If you find bringing up a 25 year old is harder than a child than you must be "allowing" them to control you.

Remember, people treat us the way we "allow" them to treat us!

I gather, he/she is still living at home and probably still doing what they want while your blood pressure sores!

Make rules. We, as parents, seem to have forgotten how to be parents. It's our house, it should be our rules.

If not, they will survive being on their own. Look at it this way, if you died today, I'd bet it all that they would still be living the same way without you!

Look at yourself more than them.


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Alberta Sequeira

Hi Luisa,

I don't know what has happened to make you feel like being the parent of a 25 year old is harder than being the parent of a toddler, but in my experience, you should be able to reason with the 25 yr old.

When I was 25 my parents and I did not see eye to eye on much of anything, and now I am a mom also, I know what your cry for help feels like.

What has worked well in my world with both my parents and my son, is to stay calm. Don't let 25 push your buttons. (at least don't let it show) Take a deep breath and sincerely explain how you feel about what is going on. Stay patient and respectfully listen while 25 explains how he/she feels. Even if you don't like what you hear and don't agree with it, don't interrupt. If you want 25 to respect you, you will have to show respect also.

Once you have both put your cards on the table, you may find that you are not as far apart as you think you are. If this doesn't get you any closer to a peace treaty, you may have to let 25 make his/her own path.

Some lessons in life will only be learned by first hand mistakes. I know it's hard to watch your child go there, but 25 is old enough to make decisions. It's growing pains for both of you, but you both must grow. If 25 makes a good decision, he/she with reap the benefits. If it's not a good decision, the benefit may simply be a lesson learned. All you can do is offer guidance and realize that not all offers are accepted. Let 25 know that the wealth of your wisdom is always available.

Getting overly stressed out about what ever it is that is going on won't help 25 or you, so try not to go there. Have you ever read the story of Black Beauty? Mama horse gave her colt some advice before they were separated. "Do your best and leave the rest. It will all come right some day or night." If you have done your best, then have some faith and sleep well. Tomorrow may be better than you expect.

Make sure above all else that 25 knows how much love is in that special place in your heart where he/she can always come home to.

my very best wishes for both of you,
Cyndi


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Cyndi