accident(my oldest daughter and I were not in the car at the time).
I remarried again and was married for 20 years, though I knew this man for 22 years. He was a good man(passed in '96 following our divorce in '88, but still takes care of me via his ss benefit, bless his soul). I left that relationship a short time after awakening spiritually. He didn't want to hear anything about it, and I real-ized his feelings toward money and sex no longer meshed well with the new me unfolding. I KNEW if I stayed my spiritual journey would end. Frankly, I was at that place on my path where staying WAS AN OPTION. I've been a dysfunctional female all my life and with this relationship finally tired of pretending sexual satisfaction or something close to that. I believe until I remember my childhood, I will probably remain dysfunctioned, although I am capable of self-satisfaction. I stayed single for some time after that relationship until the chance meeting with the herbalist in '91. Good thing, I was very ill and later he shared with me how close I was to not making it. Perhaps that's the reason our coupling unfolded VERY quickly. I moved in with him in his big empty house with the intention of renting a room. Within two weeks a new course was set for the 2 of us. Neither of us knew the other's last name when I moved in, we just BOTH knew it had to be that we shared some human experiences. The next almost 10 years were spent in the realm of herbs and using them, getting my PHYSICAL BODY back fully and assisting in building a small but purposeful healing endeavor. All of this also assisted me toward becoming more of who, how and why I AM as I AM today.
But before you jump to unnecssary assumptions, please let me say this about my Self. Thank you very much! I have yet to ever be drunk, nor have I used illegal drugs(I once puffed a joint, it felt inviting because it smelt like alfalfa hay). And I even once swallowed this little white square piece of paper. Then promptly drove my RX7 at the time, upredictably down a freeway between Sedona and Phoenix Arizona. I am here today because I've always had a guardian ANGEL with me in any car I've ever driven. That one LSD moment was no exception and was the ONLY illegal drug experience, along with the one puff off a joint, that this woman has experienced. Missed those HIPPY days while frantically raising kids. Also the ONLY prescribed meds I've allowed into MY BODY were valium, dental pain killers and the dylatin the medical people thought I needed following my mysterious physical attack. But my little voice told me to stop taking it as it was doing me more harm than good, so I did. Doctors in the late 60's thought valium the answer for harried housewife/mother depression. I got my Self off it when I real-ized that was not the answer to my emotional upheavals and common bouts of depression(it was the internal candida expressing). I also took pain medication when having my teeth extracted for dentures when I was 21 and 22 respectively. And that's ALL there is to my days of a wild life, not so bad is it? Imagining how it may have been perceived, I had to CLARIFY the moment with the TRUTH that is MY LIFE. Being that WAY OUT there AQUARIAN female, I've been witness to many false assumptions and misperceptions in regards to my humanity.
Along my journey in life, I learned how to say NO from reviewing my abuse of my Mother in those days and I know with all my heart she forgave me long ago. Mom too came from a family of four's DYSFUNCTION, but a better overall immediate family unit. I am much like her Mother, although I stand taller in stature. Grandma never drove anything with a steering wheel, never had an indoor toilet and wore a size 2 shoe. But THAT woman STOOD TALL in her POWER and I believe I get much of my gumption from her. "Thank U grandma!" I look like my paternal grandmother, however she DID NOT stand at all in her power. A totally different woman, who right up until she succumbed to colon cancer(wouldn't spend $$$ for cancer doctors), she was still on her hands n knees trimming grandpa's toenails or ironing sheets and pillow cases. Such is the way of generational dysfunction on earth. When one finally SEES it, those family DYNAMICS(found in EACH and EVERY family), it's EASIER to understand how hard it can be to pull one's VIBRATIONAL INTEGRITY up and out of the depths of those old ways of being and doing.
As for my Mom, I KNOW her SOUL has found a deep peace for her earthbound kooky ~ zany ~ aloof ~ weird Aquarian human daughter who is vibrationally EVOLVING. Mom's embodied daughter allows her SELF to move UPWARD while still on earth and I KNOW this feels vibrationally ONEdrous to her eternal SOUL. Humans on earth 's plane and the souls living within the vibrational afterlife, both EVOLVE vibrationally UPWARD. Thus the TRUTH my parents' lives brought me to real-ize. Even after their physical body deaths, their examples, their life lessons for me, EXPANDED and MOVED my ways of being and doing UPWARD. Their lives were NOT then wasted, their relationship then NOT for nought. And so goes a family's dysfunction on earth. Life is NOT always as it MAY SEEM to human perceptions. It is however ALWAYS as an integrated heartsoul vibrationally FEELS it to be.
My house sits on a middle income subdivision lot, at the end of a culdesac up against a forested area. I've a deck that wraps around 2 sides of the house and I can walk underneath it. This same deck takes loads of maintenance but it's worth it all. I've utilized every square inch of this lot I can. I have moving water sounds coming from 3 sides of my house. I found that small inexpensive water pumps and a group of various sized and shaped rocks and 1 of those half wine/whiskey barrels make for a GREAT GARDEN or YARD ACCENT. I have 3 of those going, 1 in the backyard on the northside of the house, 1 in the zen garden on the east side and 1 on the south side in the front garden area. Each 1 equally and easily sharing it's relaxing, soothing and meditative sounds of moving water. Another requirement to bringing serenity and peacful feelings to the outer physical environment... is an outdoor extension cord or cords. I found GREAT buys on these following Christmas at those HUGE seasonal clearance sales. They're the green ones you'll find in the Christmas isles along with wrap, lights and yard ornaments. I found the pumps at Walmart originally but BiMart carries them now here in the PNW. Of course it REQUIRES having an eletrical outlet on the outside of your home. I have one cord though going through a small slide window on the front porch that runs the front barrel and the 2 porch fountains.
At the front porch, my favorite place(zen garden my 2nd favorite), I've 2 strategically placed water fountains. One right at the front door a solid copper stepped affair, filled with clear quartz crystals. The water gently cascades over and down my crystalline friends. This fountain (a thrift store found treasure). You have to be very still out on the front porch to hear the beauty of this fountain, a good reminder to practice getting very still and becoming an observer of life. The other sits just inside the 6' cedar privacy/fence gate leading to my front porch. It's closed most times due to a neighbor's large dog's desires of my kitties. " NOT with my KIDS will you play! " It is a 2 pieced cement fountain, the smalled piece atop the other. It's about a cubic foot in size and appears rather like a random rough rock formation. It was given to me by a man who sells ornamental cement outdoor goodies. It was a REJECT or production second. I have over time, purchased countless such rejected beauties from his cement reality. Each one ADDING to my outdoor environment in wondrous unique ways. The rocklike fountain makes lots of nice deep gurgling sounds depending which speed I have the little pump set at. I can hear this fountain's echoes of water moving while sitting inside the house. The sounds bounce off the gate/fence alcove area(just before you'd step up onto my porch) and bounces back into the porch area. I have the ocean to the west side of the house, a mile or so away, so that side of the house is covered as far as moving water's energy goes. As I sit here feeling thoughts of my fountains, LIFE'S REJECTED SECONDS, I cannot help but celebrate my SELF and all the healing work I HAVE ALLOWED my Self to experience. I too was broken and often rejected within my family of four's DYSFUNCTION. And just like my fountain friend, I AM still serving a ONEdrous purpose and reason for BEING, just by BEING who, how and why I AM.
Beyond the sounds of moving waters and their gifts of serenity to me, I've 5 very nice and musically tuned windchimes, of varying sizes and vibrational tone ranges(largest has 4' pipes or tubes), on my front porch. This largest one has those DEEP DEEP DEEP tones emenating from it. I often will be found moving a porch rocking chair closer to it so I can get REALLY GROUNDED. You see it's tones literally find their way to my BONES and I can tell you their vibrational tone magic is felt by EVERY cell in MY BODY. The 5 windchimes hang from the ceiling of the porch. They are leftovers from my small gift shop(Heart of the Soul Gallery & Gifts) which I closed a little over a year after the 911 tragedy. My chime friends are positioned in strategic places, so I might get maximum sound vibrations from them when I sit on my beloved porch or inside the house. Boy you should be here for some of our strong wind storms, the whole neighborhood magically fills with vibrationally melodic tones. NOT in any way shape or sound hard on the ears, cheap sounding or obnoxious. Oftentimes the chimes have one thinking a church's steeple bells are calling the neigborhood to attend service. NO neighbor has yet comlained, I fully undertand why. Something magical happens often with the chimes, me and my porch that brings my WHOLE BODY to be covered in those Divine validation goosebumps. I've often sat out there when there WAS NOT a speck of wind, or a SMIDGE of breeze, or even a WHISPER of air movement... and MAGICALLY 1 or a couple chimes will share with me vibrational gifts, tonal messages or alerts. It is SO VERY invigorating ~ uplifting ~mezmerizing ~ unreal... one CANNOT help but believe that my unseen friends like the SOUNDS, VIBRATIONS and TONES of the chimes too! Even assisting in their slight movements. Glory be to those unseen friends WE ALL do indeed HAVE. Have you thanked yours lately, or allowed their presences to be known to you yet? Why not?
My dwelling place faces a southerly direction, gifted with sun from early morning 'til late afternoon or early evening in summer. Each home on my street and within this small development is unique unto its self. My home to me feels like a private vacation spot EVERY day! I'd rather be here than out galavanting around chasing store sales, buying stuff I haven't a need for, purchasing doodads to entice men with or any other form of human busyness. Of course now living on a widow's social security benefit, I don't have to concern my Self with unnecessary buying activies, thank goodness! By the way, I could still turn male heads, if that was a game I wished to play. Game playing isn't part of my reality anymore. If a MAN'S GONNA LOVE ME, he's gonna love me just the WAY I AM, thank you very much! Getting back to my porch and away from men, it's like another room to my house, a favorite actually in ALL TYPES of weather, as I've mentioned over and over. But you're getting the idea I bet. As I spend time out there relaxing, having a meal or simply DOING NOTHING, I'll hang out just to watch things as they grow and thrive and pass the time away. I feel my Self growing and thriving also ~ out there on THE PORCH.
My porch is unique, its magic takes shape as the seasons coming and going, as the birds flying in and out of the garden, as the flowers blooming and fading, as flowering fragrances wofting about. And right along with life endlessly thriving out there, I sense my life CHANGING, EVOLVING and SETTLING into a HIGHER LEVEL of vibration out there. I also take in lots of stormy moments out there and when a thunderstorm is approaching our area, the SWEET SMELL of ionized air can't be missed. Thanks to thrift stores and Goodwills, I've managed to adorn my porch with countless cats, butterflies and hearts. When my brother and his wife visit, it's a contest to see if they can accurately count how many hearts there are on my porch. That count constantly changes as I find treasures DESTINED to become part of my porch. Even with an injured back, I SOMEHOW managed to first clean away old blackened spider webs and insect nests, so I could caulk all the cracks and place 3 coats of very light colored glossy paint upon the surface of my porch. There were those moments I swear something was holding be upright on the ladder. Here on the Oregon coast we get our share of DARKENED gray days, so this way the light paint and 3 coats of it, will have what daylight there may be outside, BOUNCIN' n DANCIN' about on the porch. This in turn, brings more LIGHT into my home on those gray days. This home improvement has paid for itself over and over and over. Some of the home improvement projects I've completed, like this porch task, have me FEELING really really GOOD about MY SELF and this is almost as good as how much I am enlivened by simply BEING and LIVING within the walls of my home. By choice I've NO curtains or drapes at the windows, so between all the windows(for a small home it has LOTS) and the 4 skylights... my humble abode enjoys SO MUCH LIGHT, and thus so DO I. Like my big plants, I MUST HAVE light to thrive. I just WILL NOT shut my Self in behind closed drapes or curtains, as I would FEEL IMPRISONED by my own doing.
My spare bedroom(I have 2) serves as my computer space/art studio. Behind my computer desk is a glass block window(2 1/2' x 4') a friend and brick mason installed for me using old glass blocks I'd found at a garage sale for CHEAP. It's so nice having this subdued light coming into my creative space. It doesn't interfere with being on the computer and yet in its own way INVIGORATES the space. As does the light coming through the forest-facing only other winodow and the light coming from the door going out to the east deck. I found this used metal and glass exterior door at a local lumberyard for CHEAP also. It's double paned and mostly all glass so optimum light. Cold usually stays out. A friend's husband installed the door, also a cat door(not used now as1 kitty brings in LIVE playmates), the sliding shower doors in the main bathroom and the two slider bathroom windows. A really good carpenter that man is indeed! I couldn't live with smaller bathrooms without windows and skylights, well I could have but not as vibrantly. Had I not allowed avenues for air and light it would've been back to FEELING imprisoned in my own home. I had the builder add the bathroom skylights when we were buying the house.
Because there was NO door off the back half of the house(which was hard to believe), I had him add the deck that wraps around the east and north sides of the house. Then had him add 2 sliding glass doors(1 to the east, 1 to the north) for EXITS, because jumping out the windows in an emergency would've made for a hard landing. He put them in where windows had been and moved the windows to other walls. The reason I have lots of windows in a small home. The hardwood floors I got because our builder friend/aquaintance hadn't laid the carpet yet(got lucky there). I can't keep carpet clean, plus my barefeet prefer wood to walk on. It's the lowest grade of oak tounge and groove flooring available, the grade that shows all the knots, colors, grains of the oak wood, really quite pretty. However, this good friend of ours, BLESS HIS HEART, hadn't installed a hardwood floor before. He installed it just fine, it was the finishing phase that didn't quite work. But I HAVE HARDWOOD FLOORS. The floor here in the CREATIVE SPACE even survived the roof fiasco flood but had you seen how warped the planks were, you would have thought it an impossibility! Wisely I got heat to the small room QUICKLY and kept it real warm until all moisture was gone! Of course this played havoc with my utility bill responsiblities that month, but it ALL WORKED OUT just fine. The oak floor slowly and steadily just smoothed back to it's orginal condition. Truly miraculous!
All my walls and ceilings are an off white, so the contrast of oak wood to interior works for me. Remember me mentioning my east coast male friend who'd survived a horrific childhood, he helped me paint the interior, BLESS HIS HEART. I used recycled paint, which was fine but I had to put on 3 coats for proper coverage. I did all the ceilings, he did the walls. We've known each other the whole time I've lived on the coast and met as he would come into the little shop along Highway 101 into town. He'd often come to lay down on the store's floor next to a little electric heater to dry himself. He was homeless and living in a tent outside of town. My herbal partner and later spouse, sort of TOOK HIM into our lives, as sort of surrogate parents or older siblings might. Years later, he came to stay with me for 6 months, as I helped him acquire a passport, with the goal to get to Rio de Janeiro. Prior to this, he attempted to walk from Key West Florida to Rio de Janeiro, only to be detained by authorities in Central America because he had no passport. They flew him back to Florida, go figure and that must have been a heck of loop. Took a long time to obtain a passport for him, he's been homeless most of his adult life, although honorably discharged from the military. He also graduated from high school in Washington state. But I suppose being homeless is better than parrishing from one's childhood horrors, as similarly aged and abused acquaintainces of his had. I cannot leave his life without telling you how he made use of roller blading to lessen the burden of inner rage from his beingness. BLESS HIS HEART again! He's bladed from the east coast to the west coast(it might have been the other way around, sorry my friend for not remembering), and HE DID THIS in the dead of winter going the northern route across the USA. I have to be horribly honest here and tell you that some parts of me pushed buttons ~ aggrevated old hurts ~ created new ones in some parts of him in ways I am not proud of. I did not do them intentionally or consciously at the time, however I NOW SEE the lower choices I made. I AM SORRY with all my heart, for that!. Again it's back to a family's DYSFUNCTIONAL ways and how such can surface over and over and over in our lives.
Back to the house and my strong desire to be able to shampoo my hair in the kitchen sink. Such a desire required a deep deep sink, so the old new one had to go. Thus I evolved our abode, now my abode, into a DREAM COME TRUE. It is EASY to keep clean(isn't ever emaulate though), is of a VERY open floor plan, offers loads of LIGHT and air moves into and through EVERY SPACE within my stick-built castle! So I resonate deeply with not ONLY my car, but my home, my indoor and outdoor evironments and my feline friends. I know I am very blessed to have all this, because some folks have so much less. AND I KNOW at anytime I could have less as well. At one point when my recuperation was about complete the stark reality of being in the world pretty much without anything, hit me like a BRICK WALL. I was facing the first time in my life where I was ALONE, without a place to live(beyond parents' home), no job, not much energy to draw from and the only real marketable work skills I had were now antiquated graphic design skills as computer graphics had unfolded. My degree came prior to that field opening up. But I found a job as a caregiver on the coast(what brought me here, another blessing) but it only lasted 2 days because the elderly woman was an alcoholic and all she'd eaten in that time was two tablespoon of oatmeal. She wouldn't let me close my room's door and her cigarette smoke flooded my space, thus forced to leave. Immediately following, I found a good job as a relief caregiver in a foster home also on the coast, that included housing, go figure! That lasted until the chance meeting with my herbal life lesson and moving in with him. I really really INjoyed that work and the elderly folks there I feel really liked me. We all connected on a heart and soul level but this sort of made my boss envious and my job security shakey. I FULLY BELIEVE those wise senior citizens, though all were incapacitated in certain ways, HELPED ME HEAL. How blessed my moments were when these friends were in them.
If you'd told me 10 years ago I would eventually end up with a little HOUSE OF MY OWN, I wouldn't have, couldn't have believed you. When we bought this home, I was THE one that really really liked it, he didn't have feelings for it at all. I insisted the builder install certain upgrades before we moved in, mentioned ealier. My herbalist spouse best friend then, told me to GO FOR IT thankfully, and SO I DID, made my home upgrades known and now I have my own home JUST AS I WANTED IT. Again, LIFE SUPPORTED ME. When my last RX7 broke, I had it fixed and promptly sold it. Living on the coast doesn't lend itself to having a car with a rotary engine. Mechanics here say they know how to work on them, and they do, charge BIG BUCKs, only for the problem to resurface. Even my tried and true mechanic friend here tried to work on the car, didn't charge much, but we both decided something had to change and it did! I was on my bike or walking for a short time to and from my little shop when one day I happened to take a slightly different route home. I spotted Liberty sitting on a local car lot, she had JUST ARRIVED there and was being detailed... imagine that! LIFE SUPPORTED ME AGAIN. The house had come with a manually operated garage door but my kids later all went together to buy me a garage door opener and my oldest daugher and her hubby kindly installed it for me. I make monthly house payments and will be for another 24 years, but they're a tad smaller than I'd probably be paying in rent, so it's ALL GOOD. At times I get a smidge concerned about major home maintenance costs. I got through the roof replacement because I was working, but will have to have the house resided at some point. Where those funds come from is anyone's guess. BUT I DO TRUST that they WILL COME when and as the need arises! Going back to my favorite affirmation, always brings me an inner peace as the tiniest little fear attempts to scare me... and that affirmation is... I KNOW LIFE ALWAYS SUPPORTS ME! And it has and it does and it will continue to!
This is the absolute FIRST time I've ever lived on my own, had always been taken care of by a husband while fulfilling the responsibilities of wife and mother. So afer the end of my longest relationship(22 years), and following my spiritual awakening in '87, I went on my SPIRITUAL QUEST to the Southwest(Sedona AZ). I found my Self finally FREE to EXPLORE ME as I had been involved with a marriage and children since age 18, almost 19. Those few years spent SPREADING MY WINGS felt absolute DIVINE and right on PURPOSE. I was growing into my Self, I was reclaiming my spirutality, expanding upon my belief system, uncovering my truth, feeling for my REAL reality. I remember when I left my graphic assistant position at the same community colllege where I'd graduated, the folks from my department PASSED the HAT and gave me enough money to buy a motel room with for the trip to Arizona. I was leaving Oregon, where I'd lived all my life at one address, and was headed into an all NEW ADVENTURE. I had experienced SO MANY PPTs (Persona Power Thrusts or those "AHAA" moments), I couldn't not allow MY SELF this journey into the REALM of total NEWNESS. I'm that Aquarian and Oregon and Arizona are both Aquarian states so that vibrationally assisted me to feel good about my choice. It's based on their dates of statehood. Oregon's is Valentine's Day, my FAVORITE HOLIDAY of them all because people focus on the HEART! My fellow workers had more fear of my new adventure of being out in the world and being FREE than did I. It was very kind and thoughtful of them, but I slept in my car in a very public parking area along a main highway and along with any number of others doing the same thing. All was just fine.
Despite my Aquarian quirks and weirdness at times, I POSSESS much COMMON SENSE and REASONING ability! I must tell you a story about working for that community college department that was also a big LIFE LESSON for me. Not long after my spiritual awakening I began oozing of joy, bliss and blissful states of being all the time. I am certain many, if not all of you, can relate to this! I couldn't contain my enthusiasm as I could see and feel all the GOOD there was in EVERY moment. I STILL DO! My full time job at the college had gone from full time to 3/4 time, but I hadn't gotten the message that perhaps it was time to move on. I'd been there 4 years and during that time, awoke spiritually, experienced this absolutely awesome fun summer with a much younger man, let my spouse, reconciled and then divorced that long term relationship. The young man had registered for college classes from a distant eastern Oregon town. Thinking and feeling through enchancting summer's romp has the aroma of a great suntan oil I use to use while frequenting a tanning salon. The fragrance was of coconut, ginger and plumeria scents so was not only a perfume but an aromatherapy experience. My young friend and I both thoroughly INjoyed it as we would slurp it on our bodies or each other's body. He was offered a good job in Washington DC as a bodyguard to the president at the time, but messed up and missed out. When he ended up in military service he wrote to me asking if I'd send him a bandana satuated with that suntan. You know I gladly did so and did so with a smile in my heart. Turns out during that time of my personal and growth packed escapde, my spouse also had an affair that I knew nothing about UNTIL MINE surfaced. Mine truly served to help me see MY WORTH as a female FINALLY, but those revelations and personal empowerment steps didn't save marriage in the end. We did however reconcile for a couple years but it finally became a closed chapter for both of us. For my part of those few years, they did however expand self-confidence and ever more COURAGE it would take to carry my Self through my spiritual search for truth and further personal growth.
Going back to the story about my job and the department I worked for and with, I still didn't GET IT when my job went from 3/4 time to 1/2 time. About that time my supervisor, a dear dear woman who was a motherly type to everyone, called me into her office one day. She said very bluntly but with a kind tone in here voice, "Cheryl, you are TOO HAPPY, you are DEMORALING the people in our department!." Her EXACT words to me. HMMMM... I was rather stunned for a brief moment, but quickly gathered my Self and then said to her kindly but with strong conviction in my voice, "Well then, I'll have to take my positive attitude some place where people will appreciate it." I gave my notice and was soon on the road to Arizona. All this happening prior to them passing the hat. (I legally changed my given name CHERYL to SALANDA upon moving to the coast in late '01. Salanda had been a pen name). Mom had named me after Lana Turner's daughter(wanted to name me Judy but the neighbor woman beat her to it by a month and a half), and the name just didn't ever quite feel right to me. I mean no offense to the other Cheryls of the world. I tell my little stories just because thoughts of them seem to flit through my mind as I'm writing or composing this blog entery. This, my feeble attempt to share MY SELF with whomever may choose to read it. And if YOU HAVE GOTTEN THIS FAR, dear sister, YOU ARE indeed a very very BRAVEHEARTED WOMAN, like I say in my blog introduction at the end of this narration. Seems if those thoughts happen during me composing a blog entry, they probably belong in the blog. And like I said at the beginning of this entry, it wanders n meanders all around, here and there, up and down, but does so VERY TRUTHFULLY. I refelt EVERY experience, EVERY revelation, EVERY bit of magic over again as I lovingly and humbly put words into cyber space. I've absolutely INjoyed painting my life out in the cosmos... it's where I truly belong and parts of me are indeed out there right now. That's another blog entry though. THANK YOU BHW for allowing an Aquarian kook such a humble vibrationally opportune moment. This is another of those WIN/WIN moments. Or so I'd hope that just one someone will benefit from this very LONG entry on some level. For it is just as life always is... up and down and all around, and sometimes we simply need to feel a vibrational resonance with another, to validate our own search and desire to be empowered.
I hestitate to go into how hard it is for a woman on the coast to find a good handyman OR memories of the roof replacement fiasco may come flooding back to my consciousness. Often they tell you that they can do anything, but when push comes to shove, they really can't do much. Suffice it to say, I lost part of the ceiling in this creative space but a male friend, who is in recovery here and has lived here ALL of HIS life, repaired it for me. He and I have known each other for as long as I've lived on the coast, almost 20 years. His father was an alcoholic(trained his son in house painting and carpentry along their haphazzard life together) and his mother serves as a codenpendent to him now. I am forced to use TOUGH LOVE, but we work at being friends. We are just friends and he's my maintenance guy who does the jobs I either can't do or choose not to. He's good and he does it for free, as money is a TRIGGER for him and he will buy booze. He is in MANY ways a VICTIM, some going back to society's perceptions and malfunctions. He KNOWS MUCH of what's behind his problems, one of which are the fillings in his mouth that should've been removed years ago. They poison his system. In age he's between my two daughters, so again it seems I'm a surrogate parent or aunt or ??? I have helped him write letters to various state and county departments as he seeks help. I attempt to keep Him in the LIGHT by allowing his presence in my life. I hope it continues to help him until he gets the REAL help he needs. Or my feeling is at some point he'll have TAKEN all he can take. Perhaps it's meant for him to go Home early, but a soul who's human host makes that choice, has even more challenges the next time around in human form. I failed to trust him with the roof replacement project believing he might tweak out(he does from time to time), and leave me and my roof in the lurch. He actually put the roof on my house and did great job of it.
Such is life in a SMALL coastal town but I won't now live any other place UNLESS life offers me an EVEN BETTER place. He managed his behavior through the whole job(a week and a half) and did a REALLY good job. However just days after completing the roof, he relapsed. I am here for him when he needs a friend and feed him well while he's here making repairs or visiting. I share food abundances with him as I have them, as we are both into eating healthy. He's a very spiritual person, but not having any experience with addictiive behavior or drug and alcohol abuse, I can only do so much. He knows how and where to go for or get help, he's been doing that for a LONG TIME. At one point he suggested to a judge to commit him to Oregon's mental health hospital. He spent the next 5 years there. You'd think they'd have helped him, but they simply housed and fed him as he earned his way toward a fairly free existence there by being a good resident. I either personally deliverd CARE PKGS or sent them. We're both air signs, we get along quite well especially when he's having a good couple days or a week or two. He hasn't once given me ANY reason to believe that I AM IN DANGER, he respects me very deeply. This tells me much of HIM is RIGHT and only some small areas of his BEINGNESS needs some very REAL help. In fact he was just here to borrow my electric drill and got some nails and screws and a 2 X 2 he needed for a project. He's walking home with them now. He doesn't drive, and is FINALLY SETTLED into a good housing situation his disability income can afford and that he resonates now that he made many repairs and improvements. He's tried to hold down jobs, use to keep them for a year or so, but anymore it has become too challenging for him to keep them. He has though finally found stability on some level and I and my heart are most happy for him. He's in another relationship that is however doomed, I always see it coming before their haphazzard end unfolds. But he manages to pull up and out of it each time. I do HOPE and PRAY one day He WILL be enabled to ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY for his life, for his choices and do away with assigning blame. When one points any FINGER of BLAME, it's a sign that a an issue has is not healed. But standing in the middle of it's hard to SEE IT so.
I have lots of storage... I can actually stand up under the back third of my house and can keep those not often used items there out of my way. My brother wired in lights under there for me recently as well as under the decks so I can go out and collect my laundry after dark, or retrieve a needed item from under the house without a flashlight or getting bruised up. My greenhouse also serves as storage for my gardening stuff, leftover building materials and ladders. I hope to actually grow stuff out there one day such as mixed salad greens, onions, garlic and start flowers from seeds for spring plantings. I know you're thinking she didn't mention tomatoes, they are so good home grown, but I don't do them anymore, they aren't good for my bloodtype or genotype. I attempt to eat foodstuffs my body gets the MOST benefit from. My blood type is B+ and my genotype is NOMAD, so I get to have certain meats, most veggies and fruits. It's said I can have dairy also, but I attempt to stay away from most dairy products as doing dairy actually leaches the calcium out of our human bones. I know the dairy ads says every body needs milk, not true! Why is it this country has the highest incidence of osteoporosis and the highest dairy consumption? Hmmm 2 + 2 in this case = do not do dairy! I guess those 6 1/2 years of 7 days a week dedication to working shoulder 2 shoulder with an awesome working herbalist, counted for something. Wanted to help him build the business. I listened and learned. He's the one that saved my life in the early 90's, after my NDE from which I was still very ill, partly from doctor induced internal damages, and of course that interal overgrowth of systemic candida. I didn't know what was wrong until we crossed paths, with assistance of a guardian Angel, whispering to me, "turn in here" as I drove past his small herb store. It was a day trip to the beach while still living with the folks, and after I could drive again.
I'll repeat this again because it has to do with LISTENING to and HONORING heart's deepest desires. Turns out I had systemic candida so bad it was growing around my heart like a dense cobweb, SYMBOLIC of someone NOT listening to or honoring their HEART'S DEEPEST DESIRES. I would lay down at night and my heart would seemingly stop beating. There was only 1 horizontal position I found in which my heart would then seemingly beat normally. It was pretty ugly as have been a number of my major LIFE LESSONS. But I welcomed their experiences and now thank them often. Funny how the hardest lessons are the ones we just can't forget! This is a VERY GOOD thing for we spiritual beings having a human experience. I have overcome medical interventions that almost killed me, luckily they didn't do me in. I've come through devastating health issues without drugs, planned doctor appointments or the consumption of medications or invasive medical procedures and testings. Primarily because I had no insurance coverage at the time or finances to pay for treatment, LUCKY ME! At some point I'm sure I'll blog about some of my experiences, hoping that I might save another from the clutches of similar such moments. The ONE long thing I will say about this at this point... LISTEN to your body's subtle SIGNALS telling you that something is NOT RIGHT, pay attention to the changes that occur slowly over time(this can be difficult). Attempt to eat healthy foods and combine your foods properly(simply put: don't eat protein with starches or vice versa), keep your colon clean, your gall bladder and liver happy. Make sure you're properly elminating bodily wastes(if you eat 3 meals a day, you should have 3 bowel movements) or you become a TOXIC WASTE DUMP(no offense meant) and make sure you're properly digesting your food. Digestive enzymes are a great thing especially when lots of meat or cooked foods are being consumed. Cooked or canned foods have few digestive enzymes left to help in their absorption and a dirty colon makes this even more crucial. Sorry got off on another tangent, but all of this is so VITAL if we're to be INSTRUMENTS Divine Inspiration's VIBRATIONS move through. We would be wise to have our human CHANNELS clean and cleared for ABSOLUTE reception capability... of said VIBRATIONAL input. This gift of being human RECEPTORS is very real, and IF IT TRULY is a real connection a seeker desires to have with the ALL THAT IS or Divine wisdom or eternal truth, then one's avenue through which the higher vibrations flow.... MUST BE OPEN and CLEAR. Open mind, open heart, open channel equals a vibrational portal through which awesome results unfold.
I drive an oldie but a goodie car, her name is LIBERTY, she's been real good for me and to me. She's an '85 Buick custom Skyhawk. You're not familiar with them because she's probably the LAST ONE still on the road. During my next to last part-time job I GOT SMART, had a really nice sound system installed in her along with new speakers, so baby I can crank up my FAVORITE TUNE when it's playing. There's even a USB port in her glove box, though I'll probably not have a laptop, oh well. I also had mag wheels put on her as 2 of her stock rims were out-of-round. I also had new shocks n struts installed. Thankfully so, as she got called into HEAVY DUTY later on in our relationship. Her body is like mine, sort of used and dinged up, but with lots of use left in 'er. She even has manually operated windows, so no more issues with power window malfunctions.(I drove RX7s, the 83, 84, 85 models, loved 'em, fit me like a glove, owned 4 different ones, even had 1 painted purple. The vanity plates I ran on the RX7s read: STR SHP). Here's just one RX7 story... and I share here just because it's memory came sweeping through my NOW moment....I recall once speeding along(had to to keep pace with everyone else) on a 6 or 8 lane freeway near Disneyland in an RX7 with the STR SHP plates. All of a sudden a car started pursuing me. I thought what the heck and began avasive maneauvers, just for some RX7 fun! When the driver, a young male and his car got up next to me, he looked me over. I could see this look come over him as if to say, "YOU'RE NOBODY famous! That was funny. So we both slowed down and started driving only 10 or 15 miles an hour over the speed limit, which on the freeways down there is normal, but surely isn't normal for where I live NOW. Amazing isn't how life is always changing and lives are always in some sort of flux. Keep it goin' baby... your love for change that is. Cuz the moment you dislike change, tell your Self you like it like it is, the moment you get ridgid toward the thought of change... your LIFE stops and you begin pushing life's GOODNESS out of your life by your own choice. Change is a CONSTANT on earth, this everyone on earth should real-ize, or life will surely find a way to introduce you to its CHANGES.
Currently 1 LUXURY I do allow myself and my life are the vanity plates on the old Buick. They read: PAZ ZAP. I believe paz is spanish for peace, so I'm a PEACE ZAPPER! Or I am peace... coming n going, which ever way you look at it! I will post an image of Liberty at some point, she is afterall, a true friend and a loyal servant to the cause of conveying me and my heart to and fro. One thing I really enjoy about her, she has these wing windows in the back(she's a 2 door model), that I push out for air flow. There isn't all the noise of an opened window up front while I'm driving. She's been my pickup truck actually... when landscaping my garden areas... I hauled over 230 cement terrace blocks in her, 20 at a time. Most fortunately, I only live over the hill from the local hardware. I have hauled 2X4's that hang out her passenger window, sacks of cement, packages of roofing material, really heavy stuff, well the cement blocks were too. And through it all Liberty's been a steadying influence in my life. And SHE's A CAR! Funny isn't what brings a person JOY and FEELINGS of pleasant satisfactions. My mechanic here locally, who is REALLY good and VERY affordable, has PROMISED me he will keep 'er on the ROAD 4 a LONG LONG time. When I bought her in 3/02 she ONLY HAD 43,500 original miles on her then and only just over 100,000 now. She had been registed to a Gertrude and an Antoinette, whom I imagined might've been elderly spinster sisters or cousins, since they didn't use her much. I could tell she'd been parked alot and on a carport where the sun hit certain parts of her a great deal of the time. She came from a large city inland from the coast and SO NO RUST, buying a car from the coast is NOT a good idea. Enough for now about my friend LIBERTY. Thanks for indulging me and my momentary blogging lapse to reflect on a GOOD THING in my life, my kid the car. She's a key part of my living alone and feeling good about it.
By the way, I park my LIBERTY in a single car garage, which I am very proud of since most my neighbors have double car garages and can't park just one of their cars inside! Here at the coast it's great if you can park your car inside, as the ocean air is hard on cars, wears 'em down faster. I live in a nice middle incomed neighborhood that doesn't have street lights that burn all night, which I'm so thankful for. I'm at the end of a quiet culdesac with a forested area behind my home(repeating my Self, again). And just over the hill and within walking distance is the old movie theater(lots of charisma), a grocery store, a hardware(MY SECOND HOME), my bank, a fish market, several restaurants, a gas station, the community center(includes a senior center which I only visit during tax time so AARP will do them for free, but now I don't have to file anymore).
So I live close in but it doesn't feel at all like I live in town, which really adds to the ambiance and the creative energies that I enjoy using often. From my home I have some 5 WALKING LOOPS I can make use of. The longest takes 55-60 m
Seems something happened to the rest of this blog entry. I apologize for that. There are
Welcome to subtle insights by the 12 Astrological signs. They are shared with the intent to entertain, to assist in a seeker's vibrational expansion, and serve as a means to tune into wisdom. They are NOT meant to guide a single choice or a life to any answer. FEEL your astrological sign's insight, release EVERYTHING that does not FEEL RIGHT to YOU... INjoy!
CAPRICORN It's your turn kind goat, to wander free for a time. Spread those goatee whiskers and kick up those heels and play! Time is RIGHT to explore your life for the cobwebs and sweep clean the dust and rust. Begin to give yourself more free time, relax and settle into that new YOU finally beginning to surface. Good things take time and YOUR time has arrived, so wisely find some great ways to celebrate and NOW. Of course you could let life pass you by?!
AQUARIUS Well finally you've pulled up anchor and are setting course for new opportunities. Your freed will's power has found new avenues and your Light is about to shine very BRIGHT. Good time for you to evovle into full Beingness. Be certain to discern by heart where energies are best utilized to assure your vibrational integrity expands. There are many who ignore and reject truth as they view it being only one way. Stride on dear heart your drummer awaits you!
PISCES Sing the song of inner peace and outer joy. With one comes the other, you'll arrive at a pivotal point. Now you can choose the direction MOST suited to your deepest desires. Honor your heart above ALL things. Delve deep, feel it all, then take action. You become that empowered Point-of-Light Self REAL-ized. Along this path will be bumps and bruises, just know you are your very best band aid and there is no greater reward than to move upward!
ARIES Again dear heart you have allowed your Self to be sidetracked, allowing another tangent of needless activity. At anytime you can bunt your way out of upheaval and regain purposeful endeavor. It is not too late or vibrationally too low to start over. Just think you've life experiences to call on to make better choices. Think of heart as being your GPS, give it a voice YOU listen to OFTEN. REAL-izing purpose is downhill glide that rockets YOU upward!
TAURUS Love is as love does. You're now ready to get loose following hard work. Wisely keep wits about you in coming moments, stay centered, graze gently fields of self-empowering choices. Worry diminishes vibrational integrity as does feelings of guilt. Relax, play, INjoy freely. YOU've earnt every moment of blissful ecstasy life offers you. Open your heart to feel ALL the magic filling your days. Celebrate being life's sponge soaking all the goodness up you can!
GEMINI You two are at it again, backnforth, upndown. Where truth's sought wisely eliminate inner struggle by allowing your HEART to guide your choices. Human schemes are ploys creating inner turmoil. Heart's desires are lost in the mayhem. Try for peace-filled moments, where stillness brings you back to what's of REAL value? Allow needed clarity, hearted input at this time. Wise are those who stop, feel for and then honor their heart's wisdom!
CANCER You silly sea creature, you've really sped cross vast reaches of self-empowerment, made HUGE strides in your quests. Celebrate more! Wisely yell out loud to the world in ways that free the inner child up to play! It's your TIME to expand inner world's vibrational integrity upward. Wisdom will fill you to overflow as heart finds its SONG. You've come a long way! You see the Light at the end of the long tunnel you chose. Great, head for the exit NOW.
LEO You fire sign, you're a match that won't go out, a roar of joy. Good to express ALL feelings, stuck emotions nullify a heart's song. Heart singing happy tune is a life moving back into synch. Keep it up, your prowess raises your vibrational point-of-being. Wisely re-member with lost hopes and dreams, you may real-ize renewed endeavor. It's possible to regain and maintain one's inner strength despite worldly situations. Inner world's the REAL reality!
VIRGO Pull your roots up from deep earth, get into gear. It's TIME to cut loose, work on allowing change. Being safe all times shuts opportune doors. Seek TRUE security from within, not humanity's realm of illusion. Heart's wisdom knows what's Right & REAL. Mental games humans put their lives through become their life's flypaper. Feel deepest desires of YOUR heart, honor them with action, your life will REAL-ize much reward. Why not go for it ALL!
LIBRA Time to take action! The rest period is over now the REAL work begins. You've come a great distance, expanded your vibrations, are readied and enabled to go the NEXTstep. Allow more stillness to listen, inner guidance shines Light upon highest path. Hearted CHOICE your best guidepost. Your deepest desires, dreams and hopes loom ready to be made manifest in human reality. Live in the NOW moment, stay centered become inwardly peaced!
SCORPRIO Your inner quiver of excitement is a sign you're onto to something really GOOD. Wisely discern with heart what is best in any given moment. Know ego has its ways of winning, stay strong in your core where heart is wisdom's source. Grant inner child time to play and rejoice. Explore stillness for yet unresolved life issues running deep. Solve with HEART that all around may have peace. Free willpower to birth newnesses where old webs hang. Go for it NOW!
SAGITTARIUS Life's hit a few bumps, iron them out with renewed attitude. Earth life is about duality. Choose to change and life changes, you carve out a new route through it. Dedicate choices to birthing what heart deeply desires. Heart wisdom cannot be denied forever this is a given on earth. Human dis-ease happens often where heart's song goes unheard, unfelt. A negative thought is a lower vibration. Happiness unfolds as one's vibration is lifted upward. Birth joy ~ be happy!
This is HEARTSCOPES' 3rd appearance in the SOULFUL WISDOM blog. Their origin is explained following February's Scopes.
It's hoped HEARTSCOPES entertained you and brightened your day just a little!
New HEARTSCOPES will be shared each month. (3rd in series)
This day* in '42 was Easter Sunday. I lost Mom in 1999, Dad in 2010. I came along in 1945, my brother in 1949. My Mother's favorite Bible verse was Psalm 23:1-4...
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters, he restores my soul. He leads me in right paths for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff ~ they comfort me.
Dad was rejected from military service due to a bad heart valve or he might not have lived to help 'make me' or my brother. He was born in Oregon in the old rented farm home his parents were living in until grandpa bought a nearby farm. Mom and her sister and parents came from Nebraska, out of the dust bowl region to Oregon when she was still in high school. Mom and Dad met in high school and the rest is family history and herstory.
My Mom became a fruit and vegetable canning queen very quickly as my grandparents taught her and Dad how to grow a mean garden. I can remember sitting for hours helping can peaches, pears and green beans and pinto beans and corn and tomatoes. However I do not recall my brother getting the same assignments. Hmmmm, gotta talk to him about this, ha! Then there were all the jams and jellies and the rhubarb and pickles and beets and carrots and applesauce and salmon to can. I liked squishing the smelt Dad would go dipping for each smelt season, but eating them was tricky as their bones were so tiny and fine.
I have countless memories of both family vegetable gardens, ours and my grandparent's across the graveled county road from us. I learned to ride my bicycle on that same gravel road(now a busy paved shortcut between 2 towns. I had lots of scraped knees during that learning cycle with my old bike(no pun intended), it's now a piece of garden art in my oldest daughter and soninlaw's yard. They live next to Mom and Dad's old house which dad had built in 1941 and 42. I have the sheet of interior plyboard out of the bathroom that on its backside tells anyone who might find it just how much it cost Dad to build the house. I won't go dig it out of my garage where it's tucked neatly away, so I can be exact on how much that was, but I remember it was less than $3,000. How times have changed indeed.
I too often went cruisin' through all the family gardens(3 in all) for goodies. Always there were so many choices to choose from and for many months on end. But then there was grandma's old locust tree in their front yard and I can tell you it was not caring much about my love of barefootedness. But I didn't ever let it win, as going barefoot was just too much fun... despite the occasional locust thorn puncturing the underbelly of a barefoot or feet. Sometimes in my rush to get out to the small garden by grandma's house, I'd forget the locust tree's hidden dangers in the lawn leading to the garden. The small garden had the best stuff in it, grandma's favorites too. Their big garden was out past the barns, near pastured areas where the garden items needing a larger space, like the corns, pumpkins, cucumbers and rows upon rows of different beans, potatoes, tomatoes, squash and rhubarb.
Then of course there were the nut trees, filberts (now called hazelnuts), walnuts(English and black), the apple trees, the rows of strawberries(they didn't do raspberries for some reason) and grandma had her gooseberry bushes, pie cherry trees and the bing and royal anne cherry trees as well. Out and around were the wild blackberry bushes grandpa would allow to grow but kept them sort of corralled. And grandma always had to have boysenberries for pies and cobblers. Her cobblers were to die for as were her homemade cookies. Up by the garage was a huge tamed blackberry bramble(behind grandma's clothesline, which sometimes was invaded by happy vines reaching too far), a nice sized fig tree and then the famous concord grape arbor, so big us kids would play under it pretending it was a fort. That is if we were bored with playing in the hay barn making forts out of the hay bales or sneaking into the grain bins. I liked the wheat bin best, it was soft and not itchy, where the barley and oats were. Barley especially dusty and itchy and the oats really pokey and sharp.
In some blog post I will have to share the story behind why I didn't ever wish to take up smoking cigarettes.... Or maybe it's quick enough I can share it here... while the feelings of the memory are shape and crisp and filling me with fondness for my childhood.
Bobby was my neighborhood friend and buddy. I attended VBS with him. I was in those days a real tomboy and we did many many things together. One day one of us, or perhaps both of us, had the GREAT IDEA of sneaking into my grandparent's home, grabbing a pack of grandpa's cigarettes(he also smoked Velvet pipe tobacco he carried in his bib overalls all the time). Our intent was to try smoking... although neither of my parents did, nor did Bobby's parents. We were simply 2 curious over imaginative kids. We followed through with our plans... decided the safe place to try our little experiment was out in one of grandpa's fields behind my house. Well, to make this story short and sweet, we started a fire in grandpa's field and I haven't had a single urge since then for a single cigarette. I HAVE ALWAYS been so thankful for that childhood prank's huge lesson. One of us, I remember not which one, dropped their cig and that ends a childhood story. Have I conveniently forgotten my true role in our little escapade... I wonder?
As I began assembling the items that I wanted to use while composing this block entry, I looked for my Living Bible which Mom gave me years ago. It's here someplace tucked safely away, just am unable to locate it right now. However I knew where my copy of INSPIRATIONS for DAILY LIVING was, just to the left of my computer amongst my other inspirational books. My son had gifted it to me Dec 2000. His comment inside the cover reads, Mom, may God bless you and yours in all you do in the future, love Rowan.
Who knew that this gift, I'd barely looked through until beginning this blog entry, would come back to me in this moment to become part of the post. The gift working it's magic to inspire certain parts of this sharing from my past. I am certain I will garner much goodness from the book as my blog and I grow and expand through time. And at last I have come to fully appreciate very much the gift from my son, thank you Rowan. Life works like that sometimes and as my family members are introducd to my blog online one day, they will find little bits and pieces of themselves here. Remnants in time of a heart expressing its deepest and most loving thoughts and memories.
Like I mentioned in MY STORY, that long blog post that took me a week(easily 50 to 60 hours) to compose, layout and edit... A BLOGGER'S STORY, my parents had slowly drifted apart and no longer were in love or even friends really, that last couple decades. I stayed with them during my recuperative period(following my mysterious physical attack), for one and half years in 1991 and 92. During that time I don't recall noticing them touching one another once, or looking deeply into each other's eyes. Somehow over the years they fell out of love, lost respect and love for them Selves thus hadn't that for each other. It works that way, we have only the love to share that we feel for our Selves.
While growing up Dad refused to attend church services, Mom would only occasionally and I attended Vacation Bible School during the summers of my childhood with a neighbor's children. My fondest memories of VBS are of all the free kool aid n cookies and what has since become my favorite VBS song, JESUS LOVES ME. Still know it by heart, I've sung it to my Self so many times and still often do so. My favorite hymn however is AMAZING GRACE which brings tears to my eyes EVERY time I hear it regardless of who's singing it or playing it instrumentally. There weren't prayers said at the family dinner table. In our home as a tired farmer in from a long hard day's labor was oft' in less than a good mood. Us kids learned not to say much not knowing which mood Dad might be in. We let him speak first generally, then we'd respond accordingly. We liked Dad's cheery moods and we would then cheerfully chime in.
In later years Mom joined a local Lutheran church and Dad still refused to go. Mom had my 3 children baptized in her church and gave them and me our Living Bibles. Mom didn't ever push religion onto my brother and me, and as it turns out my brother is now married to his best friend and a Christian, Carol. They both now belong to a Baptist church and my brother attends right along with his wife and they both volunteer much time to their congregation and the church. Dad married Carol's Mom 3 months after Mom's passing and opened to a life with a Christian woman. I believe he even attended services with his new wife and my wonderful but late stepmom, Mary. I was happy that Dad had those few years of a loving relationship toward the end. I still don't really understand how it worked for Mary, except that it had to be about her deep Christian beliefs. I wish Mom would have known a relationship like that toward her end times.
I chose another path, or was it the path chose me... from that of my brother's, though I feel I have God in my heart and prefer to use the term Creator, than the God label. I feel as I live my life of ~ by ~ with ~ from my heart, I am as connected to my Creator as anyone else may be to their God. My HEART is my good book and where it is I hang that heart... be it were I live, out in public or wherever I appear in cyber space, therein is my church. For me there are not words in a book, or lyrics in a song, or lines in a poem or wisdom in a Psalm that I cannot access from the DEPTHS of MY HEART.
For me, my heart and my soul are one in the same. As I have allowed my life to evolve vibrationally upward, my perspective or view of the bigger picture opened new vistas of understanding life, living and life beyond earth. However this understanding didn't come easy. My hospital emergency room experience, the week I spent in the hospital(left in worse shape than when I entered the hospital, a long story), and the subsequent year and a half I spent living with my folks... brought me to a most humble place. It was during these moments the Creator's grace and wisdom slowly enveloped me and filled my every cell with humility and a certain knowningness.
Since there was no insurance and I had no money, and I definitely could not work, I returned home to live with my parents at the age of 45. My mysterious attack happened in Boulder Colorado. At that time I didn't know what my real physical problem was, just that for 6 months I would pray to wake up one more morning. You do not go to that dark corner in life and come out the same human being, this much I know. I was so weak and ill I had to crawl upstairs to my brother's old bedroom, couldn't walk out to the mailbox or drive a car. And I shall not ever forget learning to chew food all over again. Tears flowed heavily as my heart gave thanks that I could get those few pinto beansncatsup chewed up. Mom took care of me even as she was ever so slowly ebbing away. She had lost all of her stomach in 1981 and weighed but 47 pounds upon her death in '99. Those few pinto means prepared for me by the love of a Mother, during that time in my life, became very meaningful to me later in my life.
But all that mysterious DOWNTIME forced me in turn to open my heart, my mind and listen and feel with all my heart.... to my life and to all of life. NO amount of human money could have brought me that wisdom, or educated me that well or opened me more fully to all of life. From those moments I was literally reborn within my second chance at human life. It was during these moments I REALized a special gift I possess, which I have yet to fully share with life around me. It's just not the right time as yet. My life was not ever the same as it had been prior to my mysterious physcial attack. A mystery still, that no one has been able to solve. I've often called that mysterious event a COSMIC SETUP because as I view it, that is exactly what it was. There is a twist to this though... it was exactly what my life and I needed the most at that time... thus it was delivered unto me with such precision and grace... that it was truly a HUGE BLESSING in my life, despite having almost killed me.
So I compose this blog entry, such as it is with its poor sentence structure and grammar, etc etc, but I had to do it anyway... and lovingly my heart and I...
dedicate it with ALL of my LOVE to MOM and DAD... soaring soulfully and vibrationally through the eternal timelessness where ALL there is... is LOVE and more LOVE.
I also dedicate it to my brother Del and his lovely wife Carol... and their love for one another.
and I dedicate it to my 3 kids Rowan, Reba and Gynelle whom I love with all my heart for all they've done with their lives and choices. They're all such good human beings, adding in their own ways... to the society in which they were born.
It's my prayer that one day they see me more for what I've done with my life since my days as a young Mother...
than as the Mother who didn't quite have it all together... but who did the best she knew how to do at that time.
And that mother is now so very blessed with a new PASSION, a deep compulsion from within, a knowingness that indeed this little blog is now my purpose and reason for being. As I seek to serve others in some capacity. As I grow and learn and heal my humanity from this first blogging experience ever... may SOULFUL WISDOM humbly assist just one other woman along it's purpose of healing me and my life and family.
Note: * My parents were married April 5, 1942. This blog entry was intended to post on Tuesday April 5th, but I failed to schedule it to do that. I apologize for this error.
photo images: Mom liked Dutch & Japanese iris, this one's in my garden; Brownsville Oregon church(parts of the movie STAND BY ME was filmed in and around Brownsvile)