Hi ReggieT,
I simply have two questions for you to introspectively answer:
1) What is the definition of Love?
2) Do you Love yourself?

A free download entitled Like vs Love may be of interest to you at http://bit.ly/zG92TI

I too kept attracting the wrong relationships for the "right reasons until I underwent Spiritual Therapy to understand the cause and severed its effects. I no longer have that pain to deal with and Best of all, I now know the Truth about Love.

Think about the statement: "Fall in Love" When you fall down, don't you want to get up? But when you Walk in Love, you are in perfect harmony.

Be Whom You Were Created.
Path4Success

> Hello,
>
> I'm sure there are other posts out there just like this one, but I really need to get this off my chest and hear back from others out there who have been through this.
>
> I've been in a rollercoaster relationship with a man for almost 4 years now. Rollercoaster relationship defined: on again, off again, not a committed relationship (although I really wanted that, he didn't), lies, manipulation, questioning his mental state - is he bi-polar or just can't commit to one woman, etc.....there are too many heartbreaking examples to share about this relationship.
>
> Recently, and being the type of person who doesn't give up easily, it appeared the relationship was evolving into something better. I let things happen naturally, I didn't question him, he didn't question me, and we shared many fun times together and with our children as well. The "drama" seemed to have disappeared, as did other women, or at least I thought.
>
> This past weekend, he once again made a mountain out of molehill and declared that him and I would never have a future together. With him, it's been a constant push and pull - he draws me in close by his apparent good behavior, then out of nowhere, it seems he drums up "something" that will force me away for a bit, and on to seeing/dating another woman. In the past, he's always come back around, and I guess it's because I let him.
>
> The reason for this post is also to find out "why" do I allow this, and why in the world do I feel like I've really lost something here? It's clear this isn't healthy, but I have focused for so long on the good things I saw in him. That, and our times together were fun, easy, comfortable, not to mention that we had lots of things in common and great conversation.
>
> He is an attractive man, admits to having abandonment issues (no father in his life), and appears to be seeking the perfect woman? I have walked on eggshells for this man - I don't want to do it anymore - I don't want to hurt like this ever again. I also don't want him to find another woman and decide he's going to finally be exclusive to her, when I've been here all along, supporting him, encouraging him, helping him financially (he's a wreck), and basically putting him before myself.
>
> I'm struggling to let go and open myself up for something healthier. Deep down, I know I deserve A LOT better, but for some reason, this whole episode has me thinking I'm not good enough. He is always online (dating sites), even when things seemed to be going well.
>
> Can someone relate to this? Can someone tell me that he's clearly the one with issues? When he "disappears," it's always because of something I did, and he drums up the past all the time. He knows he can get to me.
>
> I wanna stay strong and sever contact. He is blocked from being able to send me text messages - I can't send him messages either. I leave my phone off during the day. I'm really trying, but I have weak moments. This is why I'm writing here.
>
> Any helpful hints?
>
> Thank you in advance!


Hi! I'm sorry that you are going through this, relationships are hard enough without constant drama. I want to say that you aren't exactly the reason this all happens. By that I mean, you are enabling it by walking on eggshells and continually forgiving him and letting him back. He is the one with issues, however. You need to believe in you, stand strong and show that you love you! Don't let some man dis-empower you like that. Show your children and yourself that you are strong, confident and deserve to be loved and respected. Let this guy go and move on to being a better you and finding someone who cares about you and wants to treat you like a queen. Good luck to you!


--
Focused on Wellness For Women

Hello Beautiful Ladies-

"Moving on" or "Moving forward" from anything is often difficult for us women. Being the loving nurturing females that we are we often believe that the love we pour into relationships can be the divine ingredient to make things better.

Well, LOVE is the divine ingredient but it is more how we mix that in that makes the difference. I know because I was there once and found - through trial, error, insight, pain, emotion, tears, etc --- how to move on.

Background - I was in a 27 year marriage filled with exceptions, emotional abuse, alcoholism, control, love given, love withheld - the usual things that fill a relationship that is not in the highest and best good. (For the full story - visit my website: joybrugh.com)

Where am I now? In the most divine relationship that truly is a reflection of my internal Divine Goddess-self with a man that is my soul mate. And it seemed that he almost magically and serendipitously appeared.

HOW did I get from the toxic relationship to the divine relationship?? Well, it was not always easy yet it seemed to flow beautifully. And it was the power of Love or rather Staying with my Love - first and foremost Love for myself that helped me to Move On. Not just move on but SOAR beyond anything I even imagined was possible!

1. Love yourself unconditionally. Love the other unconditionally. This does not mean you let others stomp all over you! Get clear on your worth & value with self-love and healthy boundaries and clear thoughts will begin to be easier and more present without a lot of drama.

2. Take an real honest look at the patterns that keep repeating in the relationship and ask yourself how they benefit you. You may first think that they are not -- but you allow them on a deep level for a reason. What is that reason or belief? Most of our beliefs about relationships are created when we are very little so go back as far as you can. Then ask yourself if this is your belief now?

3. Get a paper out and begin to create a list of the ideal person & relationship. Be super specific about their ideal qualities and be super specific about how you feel in this ideal relationship. Take note if there are any little voices of doubt or fear. Check in with that belief again as you did in step 2. Read this list every night before you go to sleep (change or add to it as you feel). Let your imagination soar -- let your dreams take flight. Most important - feel how good it feels within the body.

There is a lot more you can do to transform and heal a current relationship or manifest a new one - but these few steps will get anyone started and Moving On!

With Love and Beauty,
Joy


--
Joy Brugh is a Certified Life Coach, Energetic Healer and an Initiated Shaman Mesa Carrier. She specializes in transformation through life’s transitions by combining a unique method of modern life coaching and energetic healing modalities with ancient shamanic healing and wisdom. She is trained by Life Purpose Institute, Winds of Change Asso., studied with the Q’uero Shamans in the Andes Mountains; as well as training in Hypnotherapy and Reiki.

MOVING ON.
The hardest thing in the world to do after an affair. Married for 23 years my husband had an affair 4 years ago gave me an STD. I cried for 4 years over the affair/ std.
Today, after asking him for 4 years to leave he finally left.. The hardest thing in my life I ever had to see happen. He says he loves me, however those words mean nothing to me anymore. HE LIED so many times about everything, my heart wanted to believe the words but my mind couldn't. The anger turned in to abuse he told me I am not a good mother, I act like a child etc. I told him he is a cheating animal who shows no remorse for what he did The words, the fighting went on and on. In front of the kid. He didn’t care he would have rather fight with me than be a man and leave. why couldn’t I make him leave? His excuse was "I don’t have money" My husband left his job where he had the affair with a married women (YES! Married) he started a construction business in my name and made money, however what would happen is that he would always convince me that he has changed or he is going to change so because I did not want to let go of my marriage really I would give it another try, however he needed to tell her husband about this affair. This was the problem he did not want to and I was not accepting it. He made me feel like he was protecting her which made me more angry and the saga begins for days and ends for about 2 weeks and we are off again. The biggest problem for me was that he lied to me over and over again until I found proof. Since he had lied to me for so long nothing he said I believed. Then he got angry with me when he says he is telling the truth and I don’t believe him. OMG!!!!!!!!! words cannot describe how horrible all of this is. You would have thought he would have done anything to make me happy, but instead I got his arrogance, his words, his temper and I still stayed. I did not want to leave my home. I wanted him to leave even though the house was in his name. ( I am his wife who cleaned, cooked, worked, took care of our children, never once did I ever asked anyone to baby sit my children. I worked during the nights and took care of my children during the days. they are now 18, 20& 24, he took my FAMILY, HEALTH,TRUST, MIND and my home to he would tell me to go and live w my mother, knowing my mother lives in a garage converted into a room with my sister and her husband.

So we would talk then he would start saying he so ignorant he loves me so much. (SAME SH..T JUST DIFF DAYS) Of course I felt for it. (DUM I KNOW. I just did not want to leave my home) I loved him solo much b4 this all happened I just ……… can't handle the fact that I could never trust him again even though I want to think I could my head won't allow it in. God know I don’t ever want this to ever happen to me again. I rather die that is how hard it was. no I don’t drink take pills I just OD on coffee and cigarettes. I am not an ugly women or the most beautiful, but I know I can get almost any man I wanted including a BUM. So it isn't about being able to get any man I want it is about having a good man which I thought that man was my husband (cry) It hurts! even after 4 years to know the struggles we had to keep our family growing and loving was lost in that one moment in time. to this day I still sit and wonder what could have been we were so strong together but weak apart. We all make mistakes but own it. If you love someone and you did something wrong, The worst thing you can do is LIE and then want the privlidge to take a stand for your horrible pain you caused that person. Consequences for someone else's actions is not a nice place to be. If he had respected me I would not be in this dark place. It is not even about love at this point. it is about MOVING ON.

Elaine and Elizabeth,

You have some beautiful ideas. Thank you

Hello beautiful women,

I feel so much pain expressed here. I understand where you are coming from. I personally have experienced darkness in past relationships. I know why I experienced it and I know why I no longer experience the darkness and pain, only joy.

You may not like all I have to say. I hope you take it with the love it is intended. The fact is, until you change something within yourself, you will continue to attract and experience unhappy relationships. It may be a different face and a different story, but the experience will be the same. Everything that is going on within us is reflected in the world around us.

Until you find a way to release whatever is causing you to be lacking in your self worth to the point that you will stay in a relationship that is unhealthy, it will continue to show up in your life.

I know I've been there. I am so passionate about it, that it's what I now specialize in: helping women come to peace with their past and their relationships, so they can create abundance and an extraordinary life in the present.

You have to give yourself permission to express your anger. Anger is a natural human emotion and not to be judged, but it must be released in a healthy way. This can be done by first inviting and giving thanks for loving spirit to be there with you to transmute your anger into the light. Then, playing some tribal music, while kneeling on the floor or a cushion, and lifting a pillow up over your head and crash it down on the floor, over and over while letting out really big screams. ... I'm serious. It feels great. Your emotions are not who you are, they are simply energy... energy in motion. Any emotion that is not of love, you want to release, or it will eat away at you. This is a powerful way to do it.

Then your next step is to do what ever you need to do to feel pampered, loved and nurtured. You must break free from this illusion that you need to stay where you are to feel love. You deserve so much better, and better will be yours as soon as you release your attachment to having it in the form you have a relationship now. You are still in love with how it felt with your man when it was good. You are not in love with who he has turned out to be. What you want is in the past, so it no longer exists. You are hurting because you are trying to hold on to a feeling that you had with the experience which once was.

No one can make you feel a certain way. It is only our reaction to our experiences that cause us to feel the way we do. Once we love ourselves and love our life and who we are enough, not only do we set healthy boundaries and remove ourselves from painful relationships, we no longer attract them.

Once you let go of "what is", you open yourself up for a new beautiful experience with someone new to come into your life. However, in order for this to happen, you must first release all pain and resentment and come to a place of love and peace. Once there you clear the path for something beautiful and extraordinary. In know because I have been there, done the work and lived it. Now that I've done the walk, I have the privilege of doing the talk and sharing with others. Through my speaking, facilitation and healing work, I specialize in taking other women through this as well. Let me know if you'd like some help.
Much love: Taylore Ashlie - Sensual Sage.


--
Taylore Ashlie—Sensual Sage;
Awakening Feminine Leadership

hello my name is marlene and i am a 52 years old. i know how u feel i recently terminated my relationship with my bf of over 6 years..i do feel better, but when he call's and i on purpose choose not to answer he leave's msg's. and when i hear his voice i really feel sorry for him. the story is i lived with him for over 3years and my understanding was i pay rent and he pays all the bill's everything went well for several months. i got my disability check had a car. he worked for the goverment and i knew they paid well. well every good thing come's to an end and it did. he was out on parole for drug's abuse and he is now totally free. he had no car either. well then he said he did'nt have enough money to pay all the bills...he owes irs over 15,000 and is still paying back child support. so being the giver i am he took my whole check, he had control of my car..the first year sex was good but the last 2 years we had no sex which i really did'nt think anything. but as time went on he or me ran out of cigerattes and i would go write a bad check so that we could have some. finally went to one store and wrote bad check and the next day the store called and stated that i need to pay over 100,00 for something like 15,00 they said if i did'nt come pay by the time the store close they would turn it over to the police-well he had no money and of course neither did i-so i found myself turning myself in to the police the next day they took my picture and made a file for me i was told if i paid something like 400,00 before my court date that it would prevent further charges. i called family member's and all they could say was maybe going to jail would change me. so with no where to turn i called one of my EXCEPTIONAL friend and asked she could help me she said she would give me 200,00 and that i would need to come up with the rest. i knew i would get paid soon so i agree well my boyfriend gave me a 100,00 for the first time in our retationship and i came up with the rest. i was so pissed at myself. then one day he took me to the bank in my own car that he controlled and i saw all kinds of fast food wrappers all over the place which again really pissed me off but still kept silence and still gave him my check. well after that bad check incident my sister made me close out my checking acct. and get a paperless checking account which means i go get money i have and when it is gone that;s it. so it was even easier for him now to take all my money. when i asked to go out to eat he would say he did'nt have any money. when it came down to pay car insurance i came thru again. in the last year of our relationship he started to come home after work only to bath change and get some other clothes and leave in MY car which he had control of...well this went on for several month's and back in my head i knew he was seeing someone else..when i just couldnt take the coldnest any more i confronted him he first did'nt want to talk about it and eventually he admitted it. so the next day when he came home from work i told him i was moving out..he was suppose to go out of town the weekend and i told him i would'nt be there when he came back home and then he said if u r leaving u leave now..so i called my sis to take me to a friend who always had a room open for me whenever i needed her the most. the first year i left never heard from him but after that he started calling again i found out that he kicked his new gf out because she used drug's and he was drug free. so like a foool i took him back in and then it started again i'd give him twenty here and sixty there because i am a giver and i did'nt want him to lose anything i actually worried about him, dont ask me y as i dont have an answer. we had even more sex now than when i was living with him...and then afterwards i'd give him money..sounds like the tables turned with me being the prositute and i actually felt like that. but i would hear and see him more which i really liked the closeness and he even started to say he loved me which even made me feel a hundred times better knowing i was his women again..but it gets better now because of me... my roommate was going out of town to visit her sis in new orleans and i thought to myself this would be great because now he could come over every nite as he did'nt really feel comfortable while she was upstairs. so as soon as my friend left that nite i called him and he did'nt answer so i left a voice mail telling him gail had left and that i had the whole house to myself and he could come over-he did'nt i continued to call him throughout the two weeks my roommate was gone and left messages as he never answered...i was truly hurt. then when my roommate come home lo n behold he calls at this time i told myself this is the end so i did'nt answer he left a message saying it was'nt like me to not answer his call and that he had been trying call several time's....LIE because if he did it would show up on my missed call's. he continued to call and i continued to not answer YEA ME...i attend a women;s veteran's group so i got alot of praise and feedback i now have him deleted out of my cellphone. deleted him from my contact email and deleted him from friend on facebook...today i am a FREE women and really feel good that i terminated the relationship...i still attend my women's group and share with them about my loneiness of not having a man in my life...i know down deep in my heart GOD has a plan for me and not to give up...i do have alot of support and friends. i now have money for ME...and i forgot he drove my car til it died permantly i had signed over the car anyway because it was running really bad and i knew it would'nt last much longer and besides i was diagnosed with low blood pressure which gave me dizzy spell's to where i could'nt drive no more anyway...so he takes my none working car to a dealership and trades it for a newer car...i am here to say u too can find the strength to call i t QUIT'S permantly u deserve to be LOVED for U stop the rollercoaster and step into UR LIFE i know of not having a man in ur life is hard because i still struggle with it but it is nice to have money for ME.. we as women tend to let men run us over and think it is okay but it is'nt..be strong in ur self and stand up and say to him i QUIT no more and delete the HELL out of him like i said GOD has a plan and i believe me and u will both find someone who will love us the way we are and not try to change us or critize us and especially me dont have to be a giver...trust in god put all ur faith in him...and it would be great if u could find a women's support group for ur self that has to be my most recommend advice because u will find other's like us that r struggling with the same problem's and the feedback and praise is always AWESOME...and if u cant afford group come here and vent or even email me to vent and chat///marlenerugger@aol.com...take control of ur own life now.....xoxoxoxox

Hello BeOkay,

Thank you so much for your post. I definitely have the support I need to move forward - I just keep falling back. It's going on 4 years. I do realize now that he doesn't care/never cared, and that hurts. I haven't heard from him in a few days now. Sunday, he invited me and my kids over for a birthday party for his son. Of course it was a nice time. I left just after dinner time and we haven't spoken since.

The constant push and pull has to stop. It's tearing me apart inside. The only thing I have left to do that I haven't done is walk away completely, and spend some time to myself trying to understand why I allowed myself to be treated this way. There have been so many lies, so many horrible stories, yet good times and times that I've seen so much potential in him and us.

I've tried to be his friend, always knowing I was never the only one in his life - what a slap in the face to me that is/was. I'm actually pretty upset with myself over it all.

Thank you again.....the encouragement here is wonderful. I know I can do this. I pray daily for the Lord to give me strength and help me heal.