I feel sad today but I am at peace with the sadness as it reminds of my capacity to love.

My oldest beagle, Lucky is showing signs of her age with specific symptoms indicating it’s nearly her ‘time’ to go. She had an alarming episode yesterday that really pushed this reality home. I feel deep sadness.

In experiencing the pain at the thought of ‘today being her last day’ and crying the tears that came with the thought, I became aware of the driving force behind them. I began to hear the words the pain was speaking more clearly and realized that this driving force behind my tears was scolding me for all of the ways I could have loved her better.

I experienced this scolding fully, allowing it to happen, but rather than fall into the hole it was so happily digging for me I realized that scolding myself is not loving myself. Once conscious of this, I remembered that my experiences are based on my choices. For this and ALL experiences I choose love.

With this choice, I was able to ‘step outside myself’ a bit and observe. I began listening to the scolding words for clues that would assist me in making the switch from this place of pain into a place of love. It occurred to me that this experience was somehow an important part of my journey into healing and I wondered how I would be able to learn this life lesson within the turmoil of all of this emotion. The answer came clearly. Start by forgiving yourself.

I stopped, took a deep and loving breath of forgiveness and then asked myself, “Is it true? Could I have loved her better?”

Of course it is true. There is always room to love bigger and better.

The next question, “Did I love her? Did she know I loved her?”

Yes, I did and yes, she did. She’s a quirky but happy dog and being the alpha, from her point of view I imagine she’s felt like a queen.

The next question, “But what about the times you hated her?”

What I really hated was my inability to communicate with her, that I had little control over her behavior, and that I did not make the time to strengthen that relationship into one of mutual trust and respect.

The next question, “Can you forgive yourself?”

I loved her to the best of my ability at the time. Yes, I can and I do forgive myself.

Allowing forgiveness brought more love. I remembered that life lesson’s when accepted as life gifts are much more powerful and began remembering with love all of the gifts within the life of my little Lucky-dog … the ones she left on the carpet and the ones she left in my heart.

After a trip to the vet this morning Lucky is resting in her crate. Her condition over the next few days will indicate whether it is indeed her time. I am thankful for this opportunity to discover the gifts of life and love within something as painful (and inevitable) as death.

I realized today that while I have always considered myself to be a loving human being I have barely scratched the surface of my capacity for love, AND that this process of death is actually a huge part of the process of opening my heart to love, AND that this opening of my heart gains momentum with my conscious choice to love and forgive myself.

Today is a perfect day full of love … although my heart aches with the pain of letting go I trust in the process of LIFE … and I trust that today is a PERFECT DAY full of love.

With love and gratitude to my BraveHeart Sisters. I am so thankful for the shining examples of love and inspiration YOU are!

Lisa

--
Edited by LisaBuckalew at 01/08/2010 11:22 AM EST

Thank you, my Sisters for your love and encouragement.
Lucky made her transition yesterday. She went peacefully and surrounded by LOVE. ♥

with love and gratitude for ALL of life's GIFTS,
Lisa

I’ve often heard about opportunities that come around “Once in a Blue Moon” but until a few years ago I thought it was just a figure of speech as I had never *seen* a blue moon. A Blue Moon is the name given to a Full Moon occurring for a second time in one calendar month. Blue Moons occur about once every two and a half years.

In 2009 we experienced one Full Moon on December 2 and today, December 31 we are experiencing the Blue Moon which is a second Full Moon this month. Today also happens to be New Years Eve – a day where we are all collectively perched on the edge of one cycle (2009) preparing to step together into the flow of the next (2010).

The Blue Moon represents a ‘rare opportunity’ that can also be seen as the ‘chance of a lifetime’. The celebration of the New Year represents a chance to look back at our past, see what no longer serves us and ‘resolve’ with ‘New Years Resolutions’ to make changes in our actions in order to align ourselves more with what we believe will create peace in our selves and in our lives.

TODAY IS THE PERFECT DAY to accept the rare, energetic gifts of the combination of the Blue Moon and the celebration of the dawn of the New Year, by allowing them to assist me in setting clear, purposeful, inspired intentions for myself. These intentions, when nurtured with INSPIRED ACTION will assist me to EVOLVE into the person God intended me to be, thereby making each and every day the PERFECT DAY filled with rare opportunity.

The tag on my Yogi tea bag this morning said, “By honoring your words, you are honored.” What words do I choose to honor myself with for this New Year?

I love myself unconditionally. By acknowledging, accepting and nurturing the child within me as I would nurture one of my own children or grandchildren I honor the gift of life that I have been given.

I provide myself with quiet, safe space to explore who I am, to discover, to breathe, to ask questions and to be peaceful enough inside to hear the answers.

I provide myself with artistic outlets such as photography, 3D modeling, sculpting, drawing, music and painting. I honor my gifts in the areas of the arts and I provide loving encouragement in my creative explorations that assist in me in discovering new avenues of communication and expression.

I take joy in providing myself with healthy, whole food and regular exercise whether it be walking in the woods, dancing, Yoga or walking around the block. I allow myself to awaken and blossom into the gift of my physical body with activities that energize and assist me to align my Mind, Body and Spirit so that my physical presence becomes a strong and balanced vessel that carries the precious light of who I am and who God intended me to be.

I create loving relationships by being as compassionate a friend to myself as I am to others. I contribute, assist, support, forgive and encourage others while creating healthy boundaries that lovingly contribute, assist, support, forgive and encourage me. By loving myself as I do others I create peace within myself and am therefore at peace with others.

I welcome each day as a new beginning in which I release that which no longer serves me and allow myself to grow beyond who I currently know myself to be. Each new beginning brings with it the opportunity to strengthen myself and therefore strengthen my contribution to the world in honor of all beings - human, creature and botanical. My commitment to myself assists me in remaining grounded while I take both leadership and supportive action in community causes and events that resonate with me.

I joyfully commit to myself and nurture the seeds of my vision with daily practice in which I honor my Mind with education and introduction to inspired ideas and people, I honor my Body with nourishing food and energizing physical activity that creates harmony in my physical presence and I honor my Spirit with love, self respect, forgiveness, compassion and acceptance of myself and of others.

As I joyfully welcome 2010 I look at every day as a PERFECT DAY filled with rare opportunities and chances of a lifetime. Let the celebration begin!

with love and gratitude ...
Lisa

Today is the 27th anniversary of the birth of my first child, a son who we named after his father, Jeffrey Dwaine Buckalew, Jr.  It has been nearly ten years since his passing.  Although I have grown quite a bit through the pain of his death, it seems a bit unusual to me that I would find myself celebrating on this day. I choose to see my celebration as an affirmation that I am truly beginning to ascend from the depths of my grief. 

Today I am grateful for the gift of having shared in the life and the legacy of my first born son. Although Jeff’s time here was way too short for my preference, I choose to celebrate his life and the cherished memories of him that will live forever in my heart.  I choose to celebrate with trust that all is as it should be, that this conscious choice of celebrating will continue to assist me in RISING above my grief and that it will also assist me in RELEASING myself back into life. 

I choose to LAUGH,

I choose to LOVE,

and I choose to LIVE!

With love, honor and gratitude for ALL of life’s gifts, however they are disguised …
Lisa

This morning I was listening to music on my iPod while dancing my way through house cleaning and stuff and now I've got The Rainbow Connection stuck in my head.

I love this song and the magic and wonder that it inspires within me ... when singing along ... someday, we'll find it, the Rainbow Connection, the lovers the dreamers and me ... I realized that I've already found it!

When considering how to describe it to someone ... "What is it?" ... "What does it feel like?" ... my sense is that finding the rainbow connection is the same for everyone and yet different for everyone at the same time. It's a personal and spiritual connection through a common, 'rainbow' of energy that for me is accessed through the breath.

Have you found your Rainbow Connection?

with love and gratitude,
Lisa

... by making quiet time in prayer and meditation to allow yourself hear its TRUE voice. Your mind will trick you into into believing that IT is your heart. We begin to hear the true voice of our heart by first loving and accepting ourselves unconditionally. Then, as part of the commitment to loving ourselves, we assist ourselves in the journey to know what the heart speaks by allowing the gift of the quiet time required to hear that TRUE voice - quiet prayer and meditation help us to light and honor the "God-Spark" within each of us.

My affirmation to myself this morning ...

... fanning the flame ...

Lisa

I posted this in the discussion forums as a response to the question, "What is the best thing you have ever done for yourself?" and thought it would also be fitting as my first blog post here.

I think the best thing I have done for myself and the thing that has created the most change in my life (which was also the beginning of the opening of the doors of truth as to who I am) was my decision to NOT return to work outside the home after my oldest son passed away.

My 17 year old son, Jeffrey passed on April 23, 2000 which was Easter that year. I was a stay-at-home mom for most of those 17 years working part time jobs here and there, however in 2000 I was working full time as a Customer Service Warranty Rep for a local home builder.

As much as I liked contributing to the world via the workforce it was becoming more and more evident that my boys (Jeffrey, Justin and Joshua) needed me there when they got home from school. I struggled with my own need to 'be more' than a stay-at-home mom and their need to have me there.

After Jeffrey died a lot of people said the best thing I could do/what I NEEDED to do/what I SHOULD do was go right back to work. After a month of indecision and with full knowledge that it would be financially difficult to do so I decided to let my full time job go.

I started exploring the world of digital art and expressing my feelings through digital paintings. I talk about this in more detail on my web site http://www.lisasbotanicals.com and also have an archive of my digital paintings at http://www.mysticalmodality.com.

It was through this exploration, the following of my passion to be creative, the letting go of what others thought best for me, the synchronicity of events that followed that decision to stay at home with my boys that I now find myself doing something that I love and in the process am creating a wonderful life for myself.

I think the most interesting thing about the 10 years since I made the decision that sent my life in a new direction is that I did it without the knowledge of the Laws of Attraction. It is only in the past few years that I've been exploring conscious creation. I am excited to see what I can create for myself now that I am understanding more and more about the processes of passion, purpose and prosperity.

Have a wonderful, enlightened day!
Lisa